Question about Border Patrol & Customs with Frequency of Visits

[Kapwned]

I am in a LDR. He's in Canada and I am in the US. We've been trying to work out a rhythm where I visit him one month and he visits me the next. But it's been a bit difficult since my living situation isn't ideal (I live in a really run down home that is almost quite literally falling apart and I am in the slow process of moving). And I noticed every time I go through customs they ask me if he's ever visited me (he hasn't) and how often we visit each other. I visited him May 23-26, and then July 11-15. I was aiming at having him visit me in August, this month, but that isn't going to happen and I'm not even sure if September would be ideal for him to visit.

So I was curious if customs might give me a hard time if it seems like I'm the only one doing the crossing over. And is there a point where they usually think you're crossing over too much or too often? Right now I'm at every other month.

Last time I went through customs the guy asked those questions and I said "Not yet, we're still arranging that," to which he kind of gave me an attitude and was like "Has he visited you or not?"

 

[rhcohen2014]

usually short trips aren't much of concern to border agents. to cover yourself make sure to carry your lease and recent paystubs on your trips. this will help prove you intend to return to the us. border agents definitately give cross-border couples who are not married a difficult time. if you attempt to cross for too long, and can't prove significant ties to the us (ONLY a lease and paystubs count for proof), then they will for sure be very difficult.

I don't think they will consider you as visiting too much if you keep it to weekends once a month. It's when you want to stay for extended periods of time, and attempt to be in canada longer than the us they get concerned. again, having your lease and paystubs will help them understand you are not attempting to work or live there withouth permission to do so.

As for whether it's an issue if your BF hasn't gone to the us yet, that is really dependant on the officer you meet. you may find the next officer doesn't care, or it may just be info they put in their system about you. if that's the case, usually they like to ask questions they ALREADY know the answer to, and they are looking for consistent answers from you.

If it is something that is asked, be honest. i wouldn't tell them your "living situation isn't ideal", that would be a red flag. perhaps you can say, my roommates/landlord doesnt like me to have overnight guests, or tell them his schedule has made it difficult for him to travel. another option is for you two to meet somewhere in the us that is between your homes. there are many cheap motels or affordable vacation rental homes available. Check out www.vrbo.com. ( vacation rental by owner). At some point you ARE going to want him to come see you, and prove his intentions for your relationship are true. A relationship needs to be 50/50 and both parties need to make equal effort to see eachother.

good luck!

 

[Kapwned]

usually short trips aren't much of concern to border agents. to cover yourself make sure to carry your lease and recent paystubs on your trips. this will help prove you intend to return to the us. border agents definitately give cross-border couples who are not married a difficult time. if you attempt to cross for too long, and can't prove significant ties to the us (ONLY a lease and paystubs count for proof), then they will for sure be very difficult.

I don't think they will consider you as visiting too much if you keep it to weekends once a month. It's when you want to stay for extended periods of time, and attempt to be in canada longer than the us they get concerned. again, having your lease and paystubs will help them understand you are not attempting to work or live there withouth permission to do so.

As for whether it's an issue if your BF hasn't gone to the us yet, that is really dependant on the officer you meet. you may find the next officer doesn't care, or it may just be info they put in their system about you. if that's the case, usually they like to ask questions they ALREADY know the answer to, and they are looking for consistent answers from you.

If it is something that is asked, be honest. i wouldn't tell them your "living situation isn't ideal", that would be a red flag. perhaps you can say, my roommates/landlord doesnt like me to have overnight guests, or tell them his schedule has made it difficult for him to travel. another option is for you two to meet somewhere in the us that is between your homes. there are many cheap motels or affordable vacation rental homes available. Check out vrbo.com. ( vacation rental by owner). At some point you ARE going to want him to come see you, and prove his intentions for your relationship are true. A relationship needs to be 50/50 and both parties need to make equal effort to see eachother.

good luck!

Thank you for the response. I'd never lie to customs but I have been trying to think of a way to describe why I haven't had him visit and be honest and not sound suspicious. I'm still a college student (but working) and I live at home with my parents. There's 7 people in our house and it's small and the person we're renting from basically polished up a money pit - made it look nice even though it had so many problems and we've been having problem after problem and we really do not like having guests over in this house. I should be moving in the beginning of September but we will still need time to get settled in. So I was thinking of going to visit him again one more time before I have him come and visit. I suppose I could try saying I'm in the process of moving to a new house.

I was afraid at some point an agent might badger me about why he never visits me (it's not that he doesn't want to).

 

[rhcohen2014]

I was afraid at some point an agent might badger me about why he never visits me (it's not that he doesn't want to).

unfortunately it can be a possibility. it's just impossible to know becausse each entry and officer are unique so it's pretty difficult to determine what will happen before it actually happens. if you intend to continue this relationship long term, it will be in your favor if you can be added to any lease for where you will be living. it makes crossing a million times easier!

 

[redtoes]

Thanks for the info as I too am in a similar situation.
Am on my passport. Have until September 8 to return to US .Visiting my bf here in Canada and my 6 month visit is up.
Marriage may be in the cards at some point.
Was told 6 months per year by customs.
However not certain when I may return.
Thanks again!