Task 1 GT

[Meena2019]

Hi all

I am preparing for my IELTS. Can anyone evaluate my writing task and provide me some feedback


Write a letter recommend someone to work in a company

Who the person is
How did you know the person
Working experience of the person
Why do you recommend the person

-----------------------------------

Hello Mr. Sam,

I am writing to give a reference of one of my friend for the job posted by your organization on LinkedIn. My friend's name is Susheel Kumar and hw has rich experience in the IT field suitable to the job requirements you have posted.

Moreover, he is not only my friend but I have worked with him in my previous organization for 2 years. He has 8 years of versatile experience of working on various technologies and under his mentorship and technical guidance, he has achieved success in various projects and win recommendations of his many clients.I am attaching link of his Linkedin profile for your reference with this email.

Though he has started his career from a very small organization but nowadays he is working with big clients such as Pearson. In addition, he has participated in many conferences overseas and has achieved many certifications.

My main reason of recommending him is his thorough and precise knowledge on all subjects and he experience can become an strong factor for the success of your start-up product furthermore he also liked your product idea and shown his interest in joining you team. I hope you will like his profile.

Awaiting for your response.

Thank You

Preeti Sharma 17th March, 2019

 

[Milan Desai]

Hi all

I am preparing for my IELTS. Can anyone evaluate my writing task and provide me some feedback


Write a letter recommend someone to work in a company

Who the person is
How did you know the person
Working experience of the person
Why do you recommend the person

-----------------------------------

Hello Mr. Sam,

I am writing to give a reference of one of my friend for the job posted by your organization on LinkedIn. My friend's name is Susheel Kumar and hw has rich experience in the IT field suitable to the job requirements you have posted.

Moreover, he is not only my friend but I have worked with him in my previous organization for 2 years. He has 8 years of versatile experience of working on various technologies and under his mentorship and technical guidance, he has achieved success in various projects and win recommendations of his many clients.I am attaching link of his Linkedin profile for your reference with this email.

Though he has started his career from a very small organization but nowadays he is working with big clients such as Pearson. In addition, he has participated in many conferences overseas and has achieved many certifications.

My main reason of recommending him is his thorough and precise knowledge on all subjects and he experience can become an strong factor for the success of your start-up product furthermore he also liked your product idea and shown his interest in joining you team. I hope you will like his profile.

Awaiting for your response.

Thank You

Preeti Sharma 17th March, 2019

Looking for evaluation ?

 

[thephdguy]

I think it would be easier to assume that you want to recommend someone to work in your company, preferably on a role you know about. This will make the letter easier to write.

I don't think you normally say to give a reference, you may want to use "I am writing to refer a potential candidate for the IT Associate position posted on LinkedIn." Adding the name of the position has value and scratch saying the person is your friend. You don't want the person to get the job just because of that.

"and hw has" typo

" rich experience in the IT field suitable to the job requirements you have posted." rich experience sounds weird but could be correct and it is understandable, I would say plenty of experience, or is very experienced.

"of working on various technologies" Various technologies doesn't sound right. You may want to say various software suites and coding languages.

"and under his mentorship and technical guidance, he has achieved success in various projects and win recommendations of his many clients." This part of the sentence fails to convey meaning. Under his mentorship and technical guidance who achieved success? If it was him, then there's no need to mention mentorship nor guidance.

"I am attaching link of his Linkedin profile for your reference with this email." Is this a letter or an email? I also think this sentence is out of place.

"Though he (I would use his name here) has started his career from a very small organization but nowadays he is working with big clients such as Pearson." You do not use Though and But in the same sentence. Use only one of them and a comma to separate your two ideas.

"My main reason of (should be for) recommending him (I would use his name here) is his thorough and precise knowledge on all subjects and he experience can become an (should be "a")strong factor for the success of your start-up product (wasn't it a company?)" Another way would be to say, "For the aforementioned reasons, I believe that Susheel possesses precise and thorough knowledge about different software suites, complex algorithm design and project experience to become a strong factor for the success of your start-up company"

"(add a period and capital F for furthermore) furthermore he also liked your product idea and shown his interest in joining you team." Be consistent throughout your writing, if it is a job position, this part should be about he liking the position mentioned at the beginning.

" I hope you will like his profile." I feel that this is too friendly for a professional setting, I would say something like "I hope you find his qualifications and experience suitable for the position"

"Awaiting for your response." I would be safe and end with "Best regards,"

Overall, you have good ideas. Work on being consistent. I've never taken IELTS so I don't know how they grade their Writing section, but on CELPIP you may have gotten CLB 8. Hope this helps.