Please review.
Some people say that in all levels of education, from primary schools to universities, too much time is spent on learning facts and not enough on learning practical skills.
Do you agree or disagree?
Ans : There is an ongoing debate as to what should be the focus of education. While some people believe that learning facts is more important, others stress on practical skills. In my opinion, the purpose of education should be to focus on the theory and facts of the subjects, and not on practical skills.
Ok decent intro. Nothing great but not bad either. Your stand was unexpected. I think most people would have argued for practical experience. So., I guess it already makes your essay interesting.
Firstly, I believe that the purpose of school and university education is to provide the theoretical and factual foundation which would provide the underpinnings of a person's learning. Although practical skills are important, they can be picked up easily once the theoretical foundation has been laid properly, since it is then only a matter of applying the knowledge to real world problems.
Secondly, education is not meant to create a workforce ready for employment. Even though the high cost of education necessitates that due importance be given to practical skills that would help with employment prospects, education is meant to broaden one's horizons and teach one critical thinking skills.
Lastly, I would give the example of my learning of database technologies in university. While I did not delve too deeply into a practically useful database system, I was taught how to design database systems, the common issues faced in doing so, and how the underlying systems worked. This provided me with a basic understanding of databases that I could utilise to understand the working of any database system out there. I believe this is more useful than having narrow but practical experience in a single database system.
In conclusion, I believe that schools and universities are right in not spending too much time on learning practical skills, which I believe are secondary to picking up theoretical and factual knowledge.
I actually have no words. I have never seen someone write so clear, concise and with such good flow and such an easy language. This is your second essay and its very similar to first in all these points. I never have to read your essay twice and as I'm reading it I know all the points you are making.
Okay now to point a few things which I won't say I don't like but something for you to consider. The structure firstly, secondly, ... has been killed to death in IELTS so may be think of something else. BUT it woks here totally.
Again this is not something I have ever done. Make arguments in first two paras and have one big example in last para. It is definitely odd compared to essay structures taught everywhere but honestly I can't find any fault with it. Not sure how examiners would treat it.
Only place where your essay may score less is lexical resources because you don't use less frequent words. But, honestly do not chase that.
In my book I don't see a reason of this essay not getting 7/7.5. 8 may be difficult given how they have been marking essays.
Editing the post to add this. See the link
http://ieltsliz.com/ielts-writing-tips-sentences-to-avoid/
Liz argues not to use broaden horizons line on essay. But I think here the line was not unnatural. But, still something to ponder over and may be find different ways of saying that.