IELTS - Writing - For Band 7 or Above.
- Thread starter H0peAndFa1th
- Start date
Not sure of exact band but it would be less than 7.
qaziarslantariq said: ↑
An increasing number of children are overweight which could result many problems when they grow older both in terms of their health and health care costs.
Why do you think so many children are overweight?
what could be done to solve this problem?
A continuous increase has been seen recently in the number of children getting obese. This may lead to several health problems and medication Medical issues to cure obesity related diseases. This essay is going to discuss some of the possible causes of obesity and its solutions.
https://www.canadavisa.com/canada-immigration-discussion-board/threads/ielts-writing-for-band-7-or-above.540392/page-90#post-7568485 point 1.5 and 1.6. Weak introduction!
First and for most foremost reason of fatness is massive usage of fast food in kids. Please never use such words "fatness" on IELTS essay. Only possibly words you can use in this essay are obesity / obese and overweight
Burgers and sandwiches have become an effective replacement, in terms of cost and time, of usual homemade food for most of the parents. Hence, such eatables containing higher levels of cholesterol and fats are resulting in weight gain for children. This issue can be resolved by moving back to the conventional food, cooked at home. And governments ought to discourage fast food chains to offer cheap child-offers by imposing heavy taxes.
Okay
Secondly, lack of exercise has also resulted in increasing fatness in teens. With the arrival of gaming apps in tablets and mobiles, children have stopped doing any sort of physical activities. For instance, during late 90’s I was unable to find any empty Cricket or Football ground in my town.
Such was the rush and amount of children taking part in physical games. Things now, however,
This problem can be fixed through offering incentives on taking part in physical activities.
Academics should include a subject of physical activities at primary and secondary level of education. This was probably the best idea in essay but sadly just one line and hidden away.
Moreover, imposing levies on internet usage and social media apps can cure this disease too. Don't write just for the sake of it. First this idea is hanging with no development. How would you put levies? How would that work? Without explaining all of that this is not helping.
To conclude, this essay has thoroughly discussed different causes of increase in numbers of children becoming fat and presented several solutions to overcome this continuously growing problem.
Weak conclusion. Again refer to this post https://www.canadavisa.com/canada-immigration-discussion-board/threads/ielts-writing-for-band-7-or-above.540392/page-90#post-7568485
@cansha
Dear sir. I tried to write an essay as per your instructions on my previous attempts. please check it.
Thank you.
Employers sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal information such as their hobbies and interests and whether they are married or single. Some people say that this information may be relevant and useful, others disagree.
Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Job seekers are occasionally asked about private data related to their matrimonial affairs and leisure time activities by the recruiters. For some people such data might be effective while few opine against its collection. I believe that the factors like being married or single, severely effect a person’s punctuality and job output.
Firstly, married person carries more family responsibilities such as earning bread and butter, taking care of health issues and housing accommodation, etc. Hence, companies have to increase their budget in case of hiring a married person. Oppositely, single person requires lesser amount of facilities owing to which recruiters prefer them upon married persons. Take my company, for instance, where average annual budget of a worker with family is approximately 30% higher than that of an unmarried one. Thus, gathering personal data becomes of a formidable importance for organizations.
Workers’ performance gets also influenced by their interests like sporting activities and I have seen it, especially, for office staff. In my previous organization, whenever there had been an Indo-Pak Cricket match; half of the staff either had taken a day off or left the office earlier. Similarly, hobbies like surfing the internet or using social media applications are also worthwhile considerations for the hiring organizations. The University of Punjab’s monthly journal published a report in August, 2018; which states that textile mills with social media usage restrictions got 10% more production than those who have not done so.
To sum up, collecting personal data like a person’s hobbies or marital status does help recruiters in sorting out best possible employees for the required job due to factors like budgeting, production and punctuality.
Dear sir. I tried to write an essay as per your instructions on my previous attempts. please check it.
Thank you.
Employers sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal information such as their hobbies and interests and whether they are married or single. Some people say that this information may be relevant and useful, others disagree.
Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Job seekers are occasionally asked about private data related to their matrimonial affairs and leisure time activities by the recruiters. For some people such data might be effective while few opine against its collection. I believe that the factors like being married or single, severely effect a person’s punctuality and job output.
Firstly, married person carries more family responsibilities such as earning bread and butter, taking care of health issues and housing accommodation, etc. Hence, companies have to increase their budget in case of hiring a married person. Oppositely, single person requires lesser amount of facilities owing to which recruiters prefer them upon married persons. Take my company, for instance, where average annual budget of a worker with family is approximately 30% higher than that of an unmarried one. Thus, gathering personal data becomes of a formidable importance for organizations.
Workers’ performance gets also influenced by their interests like sporting activities and I have seen it, especially, for office staff. In my previous organization, whenever there had been an Indo-Pak Cricket match; half of the staff either had taken a day off or left the office earlier. Similarly, hobbies like surfing the internet or using social media applications are also worthwhile considerations for the hiring organizations. The University of Punjab’s monthly journal published a report in August, 2018; which states that textile mills with social media usage restrictions got 10% more production than those who have not done so.
To sum up, collecting personal data like a person’s hobbies or marital status does help recruiters in sorting out best possible employees for the required job due to factors like budgeting, production and punctuality.
@cansha ,
Please if you can review it at the earliest as i have test tomorrow, appreciate your early feedback.
Nuclear Energy is a better choice for meeting increasing demand, agree or disagree ?
The energy demand is on rise for last few decades. Some people believe that nuclear resource is a good option to meet this need. In my opinion, I agree that nuclear energy is good option because unlike, fossil fuels its available in abundance and does not create environment pollution, as long as certain precautions are taken.
Firstly, one of the benefits of nuclear energy over other resources is its availability. Unlike fossil fuels which takes million of years to form and are available in limited reserves or natural resources like wind and water which are only available certain places, nuclear energy is manmade and can be produced as per our need. For instance, study indicates that based on current use we will run of fossil fuels in few decades.
Additionally, another advantage of nuclear energy is low polution. Usage of fossil fuels in energy production or other purposes leads to emission of harmful gases in atmosphere causing environmental harm, in particular air polution which is a big reason of worry in these times giving rise to global warming. One solution to this is use of nuclear resource which will help in reducing this phenomenon.
Although nuclear energy has various pros, one of its con is unstable nature is nuclear fuels. Outbreak at a nuclear plant can have devastating effects for the area, for many years to come.
In conclusion, nuclear energy is an ideal choice to meet huge energy needs, owing to its benefits of low pollution and unlimited availability. But it should be handled responsibly to prove its worth.
Can i get 7 in this ?
Please if you can review it at the earliest as i have test tomorrow, appreciate your early feedback.
Nuclear Energy is a better choice for meeting increasing demand, agree or disagree ?
The energy demand is on rise for last few decades. Some people believe that nuclear resource is a good option to meet this need. In my opinion, I agree that nuclear energy is good option because unlike, fossil fuels its available in abundance and does not create environment pollution, as long as certain precautions are taken.
Firstly, one of the benefits of nuclear energy over other resources is its availability. Unlike fossil fuels which takes million of years to form and are available in limited reserves or natural resources like wind and water which are only available certain places, nuclear energy is manmade and can be produced as per our need. For instance, study indicates that based on current use we will run of fossil fuels in few decades.
Additionally, another advantage of nuclear energy is low polution. Usage of fossil fuels in energy production or other purposes leads to emission of harmful gases in atmosphere causing environmental harm, in particular air polution which is a big reason of worry in these times giving rise to global warming. One solution to this is use of nuclear resource which will help in reducing this phenomenon.
Although nuclear energy has various pros, one of its con is unstable nature is nuclear fuels. Outbreak at a nuclear plant can have devastating effects for the area, for many years to come.
In conclusion, nuclear energy is an ideal choice to meet huge energy needs, owing to its benefits of low pollution and unlimited availability. But it should be handled responsibly to prove its worth.
Can i get 7 in this ?
No need to call me sir buddy!
Job seekers are occasionally asked about private data related to their matrimonial affairs and leisure time activities by the recruiters. For some people such data might be effective while few opine against its collection. Good
I believe that the factors like being married or single, severely effect a person’s punctuality and job output. Good that you are giving a glimpse of your opinion. But you have completely missed the essay wants you to discuss both views. You have focused only on one side.
Firstly, married person carries more family responsibilities such as earning bread and butter, taking care of health issues and housing accommodation, etc. Hence, companies have to increase their budget in case of hiring a married person. Oppositely, single person requires lesser amount of facilities owing to which recruiters prefer them upon married persons. I seriously don't understand this argument at all.
Take my company, for instance, where average annual budget of a worker with family is approximately 30% higher than that of an unmarried one. Thus, gathering personal data becomes of a formidable importance for organizations.
Workers’ performance gets also may also get influenced by their interests like sporting activities and I have seen it, especially, for office staff. Too informal
In my previous organization, whenever there had been an Indo-Pak Cricket match; half of the staff either had taken a day off or left the office earlier. Similarly, hobbies like surfing the internet or using social media applications are also worthwhile considerations for the hiring organizations. The University of Punjab’s monthly journal published a report in August, 2018; which states that textile mills with social media usage restrictions got 10% more production than those who have not done so. I kind of get it what you are trying to say but the arguments nonetheless are pretty weak.
To sum up, collecting personal data like a person’s hobbies or marital status does help recruiters in sorting out best possible employees for the required job due to factors like budgeting, production and punctuality. Read again on conclusion https://www.canadavisa.com/canada-immigration-discussion-board/threads/ielts-writing-for-band-7-or-above.540392/page-90#post-7568485
Overall I do see effort and progress in terms of structuring your essay. You have almost nailed the introduction in this one. But the task response is still an issue. Even if I keep your current arguments aside you have completely missed the task of "discussing both sides". You need to be more careful in reading questions and respond accordingly.
One more area I see is that you are probably struggling in idea generation. There are no easy solutions and only way is to read up more and creat an "idea bank". The topics on IELTS are pretty much standard and hence not difficult to do. But you need to be diligent about it.
All the best!
The energy demand is on the rise for in the last few decades. Some people believe that nuclear resource is a good option to meet this need. In my opinion, I agree Just write one either In my opinion or I agree. "I agree" is an opinion.
that nuclear energy is a good option because unlike, fossil fuels its available in abundance and does not create environment pollution, as long as certain precautions are taken. Good introduction structure. A few grammar errors are there though.
Firstly, one of the benefits of nuclear energy over other resources is its availability. Unlike fossil fuels which takes take million of years to form and are available in limited reserves or natural resources like wind and water which are only available at certain places, nuclear energy is manmade man-made and can be produced as per our need. For instance, a study indicates that based on current use we will run out of fossil fuels in few decades.
Additionally, another advantage of nuclear energy is low polution pollution. Usage of fossil fuels in energy production or other purposes leads to emission of harmful gases in atmosphere causing environmental harm, in particular air polution pollution which is a big reason of worry in these times giving rise to global warming. One solution to this is use of nuclear resource which will help in reducing this phenomenon.
Too many small small errors. Ideas are good.
Although nuclear energy has various pros, one of its con is unstable nature is nuclear fuels. Outbreak at a nuclear plant can have devastating effects for the area, for many years to come.
Such a short second body paragraph??
In conclusion, nuclear energy is an ideal choice to meet huge energy needs, owing to its benefits of low pollution and unlimited availability. But it should be handled responsibly to prove its worth.
Can i get 7 in this ?
There were quite a few small grammatical errors and you need to be careful about those on exam day. Spend some time reviewing your essay. Also, on the exam it would be better to write a little bit more in the second paragraph. But the first BP content was good.
All the best for the exam.
Actually, my 2nd Body paragraph is the "Addionally one " as below.
Firstly, one of the benefits of nuclear energy over other resources is its availability. Unlike fossil fuels which takes take million of years to form and are available in limited reserves or natural resources like wind and water which are only available at certain places, nuclear energy is manmade man-madeand can be produced as per our need. For instance, a study indicates that based on current use we will run out of fossil fuels in few decades.
Additionally, another advantage of nuclear energy is low pollution. Usage of fossil fuels in energy production or other purposes leads to emission of harmful gases in atmosphere causing environmental harm, in particular air pollution which is a big reason of worry in these times giving rise to global warming. One solution to this is use of nuclear resource which will help in reducing this phenomenon.
and pollution was typo error while typing it on laptop.
please suggest the score considering these
Ok if that was your second paragraph then it looks much better. But I still think this line was a little abrupt "Although nuclear energy has various pros, one of its con is unstable nature is nuclear fuels. Outbreak at a nuclear plant can have devastating effects for the area, for many years to come."Actually, my 2nd Body paragraph is the "Addionally one " as below.
Firstly, one of the benefits of nuclear energy over other resources is its availability. Unlike fossil fuels which takes take million of years to form and are available in limited reserves or natural resources like wind and water which are only available at certain places, nuclear energy is manmade man-madeand can be produced as per our need. For instance, a study indicates that based on current use we will run out of fossil fuels in few decades.
Additionally, another advantage of nuclear energy is low pollution. Usage of fossil fuels in energy production or other purposes leads to emission of harmful gases in atmosphere causing environmental harm, in particular air pollution which is a big reason of worry in these times giving rise to global warming. One solution to this is use of nuclear resource which will help in reducing this phenomenon.
and pollution was typo error while typing it on laptop.
please suggest the score considering these
Ignoring spelling / grammar mistakes on a good day you could get 7. But to be really sure you will have to ensure no spelling / grammar mistakes on exam day.
After being stuck at 6.5 in Writing, I finally have managed to end my IELTS journey.
I express my sincere thanks to @H0peAndFa1th and everyone else here, who have helped me to achieve this.
Best wishes guys
I express my sincere thanks to @H0peAndFa1th and everyone else here, who have helped me to achieve this.
Best wishes guys
Any band prediction bro?
Yesterday when I finished posting it, I re-read the essay question and knew it straight away that I have missed discussing the other's opinion.
Anyhow, I will try to work on it. Please if you could write a post to help people like me who lack in generating ideas to support their argument. It will be quite helpful for pupils like me. Thank you.
congratulations, was it your 5th attempt, you got 9 in both reading and listening this time, speaking 7.5, you know what, I am 100% sure that if you reevaluate this test, you can get 7.5 in writing and 8 in speaking, that's how they lower .5 bands in both modules.After being stuck at 6.5 in Writing, I finally have managed to end my IELTS journey.
I express my sincere thanks to @H0peAndFa1th and everyone else here, who have helped me to achieve this.
Best wishes guys
well, glad the crushing period ended for you, see you on the other side,
and best of luck to all those who are still struggling.
Since you missed the task response completely its likely 6.5.
For idea generation as I said there is no quick fix. I wrote a post related to idea generation and organizing here https://www.canadavisa.com/canada-immigration-discussion-board/threads/ielts-writing-for-band-7-or-above.540392/page-38#post-7269377