Hello. I am struggling with my IELTS score. I am trying to improve my writing. I have been practicing but I don't have anyone to assess if I got any better. So I wrote this essay from IELTS practice test. I would really appreciate if you people can help me determine if it is good enough. Rate the essay in bands so that I can know if I need to improve.
Topic: We are becoming increasingly dependent on computers. They are used in business,hospitals, crime detection and even to fly planes. What things will they be used in the future? Is this dependence on computers a good thing or should we be more suspicious of their benefits?
Essay:
Technology is eliminating the laborious tasks for people. With the passage of time, we see computers surrounding us. They are in all forms, shapes and sizes. They are automating jobs that in earlier times would require more time and money. I believe, despite their exorbitant use, they bring us more benefits than complications.
Computers makes tedious jobs easy. It is very obvious that involving machines in our jobs makes it less time-consuming. A simple example is the comparison of multiplying a large number with a calculator and with your mind. Similarly, if you're able to do calculations more rapidly, you can do more business. At hospitals, a lot of machines are now essential to save lives. Corruption can be reduced by detecting finger prints and catching the culprits. In recent time, usage of smart devices is meteorically increasing. This is because they help us by giving us flexibility of having required devices right in our pockets. For examples, the phone that I use is also a high quality camera, a music player, it has internet connectivity. It essentially expunged the need of carrying laptops and other devices externally. Everything I want is within my reach.
On the other hand, the abundant use of smart machines is eliminating need for humans, resulting in lack of jobs. The population of the world is largely dependent on having jobs so they are a way of earning. Computers making all our jobs independent of human input is putting their jobs at risk. Although we haven't reached that point where usage of computers is the panacea of getting our jobs done. Human effort is still required.
By extrapolating from both sides of the argument, the usage of computers may be taking away people's jobs, but to progression for humanity is still more important and it can be very challenging if we try to reduce the usage of computers
Topic: We are becoming increasingly dependent on computers. They are used in business,hospitals, crime detection and even to fly planes. What things will they be used in the future? Is this dependence on computers a good thing or should we be more suspicious of their benefits?
Essay:
Technology is eliminating the laborious tasks for people. With the passage of time, we see computers surrounding us. They are in all forms, shapes and sizes. They are automating jobs that in earlier times would require more time and money. I believe, despite their exorbitant use, they bring us more benefits than complications.
Computers makes tedious jobs easy. It is very obvious that involving machines in our jobs makes it less time-consuming. A simple example is the comparison of multiplying a large number with a calculator and with your mind. Similarly, if you're able to do calculations more rapidly, you can do more business. At hospitals, a lot of machines are now essential to save lives. Corruption can be reduced by detecting finger prints and catching the culprits. In recent time, usage of smart devices is meteorically increasing. This is because they help us by giving us flexibility of having required devices right in our pockets. For examples, the phone that I use is also a high quality camera, a music player, it has internet connectivity. It essentially expunged the need of carrying laptops and other devices externally. Everything I want is within my reach.
On the other hand, the abundant use of smart machines is eliminating need for humans, resulting in lack of jobs. The population of the world is largely dependent on having jobs so they are a way of earning. Computers making all our jobs independent of human input is putting their jobs at risk. Although we haven't reached that point where usage of computers is the panacea of getting our jobs done. Human effort is still required.
By extrapolating from both sides of the argument, the usage of computers may be taking away people's jobs, but to progression for humanity is still more important and it can be very challenging if we try to reduce the usage of computers
