How long was your courtship?

[The Littlest Hobo]

Hey good morning all!
Since I've got nothing else to do while I wait except worry...

I was reading some other posts and I started wondering/fretting/stressing/panicking! about length of courtship before marriage. To put it bluntly: Ours was damned short! We met online in January, fell in love during our first real life date early February, moved in together in July, and married in October. So of course part of the reason for the quick marriage was so we can be together (either in Europe or in Canada). But we are a genuine couple with lots of PoR pics/emails/etc, and we are both educated, mature, skilled, employed, and ultra-serious adults (as ppl keep pointing out re: my posts ;-) ). So on the one hand I figure we don't have anything to worry about, but on the other hand, it is glaringly outside of the norm for anyone from our cultures/socio-economic situation to marry this quickly. We were ready to make the commitment because we both fell deeply and love and want to be together for the rest of our lives, but there are obvious immigration "overtones" to the choice of date. If we were ever asked the question: Did you get married for immigration purposes? It would be difficult to say no...

I guess this applies to lots of people, especially those who meet online or have other types of LDRs. After a certain point you decide you want to be together and for some the only way is to get married (I wonder how the long-term success-rate is? Might be better than the average!). I guess CIC understands this and only wants to confirm the couple is actually a real couple and not just a marriage of convenience between strangers?

Hmmmm... I will continue to worry quietly now. But am curious about your experiences/reactions to this "predicament".
Cheers,
TLH

 

[ohman4966]

My wife and I met in January 08 and starting emailing and chatting online then after a few months we talked on the phone daily until i went in Aug 08 to see her in Greece then went back again in Oct 08 then in feb 09 asked her to marry me and we got married in April 09 and now are in the process like you so no quite as quick as you but close, if it feels right! I have gone to see her 6 times this year and with pictures and phone records and boarding passess for proof just hoping and waiting!

 

[The Littlest Hobo]

Since both you and the Littlest Hobo were in the same boat you must make up your mind if your marriage have nothing to do with immigration. If you could separate immigration with togetherness you could see what was the techicality to look for in your application such as "your status in Canada." In another word, you must have legal temporary resident status in Canada to remain in the country legally without the possibility of being removed. Alternatively, you could remain in your home country to apply for a Canadian permanent resident stautus without Canada.

Hunh?

 

[The Littlest Hobo]

Hoping and waiting, waiting and hoping!

My wife and I met in January 08 and starting emailing and chatting online then after a few months we talked on the phone daily until i went in Aug 08 to see her in Greece then went back again in Oct 08 then in feb 09 asked her to marry me and we got married in April 09 and now are in the process like you so no quite as quick as you but close, if it feels right! I have gone to see her 6 times this year and with pictures and phone records and boarding passess for proof just hoping and waiting!

Thanks ohman! And I love how the history of your relationship is a run-on sentence, it's really cute! (but there isn't really a lot of punctuation in real life is there? If I may wax philosophical for a sec...ok, I'm done)

It's amazing to see love put to the test like that, although visits to Greece are not always considered hardship ;-) It certainly makes you appreciate the person when you finally can have them in your arms every day! (and then 6-months later you start fighting about the toothpaste cap...) When I was in France and my then-boyfriend was in Switzerland there were no direct flights between our cities so we had our weekend dates in different cities all over Europe, anywhere with a direct flight. Expensive but a lot of fun! Not the same scale as you though... thanks for sharing your story, it makes me feel closer to "normal" ;-) and I hope we both have happy endings!

Cheers,
TLH

 

[ohman4966]

Thanks Littlest Hobo yes its not hardship to go to Greece! But it makes you appreciate the simple things like watching a movie on the couch at home, Good Luck to you hope to hear good news soon.

 

[wasted_year]

i dont think there is such a thing as a "normal" case... just whether you can prove its real or not. i met my husband on a cruise ship and for the past couple of years both of us have been travelling and living on the ships more than we were home in both our countries. try explaining that to immigration!

 

[tgchi13]

I've had this in the back of my mind all morning. Are we talking for immigration purposes or life purposes? Since we decided this past October to marry, that would make our 'real life' courtship 4.5 years, since we began living together? Two years. Since we met? Five years. No wonder this type of question gets applicants in trouble!

 

[fallenstar831]

My husband and I met online in Jul 08, Met in person Oct 08, He proposed in Jan 09, and we were married July 09. We did the math and rom the day we met till the day we were married it was 355 days, so just shy of a year.

 

[nyssa]

We met online (on a diary website!) somewhere between May-July of 2003.
We started dating January 2007 (online).
I moved to FL to be with him (he's the Canadian, just in the US all his life.) May 2007.
He moved to my state July 2008.
He got refused entry in the US and back in Canada April 2009.
We were engaged July 2009.
We were married October 2009.

We were DEFINITELY quick to marry after he was sent back to Canada. We're hoping the IO will see that obviously we love each other and married quickly because we had been living together for 2 years and would like to continue doing so. Meh, but who knows. We've been doing the LDR thing our entire relationship... back when I just thought FL was far, HAH!

 

[The Littlest Hobo]

obviously we love each other and married quickly because we had been living together for 2 years and would like to continue doing so.

That's the heart of it, in my opinion. The relationship is genuine but the timing of the marriage (and in some people's cases, getting married at all) has immigration written all over. Not the same thing as Andie MacDowell and Gérard Dépardieu... but still... I don't think it will come to that, but if I or you Nysssa, were asked whether the marriage was for immigration purposes, well, we couldn't deny that it was partly that - Family and friends and Casa Loma and Celtic hand ceremonies aside - because we love our partners and want to be with them, so marriage is "necessary".

My question (slowly crystallizing in my mind) is whether an obviously short courtship or engagement is still considered a marriage of convenience when the people are in a genuine and continuing relationship? It's a big contradiction when the marriage becomes an administrative necessity to sustain/enable the genuine relationship.

Well, just a point of discussion, neither here nor there. I guess you're all glad I don't work for CIC eh? ;-)

Toodles,
TLH

 

[nyssa]

TLH - Your point really is a great one. You're right, and I have answered it that way. "It's not FOR immigration purposes of course, but we wouldn't have gotten married so quick if it weren't for that". A tricky situation. I suppose I would answer it honestly if I were asked by CIC... wouldn't be the first time, no doubt. At the end of the day, that's all marriage really is anyway, right? People who don't have to deal with immigration get married although they could go about their lives unmarried and still in love, but there's certain benefits and rewards and things... and so we have ours.

 

[tgchi13]

Guys, you're killing me here. We aren't getting married for Immigration but this process (and our lack of being together at this point) made it poignantly clear that we want to be married. Maybe that's it. Maybe that's the explanation. The marriage was sped up not to immigrate but for Immigration.

I miss him.

 

[Nej]

My now husband and I met online in January of this year and were just married this past weekend. After meeting each other in an online site, daily IMs, phone calls, and emails, we met each other in person in May and it was like "wow this is who I'm suppose to be with" After a greuling jtime between May and Oct of only seeing each other one other time and countless more IMs and phone calls. We were ready to move to the next step and I moved in with him in Oct. We're happily together and married and putting our sponsorship packet together and will hopefully be sending it out the beginning of Jan.

 

[hbwpg]

My partner and I met online December 18, 2008 and he was here by January 7th until mid February. He then came up from April to October.

Right now he's back in the states and we're trying to determine when I can come down there for a civil marriage (vacation time etc) in the next month or so. We're hoping to bring him back after that, to get our application together.

We have a wedding date planned for June 5th of this year with friends and family as well.

 

[saralune]

hey i m not sure what the answer to all this is but i like to think of it this way....

if my husband was refused, what would I do ?? Would it mean the end of our relationship or not ? I know that in my case if this doesn 't work there are other ways we can come together and we would pursue those other options.. for sure immigration has brought us to get married probably faster that we would have in a different context, but we are fully committed regardless of the outcome...if this doesn t work out then we ll try something else...we are determined to be together..

We are a real couple because regardless of the outcome we want to be together and we will do anything possible to do so

if an officer questioned me that's what i would tell him.... ideally we want to be in canada, but if its not possible we will find an other way to come together...a refusal would not equal the end of US, as a couple....