Congrats buddy for scoring a 7 in writing. Rest of the scores are great too. Your hard work has paid off. It's always a pleasure to see that this thread helped someone to get the desired scores. All the best for rest of the process. You may get an ITA at 468 as well.
IELTS - Writing - For Band 7 or Above.
- Thread starter H0peAndFa1th
- Start date
Any feedback are very much welcome..thank you
Topic.
Today's teenagers have more stressful lives than previous generations.
Discuss your views.
Stress level of teenagers in the present generation is higher compared to previous generations. In early years, teenager’s expectations in life are simple, relationships with families are great, and employment is not difficult, unlike in recent years, societal standards are higher, competition in the job market is increasing, and most people are busy with their own lives, especially parents.
First and foremost, life is quiet and simple in previous generations. Teenagers are expected to help in farming, or do household chores with families and in return it helps develop closer ties in the family. Some teenagers find it easier to confide their problems to others and are more willing to discuss their concerns. Families and friends are helpful to each other, and most of the teenagers have a lot of free time to spare and use it to explore their surroundings and enjoy the beauty of nature. Moreover, finding a job is not an issue since individual skills are highly acknowledged during that time. It is not a requirement for one to earn a diploma, since most companies hire based on skills. With these reasons, young adults have a calmer disposition in life.
On the other hand, due to the increasing development of the world, people have higher expectations in life. Nowadays, society measures success as having a luxurious life. Stress levels are higher for teenagers of the present time because of the increased societal standard. They feel pressured to attain a sound academic background and do their best in order to meet greater endeavors in life. More often than not, huge companies mostly hire individuals from outstanding universities. Some teenagers find it stressful and unfair, since tuitions in these universities are expensive and some cannot afford. There are few that are unable to even complete tertiary education due to financial constraints. Furthermore, youngsters have limited time to bond with their career-oriented parents in the present time. Adults are mostly preoccupied with other matters and losing time for their children. Due to the lack of someone to talk to, teenagers feel withdrawn, and stressed by the current situation.
In conclusion, present teenagers are feeling more stressed due to the increased requirements of acquiring a job, and the lack of connection to immediate people. In comparison to the previous generation, teenagers are mentally healthy because of the good interpersonal relationship they have to others, as well as, the lack of formal education is never an issue in job placements.
Topic.
Today's teenagers have more stressful lives than previous generations.
Discuss your views.
Stress level of teenagers in the present generation is higher compared to previous generations. In early years, teenager’s expectations in life are simple, relationships with families are great, and employment is not difficult, unlike in recent years, societal standards are higher, competition in the job market is increasing, and most people are busy with their own lives, especially parents.
First and foremost, life is quiet and simple in previous generations. Teenagers are expected to help in farming, or do household chores with families and in return it helps develop closer ties in the family. Some teenagers find it easier to confide their problems to others and are more willing to discuss their concerns. Families and friends are helpful to each other, and most of the teenagers have a lot of free time to spare and use it to explore their surroundings and enjoy the beauty of nature. Moreover, finding a job is not an issue since individual skills are highly acknowledged during that time. It is not a requirement for one to earn a diploma, since most companies hire based on skills. With these reasons, young adults have a calmer disposition in life.
On the other hand, due to the increasing development of the world, people have higher expectations in life. Nowadays, society measures success as having a luxurious life. Stress levels are higher for teenagers of the present time because of the increased societal standard. They feel pressured to attain a sound academic background and do their best in order to meet greater endeavors in life. More often than not, huge companies mostly hire individuals from outstanding universities. Some teenagers find it stressful and unfair, since tuitions in these universities are expensive and some cannot afford. There are few that are unable to even complete tertiary education due to financial constraints. Furthermore, youngsters have limited time to bond with their career-oriented parents in the present time. Adults are mostly preoccupied with other matters and losing time for their children. Due to the lack of someone to talk to, teenagers feel withdrawn, and stressed by the current situation.
In conclusion, present teenagers are feeling more stressed due to the increased requirements of acquiring a job, and the lack of connection to immediate people. In comparison to the previous generation, teenagers are mentally healthy because of the good interpersonal relationship they have to others, as well as, the lack of formal education is never an issue in job placements.
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@marosa
Is it possible end of your correction you assign any score ? Or at least inform us, it desire for what band ?
Your assistance is really appreciated , but if you assign a score , indeed , others can understand firstly ,what it was ? then it will desire to rise up to which band
I am sorry for this suggestion : but I have not seen any given score based on 4 criteria in this froum
please at the end of correction either give a score or separate mark to each criteria I'm sure it boosts it as well
thanks
Is it possible end of your correction you assign any score ? Or at least inform us, it desire for what band ?
Your assistance is really appreciated , but if you assign a score , indeed , others can understand firstly ,what it was ? then it will desire to rise up to which band
I am sorry for this suggestion : but I have not seen any given score based on 4 criteria in this froum
please at the end of correction either give a score or separate mark to each criteria I'm sure it boosts it as well
thanks
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I’m not an IELTS examiner, I can only tell if an essay is above or below 7. Your essays for now below 7.
Well sorry for not meeting your expectations but I do most I can.
NO never say like this .
From my side , at least , I am most grateful from what you have done here ,
Actually , that was not mine , but I have used from your profound advise .
All the best and wishes for you
@marusa i have tried to rewrite it..trying to stick with the main idea, thank for your time marking it. My sincere apologies for giving you a headache reading my essay..
Topic.
Today's teenagers have more stressful lives than previous generations.
Discuss your views.
It is considered by many that teenagers feel more stressed nowadays compared to previous years. In my opinion, it is due to higher societal standards and lack of adult's guidance.
To begin with, due to continuous development of the world, people have higher expectations in life. Stress levels are higher for teenagers of the present time because of the increased societal standard. They feel pressured to attain a sound academic background and do their best in order to meet greater endeavors in life. Some find it challenging to balance studying and working. For instance, in the US, when a child turns 18 years old, he is expected to live his life alone and strive hard to finish college. This ruling greatly affect the well-being of the teenagers since it is difficult to manage resources, energy and time for both school and work.
Furthermore, in present time, youngsters have limited time to bond with their career-oriented parents. Adults are mostly preoccupied with other matters and losing time for their children. A very good example to note is when parents miss out important occasions and events due to higher demand at work. Teenagers feel neglected and alone for having no one to turn to during challenging times in their life, specifically, issues concerning their studies. With this fact, it creates emotional imbalances to the youngsters, and increase the probability of suicidal tendency.
In conclusion, it is believed by many that teenagers feel more stressed recently than decades ago because of the pressure in the society, and lack of parental guidance.
Topic.
Today's teenagers have more stressful lives than previous generations.
Discuss your views.
It is considered by many that teenagers feel more stressed nowadays compared to previous years. In my opinion, it is due to higher societal standards and lack of adult's guidance.
To begin with, due to continuous development of the world, people have higher expectations in life. Stress levels are higher for teenagers of the present time because of the increased societal standard. They feel pressured to attain a sound academic background and do their best in order to meet greater endeavors in life. Some find it challenging to balance studying and working. For instance, in the US, when a child turns 18 years old, he is expected to live his life alone and strive hard to finish college. This ruling greatly affect the well-being of the teenagers since it is difficult to manage resources, energy and time for both school and work.
Furthermore, in present time, youngsters have limited time to bond with their career-oriented parents. Adults are mostly preoccupied with other matters and losing time for their children. A very good example to note is when parents miss out important occasions and events due to higher demand at work. Teenagers feel neglected and alone for having no one to turn to during challenging times in their life, specifically, issues concerning their studies. With this fact, it creates emotional imbalances to the youngsters, and increase the probability of suicidal tendency.
In conclusion, it is believed by many that teenagers feel more stressed recently than decades ago because of the pressure in the society, and lack of parental guidance.
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It is argued that teenagers used to have a happier life in the past than today. I agree with this statement because they feel stressed nowadays owing to the intense competition they face and the lack of family support they get.
Foremost, competition in academics and sports has increased manifold over the decades. As a result, there are a large number of teenagers competing for only a few seats. In order to succeed, they have to work harder without leaving room for any mistake, which is stressful. For example, there are only 4500 government seats for medical enrollments after 12th class for more than 70,000 candidates every year. Failing in this examination means mental pressure as they have to wait for next year to reappear again. The competition at this level was never in existence in the past.
Moreover, the lack of psychological support from grandparents and parents also leads to stress and tension among adolescents. This is because grandmother or grandfather does not live along with them anymore as the trend of the nuclear family is more common than joint family nowadays, who would listen to their problems and offer them solutions. Similarly, parents spend most of their time at work and give nearly no time to provide them emotional support when they go through puberty, hormonal changes, and career choosing options in their teenage. However, there were many adult members at home in the past who used to guide them in case of problems.
In conclusion, an increase in competition and lack of psychological support from family members have made teenagers' life more stressful. Due to the lack of competition and joint family structure of family composition, they were happier in the past.
Foremost, competition in academics and sports has increased manifold over the decades. As a result, there are a large number of teenagers competing for only a few seats. In order to succeed, they have to work harder without leaving room for any mistake, which is stressful. For example, there are only 4500 government seats for medical enrollments after 12th class for more than 70,000 candidates every year. Failing in this examination means mental pressure as they have to wait for next year to reappear again. The competition at this level was never in existence in the past.
Moreover, the lack of psychological support from grandparents and parents also leads to stress and tension among adolescents. This is because grandmother or grandfather does not live along with them anymore as the trend of the nuclear family is more common than joint family nowadays, who would listen to their problems and offer them solutions. Similarly, parents spend most of their time at work and give nearly no time to provide them emotional support when they go through puberty, hormonal changes, and career choosing options in their teenage. However, there were many adult members at home in the past who used to guide them in case of problems.
In conclusion, an increase in competition and lack of psychological support from family members have made teenagers' life more stressful. Due to the lack of competition and joint family structure of family composition, they were happier in the past.
Overall not bad and may get you a 7 on a bright day. Though I know you can do better, so keep practicing.
@Vyn please have a look at this essay and my comments.