Just out of curiosity...

[bscinto92]

And i know this may not be the correct forum to go to for things like this...
But does anyone else who is undergoing spousal sponsorship via the outland process experience the amount of stress and arguing i have been experiencing lately being away from my husband? I try to convince myself every day that all of this hard work and time will be so worth it in the end because i know he is worth it, but it just gets so hard sometimes.... and i feel like i'm stuck. it is not cheap to travel back and forth as often as we'd like, and it definitely is even more difficult getting the time off from work to do it as well... we talk often, very often but sometimes that just isn't enough : ( I am submitting my application in two weeks and still i have not decided on wether i am doing this inland or outland. Part of me wants to do it inland because i know that no matter how much longer it takes, i always have a guarantee that i will see my husband at least once everyday... but then the other part of me wants to go with outland because i know I should finish school (will look much better for our application if they know i have a career) and because I know it will be quicker and i could go visit for as long as 6 months if I wanted to after school is finished (which will be right before christmas! which means him and i would get the holidays together!!) I will stay strong through this, and i know he will too. but correct me if i'm wrong, i thought being a newly wed was supposed to be the happiest times of your life? I was only with my husband 2 weeks after our wedding and had to come back shortly after that to finish school, but since then it has been the hardest part of our relationship and it is just making me so sad : ( Hopefully someone can relate.

 

[RobsLuv]

It's a stressful situation, whether you're together or not. I think you would regret not finishing school. If you're from a visa-exempt country, you should be able to come visit once you're done with school - even if you've applied outland. Outland does not mean you have to remain in your home country for the duration of processing - if you are admitted to Canada as a temporary resident, you're able to stay to wait out an outland application as long as you keep your temporary status valid by applying to extend (from within Canada) before it expires. Don't confuse the inland and outland processes with your ability to be in Canada while waiting for your permanent status to be approved. It's almost always better to apply outland because it gives you more options, and it's typically a faster process.

In the interim, just try to be patient with each other and with the situation - understanding that it's not "normal" for a newly wedded couple to have to live apart. That doesn't mean you can't survive this, so cut yourselves some slack. We were in a long distance relationship for a little over two years total . . . sixteen months after we met in person and knew we wanted to be together forever. I can remember how annoying it got to be to have to put the rest of my life on hold because I needed to make time to sit on the computer or talk on the phone. I wanted to be with him, but I also needed to pay attention to my kids, and spend time with my family, etc. It did get easier once we were living together - but until things were finalized and we could move on with our lives, it was very stressful.

 

[CharlieD10]

From someone who has been there and is now living with my husband: the end of the immigration process is not an end to challenges to your marriage. You'll still argue, just over something else, like not squeezing the toothpaste from the end (or middle!), or putting the toilet seat down, or whether to get whole milk or 2% skim.

Challenges are a part of marriage in particular and life in general. The challenges that come with being a long-distance marriage can make or break a relationship, depending on your commitment. Yes, it's hard, but it's a phase, and it too will pass.

What you do now, what you learn now during this process, how you learn to argue/fight/communicate your needs, feelings and emotions, can either firm up your foundation, or drill such huge holes in it that even getting together does not mean you will last. Use the time to build each other up, to build yourself up, and to grow through a unique challenge.

 

[loving wife]

Hello bscinto92, i can see where you're coming from,i am also sponsoring my husband
started it since january 2012 outland,last time i saw him was in april for my birthday,he was here
with me for 4 months and i miss him so much even though i talk to him ever so often.
We're only waitng on the decision now can't wait for the whole thing to finish,sometimes i ask myself
why we didn't do it from here,but he has a very good job in his country,and the waiting soon over fo us.

 

[Tipha]

I can say that my husband and i have more arguements being apart than being together, but never in a way that we had any doubts or real problems, its just the distance that creates certain problems and frustration and we are aware of that, but as someone else said, when you are together than there will be again other problems to face and go through, it belongs to a marriage or relationship, it only matters how you deal with it. My husband and i always are able to talk about all and we dont loose respect to each other ever and we can laugh about most of the arguements in the end, cause most of them are just silly and we would never have had them when we were together, we know that.
Over all theres always challenges, this is just one of them, as long the relationship is strong and you find a way to handle it, it will be ok.

I think its better you finish your school, even if i know what it means to be seperated shortly after the marriage and for very long times (we had a year between we couldnt visit each other). My husband and i will soon make up for all that time we missed once you are together this challenge wont matter much anymore and you have many years to come to enjoy your life with each other and face again other problems. Finish up what needs to be finished first, everything step by step and theres always more than just one way to go, usually theres a solution to everything.

 

[I.N]

We are all in the same bout here, some at the end of their journey some at the beginning, either way the feelings we have are the same.
Stress, frustrations, anxity,anger...love, compasion,joy,happiness...

Is it really worth it we are asking ourselves at times...

I have no idea what Canada has to offer, I never have been living there, but I know for sure what me and my husband have to share with each other and that has no price.

Everything we have in our lifes comes with price.

Nothing its for free.

Fight for what you makes you happy, you will always have a lot to gain.

Good luck!

 

[bscinto92]

I can say that my husband and i have more arguements being apart than being together, but never in a way that we had any doubts or real problems, its just the distance that creates certain problems and frustration and we are aware of that, but as someone else said, when you are together than there will be again other problems to face and go through, it belongs to a marriage or relationship, it only matters how you deal with it. My husband and i always are able to talk about all and we dont loose respect to each other ever and we can laugh about most of the arguements in the end, cause most of them are just silly and we would never have had them when we were together, we know that.
Over all theres always challenges, this is just one of them, as long the relationship is strong and you find a way to handle it, it will be ok.

I think its better you finish your school, even if i know what it means to be seperated shortly after the marriage and for very long times (we had a year between we couldnt visit each other). My husband and i will soon make up for all that time we missed once you are together this challenge wont matter much anymore and you have many years to come to enjoy your life with each other and face again other problems. Finish up what needs to be finished first, everything step by step and theres always more than just one way to go, usually theres a solution to everything.

I can relate to this so well. We never ever have had any doubts in our relationship working out, never have been suspicious of one another for anything. We trust each other 100% but you're right... the distance is what creates the problems. We never had a problem with the distance before I lived with him for 6 months. I guess we just became too used to each other's company, and are having major withdrawals right now. I know there will be many problems to come, of course about different things (like CharlieD said about the toothpaste or the toilet seat bahahahaha) but I feel like when we are together it is easier to talk things out in person than it is over the phone or on the computer. I look back at most of the things that my husband and I argue about, and much like you ... I laugh. Because I think to myself, why were we even arguing over something so insignificant? For 6 months, we spent every waking minute with eachother and argued ONCE. Since I have been back home in Connecticut (I came back in June), he visited me once for 2 and a half weeks in July. After he left, we were good for a short while after that... and then I started back at school and he started back at work and I think there's been a bit of a lack of communication. Maybe it's just cause I'm used to more than what I've been getting, but just like I got used to that... I have to get used to this. Sometimes there's just not enough time in a day. I know we are both strong, and I know especially that our love is strong enough to keep us together. I think you are all correct, finishing cosmetology school is in my best interest. Without that, I can never make a living doing what I love to do and it will most definitely look better on my application. I am going to be graduated before Christmas, and in between now and then I am going to visit my husband at the end of November for a week and a bit, which leaves me with only two more weeks to finish school and shortly after I can return to Canada for at least 6 months! I know all this blood, sweat and tears (not literally for the blood part lol) will be worth it in the end, but it's a long journey for now. At least I know that if need be, once my application is in I can go and visit my husband for 6 months of the 11 that I'm going to have to wait to legally live and work there. I want to thank you all for all your kind words and support, this forum has helped me tremendously throughout the 4 months that I have been working on my application. Without this, I would just be constantly worrying about what I'm doing right or wrong. You're all very helpful and I'm so happy to hear that I am not alone in this, and that it is normal for things like this to happen. Good luck to you all and thank you for all of the advice you give<3

 

[bscinto92]

hi guys one more quick question before this thread disappears! i live in connecticut and I know there is a Consulate General of Canada office in New York, New York... which is very close by me. On my generic application form (IMM 0008) it asks in question 4: Immigration Office requested for processing this application.


Do i put New York, New York... or do I put buffalo? Just curious if the new york city office has anything to do with processing sponsorship or PR applications.

 

[CharlieD10]

Buffalo is closed. I believe you have to select CPP-Ottawa, and they transfer your file to NY if necessary.

 

[Peaches14]

I think anybody who wants to be together and can't because of immigration reasons has significant stress over both the decision on which way to go and remaining apart. The worst of it is not knowing what is going on with the case file while you are in it and the only time you can achieve finding anything out is by waiting until you are contacted or requesting notes that take an entire month to receive. Your dilemma in both situations is going to be processing times inland or outland. I have seen evidence of large processing times in both. Inland you can obtain an OWP if you can make it past Stage 1 plus you can stay together, the issue will be the financial burdens and the sponsor going crazy without being able to work. You can file outland from inland but you face the problem of not being able to work until PR. The process will be stressful no matter what you decide. When you do decide, never feel that your are offering too much information or sending too much documentation, regardless of how easy you think there decision will be. Do yourself a favour and read all the threads you can regarding lnland and outland applications.

 

[bscinto92]

I think anybody who wants to be together and can't because of immigration reasons has significant stress over both the decision on which way to go and remaining apart. The worst of it is not knowing what is going on with the case file while you are in it and the only time you can achieve finding anything out is by waiting until you are contacted or requesting notes that take an entire month to receive. Your dilemma in both situations is going to be processing times inland or outland. I have seen evidence of large processing times in both. Inland you can obtain an OWP if you can make it past Stage 1 plus you can stay together, the issue will be the financial burdens and the sponsor going crazy without being able to work. You can file outland from inland but you face the problem of not being able to work until PR. The process will be stressful no matter what you decide. When you do decide, never feel that your are offering too much information or sending too much documentation, regardless of how easy you think there decision will be. Do yourself a favour and read all the threads you can regarding lnland and outland applications.

Yeah, it was a very hard decision at first just because I don't want to be away from him, but I think outland is the way to go, for financial and stress reasons. if i do it inland, god forbid i had to leave the country for any reason at all and then i would risk losing EVERYTHING and i don't think it's worth it. it's much more worth it to deal with the few months we have left to be apart and then live there for another 6 months as a visitor. i would like to work during that time here in connecticut but i think my sanity is a bit more important than my income right now lol. i have been reading and reading and reading on this forum, i visit at least once a day. i have read so many different scenarios just to get an idea of how often they approve people for sponsorship/PR and how often they deny people (which to be honest, i have not seen many cases that have been denied, the ones that have seem to be a bit fishy anyway). At first, i did think i was sending in too much. but now i'm realizing that the more i give them the higher my chances are. i've never really doubted our approval anyway, but i just like to make sure they see the in's and out's of our relationship. i even took screen shots of personal messages sent to eachother on facebook and posts on eachother's facebook walls lol. as well as phone bills from the moment we started talking all the way through now as well as over 150 pictures all with over a paragraph description of who, what, where, when and why. i have been so much with this guy and i made sure i provided proof of all of what we have been through, and if that isn't enough for them to judge that the relationship is genuine i'm not sure what is! this is the hardest work i have ever had to do, at least mentally! lol. i'm going to be a completely different person by the end of all this.

 

[bscinto92]

Buffalo is closed. I believe you have to select CPP-Ottawa, and they transfer your file to NY if necessary.

so i should put ottawa on question 4 of form IMM 0008?
i also noticed on the immigrants guide, for the united states, there is a page that says "If you are required to attend a personal interview at a visa office in the USA, indicate your first choice for interview location is (check one):"

No Preference
Seattle, Washington
Detroit, Michigan
Los Angeles, California
New York, New York


Maybe the new york, new york office only does the interviews?

 

[mameelynn]

I think that in some way all of us can relate! We are doing outland and we are all continuing to live together in the US (myself, husband and our 3 children) well we were hoping it was just till my husband got PR but that seems to be taking a lot longer then we thought it would. We decided to do my husbands paperwork a year and a half ago but due to wait times for FBI and what not and just getting the funding together (oh and a hard drive crash when we were 95% completed and had to re-do all of our letters, photo's and forms ???) we didn't get our paperwork sent in till last February... yep just in time for stage one wait times to triple and Buffalo (our then office) to shut down! When we had talked to an immigration lawyer he said that most standard files (which we are) took about 7 months so we thought that we would be all set up by August or September just in time for our oldest to start kindergarten.... Oh how naive we were!! The stress of the whole process is just bleeding out into all aspects of our lives! I'm losing my hair, not sleeping and not eating... it is not fun! The hardest thing for me is the fact that there really aren't many options to be able to plan our future! Luckily for us we have been able to come up with a plan that we are hoping will work but it isn't something that everyone can do and it will be a huge change for us! We are lucky enough that my dad has a family business and he has a job for me but it will be a huge shift for our family going from me being a stay at home mom to my husband staying home with our kids... add that on top of a cross content move and it's enough to drive the most calm person into a tailspin and trust me I'm not the most sane and calm on a good day!!! lol Lets just hope that his PR comes in before all of my hair comes out

 

[bscinto92]

I think that in some way all of us can relate! We are doing outland and we are all continuing to live together in the US (myself, husband and our 3 children) well we were hoping it was just till my husband got PR but that seems to be taking a lot longer then we thought it would. We decided to do my husbands paperwork a year and a half ago but due to wait times for FBI and what not and just getting the funding together (oh and a hard drive crash when we were 95% completed and had to re-do all of our letters, photo's and forms ???) we didn't get our paperwork sent in till last February... yep just in time for stage one wait times to triple and Buffalo (our then office) to shut down! When we had talked to an immigration lawyer he said that most standard files (which we are) took about 7 months so we thought that we would be all set up by August or September just in time for our oldest to start kindergarten.... Oh how naive we were!! The stress of the whole process is just bleeding out into all aspects of our lives! I'm losing my hair, not sleeping and not eating... it is not fun! The hardest thing for me is the fact that there really aren't many options to be able to plan our future! Luckily for us we have been able to come up with a plan that we are hoping will work but it isn't something that everyone can do and it will be a huge change for us! We are lucky enough that my dad has a family business and he has a job for me but it will be a huge shift for our family going from me being a stay at home mom to my husband staying home with our kids... add that on top of a cross content move and it's enough to drive the most calm person into a tailspin and trust me I'm not the most sane and calm on a good day!!! lol Lets just hope that his PR comes in before all of my hair comes out

haha oh god that's terrible about the hard drive crash, i couldn't even imagine losing all the information i put together! i made sure i e-mailed myself everything i did just in case because i don't trust technology, especially since my laptop is from 2007 and is probably going to crash any minute now lol. i have the same problem over here with the wait times for fbi records etc... we were supposed to get our application in over 2 months ago (i got my meds done in august, it is now october) and we still havent sent it in because i was waiting on the fbi record, which i finally received, we're still waiting on a letter from one of his employer's and we're also waiting on his notice of assessment which seems to be taking the LONGEST EVER. these are the the things that keep holding us back! hopefully i don't start losing my hair too! thankfully i'm a hairdresser so i guess if i do there will always be some sort of solution lol : p and same here with the eating and sleeping... i've lost lots of weight (yayyyy!!!! bahahaha) but i really don't remember the last time i had a good nights sleep. probably when i was last with my husband : (

 

[real]

We are all in the same bout here, some at the end of their journey some at the beginning, either way the feelings we have are the same.
Stress, frustrations, anxity,anger...love, compasion,joy,happiness...

Is it really worth it we are asking ourselves at times...

I have no idea what Canada has to offer, I never have been living there, but I know for sure what me and my husband have to share with each other and that has no price.

Everything we have in our lifes comes with price.

Nothing its for free.

Fight for what you makes you happy, you will always have a lot to gain.

Good luck!

well said..