IELTS - Writing - For Band 7 or Above.
- Thread starter H0peAndFa1th
- Start date
You are right ... It is tricky! And I have always said Essays are subjective. I never read Chris so I don't know about him. I have followed Liz and I didn't follow everything she teaches, simply because it didn't sound logical to me. Like in this case. But Chris' approach sounds more logical to me but it is difficult to follow. You would really need good ideas to do that in very BP.
If I wanted to keep it simple I would always go with the view I didn't agree with. This gives me a chance to show why the view I agree with is better than other view. And how it overcomes some of the things which lack in the other option. In the end, do take in to account your comfort level in writing and mold your essay in accordance with your ideas at that time.
Decent enough introduction. I know the reason of your opinion as a reader.
My challenge with this essay so far is .. it is just too philosophical and hypothetical. There are no real examples, no real situations. Be specific what you mean by those sentences. Your argument right now sounds like Young folks should follow Elders because they are right because they have spent more years on earth. That's it. Is that a good enough argument? You decide. There is no real argument here actually.
As I said in one review before this is a tricky essay question .. discuss both sides and give your opinion. You can read the comments on a review I gave just before this one on essay structure for such questions. You can choose to have different essay structure as you have here. BUT the challenge will come because towards the end you are contradicting yourself. Or play smart and give some other reasons for other view. If your task response is good chances of your score being high increase. You can still score a high score with a weaker task response if your Vocab was really good etc. And you had a lot of complex sentences etc. BUT chances are you get 6.5 at first instance and scores increases in reval.
My personal approach for such questions is like this. There is Side A and Side B. Let's say I agree with Side B.I describe Side A and say people argue for this side because of X reason. But there is this drawback ... Now when I argue for Side B, I say side B doesn't have that drawback because of Y reasons and hence I agree with side B more. I found it simpler. There is no compulsion to follow this. But make sure you don't contradict yourself .. that is one sure shot way of getting a low score on task response.
Hello cansha, what do you think on this approach? I am taking the test tomorrow again, CBT at Montreal. Should I give it a try with this starting technique?
I'm not sure about this one. I, personally, wouldn't start with such opening. The sentences are very long. Even if you wanted to make a generic statement in introduction ... these sentences are far too long.
Hi @cansha and others- can you please review my essay?
Some people think that the government is wasting money on the arts and that this money could be better spent elsewhere.
To what extent do you agree with this view?
It’s believed by some people that spending money on the arts by the government is a waste and this expense can be better spent other than the arts. In my opinion, this view is narrow and overly simplistic. However, there should be an oversight for art expenditure so that the budget for the art remains balanced.
Firstly, art is not some leisurely activity that only rich people enjoys. Art is required for the well-being of the souls. A human can’t survive without air or food but the human can’t grow without art as art is the food for the soul. It broadens the horizon of the human mind and makes us more compassionate to our fellow citizens. Moreover, our history and culture are also preserved via art. As a result, investing money in the arts is as equally important as investing any social program that benefits the society.
On the other hand, like many of the government activities and expenses, expenditure in the arts is also prone to the mismanagement. A better way to control this is to have checks and balances throughout the process. For example, creating a committee with specialized people from different sectors and then use this committee to authorize the spending will minimize the waste. Moreover, auditing the expense and making the audit report public will also help as the common people can understand how the money is spent.
In conclusion, art is an important part of our socio-economic structure and it’s the responsibility of the government to invest money on it. However, the government must have an oversight to avoid any kind of wasteful spending.
Some people think that the government is wasting money on the arts and that this money could be better spent elsewhere.
To what extent do you agree with this view?
It’s believed by some people that spending money on the arts by the government is a waste and this expense can be better spent other than the arts. In my opinion, this view is narrow and overly simplistic. However, there should be an oversight for art expenditure so that the budget for the art remains balanced.
Firstly, art is not some leisurely activity that only rich people enjoys. Art is required for the well-being of the souls. A human can’t survive without air or food but the human can’t grow without art as art is the food for the soul. It broadens the horizon of the human mind and makes us more compassionate to our fellow citizens. Moreover, our history and culture are also preserved via art. As a result, investing money in the arts is as equally important as investing any social program that benefits the society.
On the other hand, like many of the government activities and expenses, expenditure in the arts is also prone to the mismanagement. A better way to control this is to have checks and balances throughout the process. For example, creating a committee with specialized people from different sectors and then use this committee to authorize the spending will minimize the waste. Moreover, auditing the expense and making the audit report public will also help as the common people can understand how the money is spent.
In conclusion, art is an important part of our socio-economic structure and it’s the responsibility of the government to invest money on it. However, the government must have an oversight to avoid any kind of wasteful spending.
@cansha I know you have a lot on your plate but please check this essay. You may ignore the part "This essay" as I know you are not fond of it (I think I read it somewhere). I am following Chris's format.
Question
Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required.
Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Answer
In order to positively effect society’s health, many believe adding more sports facilities is the best method, while others believe it would not change the outcome by much, in fact, they think other actions can result greater changes. This essay disagrees with the increment of the number of sports facilities in order to improve public’s health. This essay will discuss both points of view.
Some of the general public think by having more available sports outlets the overall health will significantly get better. However, I disagree with this statement because it solely depends on the will of the customers to participate these activities. Without the necessary motivation to come to these locations, it would be impossible to improve the wellbeing of the community. A recent publication by the Celebrity Fitness corporation stated only 40% of its members workout regularly in their outlets.
That is why other steps must be taken to cater the health of the people: Firstly, an awareness program must be initiated by the government, since it is responsible for the wellbeing of its citizens. This program will teach the detroriating effects of sedentary lifestyle, and, at the same time, it will educate the masses about the benefits of doing simple workout. For instance, by walking a mile a day, one would burn 5% of his calory intake for that day. Secondly, the government ought to impose higher taxes on unhealthy food and sugary drinks. This will make these products more expensive, and , as people do not like to pay for expensive items, they will look for substitute products.
In conclusion, although the opinion of the people differ significantly, I am against the idea of having more sports facilities to scale up the levels of the public health. Instead, initiating an awareness project as well as increasing the taxes on unbalanced diet products can be taken and led by the government to improve the health of the people.
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Word Count: 311 (second supporting para is higher than I wanted but it contains extra reason... normally per supporting para you would have one reason to support the claim but here the question asked 'other measureS'
Question
Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required.
Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Answer
In order to positively effect society’s health, many believe adding more sports facilities is the best method, while others believe it would not change the outcome by much, in fact, they think other actions can result greater changes. This essay disagrees with the increment of the number of sports facilities in order to improve public’s health. This essay will discuss both points of view.
Some of the general public think by having more available sports outlets the overall health will significantly get better. However, I disagree with this statement because it solely depends on the will of the customers to participate these activities. Without the necessary motivation to come to these locations, it would be impossible to improve the wellbeing of the community. A recent publication by the Celebrity Fitness corporation stated only 40% of its members workout regularly in their outlets.
That is why other steps must be taken to cater the health of the people: Firstly, an awareness program must be initiated by the government, since it is responsible for the wellbeing of its citizens. This program will teach the detroriating effects of sedentary lifestyle, and, at the same time, it will educate the masses about the benefits of doing simple workout. For instance, by walking a mile a day, one would burn 5% of his calory intake for that day. Secondly, the government ought to impose higher taxes on unhealthy food and sugary drinks. This will make these products more expensive, and , as people do not like to pay for expensive items, they will look for substitute products.
In conclusion, although the opinion of the people differ significantly, I am against the idea of having more sports facilities to scale up the levels of the public health. Instead, initiating an awareness project as well as increasing the taxes on unbalanced diet products can be taken and led by the government to improve the health of the people.
---------------------------------
Word Count: 311 (second supporting para is higher than I wanted but it contains extra reason... normally per supporting para you would have one reason to support the claim but here the question asked 'other measureS'
I like the intro. Add few words on why that view is simplistic which gives a glimpse of things to come.
Rather too philosophical in the beginning for me. But that is personal opinion. But there is just no comparison of art with other areas where money could be spent. There is absolutely no reference. I'm not sure I like it in that sense.
Overall no big issues of English. There are a few grammatical errors. I'm not very sure about the essay. It did kind of address the topic and kind of didn't. So I don't know how the examiner reading on a day will treat it for task response. But, the essay was easy to read and the flow was good. So I guess you can expect a band on higher side if your examiner was in a good mood.
Thanks. Will practice to use the stratergy shared by you and will check if it works for me.
Can you also comment on my grammer and sentence structure so I can work on it, if required.
Thanks in Advance.
Can you also comment on my grammer and sentence structure so I can work on it, if required.
Thanks in Advance.
Dear all, I have taken IELTS twice, with the following results: R 9, L 8.5, S 7.5, W 6.5 and R 8, L 9, S 7.5, W 6.5, and so practicing for the third attempt. 
Could you please comment on the sample essays below? Thank you in advance!
"1. Some employers want to be able to contact their staff at all times, even on holidays.
Does this development have more advantages than disadvantages?
A conspicuous tendency of reaching out employees during days-off has been reported recently. Nowadays, more and more employers wish their staff to be in touch even on their free time, causing both social and economic issues. These will be further discussed in more detail.
To begin with, the abovementioned phenomenon has a negative social impact. This means that would a person want to spend holidays or weekends with family and friends, or would he/she choose to do volunteer work, this will be barely possible if the employing organization or person continuously bothers them on their available days. As a result, the individual might face barriers while performing their social responsibilities. No wonder many prosperous and affluent countries force companies provide employees with regular and fixed vacations.
Another facet of this trend is the economic effect that may occur, whether workforce is disturbed all the time. Firstly, this would lead to labour becoming demotivated, or even more, wanting to quit their jobs. Such a development of events would upsurge turnover rates within the labour market and would hurt the economy dramatically. Secondly, the less available time an individual has, the more tired and less efficient he/she gets. In terms of business this can raise cost of goods offered by companies, also resulting in inflation. For example, a recent study conducted by Harvard Business School has shown that a properly managed work-life balance increases efficiency and effectiveness at work.
To conclude, in my opinion demerits of connecting to the staff on holidays do exceed the merits and can end up with a negative effect both from social and financial perspectives.
2. Some people think that the advantages of advertising sports products through famous sports players outweigh the disadvantages. To what extent do you agree?
It is generally accepted that despite the drawbacks of advertising sport merchandises with the help of well known athletes, this phenomenon has a beneficial impact both on the society and the sports players. In my opinion, the pro’s of promoting sports-related items in such a manner do overweigh the con’s for many reasons discussed below.
To begin with, the abovementioned way of advertisement campaigns stimulate the sales of sports goods in various ways. Firstly, a sports star will more likely raise awareness on sports goods, compared to an average individual. It is highly probable that a familiar athlete will draw people’s attention and will therefore upsurge the chances of the product to be sold. Secondly, it is worth mentioning that many children and teenagers get inspired by success stories of famous athletes and wish to follow their examples. This, with no doubt, leads to an increase in the sales of the promoted product.
Besides the aforementioned effects, this type of marketing strategy has a beneficial impact on the athletes, too. In other words, not only the target auditorium of the player gets to know the offered product, but also those, who didn’t previously know the celebrity will start getting interested in finding out, who the person is. For example, such famous soccer players as David Beckham and Pele are nowadays popular among non-soccer fans due to the marketing events they participated in.
To conclude, I believe that the involvement of a known sportsperson in advertisement of a sports item is a positive event, which both the selling companies and the ad person themselves can benefit from."
@cansha @H0peAndFa1th
Could you please comment on the sample essays below? Thank you in advance!"1. Some employers want to be able to contact their staff at all times, even on holidays.
Does this development have more advantages than disadvantages?
A conspicuous tendency of reaching out employees during days-off has been reported recently. Nowadays, more and more employers wish their staff to be in touch even on their free time, causing both social and economic issues. These will be further discussed in more detail.
To begin with, the abovementioned phenomenon has a negative social impact. This means that would a person want to spend holidays or weekends with family and friends, or would he/she choose to do volunteer work, this will be barely possible if the employing organization or person continuously bothers them on their available days. As a result, the individual might face barriers while performing their social responsibilities. No wonder many prosperous and affluent countries force companies provide employees with regular and fixed vacations.
Another facet of this trend is the economic effect that may occur, whether workforce is disturbed all the time. Firstly, this would lead to labour becoming demotivated, or even more, wanting to quit their jobs. Such a development of events would upsurge turnover rates within the labour market and would hurt the economy dramatically. Secondly, the less available time an individual has, the more tired and less efficient he/she gets. In terms of business this can raise cost of goods offered by companies, also resulting in inflation. For example, a recent study conducted by Harvard Business School has shown that a properly managed work-life balance increases efficiency and effectiveness at work.
To conclude, in my opinion demerits of connecting to the staff on holidays do exceed the merits and can end up with a negative effect both from social and financial perspectives.
2. Some people think that the advantages of advertising sports products through famous sports players outweigh the disadvantages. To what extent do you agree?
It is generally accepted that despite the drawbacks of advertising sport merchandises with the help of well known athletes, this phenomenon has a beneficial impact both on the society and the sports players. In my opinion, the pro’s of promoting sports-related items in such a manner do overweigh the con’s for many reasons discussed below.
To begin with, the abovementioned way of advertisement campaigns stimulate the sales of sports goods in various ways. Firstly, a sports star will more likely raise awareness on sports goods, compared to an average individual. It is highly probable that a familiar athlete will draw people’s attention and will therefore upsurge the chances of the product to be sold. Secondly, it is worth mentioning that many children and teenagers get inspired by success stories of famous athletes and wish to follow their examples. This, with no doubt, leads to an increase in the sales of the promoted product.
Besides the aforementioned effects, this type of marketing strategy has a beneficial impact on the athletes, too. In other words, not only the target auditorium of the player gets to know the offered product, but also those, who didn’t previously know the celebrity will start getting interested in finding out, who the person is. For example, such famous soccer players as David Beckham and Pele are nowadays popular among non-soccer fans due to the marketing events they participated in.
To conclude, I believe that the involvement of a known sportsperson in advertisement of a sports item is a positive event, which both the selling companies and the ad person themselves can benefit from."
@cansha @H0peAndFa1th
Sure,no problem. I thought so too. let me not take a chance then. Thank you for your time again !
Nothing too worrying there. I already highlighted any mistakes in the review.
Dear Cansha, I actually did and received the results just after 2 days, saying that my score didn't change.
Are my essays any better than band 6.5? And do you know if I can appeal the re-mark? I honestly don't know in which direction to move.