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my SOP; does it make sense?? Applied April 18th no update pls read

Farko

Hero Member
Jan 26, 2016
305
8
Name:Farko

5 Ojo Igbede Road,

Alaba International Market

Lagos.

18th April 2016





The Canadian High Commission,

42 Independence Avenue,

Accra, Ghana.



STUDY PLAN/LETTER OF PURPOSE

Thank you for giving me the opportunity to express my reasons regarding my study and future prospect. I have a degree in Mass Communication from one of the top universities in Nigeria; please find attached Notification of result and transcript as proof.

Having the opportunity to pursue Diploma in International Business in Canada will be a dream come true in my life. I will have the wonderful chance to lay a strong foundation for my career as I am sure that after studying, I will possess better managerial skills and a successful career back home.

My father has spent all his life building his property/estates business, and now needs one of his children (which I happen to be the chosen one) to succeed and manage it. I had to carefully analyze it before I agreed to take up this responsibility upon completion of my business study.

There comes a point in everyone’s life when he has to make decisions about life and career, as I am on the threshold of choosing my career, I have chosen to train

Myself in the business area as I have always had passion to manage my father’s property/estates business to an International Standard with the knowledge and experience I would gain during my study time.

Upon completion of my study in Canada, I must return home to Nigeria to take up the responsibility of managing my father’s property/estates business. I would have gone into managing it directly, but i insisted that I acquire this business skills necessary to fully and functionally handle the challenges that the current property/estates business face, and also to equip me with all I need to standardize my father’s property/estates business to the current international level.

My father was recently appointed a Traditional ruler of my village and he is turn between business retirement and discharging his traditional rulership duties to his people. He currently spends only little time on business issues which he hopes to totally relinquish by handing over to me on my return after I complete my studies.

My Brothers on the other hand are not interested in my father’s property/estates business as they are busy running their own business (pursing their own careers and studying).

As a son of a traditional ruler I owe it a duty and responsibility to be home by my father’s side every year for some traditional festivals and anniversaries. This entails that I will be visiting home at times even during my school year to fulfill my traditional obligations, and will finally return home after my studies to fully take over the pivotal managerial role of my father’s property/estates business. Please find attached proof of my father’s Certificate of Office as Traditional Ruler (Certificate of Recognition) and also pictures of his coronation ceremony.

The reason I choose Canada as a country of study is that the culture of Canada is very diverse and vibrant, it is peaceful, safe and also a wonderful country where different race and culture are well respected and learning together is very encouraged.

It is noteworthy, that the tuition fees in Canada are friendly and very affordable; including living expenses, which is also favourable when, compared to other countries with the same level of educational quality.

I sincerely feel Canada will help my career path, deepen my expertise, accentuate my business skills by not limiting it locally but also internationally, giving me that needed flavor and edge, sharpen my perspective to the business world and to take my father’s property/estates business to a greater height. Document of his property/estates business and land tax receipt (land use charge) are also attached as proof.

I have also attached the following documents to show;

1. CIC refusal letter from my previous application.

2. Admission offer letter issued by Seneca College, Canada.

3. Proof of receipt of one-year school fees payment issued by Seneca College, Canada

4. My international passport/ travelling document.

5. Financial proof (statement of account of my sponsor) and also proof of relation.

6. Affidavit of sponsorship

7. Father, Mother and Brothers Photo I.D Card, passport Bio data pages and Local Government Identification Certificate/kindred)

8. Affidavit from the court that I will return home immediately after my studies

9. Certificate of occupancy/ownership of my father’s property/estates, and land tax (Landuse Charge) payment to Lagos State Government for the property.

10. Property valuation Certificate of one of the buildings located within my father’s property/estate.

11. Tenancy agreement between my father (Landlord) and MTN Communications Nigeria (Tenant) for a part-portion of my father’s property/estates.

12. A letter from my Father confirming my purpose of study and return, to take up his property/estate business.

13. Police Character Certificate

14. Proof of Medical which was carried out by CIC certified doctor.

15. Visa page of my brother’s passport and MBA certificate from Coventry University (United Kimgdom). He returned after his study and is currently running his own business.

I have a strong family ties here in Nigeria, as all my family members currently reside in Nigeria. I do not have any intention of abandoning my lovely family and absconding to a foreign country forever. My intention to travel to Canada is solely and wholly due to my study, which I must return to my lovely family after my study in Canada.

I hope you will understand my interest and give me the chance to study and gain these vital skills and experience I need for my future tasks ahead.

Thank you



Sign: ………………..
 

zuif

Star Member
Sep 5, 2015
119
5
Job Offer........
Pre-Assessed..
Yes, way too long, you are repeating things like "I will return" and you're stressing too much onto it, don't do that, saying it one time is enough.

Don't make a list of the things you've attached in your SOP, there's a separate document - "affidavit of support" for that.

And the way I see it - saying I hope and I feel, kind of makes a dull impression, so minimize that and implement straight and concise facts to show a strong impression.

e.g - I sincerely feel Canada will help my career path - could be replaced by - the xxx program at this college suits my progression for xxx career.
 

enywmara

Star Member
Jun 23, 2016
188
38
124
Dhaka
Category........
PNP
NOC Code......
0111
Nomination.....
25-05-2022
AOR Received.
07-07-2022
IELTS Request
Upfront
Med's Request
Upfront
Med's Done....
21-12-2021
Interview........
Not needed
Farko said:
Well said.
Any more suggestions
Or rate can some one rate
The SOP over 10

Its not a good SOP. Considering the fact that you have been refused once, I would rate the SOP a max of 4/10 (4 out of 10). I am sorry If I sound harsh, but you have not mentioned once in your SOP why your visa was rejected. As far as I can understand, your first rejection letter must have stated that

"you are welcome to re-apply if you think you are able to address the ______ issues"

If this is the case, you needed to write the issues and then address them one by one.

However its just my opinion and I believe that there are many other more knowledgeable members in this forum who might disagree with me.
 

SYSyed

Star Member
Jun 16, 2016
80
0
Lahore
Category........
Visa Office......
VFS Lahore
Job Offer........
Pre-Assessed..
App. Filed.......
11th July 2016
Doc's Request.
submitted
IELTS Request
submitted with application
Med's Request
upfront
Med's Done....
passed on 3-8-2016
Interview........
none yet
Passport Req..
submitted with application
VISA ISSUED...
waiting
LANDED..........
waiting
one thing you did not mention in SOP is that y r u not perusing same studies in your own country and yes you should have mentioned the previous refusal reasons n their explanation.

you seem to have a good profile as regard to your ties to your country, just explain it nicely without repeating things.
 

yyzstudent

Champion Member
Nov 6, 2015
1,334
703
In my sop I explained that I had worked with people in my country who had graduated programs of my choice offered there and found their work ethic and knowledge less than my uneducated self. I also explained that I hade researched several schools offering similar programs and had found none that catered to my needs and wants, and that Canada (Toronto in particular) had an industry proven track record of having some of the best in the industry I had chosen to be educated in.

Study permit was approved in 3 weeks during the strike 3 years ago.
 

JO@YC

Member
May 16, 2016
14
0
Farko said:
Noted
And Thanks
Any other person?
Hi Farko,
An SOP is not an article for publication. An SOP should address critical concerns and it doesn't have to be very long as they are not accessing your essay writing skills. Your SOP is far better than what I wrote but I got my SP approved. In my opinion, I think you have to address some of these issues.
1. Do you have reasonable employment in Nigeria, if not, let them know why you don't have one and what you have been doing since you graduated.
2. Convince the VO on what informed your decision to change career path (this might be a little difficult if you are a recent graduate but you can pull it through). You need to have a clear reasonable career path.
3. You don't necessarily need an affidavit that you will return to Nigeria unless they specifically requested for it. The reasoning is simple. If you get a job in Canada after graduation, are you saying that you won't take the job? You need to remember that VOs are human beings, not robots. Let them know that you would go back after your studies but don't over emphasize it. You can let them know what you intend to do with your skills Nigeria.
4. It is good that you have paid your tuition.
5. I didn't have the patience to read your letter thoroughly but is your father actively employed, is he into private business or both? Can his income support you while in Canada (remember he has to take care of other personal and family expenses as well? Personally, I think your father has strong financials but remember you are not dealing with Nigerians.
6. Finally, endeavor to address all issues raised in the rejection letter. Remember, all they need is for you to address critical issues and give them a reason to approve your application.

In my opinion, the length of the letter doesn't matter but it is better if it straight to the points and concise.

Above all, if you are a Christian, then you have to do some homework on your knees (this was and remains my main tool to get whatever I want).

I wish you well.
 

Farko

Hero Member
Jan 26, 2016
305
8
I was refused bcos they re not sure I will leave Canada at the end of my study,and also
Travel history
Purpose of visit
And family ties.

I have not travelled before.
I didn't attach any SOP in my previous application
Family ties which I talked about in the SOP

PS:i think I talked about them directly or indirectly in the SOP