On a casual note... LESSONS OF LIFE -Enjoy it's every Moment !!!
- Thread starter qorax
- Start date
a said:just for laugh.... happy weekend everyone!!!
The Hotel Bill:
Next time you think your hotel bill is too high, you might want to consider this:
My wife and I are traveling by car from Victoria to Prince George. After almost eleven hours on the road, we were too tired to continue, and decide to take a room. But, we only planned to sleep for four hours and then get back on the road. When we checked out four hours later, the desk clerk hands us a bill for $350.00.
lol!!!
I explode and demand to know why the charge is so high. I tell the clerk although it's a nice hotel; the rooms certainly aren't worth $350.00. Then the clerk tells me that $350.00 is the 'standard rate'. I insisted on speaking to the Manager.
The Manager appears, listens to me, and then explains that the hotel has an Olympic-sized pool and a huge conference centre that were available for us to use. 'But we didn't use them.''Well, they are here, and you could have,' explains the Manager.
He goes on to explain we could also have taken in one of the shows for which the hotel is famous. 'We have the best entertainers from New York , Hollywood , and Las Vegas perform here,' the Manager says.
'But we didn't go to any of those shows,' .'Well, we have them, and you could have,' the Manager replies.
No matter what amenity the Manager mentions, I reply,'But we didn't use it!'
The Manager is unmoved, and eventually I gave up and agreed to pay.
I write a cheque and give it to the Manager.
The Manager is surprised when he looks at the cheque. 'But sir,' 'this cheque is only made out for $50.00.''That's correct, as I charged you $300.00 for sleeping with my wife.'
'But I didn't!' exclaims the Manager.
'Well, too bad, she was here, and you could have.'
Moral of the story:
Don't mess with Senior Citizens!!!!
A.
- Nov 21, 2009
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The English professor wrote the following words on the blackboard and asked his students to appropriately punctuate the sentence:
.."A Woman without her Man is Nothing"..
All males in the class wrote:
.."A Woman, without her Man, is Nothing."..
All females in the class wrote:
.."A Woman: without her, Man is Nothing."..
Damn, never thought it this way...
Be careful with your punctuations... it does make a lot of difference!
Qorax
.."A Woman without her Man is Nothing"..
All males in the class wrote:
.."A Woman, without her Man, is Nothing."..
All females in the class wrote:
.."A Woman: without her, Man is Nothing."..
Damn, never thought it this way...
Be careful with your punctuations... it does make a lot of difference!
Qorax
deba_avik
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Interesting indeed. I may share another example though it is very useful in Bengali language:qorax said:
A sign is like:
"Urinate here you will be fined Tk 50"
One persron reads, "Urinate here, you will be fined Tk 50"
Another person reads, "Urinate here or you will be fined Tk 50"
In Bengali it can be presented more interestingly.
Person 1: "Ekhane prosrab koriben na, korile 50 tk jorimana"
Person 2: "Ekhane prosrab koriben, na korile 50 tk jorimana"...ha ha ha
[move]The BEST is yet to COME!!![r/move]
Woman and a Fork
There was a young woman who had been diagnosed with a terminal illness and had been given three months to live. So as she was getting her things "in order," she contacted her Pastor and had him come to her house to discuss certain aspects of her final wishes.
She told him which songs she wanted sung at the service, what scriptures
she would like read, and what outfit she wanted to be buried in.
Everything was in order and the Pastor was preparing to leave when the young woman suddenly remembered something very important to her.
"There's one more thing,"she said excitedly.
"What's that?" came the Pastor's reply.
"This is very important," the young woman continued. "I want to be buried with a fork in my right hand."
The Pastor stood looking at the young woman, not knowing quite what to say.
That surprises you, doesn't it?" the young woman asked.
"Well, to be honest, I'm puzzled by the request," said the Pastor.
The young woman explained. "My grandmother once told me this story, and from that time on I have always tried to pass along its message to those I love and those who are in need of encouragement. In all my years of attending socials and dinners, I always remember that when the dishes of the main course were being cleared, someone would inevitably lean over and say, 'Keep your fork.' It was my favorite part because I knew that something better was coming . . . like velvety chocolate cake or deep-dish apple pie. Something wonderful, and with substance!'
So, I just want people to see me there in that casket with a fork in my hand and I want them to wonder "What's with the fork?" Then I want you to tell them: "Keep your fork.. the best is yet to come."
The Pastor's eyes welled up with tears of joy as he hugged the young woman good-bye. He knew this would be one of the last times he would see her before her death. But, he also knew that the young woman had a better grasp of heaven than he did. She had a better grasp of what heaven would be like than many people twice her age, with twice as much experience and knowledge. She KNEW that something better was coming.
At the funeral people were walking by the young woman's casket and they saw the cloak she was wearing and the fork placed in her right hand. Over and over, the Pastor heard the question, "What's with the fork?" And over and over he smiled.
During his message, the Pastor told the people of the conversation he had with the young woman shortly before she died. He also told them about the fork and about what it symbolized to her. He told the people how he could not stop thinking about the fork and told them that they probably would not be able to stop thinking about it either.
He was right. So the next time you reach down for your fork let it remind you, ever so gently, that the best is yet to come. Friends are a very rare jewel, indeed. They make you smile and encourage you to succeed. They lend an ear, they share a word of praise, and they always want to open their hearts to us.
Show your friends how much you care. Remember to always be there for them, even when you need them more. For you never know when it may be their time to "Keep your fork."
Cherish the time you have, and the memories you share . . . being friends with someone is not an opportunity but a sweet responsibility.
Send this to everyone you consider a FRIEND even if it means sending back to the person who sent it to you.
And keep your fork.
Smile at Least Once a Day ... It's Good For The Heart
A.
Woman and a Fork
There was a young woman who had been diagnosed with a terminal illness and had been given three months to live. So as she was getting her things "in order," she contacted her Pastor and had him come to her house to discuss certain aspects of her final wishes.
She told him which songs she wanted sung at the service, what scriptures
she would like read, and what outfit she wanted to be buried in.
Everything was in order and the Pastor was preparing to leave when the young woman suddenly remembered something very important to her.
"There's one more thing,"she said excitedly.
"What's that?" came the Pastor's reply.
"This is very important," the young woman continued. "I want to be buried with a fork in my right hand."
The Pastor stood looking at the young woman, not knowing quite what to say.
That surprises you, doesn't it?" the young woman asked.
"Well, to be honest, I'm puzzled by the request," said the Pastor.
The young woman explained. "My grandmother once told me this story, and from that time on I have always tried to pass along its message to those I love and those who are in need of encouragement. In all my years of attending socials and dinners, I always remember that when the dishes of the main course were being cleared, someone would inevitably lean over and say, 'Keep your fork.' It was my favorite part because I knew that something better was coming . . . like velvety chocolate cake or deep-dish apple pie. Something wonderful, and with substance!'
So, I just want people to see me there in that casket with a fork in my hand and I want them to wonder "What's with the fork?" Then I want you to tell them: "Keep your fork.. the best is yet to come."
The Pastor's eyes welled up with tears of joy as he hugged the young woman good-bye. He knew this would be one of the last times he would see her before her death. But, he also knew that the young woman had a better grasp of heaven than he did. She had a better grasp of what heaven would be like than many people twice her age, with twice as much experience and knowledge. She KNEW that something better was coming.
At the funeral people were walking by the young woman's casket and they saw the cloak she was wearing and the fork placed in her right hand. Over and over, the Pastor heard the question, "What's with the fork?" And over and over he smiled.
During his message, the Pastor told the people of the conversation he had with the young woman shortly before she died. He also told them about the fork and about what it symbolized to her. He told the people how he could not stop thinking about the fork and told them that they probably would not be able to stop thinking about it either.
He was right. So the next time you reach down for your fork let it remind you, ever so gently, that the best is yet to come. Friends are a very rare jewel, indeed. They make you smile and encourage you to succeed. They lend an ear, they share a word of praise, and they always want to open their hearts to us.
Show your friends how much you care. Remember to always be there for them, even when you need them more. For you never know when it may be their time to "Keep your fork."
Cherish the time you have, and the memories you share . . . being friends with someone is not an opportunity but a sweet responsibility.
Send this to everyone you consider a FRIEND even if it means sending back to the person who sent it to you.
And keep your fork.
Smile at Least Once a Day ... It's Good For The Heart
A.
Good one captain +1qorax said:
By moving the position of "only" in a sentence can have good and humorous changes:
"He told his mistress that he loved her."
Put "only" in various places to get:
Only he told his mistress that he loved her. (Nobody else did)
He only told his mistress that he loved her. (He didn't show her)
He told only his mistress that he loved her. (Kept it a secret from everyone else)
He told his only mistress that he loved her. (Stresses that he had only ONE!)
He told his mistress only that he loved her. (Didn't tell her anything else)
He told his mistress that only he loved her. ("I'm all you got, sweetie--nobody else wants you.")
He told his mistress that he only loved her. (Not that he wanted to marry her.)
He told his mistress that he loved only her. (Yeah, don't they all...).
He told his mistress that he loved her only. (Similar to above one).
- Nov 21, 2009
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PAID IN FULL
*After living what I felt was a 'decent' life, my time on earth came to the end. * *
The first thing I remember is sitting on a bench in the waiting room of what I thought to be a court house.
The doors opened and I was instructed to come in and have a seat by the defense table.
As I looked around I saw the 'prosecutor.'
He was a villainous looking gent who snarled as he stared at me. He definitely was the most evil person I have ever seen.
I sat down and looked to my left and there sat My Attorney, kind and gentle looking man whose appearance seemed so familiar to me, I felt I knew Him. * *
The corner door flew open and there appeared the Judge in full flowing robes.
He commanded an awesome presence as He moved across the room I couldn't take my eyes off Him.
As He took His seat behind the bench, He said, 'Let us begin.'
The prosecutor rose and said, **
'My name is Satan and I am here to show you why this man belongs in hell.' **
He proceeded to tell of lies that I told, things that I stole, and In the past when I cheated others. Satan told of other horrible Perversions that were once in my life and the more he spoke, the further down in my seat I sank.
I was so embarrassed that I couldn't look at anyone, even my own Attorney, as the Devil told of sins that even I had completely forgotten about. * *
As upset as I was at Satan for telling all these things about me, I was equally upset at My Attorney who sat there silently not offering any form of defense at all. * *
I know I had been guilty of those things, but I had done some good in my life - couldn't that at least equal out part of the harm I'd done? * *
Satan finished with a fury and said, 'This man belongs in hell, he is guilty of all that I have charged and there is not a person who can prove otherwise.' * *
When it was His turn, My Attorney first asked if He might approach the bench. The Judge allowed this over the strong objection of Satan, and beckoned Him to come forward.
As He got up and started walking, I was able to see Him in His full splendor and majesty..
I realized why He seemed so familiar; this was Jesus representing me, my Lord and my Savior. * * He stopped at the bench and softly said to the Judge, 'Hi, Dad,' and then He turned to address the court.
'Satan was correct in saying that this man had sinned, I won't deny any of these allegations. And, yes, the wages of sin is death, and this man deserves to be punished.'
Jesus took a deep breath and turned to His Father with outstretched arms and proclaimed, 'However, I died on the cross so that this person might have eternal life and he has accepted Me as his Savior, so he is Mine.'
My Lord continued with, 'His name is written in the Book of Life, and no one can snatch him from Me.
Satan still does not understand yet. This man is not to be given justice, but rather mercy.'
As Jesus sat down, ** He quietly paused, looked at His Father and said, 'There is nothing else that needs to be done.' **
'I've done it all.'
The Judge lifted His mighty hand and slammed the gavel down. The following words bellowed from His lips..
'This man is free. The penalty for him has already been paid in full.
'Case dismissed.'
As my Lord led me away, I could hear Satan ranting and raving, 'I won't give up, I will win the next one.' *
*I asked Jesus as He gave me my instructions where to go next, 'Have you ever lost a case?' **
Christ lovingly smiled and said, **'Everyone that has come to Me and asked Me to represent them has received the same verdict as you, ~Paid In Full~'
Moral of the story:
'Stop telling God how big your storm is. Instead, tell the storm how big your God is!' *
good day everyone!
A.
*After living what I felt was a 'decent' life, my time on earth came to the end. * *
The first thing I remember is sitting on a bench in the waiting room of what I thought to be a court house.
The doors opened and I was instructed to come in and have a seat by the defense table.
As I looked around I saw the 'prosecutor.'
He was a villainous looking gent who snarled as he stared at me. He definitely was the most evil person I have ever seen.
I sat down and looked to my left and there sat My Attorney, kind and gentle looking man whose appearance seemed so familiar to me, I felt I knew Him. * *
The corner door flew open and there appeared the Judge in full flowing robes.
He commanded an awesome presence as He moved across the room I couldn't take my eyes off Him.
As He took His seat behind the bench, He said, 'Let us begin.'
The prosecutor rose and said, **
'My name is Satan and I am here to show you why this man belongs in hell.' **
He proceeded to tell of lies that I told, things that I stole, and In the past when I cheated others. Satan told of other horrible Perversions that were once in my life and the more he spoke, the further down in my seat I sank.
I was so embarrassed that I couldn't look at anyone, even my own Attorney, as the Devil told of sins that even I had completely forgotten about. * *
As upset as I was at Satan for telling all these things about me, I was equally upset at My Attorney who sat there silently not offering any form of defense at all. * *
I know I had been guilty of those things, but I had done some good in my life - couldn't that at least equal out part of the harm I'd done? * *
Satan finished with a fury and said, 'This man belongs in hell, he is guilty of all that I have charged and there is not a person who can prove otherwise.' * *
When it was His turn, My Attorney first asked if He might approach the bench. The Judge allowed this over the strong objection of Satan, and beckoned Him to come forward.
As He got up and started walking, I was able to see Him in His full splendor and majesty..
I realized why He seemed so familiar; this was Jesus representing me, my Lord and my Savior. * * He stopped at the bench and softly said to the Judge, 'Hi, Dad,' and then He turned to address the court.
'Satan was correct in saying that this man had sinned, I won't deny any of these allegations. And, yes, the wages of sin is death, and this man deserves to be punished.'
Jesus took a deep breath and turned to His Father with outstretched arms and proclaimed, 'However, I died on the cross so that this person might have eternal life and he has accepted Me as his Savior, so he is Mine.'
My Lord continued with, 'His name is written in the Book of Life, and no one can snatch him from Me.
Satan still does not understand yet. This man is not to be given justice, but rather mercy.'
As Jesus sat down, ** He quietly paused, looked at His Father and said, 'There is nothing else that needs to be done.' **
'I've done it all.'
The Judge lifted His mighty hand and slammed the gavel down. The following words bellowed from His lips..
'This man is free. The penalty for him has already been paid in full.
'Case dismissed.'
As my Lord led me away, I could hear Satan ranting and raving, 'I won't give up, I will win the next one.' *
*I asked Jesus as He gave me my instructions where to go next, 'Have you ever lost a case?' **
Christ lovingly smiled and said, **'Everyone that has come to Me and asked Me to represent them has received the same verdict as you, ~Paid In Full~'
Moral of the story:
'Stop telling God how big your storm is. Instead, tell the storm how big your God is!' *
good day everyone!
A.
lakhvinder.kaur
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thanks Sis! ;D
here another one.....
Love this phone call....
**Rrriiiiinnnnggg, rrriiiinnnngg,**
**'Hello?'**
**'Hi honey.**
**This is Daddy.**
**Is Mommy near the phone?'**
**'No, Daddy.**
**She's upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Paul.'**
**After a brief pause,**
**Daddy says,**
**'But honey, you haven't got an Uncle Paul.'**
**'Oh yes I do, and he's upstairs in the room with Mommy,**
**Right now.'**
Brief Pause.
**'Uh, okay then, this is what I want you to do.**
**Put the phone down on the table, run upstairs**
**And knock on the bedroom door and shout to Mommy**
**That Daddy's car just pulled into the driveway.'**
**'Okay, Daddy, Just a minute.'**
**A few minutes later**
**The little girl comes back to the phone.**
**'I did it, Daddy.'**
**'And what happened, honey?' **
'Well, Mommy got all scared, jumped out of bed with no clothes on and ran around screaming.**
**Then she tripped over the rug, hit her head on the dresser**
**And now she isn't moving at all!'**
**'Oh my God!!! What about your Uncle Paul?'**
**'He jumped out of the bed with no clothes on, too.**
**He was all scared and he jumped out of the back window**
**And into the swimming pool.**
**But I guess he didn't know that you took out the water**
**Last week to clean it.**
**He hit the bottom of the pool and I think he's dead.'**
*****Long Pause*****
*****Longer Pause*****
*****Even Longer Pause*****
**Then Daddy says,**
**'Swimming pool? ...........**
**Is this 486-5731?'**
**No, I think you have the wrong number.........**
A.
here another one.....
Love this phone call....
**Rrriiiiinnnnggg, rrriiiinnnngg,**
**'Hello?'**
**'Hi honey.**
**This is Daddy.**
**Is Mommy near the phone?'**
**'No, Daddy.**
**She's upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Paul.'**
**After a brief pause,**
**Daddy says,**
**'But honey, you haven't got an Uncle Paul.'**
**'Oh yes I do, and he's upstairs in the room with Mommy,**
**Right now.'**
Brief Pause.
**'Uh, okay then, this is what I want you to do.**
**Put the phone down on the table, run upstairs**
**And knock on the bedroom door and shout to Mommy**
**That Daddy's car just pulled into the driveway.'**
**'Okay, Daddy, Just a minute.'**
**A few minutes later**
**The little girl comes back to the phone.**
**'I did it, Daddy.'**
**'And what happened, honey?' **
'Well, Mommy got all scared, jumped out of bed with no clothes on and ran around screaming.**
**Then she tripped over the rug, hit her head on the dresser**
**And now she isn't moving at all!'**
**'Oh my God!!! What about your Uncle Paul?'**
**'He jumped out of the bed with no clothes on, too.**
**He was all scared and he jumped out of the back window**
**And into the swimming pool.**
**But I guess he didn't know that you took out the water**
**Last week to clean it.**
**He hit the bottom of the pool and I think he's dead.'**
*****Long Pause*****
*****Longer Pause*****
*****Even Longer Pause*****
**Then Daddy says,**
**'Swimming pool? ...........**
**Is this 486-5731?'**
**No, I think you have the wrong number.........**
A.