IELTS - Writing - For Band 7 or Above.

[Vyn]

Kindly review my work @marosa @cansha @CA GURPREET SINGH MANN

Many people nowadays travel abroad for their university education.
Why do people do this? Increase flexibility, gain more knowledge
Would you consider doing this yourself and why? Increase job placement

It is believed by some that completing tertiary education abroad is the new trend. Some pursue international education, since it promotes personal growth and flexibility. I am in favour of this statement and will consider taking the path, because it is beneficial and increases employability.

International students' flexibility to change is higher compared to students enrolled in local universities. This skill enables them to follow the customs and way of life of the country they transferred in. Some developed intrinsic skills such as adaptability, resiliency, and coping mechanisms in facing challenging situations, especially when they have no family to rely on. Additionally, learners gain valuable knowledge that increases their intellectual skills and social skills. Some felt confident to interact with others, and find it comfortable. It is well-known that students in an international university are from different backgrounds. With this fact, it widens the students’ knowledge about the world, and some consider it a positive change.

Moreover, gaining international educational certificates increases job placement. Admission to an international school is difficult since they offer high quality education. Educators and professors are equipped with vast experiences, high- standards and qualifications. Some are even specialised and famous with their outstanding work. Due to mentor-mentee opportunities in school, some acquire jobs in the corporate world in a matter of time without issues. Similarly, studying abroad opens a lot of job opportunities across countries. The international educational certificates are widely recognised around the globe. For example, educational certificates from developed countries are recognised in Asian countries, but not the opposite. In some cases an Asian undergraduate degree certificate is only equivalent to the second year of college in other countries.

In line with these reasons, I find it beneficial to study abroad as it provides long term effects. Although it is expensive, this path is something I will consider doing in the future. Learning from highly skilled professors is a great experience that will aid in my employment. It increases my chance to utilise the theories learnt from established educators during school time to the real world. Moreover, it will increase my chance of gaining friends with cultural diversity. My networking skills will be develop as I will gain a plethora of elements about individuals backgrounds and tradition.

To summarise, many considered studying abroad in the present time because of the high-quality education it offers and personal development. Furthermore, it also increases employment rate either in home country or abroad.

 

[Ida_M]

@cansha
@marosa
please kindly review my first essay. I have been reading some of the pages in this thread and your advice is clearly golden! Thanking you in advance.
Also welcome to those who are willing to review my essay and give feedback. Any feedback would be very appreciated!

Some people think that because some children find some subjects such as mathematics and philosophy difficult, they ought to be optional instead of compulsory. To what extent do you agree?


It is often argued by many children that mathematics and philosophy are not easy to follow. Hence the difficulty of these two subjects, some people think that both are better to be an option instead of mandatory. In my opinion, I disagree that mathematics and philosophy are considered as a secondary subject since they are extremely useful skills to survive in life.

The main reason that mathematics is required to be taught to children because this is an essential skill to be able to get a better life. Every single act of our daily activities involves numbers, price, and equation. To fulfil the need for groceries at the market, for example, we have to able to use our math skill and logic in order to get the best price. Mathematics would also be a very significant requirement for ones who are willing to advance their life in regard to their career options. Promising jobs such as accountant, engineering, and pilot definitely require someone with a high level of math skills.

Furthermore, linked to the first, to get such a high-end job and advanced life, not only required an academic skill like math, but also a good understanding of soft skill. This can be obtained by mastering in Philosophy class which will teach them critical thinking, manner, and wisdom. Critical thinking is important as it teaches students to become an open-minded person and strive to never stop learning. Manner and wisdom are also vital because they will justify someone’s behaviour and their role in society.

In conclusion, mathematics and philosophy are both equally crucial skills and it is a must to be learnt by students. Both subjects will be beneficial if these are given since the very beginning of their academic journey.

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kindly please please please help me to review my first-attempt essay much appreciated!

 

[sara_H_JDT]

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kindly please please please help me to review my first-attempt essay much appreciated!

I'm not expert but please seeking the expert's opinion
from my point of view , honestly , Lexical section is not strong ,despite having a few C or B2 level words such as : wisdom and crucial .
Range of grammar is not vast .
cohesive devises are not professional : Furthermore, linked to the first : are you trying to say this is following of last paragraph ? or this is continue of last paragraph , ok , Furthermore shows this !
I see little off-topic . specifically BP #2 ,
From Mc Milan references book I've know that it's better to follow this 4 , PERR (Purpose , Example , Reason , Result) in each paragraph , I insist on again , in each individually paragraph .
About Task Response also , this is a tough topic to expand , honestly : (
optional when ? compulsory where ....
and because of this reason I never re write it for my own , Again and again I stand firm that whereas this title coube be fine , it is closed my hands , maybe this is my problem .

 

[Ida_M]

I'm not expert but please seeking the expert's opinion
from my point of view , honestly , Lexical section is not strong ,despite having a few C or B2 level words such as : wisdom and crucial .
Range of grammar is not vast .
cohesive devises are not professional : Furthermore, linked to the first : are you trying to say this is following of last paragraph ? or this is continue of last paragraph , ok , Furthermore shows this !
I see little off-topic . specifically BP #2 ,
From Mc Milan references book I've know that it's better to follow this 4 , PERR (Purpose , Example , Reason , Result) in each paragraph , I insist on again , in each individually paragraph .
About Task Response also , this is a tough topic to expand , honestly : (
optional when ? compulsory where ....
and because of this reason I never re write it for my own , Again and again I stand firm that whereas this title coube be fine , it is closed my hands , maybe this is my problem .

thank you so much for your inputs!
Could you please guide me further on how to apply PERR into paragraph?
Perhaps a piece of example would be wonderful!

Thank you

 

[sara_H_JDT]

thank you so much for your inputs!
Could you please guide me further on how to apply PERR into paragraph?
Perhaps a piece of example would be wonderful!

Thank you

check this
Link
to be honest , by PERR means you fully extend paragraphs , meanwhile using cohesive devises : linker , connector , contrast .....and considering cohesion among paragraph and sentences .
I've recently realized that to what paragraph is calling full extended , I reach that
In your thesis statement whenever you paraphrase you used a some points (I try to give an example) then in each paragraph for developing it firstly you declare what is your goal (purpose ) then you're trying to defense from your purpose (I try to give an example ) here we have example , reason for your example and finally result .

I do hope I give correct example but please try to discover on your own .
Some people strongly disagree of having math subject in school , to what extent you're agree or disagree:
[As a positive side : I am entirely agree with this idea]
Purpose : having it possess many benefits such as :Increase your spiritual life , being energized , having motion , change your life style ,...
Example : giving immortal power to person , your insight would be changed due to this fact
Reason : you believe to source of absolute power , strong faith
Result : better life

So , be careful that was an example , how possible faith related to those , obviously it is related , yet it's important how you connect them , see this

I believe math is playing special role in human life by increasing their spiritual life of them , whereby it has given you deep insight which is made you thoughtful and in sake of this fact your faith become stronger and make you meticulous, thereby experiencing of better life.

see what I highlighted , still I insist that from my side
Hopely , It is understandable for you

 

[mohammad rashad]

Kindly review my letter , @marosa @cansha @CA GURPREET SINGH MANN

You have recently started work in a new company. Write a letter to an English-speaking friend. In your letter ,
● explain why you changed jobs
● describe your new job
● tell him/her your other news.

Dear Amanda,
I'm writing this letter to let you know that I joined NEXTCARE insurance company last month.
As you know, I was suffering a lot in my job at Allianz Enterprises because I had to perform for long shifts without any breaks or compensations. In addition, my colleagues weren't cooperative, and the work atmosphere wasn't encouraging. These were mainly due to the faulty administration, and unfortunately, I couldn't cope with them. Therefore, when I knew that NEXTCARE was hiring medical encoders, I immediately applied and was lucky enough to get accepted.
My new role is to revise the patients' applications, make a file for every one with the detailed medical history including the recent symptoms and signs, and accordingly decide whether they're eligible for the insurance or not. Although the work is mentally draining, as I've to deal with numerous inputs, I'm satisfied with it. I'm also entitled to train the junior physicians on the advanced encoding system which was developed to facilitate the assessment process.
Apart from the new position, I've just bought a big house in DAMAC HILLS, and I'm throwing a party next week. I'd be more than happy if you could come and spend some time with me. I'm sure you'll enjoy the scenery and love my new pet cat Max.
See you soon,
Diana

 

[MeenuDeepak]

Nowadays more and more people have to compete with young people with the same job

What problems does this cause? What are possible solutions?


It is believed that nowadays competition has increased tremendously for jobs. Enough people are competing with youngsters for the same job. The main problem it cause stress in adults as they fear that there will be rise of unemployment in them . The most viable solution for this is to provide training to workers so that they can also compete with younger generation in technology

It is observed that competition is increased manifold due to which adults are facing tough time to retain their jobs. It is because youngsters are well qualified and have enough knowledge of technology which is not found in experienced employees. In addition, they are freshers who are also ready to work on fewer wages. All above facts caused a lot of pressure on adults which can rise tension in them and it hamper their productivity too. For instance, when telecommunication industries faced tough time in upgrading its hardware with new technology, at that time experienced people faced axe on their job as they are not aware of new technology which are easily takeover by newcomers.

The most effective remedy for above problem is that public as well as private sector should introduces workshops and seminars time to time so that the employees skills can be upgraded . It will benefit existing employees a lot because they will get latest information about new things and also they have an acumen in their field which will definitely help new generation if they work with them . For Example, in government organisation conducts seminars monthly to provide training of computers to old employees so that they can also work accordingly.

In conclusion, the problem of losing job which cause stress is increasing in adults at job front due to competition given by youngsters but it can addressed properly if firms will provides latest technical knowledge to employees so that they can also upgraded academically like youth.




please help me to review my essay
@cansha @Vyn @ marosa @sara_H_JDT @CA GURPREET SINGH MANN

 

[av4aviator]

Dear Team,
please evaluate this essay.
@marosa @cansha @Vyn @sara_H_JDT @CA GURPREET SINGH MANN

The first car appeared on British roads in 1888. By the year 2000 there may be as many as 29 million vehicles on British roads. Alternative forms of transport should be encouraged and international laws introduced to control car ownership and use. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your knowledge or experience.

In cities such as London, the personal transports are inevitable, similarly, as the city develops there is a significant increase in personal vehicles on the road by default. However, such a surge may result in various global causes. To avoid these situations the Britain government should encourage people to opt for alternate commute systems. Besides, to emphasize the importance among the British people, the local governing body is being advised to implement laws. So, I strongly agree that transportation laws should be improved to restrict future car owners.

Firstly, the people should be advised to use the public transportation by the governing body. Because the increase in own vehicles in the metropolitan cities like London have not just polluted the surroundings, yet they are causing heavy road traffic. For instance, London, which has very narrower streets and roads are in a struggle to handle the obesity of noise pollution and Carbon-die-oxide emission due to increase of on-road cars. If we fail to control in this at early stage, pollution will stimulate wide issues such as global warming, and air pollution. Nonetheless, adapting a local commuting devices such as Tube, bus and train could significantly reduce the broader issues.

Secondly, To restrict owning vehicles, strict laws should be implemented. Otherwise, the Britons will not consider it as a serious thread. Small country such as Singapore for example, have Implied rules over buying new cars to tackle the shortage of space and pollution of the country. Meanwhile, they have advanced the other mode of transportation to aid the residents, therefore the public is aware of the consequences and showing interest on the alternatives by avoiding own vehicles. Hence, It is important for the authorities to enact rules to stress the vitality of the problems such as traffic.

To conclude, restriction of owning automobiles in future will save British roads from serious issues. Therefore, I strongly believe that, as personal cars can pollute the cities, the government should focus on developing alternate transports, so that people will encourage using it. Besides, heavy laws would ensure that the people follow it strictly without any failure.

 

[sara_H_JDT]

Dear Team,
please evaluate this essay.
@marosa @cansha @Vyn @sara_H_JDT @CA GURPREET SINGH MANN

The first car appeared on British roads in 1888. By the year 2000 there may be as many as 29 million vehicles on British roads. Alternative forms of transport should be encouraged and international laws introduced to control car ownership and use. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your knowledge or experience.

In cities such as London, the personal transports are inevitable, similarly, as the city develops there is a significant increase in personal vehicles on the road by default. However, such a surge may result in various global causes. To avoid these situations the Britain government should encourage people to opt for alternate commute systems. Besides, to emphasize the importance among the British people, the local governing body is being advised to implement laws. So, I strongly agree that transportation laws should be improved to restrict future car owners.

Firstly, the people should be advised to use the public transportation by the governing body. Because the increase in own vehicles in the metropolitan cities like London have not just polluted the surroundings, yet they are causing heavy road traffic. For instance, London, which has very narrower streets and roads are in a struggle to handle the obesity of noise pollution and Carbon-die-oxide emission due to increase of on-road cars. If we fail to control in this at early stage, pollution will stimulate wide issues such as global warming, and air pollution. Nonetheless, adapting a local commuting devices such as Tube, bus and train could significantly reduce the broader issues.

Secondly, To restrict owning vehicles, strict laws should be implemented. Otherwise, the Britons will not consider it as a serious thread. Small country such as Singapore for example, have Implied rules over buying new cars to tackle the shortage of space and pollution of the country. Meanwhile, they have advanced the other mode of transportation to aid the residents, therefore the public is aware of the consequences and showing interest on the alternatives by avoiding own vehicles. Hence, It is important for the authorities to enact rules to stress the vitality of the problems such as traffic.

To conclude, restriction of owning automobiles in future will save British roads from serious issues. Therefore, I strongly believe that, as personal cars can pollute the cities, the government should focus on developing alternate transports, so that people will encourage using it. Besides, heavy laws would ensure that the people follow it strictly without any failure.

Please check with other experts
I am not expert
Just My Idea
Task Response : moderately
cohesive devices and cohesion are pretty cool and acceptable : nonetheless , hence , otherwise
Grammar : Not wide ranges of grammar has been used
Lexical : check with textinspector website but I couldn't find any high level words

I check it once again and while I find anything , edit it as well

I am not even sure does obesity is a good adjective for noise pollution
OR
on-road car means exactly that came to your mind

In cities such as London, the personal transports are inevitable[what you mean by inevitable , do you mean using of personal cars is inevitable then Yes correct], similarly, as the city develops[on account of city-developing] there is a significant increase in personal vehicles on the road by default.[by the time, developing cities have been caused of significantly increase in using of cars] However[Indeed], such a surge may result in various global causes. To avoid these situations[,] the Britain government should encourage [and conduct] people to opt for alternate commute systems[for convince them for using alternative transportation systems]. Besides, to emphasize the importance[here importance is noun ok , so using for what , you are using to complete what the next noun with it ?]among the British people, the local governing body is being advised[passive is good but this grammar means at the moment ,currently , be careful what tense you're using for passive mode] to implement laws. So, I strongly[entirely] agree that transportation laws should be improved to restrict future car owners.

Firstly, the people should be advised[admonished] to use the public transportation by the governing body. Because [of the increase is a noun use because of +-ing]the increase in own vehicles in the metropolitan cities like London have not just polluted the surroundings, yet they are causing heavy road traffic. For instance, London, which has very narrower streets and roads are in a struggle to handle the obesity of noise pollution and Carbon-die-oxide emission due to increase of on-road cars. If we fail to control in this[it] at early stage, pollution will stimulate[will be stimulated] wide issues such as global warming, and air pollution. Nonetheless, adapting a local commuting devices such as Tube, bus and train could significantly reduce[remarkably declined] the broader issues.

Secondly, To[to] restrict owning vehicles[possession of vehicles], strict laws should be implemented. Otherwise, the Britons[???] will not consider[will not be considered] it as a serious thread. Small country such as Singapore for example, have Implied rules over buying new cars to tackle the shortage of space and pollution of the country. Meanwhile, they have advanced the other mode of transportation to aid the residents, therefore the public is aware of the consequences and showing interest on the alternatives by avoiding own vehicles. Hence, It is important for the authorities to enact rules to stress the vitality of the[reduce] [the] problems such as traffic.

To conclude, restriction of owning automobiles in future will save British roads from serious issues[dilemma]. Therefore, I strongly believe that, as personal[as a consumer of personal car] cars can pollute the cities[city], the government should focus on developing alternate transports [solutions], so that people will encourage using it. Besides[in addition,before it was used], heavy[sever] laws would ensure that the people follow it strictly without any failure[law-breaking]

 

[CA GURPREET SINGH MANN]

A friend of you is thinking of going on a camping holiday for the first time this summer. He has asked you for the advice

1. Explain why you think he would enjoy the holiday
2. Describe some possible disadvantages
3. Say whether you would like to go camping with your friend this summer

Dear Kevin,

It's great to hear that you're finally planning for camping!

I think you'd love the peace and serenity that Aravalli hills offer. This is because you've mostly stayed in the city and have experienced its chaotic environment. Also, there is no better company than your school friends who are also going with you on this trip.

That being said, I must warn you that there is 3-kilometres climb up the mountains and that you have to do on your foot. There is no transportation facility there that can help you. Moreover, don't forget to carry your food and water as there are no shops there too. But, all your sacrifices will be outweighed by the view you will see from the peak of the mountain.

As I am coming home this summer, I'd love to go with you. Its been so long since we haven't gone on a trip together!

Let me know when you finalize everything as I'll be desperately waiting for it.

See you soon,

Adam

 

[chandni_mehta84]

Can you please check for me as well..


Tourism is an ever growing industry
What benefits do you think brings to individuals and society.


Advancement and sophistication in technology has moulded the world into one big family,encouraging people to travel around the globe. This enhances tourism across the world and has made this sector one of the most evergreen fields. In my essay, I will explain how has it supported individuals and society of the receipient countries.

Growth in technology has enabled people to travel and explore the places nearby and far. This has created ample opportunities for individuals of the host country to employ themselves and uplift their standards of living. Individuals ensure, that they maintain an extremely hygenic environment to welcome tourists. People also learn new languages to communicate with travelers. Also, they develop their cooking and baking skills to make sure tourists feel home.

Tourism, simultaneously develops hotel and education industry assisting society. Recent survey by "The Times", found that crime rate is negligible in a place which is a tourists destination. This is because citizens can have a good life style with clean surrounding to live with. Evidently,reducing the crime rate and lesseing the burden of government. Furtheremore,availability of transport to cushion tourism also eases local's routine life. Nevertheless, tourism enhances cultural amalgamation which in turn is a positive for society.

To conclude, I opine that travelling for leisure can not only benefit individuals or society but also government by receiving foreign income which can be utilised for creating opportunities for its citizens. It also helps in reducing unemployment and poverty, which can result in overall development of the country.

 

[canadashine]

guys, me and many of my friends were in a situation like this. I had multiple score like this: 9 8 7 6.5(writing). we all applied for re evaluation and got writing bands increased to 7. If you at lease have 8 7 7 6.5, you should go for re evaluation I am 90% sure it will be increased n(1 out of 4 of my friend's score didn't increase). 0.5 difference in writing can be easily increased, I am not sure if you get 6.5 in speaking. Also FYI its a scam by IELTS. I once went to an IELTS centre and while asking her repeatedly she agreed that writing and speaking exams are checked in the centre, since I was skeptical about this how come these days we get results in just 2-3 days in Canada. When you opt for re evaluation, the paper goes to Australia for checking.

 

[CA GURPREET SINGH MANN]

You have seen an advertisement from a couple, who live in Australia, to teach their two children your language for a year.

Write a letter and
1. Explain why you think you'd be suitable for the job
2. Say what else you can do for the family
3. Give reasons for wanting the job

Dear Sir/ Madam,

I would like to apply for the job of a language teacher that you advertised in The Times on Monday, 17th August.

Foremost, I think that I am a suitable candidate that you are looking for. This is because I have a master's degree in Punjabi literature, and I have been teaching primary and secondary school children for over 6 years. Due to my knowledge and experience, I know how to teach students this language patiently and in a fun-loving manner.

Besides, I can also make the family and their friends aware of the Punjabi rituals, customs, and heritage. I think no one can explain it better as I have raised in the state of Punjab and have experienced its life on my own.

That being said, the main reason why I want this job is that I want to explore the Australian continent while on a job. I have already lived in the Middle East and North and South America, but have never seen life in this continent before. Therefore, I can utilize my skills to earn my livelihood and simultaneously experience the life of the Australian people.

I hope you will consider my application before reaching out to any conclusion. I look forward to hearing from you soon.

Yours faithfully,

Aman Kataria

 

[seadrag0n]

guys, me and many of my friends were in a situation like this. I had multiple score like this: 9 8 7 6.5(writing). we all applied for re evaluation and got writing bands increased to 7. If you at lease have 8 7 7 6.5, you should go for re evaluation I am 90% sure it will be increased n(1 out of 4 of my friend's score didn't increase). 0.5 difference in writing can be easily increased, I am not sure if you get 6.5 in speaking. Also FYI its a scam by IELTS. I once went to an IELTS centre and while asking her repeatedly she agreed that writing and speaking exams are checked in the centre, since I was skeptical about this how come these days we get results in just 2-3 days in Canada. When you opt for re evaluation, the paper goes to Australia for checking.

Only speaking is evaluated by the examiner, writing is always examined at IDP/BC in AUS/UK.

 

[Pela]

Would Highly appreciate it if @marosa @cansha @Vyn @sara_H_JDT @CA GURPREET SINGH MANN could assess my essay given below: Thanks in advance.

Question
Some people think that job satisfaction is more important than job security, while some people think that they cannot always expect job satisfaction, a permanent job is more important. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

My Response:
In today's world there are many factors affecting a person's willingness and motivation to work in a particular job environment, this could be highly dependent on job satisfaction or job security. In my opinion, job satisfaction is more important than job security. This is due to the fact that in the long run job satisfaction is directly linked with the goals and aspiration of the individual.

Job security is an important but my not be an essential component of job satisfaction for a few people. Recent graduates, who are willing to explore different industries to know their field of expertise, will find having a job satisfaction as opposed to a permanent job more beneficial.

People who have been in the industry for long and have build a career for themselves would prefer a permanent job. This logic can also be applied to those who are creatures of their own habit, such people have built a bubble of ritual that they will potentially find difficult to break, hence will seek out a permanent role, this in itself is a job satisfaction for them.

People who have a lot of defendants, would value a permanent role to provide for the various needs of the family such as, food, education, clothes and entertainment.

Under current market conditions where employees are being laid off and unemployment is on the rise, being able to have job security is a blessing for most.

There are other factors in the job satisfaction umbrella such as growth, career building, personal development, salaries and wages that also have to be considered along with job security. A good career opportunity will enable a person to employ all the skills he/she has learned on the job to various other aspects of life. These skills will help him/her secure a better opportunity.


EDIT: edited the introduction after watching a tutorial on how to handle introductions in an ielts exam. I believe that i will have to improve on the "body" of the essay as well.