I feel you sister. Believe me I do.
I have read that book. I am a big believer in positive thinking. But like you said, we're only human. I have been very positive for since I came here. But somehow after the new year started, when I realised I had missed my first anniv, husband's birthday, my birthday, christmas, new year's eve, makar sankrant, not to mention dussehra and diwali, I started to wonder what exactly God, or whoever wants me to do!
I feel so trapped here. My parents are not in India, my friends are not in India, though my family here is very supportive, there's not much they can do. I understand they have their own lives to lead, so I don't want to bother them all the time with 'let's go for a movie, let's do this and that'.
My positive thinking is all going for a toss now. I read the Speaking Tree column everyday. EVERYDAY. I try to keep myself busy. I have been putting up a brave front for the past 2 months. I used to cry in the shower or alone in the balcony at night. But now it's gotten to the point where my tears just start flowing. I could be talking to an aunt and suddenly my eyes will fill up thinking about the hopelessness of my situation. And then I have to excuse myself to go to the bathroom and cry there in privacy.
When I get all teary, my family does the same thing. Think positive, enjoy your time. But I just can't seem to see the positiveness in this. I used to think chalo, I'll never get the chance to spend so much time in India again. But now I'm done! I've eaten all the pani puri, pav bhaaji, watched movies, hung out with all sorts of distant relatives.
Today as I went to buy some groceries, I realised this very painful, horrible truth. That nobody, nobody except the people on this forum realise what I'm going through. Not my parents, not even my husband. It's very difficult to go through this process as the person being sponsored because we have literally suspended our lives. We have to live day to day, hour to hour waiting.
