please i need help,i find my husband different from the man i marry ...

[amira041]

non im Muslim women,but for him if i don' pratice Islam like he do im christian

 

[zardoz]

I though you said that he is muslim and you are christian?

I think that the husband was saying this, as an insult...

 

[keesio]

Ok, I get it. He's criticizing her devotion to the religion.

Doesn't sound good.

 

[Hasher]

we have the same religion, but as i say he is more religious then me ,they ask me and i say we have the same religion so we will understand together..,i still love him but sometimes he make thing very difficult for me, it's the first time for me to get married so maybe marriage is like that in the beginning, but he get married 2time before me, i don't know i will try to make this marriage work..thanks for yours help

I think you two badly need to go to a Sheikh/ priest born and raised in Canada for counseling. Believe me your matter is very simple to resolve if you both understand marriage, you two have serious issue of matureness in relationship. Islam do not force religion practice or enforcement, everything should be conveyed politely and respectfully. Since you two are alone so you making matter worse for yourself.

Your Husband is not here, so I can only recommend you following:

As first step I like to suggest you, please take a step back, be patient and listen and obey him for a while, bring your relationship to normal, I know one sided is very difficult specially for women, but under the circumstances it is important.

Second step, show him (politely) the saying of Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) that men should be very kind and respectful to women, even Quran says this numbers of times. Try to show him through others if not agree/ listen to you.

If you really want to go out and work ask him you want to work in a religious institute or Mosque for women and children for sake of religion, this alone resolve lot of problem, make him happy you are going towards religion and you will be happy going and working initially as volunteer and later on paid basis, as some of the religious institute start paying once volunteer period finish.

regards

 

[sammy_2401]

Dear sister Amira.

You mentioned two problems. Your husband doesn't want you to work and asks you to get up early in morning for prayer.

I would like to share my thoughts and experiences in this regard and expect that these would help you understand and take better control of your situation.

Had my husband said this to me - (do not work) that would mean - 'freedom' for me from my work related stress.

I attended a workshop (lecture) of John Gray - author of the book 'Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus'. In his lecture, he presented results of an experiment - that was done on working men and women's stress levels, which concludes that under similar conditions of work, for earning a living, a woman's work stress level is almost double the stress level of a man. But if the woman works for pleasure, and not for earning a living her stress level is almost same as that of a man working for a living. After becoming aware of this, I stopped hating those religious minded people who opine that it is a man’s responsibility to earn for a living. So if your husband is asking you not work – enjoy your freedom from work related stress.

I usually get up late, one day I got up early and went for a walk. The early morning time before the sunrise was so pleasant that I felt pity on those who were still sleeping. I wished, they all woke up and enjoyed the morning time before sunrise. As I was thinking about this, I found a group of people came out of a nearby masjid (a place of Muslim’s worship) apparently after finishing their morning prayers. I was so impressed by their practice that I started praying too early in the morning.

These were my personal experiences which flashed into my mind when I read your case. Hope these help you take better control of your situation. Wish you a happy and prosperous married life. Aameen.

 

[meyakanor]

Wouldn't this fall under 'controlling what the victim can and cannot do', and hence, psychological abuse?

Psychological abuse includes:

where there is a pattern of coercive or controlling behaviour, which can include, but is not limited to insults, intimidation, humiliation, harassment or threats, name-calling, yelling, blaming, shaming, ridiculing, disrespecting, and criticising;
controlling what the victim can and cannot do;
threatening to commit suicide;
being threatened with murder;
being intimidated, threatened or harmed with a knife, gun or other object or weapon;
using religious or spiritual beliefs to manipulate, dominate, and control; and
threatening to take away or hurt the victim's children

http://www.cic.gc.ca/english/resources/manuals/bulletins/2012/ob480.asp#appd

It would be, obviously, very hard to prove, but provided the OP can show evidence, she may be qualified for the exception of the two-year conditional rule.

 

[keesio]

Wouldn't this fall under 'controlling what the victim can and cannot do', and hence, psychological abuse?

It would be, obviously, very hard to prove, but provided the OP can show evidence, she may be qualified for the exception of the two-year conditional rule.

It is very hard to prove. I think the if the OP actually tried to find a job and the husband then threatened her or physically harmed her or locked her up, then then it would be a different story.

Right now it is just a martial argument.

 

[Hasher]

Keesio is absolutely right the situation is just a martial argument, it can go worse if ego of both sides supersede the rules of Marriage and no counseling done.

 

[Matt the Aussie]

I think the word you're both looking for is marital. "Martial" refers to military action.

[/spellingpolice]

 

[keesio]

[/spellingpolice]

lol.

 

[txboyscout]

As sad as the situation is, it has only been 60 days or so since you arrived in Canada

This may sound harsh, but at this point there is very little you can say to justify leaving him and keeping your status.....

 

[Hasher]

My Bad Lol.

I think the word you're both looking for is marital. "Martial" refers to military action.

[/spellingpolice]

 

[Matt the Aussie]

Sorry, couldn't resist.

As for the situation at hand...I agree, it's going to be very difficult proving any sort of abuse. You are going to need a very good lawyer, and you will need to start collecting proof (your word against his will not be enough).

 

[steaky]

you can't work with men, and i can't study with men

So now here's the catch: you can work with women, you can study with women.

 

[wilson]

we have the same religion, but as i say he is more religious then me ,they ask me and i say we have the same religion so we will understand together..,i still love him but sometimes he make thing very difficult for me, it's the first time for me to get married so maybe marriage is like that in the beginning, but he get married 2time before me, i don't know i will try to make this marriage work..thanks for yours help

From your post what I see is that your problem is strictly a 'husband and wife relationship issue'.

I recommend for you to find a Counselling Services that could possibly provide wide range of strategies to help you do your best during your time here. Please check in your community area for a Counselling Service.