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Summarizing...

- You cannot exclude your daughter from the application. If you leave this as your current reply to CIC, refusal is guaranteed.
- You cannot say that you will cover the costs of her care. This will also end in refusal. Once she is a PR, she will be entitled to use health care and social services and you will have no obligation to pay for them.
- The only option to avoid refusal is to prove that her care in Canada will fall below $6,500 per year. The care she is receiving in the US most certainly exceeds this level. You would need to somehow prove through evidence from doctors, teachers, therapists that this care is not required. This will be a difficult argument to make given she is using and benefiting from these services now. What significantly complicates the situation is that you've already responded to the fairness letter. It's quite possible you've now missed the window to provide an appropriate response (although you can try).
- I believe you're looking at a refusal at which point you'll need to consider if you wan to appeal. If you decide to appeal, I would get rid of your current lawyer (doesn't sound like he knows what he's doing) and hire someone better. Not sure if there's any chance an appeal can be won.