supervisa for toxic inlaws - PLEASE HELP

[GandiBaat]

thanks for the reply.
you make it sound so nice and easy sitting behind the keyboard
forgetting the dire consequences esp. when it involves children

also involving a person who is or was about to sabotage an application
mis-representation, is a not a good idea that leads to 5 y ban etc
this is what we have seen lectures on time and time again
yet many of these advisers are supporting such a person
it is quite clear the situation is not new
it just re-ignited b/c of SV app.
there is more to the story
like i said she chose to come here rather than getting proper counseling
she was just trying to figure out if there was a way they can trace actions back to her
and you and others fell for it.

All of this conveniently ignores one basic fact. A person DOES NOT WANT to do what she is being made to do in a conjugal relationship. Thats the beginning of the entire part. Remove it and there is nothing to talk about.

 

[asaeed100]

All of this conveniently ignores one basic fact. A person DOES NOT WANT to do what she is being made to do in a conjugal relationship. Thats the beginning of the entire part. Remove it and there is nothing to talk about.

then sir she is trying to order a pizza from a KFC outlet. fix this and there is nothing to talk about.

 

[GandiBaat]

then sir she is trying to order a pizza from a KFC outlet. fix this and there is nothing to talk about.

I am sorry, thats not how things work in Canada to the best of my knowledge. Here marriage does not mean agreeing to any and all demands of the spouse/partner.

 

[asaeed100]

I am sorry, thats not how things work in Canada to the best of my knowledge. Here marriage does not mean agreeing to any and all demands of the spouse/partner.

i wasnt talking about the system or anything
she is in the wrong place seeking marriage counseling
may i draw your attention to the name of the web site
thank you very much

 

[GandiBaat]

she is in the wrong place seeking marriage counseling

No one is giving marriage counselling but everyone is suggesting her to seek counselling from a proper person, may be a professional consellor or a social worker.
Also people are telling her that they see abuse when they hear the situation being described and asking her to seek professional help from a family court lawyer.
At most people are telling what kind of options might come in front of her. Conselling is one, separation may be another.

 

[asaeed100]

No one is giving marriage counselling but everyone is suggesting her to seek counselling from a proper person, may be a professional consellor or a social worker.
Also people are telling her that they see abuse when they hear the situation being described and asking her to seek professional help from a family court lawyer.
At most people are telling what kind of options might come in front of her. Conselling is one, separation may be another.

brother really i suggest you read the thread again
and again and again
you dont give up do you

 

[GandiBaat]

brother really i suggest you read the thread again
and again and again
you dont give up do you

I have. There is nothing like "marriage counselling" here. Its like someone telling a person to see the doctor is being pushed as medical advice. No thats not medical advice. Similarly, nothing in this thread is really any marriage counselling.

I don't want to give up because I don't want OP to take a message that she is wrong to seek help in her position / situation.

 

[canuck78]

again. how can you be so sure what is being written is the absolute truth.
. a person has rights and so does the parents. let it go bro

The parents aren’t the Canadian or PR she is and so is her spouse so they don’t have rights in Canada she does. She didn’t want them staying in her house because of the abuse and lack of respect. She was hoping there would be a way to anonymously cancel their Supervisa which there isn’t. Her husband is not willing to intervene. They need to go to a counsellor so that he realizes that she is at her breaking point and the abuse needs to stop. It’s unfortunate but he will need to make a choice between his wife and children or his parents when it comes to living together. If the parents need help there are other ways to arrange this.

 

[canuck78]

then sir she is trying to order a pizza from a KFC outlet. fix this and there is nothing to talk about.

She is asking about her options. Since withdrawing her signature on the supervisa without her husband’s knowledge is not an option we are giving other options and also providing encouragement that she shouldn’t have to live like this and it is Her right to live in a home where she is comfortable and not abused.

 

[k.h.p.]

brother really i suggest you read the thread again
and again and again
you dont give up do you

Your writing style sounds a lot like the extremely disruptive user iglu who was recently deleted from the forum. You have the same desire to explain people are misdirecting and you're spending time defending abusers in marriages.

I hope you're not iglu part 2.

 

[GandiBaat]

Your writing style sounds a lot like the extremely disruptive user iglu who was recently deleted from the forum. You have the same desire to explain people are misdirecting and you're spending time defending abusers in marriages.

I hope you're not iglu part 2.

I feel a lot in this thread is about justifying a very genuine act of help to a person seeking help. It should not be like this. All @canuck78 and @scylla were trying to do was to tell OP that she has options, that she should seek help and that she should not have to live with coercion and abuse. That was all.

 

[scylla]

I feel a lot in this thread is about justifying a very genuine act of help to a person seeking help. It should not be like this. All @canuck78 and @scylla were trying to do was to tell OP that she has options, that she should seek help and that she should not have to live with coercion and abuse. That was all.

Yep - that's it.

I'm not taking back anything I said and I stand behind all of it.

Those in abusive relationships have great difficulty leaving them. OP needs to know she has options.

 

[scylla]

@scylla wonderful advice really!
let us say she gets separated, get sole custody of her children and even wins child support
Hurrah !
now this is what might happen

her children will grow up without their real father around. we know how that works out.
children suffer the most in such cases

he might even go back home, get married again, start a new life with his young wife, and take his toxic parents with him. come back again and settle in US or another province etc. he will a lot better off unless he loves his kids too much. And so much for paying child support and the ruling and the case etc will be a total waste of time. or he might even runway before the case even begin.

she will end up trying to raise the kids all by herself, while paying the bills etc
there might be even huge lawyers bills that she might have to deal with for the rest of her life
she will need a nanny as she will be too busy trying to make a living
she wont be able to find a decent husband or partner again.
i mean who in the right mind would want to marry someone with excess baggage
once the kids are grown up, she will find herself in the same situation as her toxic in-laws

few years down the road while playing candy crush on her broken phone in a nursing home somewhere while waiting for a visit from one of her kids, she will be wondering why she even listened to some strangers on the net!

are you okay with that scylla?

all she had to do was to serve tea and biscuits on time and tried to make it work

This is pure misogyny and victim-blaming.

Anyway - I've said my bit and am done with this thread. Won't be commenting further.

I wish the OP strength and hope she finds her path.

 

[aarthod25]

Hello my name is Rathod as I applied visiting visa in 2015. But due to misrepresentation my visa is banned for 5 years. After 5 years I can reapply visa pls reply.
Thanq

 

[k.h.p.]

I feel a lot in this thread is about justifying a very genuine act of help to a person seeking help. It should not be like this. All @canuck78 and @scylla were trying to do was to tell OP that she has options, that she should seek help and that she should not have to live with coercion and abuse. That was all.

I agree with you. I am just noting that @asaeed100 sounds an awful like a similar account whose posts were deleted from this very thread for saying the same thing.