Steerpike, you are another one I would listen to.
I publicly praise you for your actions on my behalf.
I came here, looking for advice, and yes, comfort from people I thought would be understanding. While most of you are, the vocal few that aren't, make me seriously consider removing my profile from this forum and trying to find other people to talk to.
Since I cannot be held in arms that are not there, my only reach-out into the world is online and through the phone.
Yes, I had a partner who was female. I adored her very much. I was even involved with a group that felt that being gay and being born-again were not oppositional, and since I like women as much as I like men, and I never understood myself, I tried to find help in the gay Christian community as well.
But I found the chat program inaccessible.
My disabled girlfriend broke it off with me when the city's paratransit demanded I have an escort, after two weeks of heaven, and without any warning.
She could not handle coming to my place from way the heck and gone, wait the required 45 mins till the paratransit would take us to our date, then bring me back and wait the required 45 mins after that.
I never felt peace with God about my sexuality and asked him to help me find a man I could love. I advertised for Toronto Christian men, I advertised for local men, and no one responded.
You're right; I shouldn't have put my surname in the post, and I'll see if there's a blind-friendly way of removing it.
Some elements of web pages are inaccessible.
My story is true, and I won't say what I think of the accusation that I'm spamming the forum.
If folks want me to leave, just say so and I'm gone.
To be left to those few times when I can hear Eugene's Persian-fur voice, soothing away what hurts.
And if people feel that I'm subtly threatening them, I'm sorry but I don't care.
All that has to happen for me to be picked off, like any other social animal, is for me to be left alone for the wolves. And Eugene is a particularly beautiful wolf.
I will never again send him money, but I will leave here if that is what is wanted, and listen to that siren call, as it is the only thing I have now.
He called me, told me again that he loved me, and that he is selling some personal effects to get back to Togo, so we can communicate on Skype and he can go through the proper channels.
I told him I cannot sponsor him, that he needs to find another type of visa, such as a skilled worker or whatever, if he wants to come to Canada.
Yeah, I'm bi. End of story. I'm born again. End of story. I'm also a writer of fiction and nonfiction.
The bit about my owning a business on Maui Hawaii, however is not true. I once sold Herbalife, and somehow someone decided I was making large amounts of money from selling nutritional products. I had a couple of customers, one of whom I helped greatly, till she decided she didn't want to buy Herbalife any longer.
Too bad; she was doing so well on it. She was a blind customer, and I would have Herbalife send me the products so my husband and I could put Braille labels on the bottles for her.
My husband, whose love I lost, and we divorced, and who is now no longer among the living. He died of cancer last year.
But if people think I'm spamming the forum, I'll leave.
But first: a definition of "spam". What do you mean?
Spam usually refers to the sending of unsolicited emails, or unwanted messages on forums like this one, designed to sell or get money from people, or to market a business.
I have done none of those things.
Did I tell you I heard Eugene's Persian-fur voice again? He is selling personal articles to get home--not asking me for money. I didn't melt. I told him I hoped he found good buyers. And I told him his voice was pure fur.
He says what he always says on phone or email" "I love you. Never forget that."
And, in the face of life's all-around harshness, I never do.
Though I'm not certain we are very compatible, I need that love to sustain me. As long as he is willing to love me, to purr to me, soothe me, and make me feel like someone gives a damn, without slapping me around verbally or otherwise, I'm all ears.
He often asks whether I've fed myself, tells me to take care of myself, even asks me to "brush" There-There for me. There-There is my cat.
On another forum, someone called my truthfullness into question simply because he couldn't understand how a blind person could use a computer, and since he couldn't understand it, he decided I was a liar. Really, I'm getting used to this kind of behavior from others.
OK, I'll try to modify my last message if I can.
Thanks.
