Hello,
I have been with my husband for 4 years. We were dating for 3 years and finally signed on paper in AB last year. My permanent resident document sponsored by my husband was submitted last November and I was requested to send updated criminal record check in March and it was done. So technically I am not an immigrant yet.
The problem is that I started recognizing his alcoholism recently. He used to drink a lot when we were dating but his excuse was that he needed to drink as much as he wanted when he was with me as he would not be allowed to drink at all due to safety issue while working in oil field anyways. Also he travelled a lot and we were physically living together only 4~5 months so his alcohol problem did not really hit me hard. But now, he has been shaking his hands and sweating like crazy. He doesn't remember most of the day, drinks and drives hitting light poles so our car's broken, can't stand still, wambles a lot, can't sleep without drinking anything. He said he would quit so many times for a year but never succeeded. I have requested help from his family and they tried to help him for a month. After then, they told me there were nothing they could help him and he needed to sort things out by himself asking me to be away from him for a while.
Funny thing is I just heard that his mom passed away because of alcohol problem and his family has a lot of serious alcoholics in history for both sides. No one told me that. And when I asked for help to his family like a 6 months ago, they said I was overreacting and I needed to be settled down. ha! And 6 months after, they were telling me they wanted to protect him at that time and ignore that his son/brother had a problem. The family had a lot of issues in the past. My husband grew up being abused. His dad now apologized but my husband still has a big trauma I think. And when his dad knew that his son had an alcohol problem, he just came over our place and talked couple times and told me there was nothing he could do about it. I don't blame him as he has been changed a lot and felt bad about his previous abuse to his kids while he needed to deal with his wife's problem in the past but... I was shocked how easy he gave up on his son..
Another problem my husband has is sleeping problem. Since my husband was 4 years old, he had had bad insomnia but nobody took him to a doctor. Now he sleeps only 2 hours straight without waking up. So sometimes he sleeps only 3hours maximum a day. He stays in bed all day but he only sleeps couple hours straight and sometime a little more, sometimes that is all he gets for a day. He also does sleep talking, sleepwalking. That way he hurts himself in the middle of night and he does not even know why he's got so many cuts and bruises. And he sometimes he urinates in our bedroom... or bathroom floor and does not remember. Every time he uses the bathroom, some liquid is all over the floor and I don't want to know what that is... He never cleans up anything in our place so our living looks like a dumpster. Though I clean everyplace up, it gets dirty in five minutes.
My husband does not listen to me any more for seeing a professional for alcohol or sleep and starts hiding alcohol everywhere in our place. He refused to go to rehab insisting he could quit by himself and then next morning I saw the 6 empty cans of beer right next him sleeping. If I find out, he blames me as a reason he drinks. He says that I am asking him not to drink and helping me house chores stresses him out. I hate him so much when he drives stealing a car key from me and goes to a bar, and is swearing at me or some other people he hated before. He is falling TVs, chairs or other stuff down with him as he can't stand without holding anything... but then he is very nice when he's sober and begging me not to leave saying he will go see a counsellor and help me on taking care of the place. Once he has a sip of drink, all his promises are just gone...I don't know what to do.
I don't think people will call it addiction if the person can do it by oneself. He does need professional help but then I am thinking there is not many reason I should help him if his own family gives up on him so easy. And I can't think of him as a father of my children in the future if he is not quitting drinking and changes his whole life style.
I want to stay in Canada as I am studying towards my accounting designation. It will be over next year and I want to have a good job and successful life.
If I give up on him and go with humanity procedure to keep my PR, is it going to cost a lot? Do you think I am being so selfish? I don't see any hope. As much as I want my happiness, I also want his happiness but it's getting harder and harder to me. I have not felt happy for six months. Please give me a helpful advice.
I have been with my husband for 4 years. We were dating for 3 years and finally signed on paper in AB last year. My permanent resident document sponsored by my husband was submitted last November and I was requested to send updated criminal record check in March and it was done. So technically I am not an immigrant yet.
The problem is that I started recognizing his alcoholism recently. He used to drink a lot when we were dating but his excuse was that he needed to drink as much as he wanted when he was with me as he would not be allowed to drink at all due to safety issue while working in oil field anyways. Also he travelled a lot and we were physically living together only 4~5 months so his alcohol problem did not really hit me hard. But now, he has been shaking his hands and sweating like crazy. He doesn't remember most of the day, drinks and drives hitting light poles so our car's broken, can't stand still, wambles a lot, can't sleep without drinking anything. He said he would quit so many times for a year but never succeeded. I have requested help from his family and they tried to help him for a month. After then, they told me there were nothing they could help him and he needed to sort things out by himself asking me to be away from him for a while.
Funny thing is I just heard that his mom passed away because of alcohol problem and his family has a lot of serious alcoholics in history for both sides. No one told me that. And when I asked for help to his family like a 6 months ago, they said I was overreacting and I needed to be settled down. ha! And 6 months after, they were telling me they wanted to protect him at that time and ignore that his son/brother had a problem. The family had a lot of issues in the past. My husband grew up being abused. His dad now apologized but my husband still has a big trauma I think. And when his dad knew that his son had an alcohol problem, he just came over our place and talked couple times and told me there was nothing he could do about it. I don't blame him as he has been changed a lot and felt bad about his previous abuse to his kids while he needed to deal with his wife's problem in the past but... I was shocked how easy he gave up on his son..
Another problem my husband has is sleeping problem. Since my husband was 4 years old, he had had bad insomnia but nobody took him to a doctor. Now he sleeps only 2 hours straight without waking up. So sometimes he sleeps only 3hours maximum a day. He stays in bed all day but he only sleeps couple hours straight and sometime a little more, sometimes that is all he gets for a day. He also does sleep talking, sleepwalking. That way he hurts himself in the middle of night and he does not even know why he's got so many cuts and bruises. And he sometimes he urinates in our bedroom... or bathroom floor and does not remember. Every time he uses the bathroom, some liquid is all over the floor and I don't want to know what that is... He never cleans up anything in our place so our living looks like a dumpster. Though I clean everyplace up, it gets dirty in five minutes.
My husband does not listen to me any more for seeing a professional for alcohol or sleep and starts hiding alcohol everywhere in our place. He refused to go to rehab insisting he could quit by himself and then next morning I saw the 6 empty cans of beer right next him sleeping. If I find out, he blames me as a reason he drinks. He says that I am asking him not to drink and helping me house chores stresses him out. I hate him so much when he drives stealing a car key from me and goes to a bar, and is swearing at me or some other people he hated before. He is falling TVs, chairs or other stuff down with him as he can't stand without holding anything... but then he is very nice when he's sober and begging me not to leave saying he will go see a counsellor and help me on taking care of the place. Once he has a sip of drink, all his promises are just gone...I don't know what to do.
I don't think people will call it addiction if the person can do it by oneself. He does need professional help but then I am thinking there is not many reason I should help him if his own family gives up on him so easy. And I can't think of him as a father of my children in the future if he is not quitting drinking and changes his whole life style.
I want to stay in Canada as I am studying towards my accounting designation. It will be over next year and I want to have a good job and successful life.
If I give up on him and go with humanity procedure to keep my PR, is it going to cost a lot? Do you think I am being so selfish? I don't see any hope. As much as I want my happiness, I also want his happiness but it's getting harder and harder to me. I have not felt happy for six months. Please give me a helpful advice.
