IELTS - Writing - For Band 7 or Above.

[mau123]

Hey guys. Would appreciate if you could comment on my letter:

Hi Ken,

I hope you're doing well. Sorry for not getting back to you sooner. It's been a crazy few days.

I'm writing to cancel our meeting which is scheduled for Friday afternoon. I'm really sorry, but I won't be able to meet-up with you. Again, I'm deeply sorry for any issues I've caused you. It was never my intention to hurt you.

The main reason why I'm no longer able to meet-up is that my partner got seriously injured and I have to take care of him. Last night, he slipped and fell. We are still in shock.

I hope you understand my situation. Also, I hope you'd be willing to reschedule our meeting. If yes, I suggest we meet at the coffee house which is near your office at 6pm next Thursday.

Please, let me know if you will be available.

Looking forward to your reply.

All the best,

Kyla

(153 words)

 

[kadeed]

Good paraphrasing of the topic line. I think it is a decent intro! Well done. Although I think focusing only one reason is a little thin. But let's look at the essay.


Okay its not entirely believable argument but the flow is good and it is simple to read.




See now your argument is not age but it is financial stability. Hence in your introduction you could have gone for this reason in addition to age.


I would probably take this argument to top of my list. I will start with this passage.




So the good thing about this essay it is easy to read and the flow is good. Validity of arguments aside more or less it is always on the topic.

I would make the arguments a little broad .. So age is a good point and I will start with that point in the very first para .. like you said teenage parents may need it. I think financial stability point was good .. just expand and it to say that with money they can ensure help if needed for example nannies etc.

Overall, I can see you are focusing on task response now and there were no big statements or stories .. this is good. Keep doing this.

@cansha
Thanks for the valuable feedback, will try my best to incorporate it in my next essay. Thanks again

 

[darshanmodi]

@cansha can you please evaluate my essay.

Some people prefer to help by making donation to local charities, while others prefer to donate national and international organizations. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

Many people have different preference when it comes to donation. On the one hand, many people like to donate to local charities for tackling issues specific to their areas. However, others feel they should donate to international organisations for a wider reach. The merits of both arguments will be analyzed before a conclusion is decided upon.

Advocates of those who prefer donating to local fundraising cite amelioration of local issues specific to their local vicinity as their reason. For instance, contributing to the Anna orphanage in my area can help childrens with their daily necessities. Although, this helps to the orphanage in a specific area but the reach is restricted and those in the secluded areas are impacted the most. Thus, the merits of this opinion are hard to support.

However, many other people's preferred choice of offering charity is to international organisations since it has a wide reach not only at state level but also at country level. By donating to WHO, for example, to fight a Polio cause can help childrens all over the country to fight this deadly disease. Thus, by contributing to international organisations you are helping for the cause at a bigger level. Therefore, the heightened benefits of this opinion can clearly be seen.

After looking at these two opposing points of view, although donating to local charities can help, but I believe, the reach would be much wider if it is donated to international organisations.

 

[cansha]

Hey guys.

Can you please provide feedback on my essay?

Question: Scientists agree that people ruin their health by eating junk food. Some people think that the best way to prevent people from eating junk food is to educate them, while others believe that this won’t work. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Answer:

First impression without even reading the essay is ... Why is the introduction para the longest para in the whole essay? There are only three lines but your lines are too long.

In recent years, there has been a growing debate in Canada over processed food and its effects on human health.

On one hand, there are individuals who argue that the best solution of preventing people from eating unhealthy food is to educate them about it and its negative effects, while others suggest that this technique there is no technique will not provide any results and should be completely abandoned. Find a way to shorten this line.

Personally, I strongly believe that informing society about the negative effects of junk food should help to increase awareness of the harm that junk food does and make people more aware of their food choices, which could eventually lead to an increase of the overall health.Increase of overall health ... what does it even mean?
Too many "awares" in the intro para. It is sounding repetitive in the introduction itself. Need to simplify the sentence. There are lots of words but message is small.

The introduction as I said looks longer than even the body paragraphs and there is no real meat in it. You can definitely shorten the sentences and avoid repetitive ideas.

There are no doubts that an education campaign about the negative effects of junk food can improve people's decision about their food choices and increase overall quality of life, especially health. Why is there no doubt? Look number 8 on this list. What you're saying here is similar to that sentence http://ieltsliz.com/ielts-writing-tips-sentences-to-avoid/ . Possibly something to avoid on IELTS.

According to scientific research, food is one the most important factors of human health. For example, it has been found that people who eat nutritionally rich foods such as nutrient-dense vegetables, protein-packed meats and fish; have a better quality of life longterm than those who choose to eat processed, usually salty and extremely oily, comma is not needed here foods.

Okay para.

However, many disagree and feel that education will not provide any value and individuals will continue consuming unhealthy products. This is like repeating line from introduction again. It is not getting you any points.

While this premise might be true, there are no scientific evidence to support such claim. Therefore, this claim should be questioned and an educational campaign implemented. Weak argument

That's it? That's the whole argument for other view.

In conclusion, while education could increase general awareness of the negative effects of junk food and improve society's health, there are people who do not support this claim and suggest to abandon it. You're repeating introduction again.

However, without testing education approach first, the final decision of whether it does or does not work cannot be made. Therefore, an education approach should be taken first.

(303 words)

Thank you.

This essay is far too repetitive and short on ideas and arguments. It can happen to all of us. It seems like you started writing the essay and just ran out of ideas midway. Also, you're not achieving the desired task response. The question is to discuss both views and you have hardly discussed the other view. You really need to understand this question type. I'm afraid such essay won't get a high band on the test.

I'm not sure if you have spent enough time to understand different essay types before attempting this one. If you go back a few pages I always say writing an actual essay is the last step in preparing to write an essay. You really need to understand the different essay types first and then learn how they are answered.

Positives are there are no big issues in terms of grammar although there are a few errors. So, I think it all boils down to making an effort in understanding essay topics and then spending sometime on organizing your thoughts. Just "writing essays" for practice won't help.

All the best!

 

[cansha]

@cansha can you please evaluate my essay.

Some people prefer to help by making donation to local charities, while others prefer to donate national and international organizations. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

Many people have different preference when it comes to donation. No value add line

On the one hand, many people like to donate to local charities for tackling issues specific to their areas. However, others feel they should donate to international organisations for a wider reach. Can you find a way to combining these sentences and reduce a few words?

The merits of both arguments will be analyzed before a conclusion is decided upon. if you have read my previous review you would know I think this line should be avoided.

I always disliked the third line you have written but then someone sent me a link telling me that ieltsliz also suggests the same. Literally number one on this list http://ieltsliz.com/ielts-writing-tips-sentences-to-avoid/

Also someone pointed out to me that Chris (never read his online lessons) uses this line. So take your pick. Personally, I think this line won't get you any points.

Overall introduction is basic.There is nothing new. It is not a bad thing per se. It is a safe introduction.

Advocates of those who prefer donating to local fundraising cite amelioration seems like a popular word these days. Not sure I like the use here. But it is not really incorrect. Find a few more synonyms for future use of local issues specific to their local vicinity as their reason. Overall phrasing of the sentence could be better.

For instance, contributing to the Anna orphanage in my area can help childrens really bad mistake. Plural of child is children. You don't need a s at the end. Such mistakes on actual IELTS will kill your essay. with their daily necessities. Although, this helps to the orphanage in a specific area but the reach is restricted and those in the secluded areas are impacted the most. Thus, the merits of this opinion are hard to support.

Okay I think you are probably following Chris' format. Someone made a point a few days back that he writes both views and then talks about whether he agrees / disagrees in the same para.

My problem with above is that the argument is really weak. There is still merit in the approach. Whether you give to local charity or a global charity it is not as if your money is going to impact more children if you give to global one. In local charity children of area A get benefit. In global may be children of Area B in a different country get benefit. Doesn't make donation to Charity A a bad one. You need more than that to make your argument here.

However, many other people's preferred choice of offering charity is to international organisations since it has a wide reach not only at state level but also at country level.
By donating to WHO, for example, to fight a Polio cause can help childrens same mistake all over the country to fight this deadly disease. Thus, by contributing to international organisations you are helping for the cause at a bigger level. Therefore, the heightened benefits of this opinion can clearly be seen.

Hmmm ... I think this topic is a tough one and you are basically making the same argument in two different paras with very similar language.

After looking at these two opposing points of view, although donating to local charities can help, but I believe, the reach would be much wider if it is donated to international organisations.

When I read the topic honestly .. I thought the topic was a tough one. I didn't spend much time but generally when I read a topic I have many ideas in first 5-10 seconds. This time there were none. Even if I had to write this one probably I had to think hard.

Having said that, the task response on this one won't be good enough for IELTS on exam day. So, pray that you don't get such topic on exam day. And basically think a bit more to generate more ideas for future essay or may be just google the topic. Also, not sure what is the word count is on this one. The essay seemed short.

Can't give any much feedback on this one .. because honestly there wasn't much in this essay. I will blame the topic for this one but hope to see another essay from you which hopefully would be better than this one.

All the best!

 

[darshanmodi]

@cansha please evaluate
You are going to another country to study. You would like to do a part time job while you are studying, so you want to ask a friend who lives there for some help.
write a letter to this friend. In your letter
-give details of your study plans
-explain why you want to get a part time job
-suggest how your friend could help you find a job.


Dear Patrick,
My date for departure to Canada is drawing near. I have enrolled for the Masters in IT program at the Toronto University. The whole course would last for around 3 years, which includes a year of onsite project assignment.

Undoubtedly, to support my living in this new country, I would like to opt for a part time work in the nearby local vicinity. Not only the part time job will help me with my sustenance, but also help me to save some money which I can send back to my family in India.

Since you are graduated from the same university you might know some of your friends who are currently working and can help me through their reference. Also, you might have your contacts outside University which can be of great help to me. Your help in this matter will be highly appreciated.

I look forward to seeing you soon.

Best Wishes,
John.

 

[darshanmodi]

I always disliked the third line you have written but then someone sent me a link telling me that ieltsliz also suggests the same. Literally number one on this list http://ieltsliz.com/ielts-writing-tips-sentences-to-avoid/

Also someone pointed out to me that Chris (never read his online lessons) uses this line. So take your pick. Personally, I think this line won't get you any points.

Overall introduction is basic.There is nothing new. It is not a bad thing per se. It is a safe introduction.


Okay I think you are probably following Chris' format. Someone made a point a few days back that he writes both views and then talks about whether he agrees / disagrees in the same para.

My problem with above is that the argument is really weak. There is still merit in the approach. Whether you give to local charity or a global charity it is not as if your money is going to impact more children if you give to global one. In local charity children of area A get benefit. In global may be children of Area B in a different country get benefit. Doesn't make donation to Charity A a bad one. You need more than that to make your argument here.



Hmmm ... I think this topic is a tough one and you are basically making the same argument in two different paras with very similar language.



When I read the topic honestly .. I thought the topic was a tough one. I didn't spend much time but generally when I read a topic I have many ideas in first 5-10 seconds. This time there were none. Even if I had to write this one probably I had to think hard.

Having said that, the task response on this one won't be good enough for IELTS on exam day. So, pray that you don't get such topic on exam day. And basically think a bit more to generate more ideas for future essay or may be just google the topic. Also, not sure what is the word count is on this one. The essay seemed short.

Can't give any much feedback on this one .. because honestly there wasn't much in this essay. I will blame the topic for this one but hope to see another essay from you which hopefully would be better than this one.

All the best!

Thank you for your evaluation. Will try to work on my weak areas in the next essay.

 

[cansha]

@cansha please evaluate
You are going to another country to study. You would like to do a part time job while you are studying, so you want to ask a friend who lives there for some help.
write a letter to this friend. In your letter
-give details of your study plans
-explain why you want to get a part time job
-suggest how your friend could help you find a job.

Dear Patrick,
This is an informal letter to a friend. You can be a little more informal in this one. Ask your friend how is he etc. or hope you're doing fine. This way you atleast use one contraction "you're" which is considered good for informal letters in IELTS.

My date for departure to Canada is drawing near. I have enrolled for in the Masters in IT program at the Toronto University. The whole course would last for around 3 years, which includes a year of onsite project assignment.

Fine

Undoubtedly, to support my living in this new country, I would like to opt for a part time work in the nearby local vicinity. Not only the part time job will help me with my sustenance, but also help me to save some money which I can send back to my family in India.

Fine

Since you are graduated from the same university you might know some of your friends who are currently working and can help me through their reference. Also, you might have your contacts outside University which can be of great help to me. Your help in this matter will be highly appreciated.

I look forward to seeing you soon.

Best Wishes,
John.

Good ... good task response and good flow. You should not have any issues in task 1. Focus on task 2.

 

[darshanmodi]

Fine


Fine



Good ... good task response and good flow. You should not have any issues in task 1. Focus on task 2.

Thanks once again for evaluating my letter.

 

[mau123]

Use Weprep app in google play store

Hi thanks I checked them and they only accept payments from the US. I'm not US based...

 

[priteshgondalia]

Hi, Please evaluate this essay.

In some countries, young people from countryside tend to move to towns and cities, while older people stay.
What possible problems this might cause?
Provide solutions that can be taken to solve this problem?

More and more adolescents and adults from rural regions are choosing to live and work in metropolitan areas and prefer to leave their old parents in their native places. As a result, the unemployment rate will rise in cities, but this can be tackled by encouraging employers to enact their industries in the countryside and developing diverse social facilities in these areas.

The main problem is that the competition in a job market will have a rapid rise in urban centers since an increasing number of young workers choose to move to these regions for better job opportunities and standards of living. Consequently, some professionals, who do not possess contemporary skills and work abilities, tend to face several problems while finding a well-paid job, which can also lead to monetary issues in their day-to-day life. Another problem is that older people would feel alone and depressed as they would not have their children with them to support in their older age. Since people often face numerous health issues at this stage of life, leaving older people in villages can have a detrimental impact on them.

One effective solution to deal with young people choosing to live in cities is for their government to encourage them to stay in the countryside by offering better work conditions. This can be done by providing financial subsidies and tax discounts to organizations which enact their headquarters in underdeveloped regions and employ local workers for their workforce. Another possible answer is for the countryside to offer better standards of living, more tolerance and a positive future as a way to entice their professionals back to their native villages.

To summarize, due to higher competition, young individuals migrating to cities for improved lifestyle can face difficulties in finding professional jobs, which can only be alleviated by enticing young workers to remain in their places of origin through better conditions.

Thanks

 

[darshanmodi]

@cansha please evaluate
Write a letter to a friend. You have borrowed something from your friend and it was damaged

-apologize for damaging the product
-explain what happened
-say how are you going to fix the issue

Dear Patrick,

I hope you're fine. I am writing this letter to let you know why I haven't returned your iPod music player which I took from you couple of months back. First, I apologize for damaging your favorite music player and I know it would be difficult for you to stay without it.

During my trip to Pune in last month, I was listening to music from your player while I was driving my motorbike. Soon, all of a sudden, it started to rain heavily, and I wasn't aware that it is not IP68 certified for water proofing. Owing to this, it just stopped functioning and is not turning on.

But the good news is, I have already placed a new order for the same player during last week's Black Friday sale, which will be delivered straight at your doorstep.

Once again, I feel sorry for whatever happened. I hope you will forgive me.

Best Wishes,
John

 

[darshanmodi]

@cansha please evaluate

Some people say that supermarkets and manufacturers should reduce the amount of products which include a lot of packaging. Others say that we should be responsible and avoid the products which have a lot of packaging. Discuss both the views and give your opinion.

Many people have different opinions about products with multiple layers of packing. On one hand, it is said that supermarkets and manufacturers should decrease the products with too much of packing, others think that it is the responsibility of the users of these products. In my opinion, it should be the duty of end users to refrain from such products which will save the environment.

On one hand, some people opine that production companies on supermarkets should minimise the production of items with more packaging because they think it can bring down the overall cost of the product. In other words, if less materials are required for packaging it can substantially lower down the total cost of the item. To illustrate, instead of using multiple layers of cardboard for Kellogs, only one can be used. Also, this will in turn, increase the productivity since less time is spent in packaging.

On the other hand, some people think that it is the responsibility of the consumers to stop purchasing such product and I agree. By not using such products, people can contribute towards the environment. Amul milk, for instance, in multiple plastic packaging requires more amount of plastic. Simply, by switching to a different brand which does not have unnecessary layers of packing the amount of plastic in circulation can be drastically reduced.

In conclusion, while reducing package packing my manufacturing companies and supermarkets can bring down the total cost of the product, but I feel, that by stopping such products by the consumers can help a lot in protecting the environment.

 

[casamairah]

In many countries, women no longer feel the need to get married. Some people believe that this is because women are able to earn their own income and therefore do not require the financial security that marriage can bring. To what extent do you agree?


It is believed by many that Today's independent Women, being financially secure and able to earn their own livelihood, do not wish to marry a man for their financially stable future.In my opinion, i Staunchly agree to the notion of women feeling so, but i also believe that along with financial Security and self sufficiency, changed Societal norms in western nations are another main reason behind changed though process of females about getting married.

Marraige is basically a commitment by two persons to be together in every phase of life, whether good or bad. In a nutshell, the basic constitution of marriage surrounds on being each others Support and walking hand in hand through good and bad periods of life. And money is one of the most crucial factor that is kept in mind while deciding life partner.

In the bygone days, women, who were illiterate or if educated but not working, would marry a man, to enjoy good financial future. But western Cities are changed now, Literacy rate amongst women has gone up, and Government's initiative on increasing job opportunities and improving work environment for females have added fuel to the fire, thereby, increased number of Working Females. Today's modern Working Women do not feel the need to be dependent on someone else to pay for their expense, rather they feel happier and contented by being able enough to spend for themselves. As a result, the main reason why they would marry, has vanished, hence, they do not prioritise in their life.

Additionally, Society has also changed their thoughts about single women, earlier unmarried adult women was seen as a burden on their family members, especially parents, but not any more. Now, people have started respecting the idea that getting married or not is a matter of an individual's Choice, which in turn makes girls feel more confident and comfortable with their choice not getting married late or not at all.

the sum and substance of the above essay is that there is no iota of doubt that modern girl do not feel the need of getting married especially to support their finances in later stage of life, as they are independent enough to do it by own. Moreover, Society's changed behaviour has contributed their share on making them feel comfortable with their decisions.
@cansha please evaluate

 

[Sargunkaur]

Pls guys check my essay.... since travelling abroad became relatively inexpensive more countries opened their doors for foriegn tourists . Is it a negetive or positive trend? Give your opinion. Visiting foreign countries is not an expensive activity nowadays. Despite, many nations welcome foreign visitors in their countries. According to me , it is a positive development. In the following paragraphs, i shall intend to put forth my arguments to support my views. Even though travelling expenses to different nations have declined so far, it has plethora of benefits to offer. To begin with, tourism as an industry is growing with leaps and bounds. Distant landers come to the host countries , they stay in hotels, prefer local cuisenes and spend big chunks of money for sight seeing and buying souvenirs. Consequently , they contribute in developing economy of welcoming nations. Probing further, local people who deals with construction , maintainence and repair of tourist destinations earn their livelihood from there. To add to it local culture, customs, language, lifestyle, artifacts spread across the globe and gains recognition. Alongside, artists who involved in artworks get employment and reputation worldwide by exploring their arts. However, in order to attract the visitors tourist consultants have to reduce the amount of their packages. Aviation industry also offer discounts to increase the number of passangers. Henceforth , some masses ponder that travelling abroad has become cheaper compared to yesteryears. In the gist, from my perspective, although commuting is inexpensive , as a whole it contributes uncountable advantages as aforementioned. That is why more people open their doors for outlanders.