LOL!!odin2404 said:5 RULES TO REMEMBER IN LIFE
1. Money cannot buy happiness but it's more comfortable to cry in a Mercedes than on a bicycle.
2. Forgive your enemy but remember the *censored word*'s name.
3. Help someone when they are in trouble and they will remember you when they're in trouble again.
4. Many people are alive only because it is illegal to shoot them.
5. Alcohol does not solve any problems, but then again, neither does milk
Awesome!Kanamen said:At the time the Lord made mothers,An Angel appeared and said "Why are you spending so much time on this one?"
And the Lord answered and said, "Have you read the spec sheet on her? She has to be completely washable, but not elastic; have 200 movable parts, all replaceable; run on black coffee and leftovers; have a lap that can hold three children at one time and that disappears when she stands up; have a kiss that can cure anything from a scraped knee to a broken heart; and have six pairs of hands."
The Angel was astounded at the requirements for this one. "Six pairs of hands! No way!" said the Angel.
The Lord replied, "Oh, it's not the hands that are the problem. It's the three pairs of eyes that mothers must have!"
"And that's on the standard model?" the Angel asked.
The Lord nodded in agreement, "Yep, one pair of eyes are to see through the closed door as she asks her children what they are doing even though she already knows. Another pair in the back of her head are to see what she needs to know even though no one thinks she can. And the third pair are here in the front of her head. They are for looking at an errant child and saying that she understands and loves him or her without even saying a single word."
The Angel tried to stop the Lord "This is too much work for one day. Wait until tomorrow to finish."
"But I can't!" The Lord protested, "I am so close to finishing this creation that is so close to my own heart. She already heals herself when she is sick AND can feed a family of six on a pound of hamburger and can get a nine year old to stand in the shower."
The Angel moved closer and touched the woman, "But you have made her so soft, Lord."
"She is soft," the Lord agreed, "but I have also made her tough. You have no idea what she can endure or accomplish."
"Will she be able to think?" asked the Angel.
The Lord replied, "Not only will she be able to think, she will be able to reason, and negotiate."
The Angel then noticed something and reached out and touched the woman's cheek. "Oops, it looks like You have a leak with this model. I told You that You were trying to put too much into this one."
"That's not a leak." the Lord objected. "That's a tear!"
"What's the tear for?" the Angel asked.
The Lord said, "The tear is her way of expressing her joy, her sorrow, her disappointment, her pain, her loneliness, her grief, and her pride."
The Angel was impressed. "You are a genius, Lord. You thought of everything for this one. You even created the tear!"
The Lord looked at the Angel and smiled and said, "I'm afraid you are wrong again. I created the woman, but she created the tear!"
Kanamen said:At the time the Lord made mothers,An Angel appeared and said "Why are you spending so much time on this one?"
And the Lord answered and said, "Have you read the spec sheet on her? She has to be completely washable, but not elastic; have 200 movable parts, all replaceable; run on black coffee and leftovers; have a lap that can hold three children at one time and that disappears when she stands up; have a kiss that can cure anything from a scraped knee to a broken heart; and have six pairs of hands."
The Angel was astounded at the requirements for this one. "Six pairs of hands! No way!" said the Angel.
The Lord replied, "Oh, it's not the hands that are the problem. It's the three pairs of eyes that mothers must have!"
"And that's on the standard model?" the Angel asked.
The Lord nodded in agreement, "Yep, one pair of eyes are to see through the closed door as she asks her children what they are doing even though she already knows. Another pair in the back of her head are to see what she needs to know even though no one thinks she can. And the third pair are here in the front of her head. They are for looking at an errant child and saying that she understands and loves him or her without even saying a single word."
The Angel tried to stop the Lord "This is too much work for one day. Wait until tomorrow to finish."
"But I can't!" The Lord protested, "I am so close to finishing this creation that is so close to my own heart. She already heals herself when she is sick AND can feed a family of six on a pound of hamburger and can get a nine year old to stand in the shower."
The Angel moved closer and touched the woman, "But you have made her so soft, Lord."
"She is soft," the Lord agreed, "but I have also made her tough. You have no idea what she can endure or accomplish."
"Will she be able to think?" asked the Angel.
The Lord replied, "Not only will she be able to think, she will be able to reason, and negotiate."
The Angel then noticed something and reached out and touched the woman's cheek. "Oops, it looks like You have a leak with this model. I told You that You were trying to put too much into this one."
"That's not a leak." the Lord objected. "That's a tear!"
"What's the tear for?" the Angel asked.
The Lord said, "The tear is her way of expressing her joy, her sorrow, her disappointment, her pain, her loneliness, her grief, and her pride."
The Angel was impressed. "You are a genius, Lord. You thought of everything for this one. You even created the tear!"
The Lord looked at the Angel and smiled and said, "I'm afraid you are wrong again. I created the woman, but she created the tear!"
aassimm4u2 said:AAAHHHH ------WOMAN-----------WIFE
When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her some
place expensive....so, I took her to a Petrol station..... and then
the fight started.... ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
*********************************************************
After retiring, I went to the Benefits Office to sort out my pension.
The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's licence to
verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realised I had left my
wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would
have to go home and come back later.
The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'.
So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair. She said, 'That
silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my
Pension application.
When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the
Benefits office.
She said, 'You should have dropped your trousers. You might have got
disability allowance , too'
And then the fight started..... ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
**********************************************************************
My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and
I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone
at a nearby table.
My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'
'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to
drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she
hasn't been sober since.'
'My God!' says my wife, 'Who would think a person could go on
celebrating that long?'
And then the fight started..... ;D ;D
***********
************************************************************
I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my
order first.
'I'll have the rump steak, medium rare, please.'
He said, 'Aren't you worried about the mad cow?'
'Nah, she can order for herself.'
And that's how the fight started..... ;D :-\
ha ha ha....odin2404 said:5 RULES TO REMEMBER IN LIFE
1. Money cannot buy happiness but it's more comfortable to cry in a Mercedes than on a bicycle.
2. Forgive your enemy but remember the *censored word*'s name.
3. Help someone when they are in trouble and they will remember you when they're in trouble again.
4. Many people are alive only because it is illegal to shoot them.
5. Alcohol does not solve any problems, but then again, neither does milk
R u serious?Naavy100 said:Awesome Answers In IAS Examination
Q. How can you drop a raw egg onto a concrete floor without cracking it?
A. Concrete floors are very hard to crack! (UPSC Topper)
Q. If it took eight men ten hours to build a wall, how long would it take four men to build it?
A. No time at all it is already built. (UPSC 23rd Rank Opted for IFS)
Q. If you had three apples and four oranges in one hand and four apples and three oranges in the other hand, what would you have?
A. Very large hands. (Good one) (UPSC 11 Rank Opted for IPS)
Q. How can you lift an elephant with one hand?
A. you will never find an elephant with one hand. (UPSC Rank 14 Opted for IES)
Q. How can a man go eight days without sleep?
A. No Probs, He sleeps at night. (UPSC IAS Rank 98)
Q. If you throw a red stone into the blue sea what it will become?
A. It will Wet or Sink as simple as that. (UPSC IAS Rank 2)
Q. What looks like half apple ?
A: The other half. (UPSC - IAS Topper )
Q. What can you never eat for breakfast?
A: Dinner.
Q. Bay of Bengal is in which state?
A: Liquid (UPSC 33 Rank)
Interviewer said "I shall either ask you ten easy questions or one really difficult question. Think well before you make up your mind!" The boy thought for a while and said, "my choice is one really difficult question." "Well, good luck to you, you have made your own choice! Now tell me this.
"What comes first, Day or Night?"
The boy was jolted into reality as his admission depends on the correctness of his answer, but he thought for a while and said, "It's the DAY sir!"
"How" the interviewer asked.
"Sorry sir, you promised me that you will not ask me a SECOND difficult question!"
He was selected for IIM!
Technical Skill is the mastery of complexity, while Creativity is the master of presence of mind.
This is a famous paper written for an Oxford philosophy exam, normally requiring an eight page essay answer and expected to be backed up with source material, quotes and analytical reasoning. This guy wrote the below answer and topped the exam!
* OXFORD EXAMINATION BOARD 1987* *ESSAY QUESTION*
Question: What is courage? (50 Marks)
Answer (After 7 blank pages, at the end of the last page...): This is courage.