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Good enough SOP in ur opinion? friends applying for student visa to canada.

Bullsfan102

Newbie
Dec 13, 2010
2
0
lol yay or nay guys?


Salaam,

I’m a student at Karachi University studying for my Bachelors in Business Administration(B.B.A). I picked this course because I want to have a good job in the business or financial sector in this country when I’m done with school. I also want to try and pursue my MBA after I complete my B.B.A as it will give me a powerful life experience and further improve my skills. It will also further boost my chances of getting a good job in this country.

When picking where I wanted to study abroad, I was leaning between three choices, Canada, U.S, or UK. I choose Canada because it is a safe and peaceful place to study. Its universities also had the cheapest tuition rates compared to the United States or the United Kingdom. Another thing, I’m not going to hide, that pushed me toward Canada is the stuff that is going on in the US and UK, I feel that the reputation and credibility of my country Pakistan has been damaged in both of those countries a lot and the discrimination is on the rise. I don’t want to go study in countries who’s people don’t like us at all.

I would like to attend this university that I have been accepted into because It is vastly superior than any university in Pakistan. This is one of the most highly rated universities in the world and in Canada. The quality of education I will receive from this university will be much better than any university in my country Pakistan. I also would love nothing better than to continue my studies in Pakistan but unfortunately there is way too many distractions. Our education system here is very disorganized as my university is open day and closed the next, I cannot concentrate and focus on my studies because of that. Also the violence that is going on in this country is very disturbing and it is further distracting my focus.

I hope you will understand that I fully intend to come back to my home country Pakistan after my studies are over. The university that I want to go to in Canada is in Winnipeg, Manitoba. It is 15+ hours from any major big city and I will not be able to go anywhere. I also do not have any family or relatives or anyone in Canada or the U.S as all of them are in my home country of Pakistan. Given all those reasons, I hope you understand that there would be no reason and it would not make any sense in the world for me to stay. I plan on coming back and getting a good job in my country Pakistan.

I hope you will please grant me a study visa so I can get that high quality education and bring it back to bear fruit in my county Pakistan. May Allah(swt) bless you.
 

asad100101

Hero Member
Jun 28, 2010
440
11
Karachi
Category........
Visa Office......
Islamabad
Job Offer........
Pre-Assessed..
send this at my email address

I will advise you accordingly. I'll give you some pointers, OK?

asad100101 AT yahoo.com

As for opinion on your cuurent SOP, it is badly written.
 

acemsyed

Star Member
Aug 21, 2010
185
9
Category........
Visa Office......
Hong Kong
NOC Code......
2112 / 1236
Job Offer........
Pre-Assessed..
asad100101 said:
As for opinion on your cuurent SOP, it is badly written.
"Badly" doesn't even come close to the expression to be used for this SOP. LOL :p
Bullsfan you literally KILLED your SOP with a hatchet !

Cheers ;-)
 

Bullsfan102

Newbie
Dec 13, 2010
2
0
Lol honestly i do not understand what is wrong? It explains itself perfectly in my opinion. please tell wht is wrong with it. thanks.
 

asad100101

Hero Member
Jun 28, 2010
440
11
Karachi
Category........
Visa Office......
Islamabad
Job Offer........
Pre-Assessed..
my left hand is slightly injured i can not type with my both hands when i open my bandage then i will give u a long detailed explanation however i have read ur email. just give me a day. ok.
 

acemsyed

Star Member
Aug 21, 2010
185
9
Category........
Visa Office......
Hong Kong
NOC Code......
2112 / 1236
Job Offer........
Pre-Assessed..
Bullsfan102 said:
lol yay or nay guys?


Salaam,

I'm a student at Karachi University studying for my Bachelors in Business Administration(B.B.A). I picked this course because I want to have a good job in the business or financial sector in this country when I'm done with school. I also want to try and pursue my MBA after I complete my B.B.A as it will give me a powerful life experience and further improve my skills. It will also further boost my chances of getting a good job in this country.
An OK start but you need a bit more detailed intro, family background etc. Only mention EXACT things and avoid writing things that you're doubtful of, like TRYING to pursue MBA.

When picking where I wanted to study abroad, I was leaning between three choices, Canada, U.S, or UK. I choose Canada because it is a safe and peaceful place to study. Its universities also had the cheapest tuition rates compared to the United States or the United Kingdom. Another thing, I'm not going to hide, that pushed me toward Canada is the stuff that is going on in the US and UK, I feel that the reputation and credibility of my country Pakistan has been damaged in both of those countries a lot and the discrimination is on the rise. I don't want to go study in countries who's people don't like us at all.
Your VO wouldn't want to know how you or your country is perceived abroad so stick with the core issue. Also there are people who don't actually agree with the points you raised about disrimination and damaged credibility of your country. Avoid controvertial talk !

I would like to attend this university that I have been accepted into because It is vastly superior than any university in Pakistan. This is one of the most highly rated universities in the world and in Canada. The quality of education I will receive from this university will be much better than any university in my country Pakistan. I also would love nothing better than to continue my studies in Pakistan but unfortunately there is way too many distractions. Our education system here is very disorganized as my university is open day and closed the next, I cannot concentrate and focus on my studies because of that. Also the violence that is going on in this country is very disturbing and it is further distracting my focus.
Again, at the expense of being honest, don't disrespect academic institutions of your country it won't leave a good impression in VO's mind. And one would doubt your intentions to go back to Pakistan after studies and make a living there if you show no respect for the country where you've so far lived and studied.

I hope you will understand that I fully intend to come back to my home country Pakistan after my studies are over.
These words seem hollow to me frankly after reading your remarks about Pakistani institutions and the security situation.
The university that I want to go to in Canada is in Winnipeg, Manitoba. It is 15+ hours from any major big city and I will not be able to go anywhere. I also do not have any family or relatives or anyone in Canada or the U.S as all of them are in my home country of Pakistan. Given all those reasons, I hope you understand that there would be no reason and it would not make any sense in the world for me to stay. I plan on coming back and getting a good job in my country Pakistan.
This made me laugh, you're going to Canada for studies and NOT being admitted into an insane asylum from where you'll try to do a runner, neither are you being sent to Shutter Island LOL. No need to mention that the nearest major city is 15+ hours away. It would be more appropriate to mention how much you'll look forward to re-uniting with your family members, all of whom live in Pakistan.

Overall, it'd probably be better for you to start from the scratch again, keeping in mind the points that I briefly mentioned above.

Cheers ;-)
 

asad100101

Hero Member
Jun 28, 2010
440
11
Karachi
Category........
Visa Office......
Islamabad
Job Offer........
Pre-Assessed..
good feedback by acemsyed. im gonna address the same issues with you.

please also refrain from this direct request and Allah bless you this thing in your ending line. It cracked me up.

you dont need to say anything about pakistani institutes just focus on canadian universities and their positive points.

Starting para:1
A little intro about your family educational background e.g they are doctors,engineers( what quality education means to you).

para2:
How did u develop interest for bussines field?
write three-four lines

para3:
why this course: give reasons:
*why are you interested in this particular course
* how can u utilize ur degree in terms of job opportunites being offered in your country.
para4:
why canada
*Education system is highly competitive and comprehensive.
*canadian universities offer advanced technological facilities
* you can see your ideas evolve in an open enviornment there.
* offer co-op opportunities
* researched based
*multicultural country, u will develop yourself personally and professionally, it will serve u good when u come back to your country and work at a professional level.

para5:
why this university
* boasts strong faculties
* researched based
* Strong Business Program
* diversity of students
* ranking

para6:
concluding paragrapgh:

your family members in pakistan fully support you for your future endeavours
it will delight them no end if u come out with good edu from one of advanced countries and contributes something valuable back to your country.