IELTS - Writing - For Band 7 or Above.

[marosa]

Dears, I finally took the test!

Task 1:

You've recently ordered a book online and it hasn't arrived. Write a letter to the company.

Give details on the order.
Tell the company why it's urgent.
What do you expect them to do?


Task 2:
Some people think residents should keep their streets clean and tidy, while others say it's governments' responsibility.

Discuss both views and give your opinion.

 

[velocityblood]

Dears, I finally took the test!

Task 1:

You've recently ordered a book online and it hasn't arrived. Write a letter to the company.

Give details on the order.
Tell the company why it's urgent.
What do you expect them to do?


Task 2:
Some people think residents should keep their streets clean and tidy, while others say it's governments' responsibility.

Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Great Bro.... All the best for your result hope you aced the test. How about the listening and the reading sections? you were comfortable answering these sections? By the way which country you are from?

 

[artificial.nocturne]

Sorry guys been kinda busy..I am back and here for now if anyone want their essay evaluated! Just tag me or reply to this post!

 

[marosa]

Great Bro.... All the best for your result hope you aced the test. How about the listening and the reading sections? you were comfortable answering these sections? By the way which country you are from?

Thanks!

Country - Armenia.

I obviously didn't do as good as when was practicing, but hopefully will get a 7.

Listening was pretty easy for me, no complicated names, not even numbers, no map tagging, so was ok. I also did my best to stay concentrated during the whole time, so didn't miss any word they were saying.

Reading was as always, a couple of easy texts and a big one with most questions. Was MCQ, filling in missing words, matching titles to paragraphs and true/false/not given. Pretty much everything)))

 

[cansha]

As per my understanding of grammar, for the complex sentence, we can read the sentence even after removing the sentence in clause, and still the sentence should make sense.

So the way you have stated this is a little bit "complex" . But let's review sentence types once more.

There are two kinds of sentences (actually 3) Compound and Complex (I'm excluding Simple as everyone knows what they are)

So, compound sentences are the ones which are generally joined by a conjunction and contain two or more independent clause. This "independent clause" is something you mention that it should make sense independently of each other.

In a complex sentence you have two clauses - A dependent and an independent one. The independent one makes sense as standalone sentence but the dependent one would be hanging alone.

So far so good.

My challenge is that when people try to write "complex" sentences they actually start writing really long sentences. You actually don't need to combine 3/4 sentences to write a complex sentence. This was my very common feedback to people to review what exactly a complex sentence means. You can keep your writing "clean" and simple and still write complex sentences.

For example this is a complex sentence.: Although it was very long, the movie was still enjoyable.

Please review this link https://examples.yourdictionary.com/complex-sentence-examples.html

 

[cansha]

In most of the countries, the main occupation in the countryside is farming, but, due to the changing climate and weather conditions, it is badly affected and farmers are not even able to get the yield of the investment done for the crops.

After @H0peAndFa1th' s post it is difficult to rewrite this sentence but here is my suggestion. I believe this is actually two sentences for more clarity and flow.

Farming, a major occupation in most countries, has been badly affected because of adverse/changing/<xxxx> weather conditions. <Second Idea in new sentence>

Three advantages of this (my opinion)

1. Complex sentence looks simpler and easy to read
2. Your subject is the very first word of the sentence and hence the reader straightaway knows what you are talking about
3. If you still want to use "in most countries blah blah" you use it after comma and use it as an adjective clause.

After because if you use idiomatic language as suggested in Hope's post you will have a high quality sentence which is much easier to read. Adding too many commas doesn't make a sentence complex it makes the writing clumsy.

 

[cansha]

Dears, I finally took the test!

Task 1:

You've recently ordered a book online and it hasn't arrived. Write a letter to the company.

Give details on the order.
Tell the company why it's urgent.
What do you expect them to do?


Task 2:
Some people think residents should keep their streets clean and tidy, while others say it's governments' responsibility.

Discuss both views and give your opinion.

All the best!

 

[velocityblood]

Hi Guys, @cansha @H0peAndFa1th @artificial.nocturne please evaluate this essay.

I am a little worried, till now all essays that I wrote, were just typed essays, today I tried writing on paper and it took me 52 minutes to write the below essay.

Some people think residents should keep their streets clean and tidy while others say it is the government’s responsibility.

Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some are of the view that the residents should maintain the tidiness and sanitation of the streets, whilst others say that it is the sole responsibility of government. This essay believes that although the residents pay the taxes for maintaining the orderliness and cleaning of the streets, the residents can identify the sources of contaminants and waste easily due to their long presence in the area compared to government-appointed housekeepers.

Residents are bound to pay various taxes, levied by the government on account of providing various services, which also includes the tax for maintaining the cleanliness and sanitation in the surrounding of residential areas. The money collected in the form of tax, from residents, is utilized for hiring third-party housekeeping services, which is given the responsibility to maintain the cleaning of residential areas. For example, a recent survey suggests, in developed countries, civilians pay about 3% of the total income in the form of tax for cleaning and sanitation.


Residents and occupants, who have a longer presence in the areas stand responsible to maintain the cleanliness in the surroundings. Because of their long presence, they can gauge for the sources of contamination and the wastages, be it people from next house or someone from another street and this can be informed to the concerned contractor or the housekeeper, responsible for maintaining the cleanliness. Therefore, necessary action can be taken for eliminating the source of waste and contamination. For example, according to The Earth, a television channel, in societies, where people own the responsibility to maintain the surroundings clean are found much cleaner, compare to those dependent on the government bodies for cleaning.


To conclude, in my opinion, though the civilians pay a hefty tax to the government for keeping the surroundings well cleaned, the locals must own the accountability for better control over the contaminants and waste.

 

[marosa]

Hi Guys, @cansha @H0peAndFa1th @artificial.nocturne please evaluate this essay.

I am a little worried, till now all essays that I wrote, were just typed essays, today I tried writing on paper and it took me 52 minutes to write the below essay.

Always practice handwritten.

When I was taking my first IELTS I almost didn't practice for writing, just had one or two essays typed, and what I understood at the exam is that I had no idea how to write even the simplest words (like got stuck at writing "vocabulary" ), so I had to keep remembering how I type those words on the keyboard to be able to write those down surprisingly got a 6.5, but still.

Some people think residents should keep their streets clean and tidy while others say it is the government’s responsibility.

Discuss both views and give your opinion.

My ideas at the exam:

My point of view – it’s government’s responsibility

Body paragraph 1 – It’s thought by some that it’s resident’s responsibility, since in case they clean streets on their own they might start acting more environmentally friendly => streets will be less polluted in the future. Example – a research showing that the city became 5 times cleaner after the community started cleaning streets locally (couldn't think of anything better).

Body paragraph 2 – it’s governments that need to address the issue, since they have the necessary resources (e.g. taxes, funds and assistance from nonprofit international organizations)=> they will do it more efficiently. Example – as per article, most cleanest cities in the world are those, where governments spend more than 1mln USD (I guess I went to extreme there ) on maintaining tidiness of roads and streets.

Residents are bound to pay various taxes, levied by the government on account of providing various services, which also includes the tax for maintaining the cleanliness and sanitation in the surrounding of residential areas. The money collected in the form of tax, from residents, is utilized for hiring third-party housekeeping services, which is given the responsibility to maintain the cleaning of residential areas. For example, a recent survey suggests, in developed countries, civilians pay about 3% of the total income in the form of tax for cleaning and sanitation.

I am not sure if devoting a whole paragraph to taxes can work for this essay, as the question itself does not mention or ask where governments get money to keep the streets clean from. But I might be wrong on that one.

 

[velocityblood]

Hi Guys how to upload the image of a handwritten essay?
https://imgur.com/a/ZgMk424

 

[tbamrah]

Some people think that modern technology is making people more sociable, while others think it is making them less sociable. Discuss both views and give your opinion



Some would argue that technological advancements have encouraged public to become more social, as opposed to the others who think that it has infact made a negative impact on their sociability. While the latest technical feat has enabled us to talk while watching each other over the air, I believe that it has made us so much dependant on itself that we hardly ever go out and physically meet one another.


On the one hand, the current electronic communicators have provided us with the power to get in touch whenever we feel like. Newer versions of these devices have inbuilt cameras, with the help of which, we can attend video calls with the person on the other end of the globe. This in turn allows us to stay in touch with distant friends which was earlier not possible. Take Jio telecommunication services for an example, which has shown an exponential growth in online subscribers just because of its cheaper cost and affordability. However, I believe due to this, both kids and adults are more likely to stay online than outside.


On the other hand, more and more people are getting lost in the virtual world by the minute. They do not even have the desire to go out and meet in-person simply because they can meet and talk virtually. This has impacted the kids specifically in a negative way, they no longer wish to play outside and engage in physical activities as the video games are getting popular day by day. In a recent survey in USA, it was found that more than 70 percent of the subjects under the age of 16 would rather play on their computers than on a field. I believe this harms the society more than it benefits.


In conclusion, although today’s devices and internet capabilities have made it possible for us to maintain contact in the virtual world, they do not ensure expansion of our sociability because as we become more and more dependant on these, the more we tend to stay confined and hesitant to meeting in the real world.


a tad bit bigger(347 words)

 

[H0peAndFa1th]

Hi Guys, @cansha @H0peAndFa1th @artificial.nocturne please evaluate this essay.

I am a little worried, till now all essays that I wrote, were just typed essays, today I tried writing on paper and it took me 52 minutes to write the below essay.

were you reading this whole thread, religiously ?

my own experiences ?? about why I failed ?

well now you can relate.

Some people think residents should keep their streets clean and tidy while others say it is the government’s responsibility.

Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some are of the view that the residents should maintain the tidiness and sanitation of the streets, whilst others say that it is the sole responsibility of government. This essay believes that (avoid that language) although the residents pay the taxes for maintaining the orderliness and cleaning of the streets, the residents can identify the sources of contaminants and waste easily due to their long presence in the area compared to government-appointed housekeepers.

This essay believes that
IELTS examiners don't like this, one of them told me personally, may be it varies person to person, but I don't like it either.

...can identify the sources of contaminants....

it is saying about discovery, what about action ?
prompt is talking about action, which is, who should do it ?
you are not talking about action

you can say,
residents can take better care or whatever, which can insinuate something about action ?

Residents are bound to pay various taxes, levied by the government on account of providing various services, which also includes the tax for maintaining the cleanliness and sanitation in the surrounding of residential areas. The money collected in the form of tax, from residents, is utilized for hiring third-party housekeeping services, which is given the responsibility to maintain the cleaning of residential areas. For example, a recent survey suggests, in developed countries, civilians pay about 3% of the total income in the form of tax for cleaning and sanitation.

again, well written para, 7 bands minimum, but you didn't mention about action,

just complete it by saying, that, therefore, if government charge tax, it is also ought to take of the job/cleanness, must be held accountable, must take the responsibility etc etc

u got the idea ? right ?

Residents and occupants, who have a longer presence in the areas stand responsible to maintain the cleanliness in the surroundings. Because of their long presence, they can gauge for the sources of contamination and the wastages, be it people from next house or someone from another street and this can be informed to the concerned contractor or the housekeeper, responsible for maintaining the cleanliness. Therefore, necessary action can be taken for eliminating the source of waste and contamination. For example, according to The Earth, a television channel, in societies, where people own the responsibility to maintain the surroundings clean are found much cleaner, compare to those dependent on the government bodies for cleaning.

again, a little in the center, not far right or far left, make sure that, you support one idea clearly in one para,

sometimes, its hard to tell, what's wrong or what's right, or what is just no appropriate or acceptable.
confusing.

To conclude, in my opinion, though the civilians pay a hefty tax to the government for keeping the surroundings well cleaned, the locals must own the accountability for better control over the contaminants and waste.

for this one, you can get 7, I mean there are higher chances, let us say above 90%
but I don't trust examiners, simple, so simple that I have to state it in every review.

well written essay.

Missing things :

Should, Could, Might
Idiomatic language
not only but also
if, then, (conditional sentence)
however, nevertheless, despite this, in-spite of that,
dashes, colon, semi-colon
rare vocab ( which can me say "wow that's nice")

see, lots of things are missing, and people ask, why I don't get 7

Make this fucking list of these things, and must throw them in every essay to be sure that examiner have no chance to say no to you.

more: throw them in speaking too, make them your habit until u get 8777 - you must prevail.

In my last 3 test, I got 7 in writing, consistently, because of that.
yup, these last 3 test, was fulfilling 8777 requirement.

 

[H0peAndFa1th]

Some people think that modern technology is making people more sociable, while others think it is making them less sociable. Discuss both views and give your opinion

Some would argue that technological advancements have encouraged public to become more social, as opposed to the others who think that it has infact made a negative impact on their sociability. While the latest technical feat has enabled us to talk while watching each other over the air, I believe that it has made us so much dependant on itself that we hardly ever go out and physically meet one another.

great intro, nailed it,
if you or somebody is reading this, then they can see that, it is clearly different from most of the essays in this thread.

language/deliver is a bit sophisticated, elegant, or say have a class

On the one hand, the current electronic communicators have provided us with the power to get in touch whenever we feel like (avoid the word "LIKE" in your essay, always, it is reason of vague language. say "whenever we feel the need to" ). Newer versions of these devices have inbuilt cameras, with the help of which, we can attend video calls with the person on the other end of the globe. This in turn allows us to stay in touch with distant friends which was earlier not possible.

Take Jio telecommunication services for an example, which has shown an exponential growth in online subscribers just because of its cheaper cost and affordability.

However (seems like wrong use of it), I believe due to this, both kids and adults are more likely to stay online than outside.

most will fail to see, even cheap examiners, but this example is out of context, thus, u have a faulty conclusion, which can lead to 6.5

you could say, that, 4G has enabled us to make video calls, and there is 60% rise in live face-to-face calls in last 5 years.
something like that, which can imply that, "technology is making people more sociable" or say support your first para idea.

are you getting it ?

then
I believe due to this, both kids and adults are more likely to stay online than outside.

say that, families are more in touch with each others. etc etc,
staying online does not mean >> "technology is making people more sociable"

hope you can understand the fine differences here, it is crucial,
my early failures are related to this problem. nobody told me anything.

On the other hand, more and more people are getting lost in the virtual world by the minute. They do not even have the desire to go out and meet in-person simply because they can meet and talk virtually. This has impacted the kids specifically in a negative way, they no longer wish to play outside and engage in physical activities as the video games are getting popular day by day. In a recent survey in USA, it was found that more than 70 percent of the subjects under the age of 16 would rather play on their computers than on a field. I believe this harms the society more than it benefits.

subjects << wrong word mate,

in ielts there are candidates
in class there are students
in army there are soldiers
in survey there are participants,
in experiment there are subjects
in study there could participants,subjects,candidates or members of group,

so be careful with these kind of things.

In conclusion, although today’s devices and internet capabilities have made it possible for us to maintain contact in the virtual world, they do not ensure expansion of our sociability because as we become more and more dependant on these, the more we tend to stay confined and hesitant to meeting in the real world.


a tad bit bigger(347 words)

this is clearly a 7 band essay, but you can get 7.5 bands easily.

just read the review above, and find the list, see you are missing those same things
here : https://www.canadavisa.com/canada-immigration-discussion-board/threads/ielts-writing-for-band-7-or-above.540392/page-111#post-7783861

 

[velocityblood]

were you reading this whole thread, religiously ?

my own experiences ?? about why I failed ?

well now you can relate. Yes bro now I relate.






This essay believes that
IELTS examiners don't like this, one of them told me personally, may be it varies person to person, but I don't like it either. Ok bro! why I am using this is because I read in the band descriptor that, the writer must provide a clear position through out the essay, can you help me decode that?

...can identify the sources of contaminants....

it is saying about discovery, what about action ?
prompt is talking about action, which is, who should do it ?
you are not talking about action

you can say,
residents can take better care or whatever, which can insinuate something about action ? Ok, I got it.




again, well written para, 7 bands minimum, but you didn't mention about action,

just complete it by saying, that, therefore, if government charge tax, it is also ought to take of the job/cleanness, must be held accountable, must take the responsibility etc etc

u got the idea ? right ? Yes


again, a little in the center, not far right or far left, make sure that, you support one idea clearly in one para,

sometimes, its hard to tell, what's wrong or what's right, or what is just no appropriate or acceptable.
confusing.




for this one, you can get 7, I mean there are higher chances, let us say above 90%
but I don't trust examiners, simple, so simple that I have to state it in every review.

well written essay.

Missing things :

Should, Could, Might
Idiomatic language
not only but also
if, then, (conditional sentence)
however, nevertheless, despite this, in-spite of that,
dashes, colon, semi-colon
rare vocab ( which can me say "wow that's nice")

see, lots of things are missing, and people ask, why I don't get 7

Make this fucking list of these things, and must throw them in every essay to be sure that examiner have no chance to say no to you. Sure!

more: throw them in speaking too, make them your habit until u get 8777 - you must prevail. Ok.

In my last 3 test, I got 7 in writing, consistently, because of that.
yup, these last 3 test, was fulfilling 8777 requirement. Oh that is great bro... but what made you write it even after 8777 are you chasing CLB 10?

 

[H0peAndFa1th]

This essay believes that
IELTS examiners don't like this, one of them told me personally, may be it varies person to person, but I don't like it either.
Ok bro! why I am using this is because I read in the band descriptor that, the writer must provide a clear position through out the essay, can you help me decode that?

that does not make your position clear.

what makes your position clear.

intro : introduce correct topic, same thing with paraphasing - don't change the topic or digress
para : give idea, support it, explain it, conclude it. - don't contradict the idea - don't change the topic or digress
conclude the whole essay, same idea's, not new ones, - don't change the topic or digress

that is a picture of clear position.

In my last 3 test, I got 7 in writing, consistently, because of that.
yup, these last 3 test, was fulfilling 8777 requirement. Oh that is great bro... but what made you write it even after 8777 are you chasing CLB 10?

they were pre-booked, without waiting for the results.