Dear friends,
Kindly review the below essay and your valuable comments. please scrutinize it as possible.
@cansha @marosa @Varunaimar
We cannot help everyone in the world that needs help, so we should only be concerned with our communities and countries. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
Many countries
and people I’m being pedantic here but we never usually say “Many countries and people”. They are an interlinked entities primarily because there are very very few people who are stateless I.e., they don’t belong to any country. A better expression would be “Many countries....” are involved in helping each other nowadays.
Many people claim that be careful about making inaccurate statements. Who claim so? aiding the local communities is the sole way to
perform you don’t “perform” help. Help itself is a verb. effective help, however, others argue that involving and helping other countries are still be feasible and needed. In my opinion,
even though although restricting helping hands to the confined circle is
measurable,
how is it measurable? extending them to the global measure is vital.
Your sentence options are nowhere contradictory. When you use “Although,...” you’re making two contradicting or contrasting statements. When I read your sentence, they don’t seem contradictory or even remotely connected.
On
the do not use “the”. one hand,
the one too many “one”‘s. improving their own communities
leads as is an example to
the superfluous. Do not use “the”. others to adapt and
establish establish what? Sentence incomplete.
When While concentrating focussing would be a more appropriate word choice on closed communities,
A better way to frame this sentence would be “With regards to closed, nuclear communities,...” it is practicable and conspicuous to
better understand the immediate and essential
societal requirements,
therefore therefore is a word used to conclude something. Would rather use “which helps the workers respond swiftly and decisively” the helpers can perform swift actions to resolve the gaps. For instance, many rural establishments and factories are volunteering in educating the local children in many poor villages with low literacy,
such action break sentence here. Comma is not something you use to continue two disjointed sentences. not only demonstrates their social responsibility but also make their contribution effective and measurable. In this way, companies can inspire a lot of various and adjacent villages or states to adapt and follow.
Excellent point! But for minor mistakes, the paragraph would have been superb.
On the other hand, people should
perform same as above. help based on the real requirements not by the distance or attainability. Extending
the needful help to other communities improves social collaboration and nationwide involvement. The best example is that of
the developed countries
involve involving themselves in or contributing to in reviving the affected nations during pandemic and emergency situations without any
conditions.
diplomacy could be a stronger word here, but absolutely nothing wrong with conditions Furthermore, this essential aid has helped many affected nations to reconstruct their economy and has improved
the living standard standard of living of many local people in the country. Henceforth, neediness, and necessity should be the primary concern while helping.
To conclude, though aiding local communities is remarkable and achievable, based on the real requirements the help should be extended to the needed people
irrespective of social and national boundaries. So, to me, extending helping hands
nation-wide why nationwide, when talked about global cooperation in the first paragraph? is highly essential and
primary wrong choice of words than restricting them to localities.
I was hoping people were helping out each other. I hope folks who were here earlier have got their desired scores and have moved on. All the best to anyone who is looking to score a 7+ in writing.
