Kindly assess my Writing task 2 and provide your valuable feedback

[Hussain_Khan]

+ can you also provide the rating.

 

[scylla]

Firstly, smoking is considered as one of the major cause of cancer. Many, smoking companies mention clearly on the cigarette packs, that “Smoking is injurious to health”, despite of this fact, many people are involved in this activity. Secondly, smoking cannot be banned, but perhaps government or office management can take appropriate and preventive methods to reduce the consumption of tobacco.

I'll help with one paragraph. Overall, you're using too many commas, need to split sentances up, are missing some words that are needed and have used a couple of words that don't really fit (e.g. "injurious" is very rarely used and you certainly won't find that word on a cigarette pack, "methods" doesn't make sense). I would personally also drop the "firstly" and "secondly". You don't really need them. I would edit your first paragraph as follows:

Smoking is considered as one of the major cause of cancer. Many smoking companies clearly mention on cigarette packs that “smoking is bad for your health”. Despite this fact, many people are involved in this activity. Although smoking cannot be completely banned, government and office management can take appropriate and preventive actions to reduce the consumption of tobacco.

 

[amikety]

+ can you also provide the rating.

Unfortunately, I have no idea about the IELTS scores! It might be better to ask others.

I have to leave this morning for a job interview (yay) but I'll try to review it tonight. I have a busy weekend, so if I forget, please poke me!

 

[sharpe88]

Hussain your writing is getting better and better.

I would give at least a 7.0 for this task.

 

[Hussain_Khan]

Thanks Sharpe...

My examination is schedule on 8th Dec... May Allah give make the exam easier for me and for others too!

Wish me luck!!. I am really worried