Bigotry

[sbwv09]

My story isn't nearly at the level of anyone's here, but I can say that the dubious attitude of the family will subside with time and with getting to know the true nature of one another.

 

[annabruce]

Aha! So the thread I started wasn't deleted! It just got burried. Sorry, it took me so long to reply to the kind responses several people gave.

The issue seems to have calmed down for now; let's hope that reality persists. I think I have decided that bigotry isn't really the issue. Race or nationality, as an issue, is only a convenient excuse to object to something that most people don't or can't comfortable understand. Most people are simply not comfortable with the whole idea of a relationship started and maintained from a significant distance.

Thanks for your input.

 

[confusednscared]

I am white Canadian and my husband is from India. His family has accepted me with open arms and I am extremely close to them. I was not really keen to tell my family about him but I kept mentioning him in our converstations. My parents didnt say much they knew that something was happening and that I was starting to fall in love. I had showed them pictures of him and although he is not very dark skinned my parents didnt say much about him, just said he was cute. When I planned my first trip there I had to hide it. I didnt know how they would react because it was internet thing and I knew they would object. Finally I broke the news and my mother I thought was going to beat me. She was angry and worried and thinking he was using me and only wanted into the country etc. It was difficult but although I respecting and understood her feelings, it was my life and my decision. It was not his race that concerned my parents but they were worried about motives. My mum and dad have talked to him many times and they now love him dearly and consider him as much a member of the family as the other son inlaws. She said he is the nicest man she has ever spoken too. My two youngest sisters were not in agreement, because of his race. They were convinced I would have to wear a head to toe covering, walking a distance behind my man and in their words, stink like most indians do of curry and garlic. I was totally angry but thought I would enlighten them since they were ignorant of anything to do with those from India. Still they were rude and wouldnt even talk to him when he tried to chat with them online, they would always leave, never trying to find out anything about him or even have a convo with him. They just judged him knowing nothing about him or indian culture. My sisters still have nothing to do with me or my kids for 4 years. They call me the white indian since I make indian dishes and have many beautiful indian dresses that my husband and his family gave me. I wear them with pride and it makes me feel close to my husband I dont care what people thing when I wear the salwar suit I wear it as an honour to my husband and I like wearing it. I feel like I have a family when I am with my husbands family I have a sense of belonging that I dont have with my own family. I am not allowed to go to family gatherings since my sisters wont come if I am there so I have to stay way cause it stresses my mother out that my sisters are mean when I am there. I dont apologize for loving a man from another race. He is the best thing that has every happened to me I am sorry for those that have blinders on when it comes to love and cant see beyond the skin. Someones worth has nothing to do with color its much deeper than thats, its the heart. the heart has no color and sees no color and it loves unconditonally. I have the love I have dreamed of and he just happens to be beautifully brown

Boyee, your story is so touching and I feel as if I have so much to relate to it except that my story has to do with a same-sex marriage to which my family still don't know. However, my partner's family (brown West Indians, same as I am) are totally accepting of us and whenever I am around them I feel as if I am part of a family. I pray for the day my parents and family come to know of me and accept him for who he is and accept us as a normal couple so we can sit at dinners, travel together and have lots of family gatherings where no one would judge.

We are 13 years apart (I am the younger one) but the age doesn't bother me period and I love him to death. I find myself doing anything he's wanting me to do without evening questioning it (except for the times we argue and fight). I can't see myself living without him and the future with my family and I scares me to death sometimes.

I am very excited to see him this weekend. He is coming to spend 2 weeks with me and all I am thinking of doing is spending time with him. It's been 6 months since I left Canada and I miss him too much. I just want to hold his hands and hug him so tight that he never escapes from my arms. Argggghhhhh ..... I love this man so much and I am looking forward to building a life together with him.

To all you other folks, I really do understand your stories and I can tell how it must feel when you don't have the full support from the people you most need it from.

 

[AllisonVSC]

confusednscared,

Have a wonderful time!

 

[boyee6576]

confusednscared I can understand where you are coming from. Of all people on this earth that you would hope would love you unconditionally, is family but sadly not always the case. People make judgements on things they dont understand and not even willing to get to know someone before they judge them as something to dislike. I have had someone say that it was infatuation since it was a long distance relationship and just forget about India and find someone in your own country. I found want I wanted and prayed for, so why should I let distance get in the way. Our hearts have melted so much into each other that we can not possibly separate them. My husband says we have Love without limits. Thats our moto. As I said before, a love worth having is a love worth fighting for.

 

[campesinaj]

when I first started dating my now-husband, my family was worried he might be using me for immigration purposes. but when I decided to move here to his country permanently and do development work (my passion but no $$$) they knew i was serious, so they were supportive.

my family was able to visit us several times so that helped as well. but when we announced our engagement, it wasn't exactly the happy movie moment...my parents were nervous for us that all the moving, immigration, two cultures, etc. would be too hard to handle. my mother even had a break down crying for like 2 hours saying how nervous and scared she was for us. I truly believe it was out of worry for the financial aspects more than any racism...but it's all connected to the fact he's from an underdeveloped country with fewer opportunities, etc.

but we pushed through and got the visa so he could visit Canada and we got married there. finally everyone saw first-hand that he was committed to me and he made an amazing speech at our wedding in English (he's not fluent but getting there), he almost broke down talking about how great my family has been to him....everyone truly saw the person I had fallen in love with.

now all the doubt has finally fallen away. sometimes it just takes people meeting the spouse to see them as an individual and not stereotype or as their race....

good luck to everyone with their journeys and thanks for sharing their stories here!

 

[meairplane]

In our case, all of my husband's friends are quite negative about him marrying a Russian and bringing her to Canada. Some negative thoughts probably did cross his parents' minds but they never expressed it. And once his dad met me they only showed love and support. I am sure when his friends meet me they will change their opionion.
Too many stories about people bringing back their spouses to Canada and being cheated on.