How did you guys get along with separating from parents?

[erdebeere]

I hope this is not funny to you, I had been away from parents for so many years but inside my country and living totally independent. But to immigrate is way too difficult for me and I will be leaving them in two months. Please share your experiences, help me out. I see them and cannot help tears, and rush of strange feelings

 

[realtexdex]

You aren't serious are you? I went away to college in the US,when I was 16! It is time to cut the apron strings and grow up.

 

[erdebeere]

Me too I left them to study in another city when I was 18 and live independently from that time on without difficulty, of course I visited them more or less . But now I experience strange feelings...

 

[realtexdex]

You will be fine. It gets better with each passing day. I understand where you are coming from though. It is almost like feeling guilty, leaving your folks behind, but you have to do, what is best for you. I know we affect other people's lives with our actions,but we have to ultimately make the best choise for ourselves. Good luck

 

[OhCanadiana]

I hope this is not funny to you, I had been away from parents for so many years but inside my country and living totally independent. But to immigrate is way too difficult for me and I will be leaving them in two months. Please share your experiences, help me out. I see them and cannot help tears, and rush of strange feelings

Even if you are independent, the whole dynamics (things you take for granted) are changing. For instance, now you know you are close and can support them if they need you. You now know you're going very far away so it will take you many hours (or even a day) to fly back to them. Be gently with yourself; know that you are immigrating for a reason. Remind yourself what those are. And, perhaps even review them with your parents. If you are this close to them it would probably help you to hear their support =)

It may help to make a plan of how you'll communicate. Would it help to agree to call them every Sunday night at x time, for example? Can you make plans to go visit them (or have them visit you in your new home)? Then you have something to look forward to =)

 

[polara69]

I left my birth country 16 years ago and my parents are now in their late 60s. They are retired, fully healthy, vital and travel the world most of the time. I am happy for them being able and fit. So it does not worry me that much.. They have their life, we have ours.
We stay in touch on a weekly basis by skyping every Sunday morning or exchanging text messages frequently. Do I miss them? I would lie if I'd say no. Sure I do miss them, but both parties are HAPPY and live life to the fullest.

 

[erdebeere]

Thanks a lot, I was not prepared for this and I still am afraid to share any REAL words with them, of course we talk a lot about me immigrating and calling them and visits in the future but not directly about BEING AWAY FROM EACH OTHER..,Parents will get so emotional if I brought up the matter directly ,like saying "I am gonna miss you" in the way I really feel. I am afraid they getting emotional brings huge guilt feeling for me. I avoid the REAL talk not to reveal my emotions but I am going to put my feelings in words, sooner better for me and them I think. I still would like to know your ideas and experiences as a way to help me and maybe others in same situation.

 

[polara69]

Thanks a lot, I was not prepared for this and I still am afraid to share any REAL words with them, of course we talk a lot about me immigrating and calling them and visits in the future but not directly about BEING AWAY FROM EACH OTHER..,Parents will get so emotional if I brought up the matter directly ,like saying "I am gonna miss you" in the way I really feel. I am afraid they getting emotional brings huge guilt feeling for me. I avoid the REAL talk not to reveal my emotions but I am going to put my feelings in words, sooner better for me and them I think. I still would like to know your ideas and experiences as a way to help me and maybe others in same situation.

Just one thing.. it sounds very harsh, but do not let your parents emotionally blackmail you. You have a right to do whatever you want, as much as they do whatever they want. You have only this life, make to most of it. I always say it is better to regret what I have done, than regret what I have NOT done.

Parents are an important part, but the role of a parent is to do everything in their power to make you a responsible, independent person of your own.

 

[jazibkg]

its very difficult, specially if your country is far away and you can't visit at least 2 times a year. But one gets used to it more or less, but one also keeps asking themselves if one has to get used to it, or is it really necessary? Lifespans are limited so why do we choose to spend them away from the people we love?

 

[waiwera]

Thanks a lot, I was not prepared for this and I still am afraid to share any REAL words with them, of course we talk a lot about me immigrating and calling them and visits in the future but not directly about BEING AWAY FROM EACH OTHER..,Parents will get so emotional if I brought up the matter directly ,like saying "I am gonna miss you" in the way I really feel. I am afraid they getting emotional brings huge guilt feeling for me. I avoid the REAL talk not to reveal my emotions but I am going to put my feelings in words, sooner better for me and them I think. I still would like to know your ideas and experiences as a way to help me and maybe others in same situation.

Don't be afraid to show them how you really feel, my friend. You are a good person. Let them know that you love them and you are going to miss them and they will really appreciate it. May be they will look/feel sad for awhile, but they will surely want what's the best for you, to start a new life and opportunity in the new country. besides, world is getting smaller, right? we have phone and internet which is way more easy and convenient than few years back. good luck

 

[RocketCity]

Good thing there's Skype. When my father was doing his PhD in the US some years back, there was no easy/cheap way to get in contact with family.

 

[keesio]

Good thing there's Skype. When my father was doing his PhD in the US some years back, there was no easy/cheap way to get in contact with family.

yes it is so much easier now. My parents now live in Asia so I can only see them about once a year. But video chat makes a big difference. Not like the old days when all you had was a phone call that charged you a dollar (or more) a minute

 

[erdebeere]

Thanks everybody for taking time to share you ideas/experiences.Well I started by a REAL hug, and I am trying to put it into words,yes, still trying. Skype is nice and practical.

 

[jazibkg]

Thanks everybody for taking time to share you ideas/experiences.Well I started by a REAL hug, and I am trying to put it into words,yes, still trying. Skype is nice and practical.

If possible, also familiarise your parents with the use of whatsapp and other such apps. You could share your moments with them as you see it and they'll feel more near you by doing it.