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IELTS - Writing - For Band 7 or Above.

marosa

Hero Member
Oct 9, 2018
249
122
Armenia
NOC Code......
1111
I don't know what to say here. I feel this off topic and I don't know may be someone may feel it is on topic. But still it is too verbose for the message you want to convey. The phrasing could have been more clear.
On the one hand, it is argued by some that participating in sports and arts events has such demerits, as unjustified expenses. It is perceived that big and popular social events are much more expensive, than they worth. Due to the fact that a lot of people wish to take part in those, organizers artificially increase prices. Besides this, some people prefer to spend money on other means of leisure, such as travelling abroad and visiting new places. While a live performance or a World Cup game may be quite entertaining, a trip to a mesmerizing vacation spot or sightseeing in an ancient city can be much more interesting and impressive, meaning a wiser way to spend the money.


I am really not convinced with the arguments here. Well they do say that they are not looking at validity of arguments but English on the test. But I'm not sure how is that judged in the context of task response.
To begin with, becoming a celebrity by the means of media causes harm to the cultural development of the society. Along with the upsurge in the number of highly promoted TV and Internet characters, the real art performers are moved back. This trend affects almost all fields of art, including theatre, music, dances and other art. From my own observations, I can state that during the past few decades more and more people have started replacing theatres, museums and live concerts with TV shows and other promoted media content. - Can this work?
 

MaryNguyen

Full Member
Oct 19, 2018
21
4
Hello friends,
I intend to buy an ielts course from Chris Pell, who is the founder of the website ieltsadvantage.com. There is a discount so I am being tempted :p however, 599 usd means an enormous amount to me :oops:
If you have purchased his courses, please review, privately if you wish.
I appreciate your responses, kindly friends.
 

cansha

VIP Member
Aug 1, 2018
6,676
5,855
Hello friends,
I intend to buy an ielts course from Chris Pell, who is the founder of the website ieltsadvantage.com. There is a discount so I am being tempted :p however, 599 usd means an enormous amount to me :oops:
If you have purchased his courses, please review, privately if you wish.
I appreciate your responses, kindly friends.
I have never heard of this guy but oh boy 599 USD!! That's crazy !!!!
 
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darshanmodi

Full Member
Jul 30, 2018
28
1
Okay decent intro.



The problem with the paragraph is that it is totally missing the target. In your introduction you made a good argument that less packaging products should be avoided to save environment. And yes the topic is basically exploring that. It is asking you what is a better option to save environment? Action by sellers or action by buyers. Based on that this paragraph is wasted opportunity.





I think this essay lacks on task response. You have completely ignored one side of the essay so difficult. There are no big issues with English and Grammar barring a few phrases that should be avoided. But the most important thing is task response. If you do not address that rest of things won't matter.
@cansha I appreciate your efforts a lot and thanks for your invaluable feedback. I will definitely work on the highlighted areas.
 

kangkang1

Full Member
Nov 26, 2018
25
4
Hello All,

I appeared for IELTS BC on 10th nov, I got (L- 9, R-8, W- 6.5, S-7). I need 8777, do you suggest to go for revaluation? I messed up the coherence of my essay so i dnt think ill be getting a 7 in writing , but i might get as well. what do you suggest, i need only .5 more.

Also, i have booked another exam on 15th Dec, and i am concentrating more on writing this time but i do not have anyone to check my work. i will post my writing tomorrow.. please give feedback as i am really keen to improve on it.
 
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cansha

VIP Member
Aug 1, 2018
6,676
5,855
Hello All,

I appeared for IELTS BC on 10th nov, I got (L- 9, R-8, W- 6.5, S-7). I need 8777, do you suggest to go for revaluation? I messed up the coherence of my essay so i dnt think ill be getting a 7 in writing , but i might get as well. what do you suggest, i need only .5 more.

Also, i have booked another exam on 15th Dec, and i am concentrating more on writing this time but i do not have anyone to check my work. i will post my writing tomorrow.. please give feedback as i am really keen to improve on it.
Yes go for reval.
 

kangkang1

Full Member
Nov 26, 2018
25
4
please evaluate letter:

Write to a newspaper complaining about the prose you won but didnt receive.
what you did to win the prize.
what happened to your prize
what actions you want the director to take

Dear Sir,

I am writing this letter to complain about not receiving the prize money I had won against the Caption competition
published in the issue of 28th November 2018.

As per the norms mentioned in the terms and conditions section of the competition, candidate who would submit the most innovative caption would win a prize.The caption I submitted was considered best by the editor.

I was promised a prize money of $400.I was informed that it will be deposited in my bank account by the 12th of December, but to my surprise no transaction is made till today. It is unexpected on the part of a popular newspaper like The Times of India.

I would be grateful if you could take immediate action and make sure that the prize amount is transferred to my savings account at the earliest. Also please check with the accounts department as to why there was a delay in releasing money on the defined date.

I look forward to hearing from you.

Yours faithfully
Simon Smith
 

marosa

Hero Member
Oct 9, 2018
249
122
Armenia
NOC Code......
1111
Hello All,

I appeared for IELTS BC on 10th nov, I got (L- 9, R-8, W- 6.5, S-7). I need 8777, do you suggest to go for revaluation? I messed up the coherence of my essay so i dnt think ill be getting a 7 in writing , but i might get as well. what do you suggest, i need only .5 more.

Also, i have booked another exam on 15th Dec, and i am concentrating more on writing this time but i do not have anyone to check my work. i will post my writing tomorrow.. please give feedback as i am really keen to improve on it.
I've taken two attempts and got R 8.5 L 8 S 7.5 W 6.5 and R 8 L 9 S 7.5 W 6.5. I applied for revaluation, with my writing score remaining unchanged. Unless you are really sure you did well on all 4 criterias of writing, I would suggest you to spend the money on a couple of essay writing classes. But that's just me. I know people who applied for revaluation of writing and speaking and succeeded. :)
 

baxa1981

Hero Member
May 29, 2012
258
60
please evaluate letter:

Write to a newspaper complaining about the prose you won but didnt receive.
what you did to win the prize.
what happened to your prize
what actions you want the director to take

Dear Sir,

I am writing this letter to complain about not receiving the prize money I had won against the Caption competition
published in the issue of 28th November 2018.

As per the norms mentioned in the terms and conditions section of the competition, candidate who would submit the most innovative caption would win a prize.The caption I submitted was considered best by the editor.

I was promised a prize money of $400.I was informed that it will be deposited in my bank account by the 12th of December, but to my surprise no transaction is made till today. It is unexpected on the part of a popular newspaper like The Times of India.

I would be grateful if you could take immediate action and make sure that the prize amount is transferred to my savings account at the earliest. Also please check with the accounts department as to why there was a delay in releasing money on the defined date.

I look forward to hearing from you.

Yours faithfully
Simon Smith
Just my opinion, the order of checking the account and getting the amount transferred sentences should be changed. You need a comma after also I believe. I am not sure about won against either.
 

Noor_100

Member
Nov 26, 2018
18
0
@cansha Please evaluate my essay. I am planning to appear in the exam at end of December.

Rich countries should not employ skilled labor from poor countries, as poor countries need the workers more. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

In recent days, developed countries are increasingly employing the overseas skilled workers from underdeveloped countries. This might have led to shortage of man power for underdeveloped nation to carry on its development activities. To a certain extend I agree that employment offered by wealthy nation should not affect the growth of the poor countries.



Developed countries has large industrial plants and information technology hubs as a concrete for its internal growth and business trading, which in turn produces considerable number of job opportunities. As it requires huge man power, such countries target and extend their employment to skilled professionals in the under developed countries. Skilled people from such poor countries are in fact, sees this as an opportunity to support their finance crises and ready to leave nation without second thoughts. To illustrate, employees who are working in Information Technology for United states are mostly immigrants. Thus, to have adequate human resources, empowered nation keeps pulling up workers from needy nations.



On the other hand, poor countries which has had development plans to fulfil the basic need of the citizens would be left behind with insufficient workers. Engineers, Doctors, Architects and who have graduates and fled to foreign nations would be no more beneficial for their native land. For example, medical personnel and other health specialists from South East Asian countries, prefers to settle in high ranked western countries due to high income and lavish life style. As a consequence of this, apparently such Asian countries could not manage to support affected people in emergency times such as natural calamities and disasters.

In conclusion, rich countries should consider the development of destitute countries. There should be a global agreement to reduce excess employment offered to under developed nations with respect to public service sectors such as medicine, education and so on.
 
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stingyscorpio

Full Member
Jul 31, 2018
33
1
Please someone evaluate my essay

Today the internet and tv have created that chance for ordinary people to become famous. Is it a positive or negative development ??

These days there are numerous social medial platforms, online websites and television channels which are playing significant role in making people renown across the globe. In my opinion, I believe this phenomenon to be a negative one which will be discussed in the forthcoming paragraphs with relevant examples.

The first and foremost point is that, this promotes violence. This is because, it is commonly witnessed that majority of people post hate messages and videos which eventually helps them in getting attention. To illustrate, a survey which was conducted by Oxford University on developing nation India revealed that 85% people who attain success had posted videos which affected the social sentiments of people in the country which resulted in communal riots. If they had not posted such videos, there would have been social harmony among the residents.

Another point worth mentioning is that, this affects the economic prosperity of a nation. The reason being is, since majority of people quit their job once they become famous because social networking giants such as YouTube, Facebook and Instagram pay them huge amount of money for getting likes and comments on their videos. For example, an article which was published in 'Times of India', this year in the month of June revealed that 75% of people once they get fame and attention resign from their day to day job since they want to focus on this area only. On the contrary, if they had not been famous, they would have continued in their profession resulting in financial growth of the country.

To conclude, although digital media and television have made people renown personalities, however, I vehemently content that such process has resulted in problems such as monetary growth of a nation and aggressive behaviour among citizens.