IELTS - Writing - For Band 7 or Above.
- Thread starter H0peAndFa1th
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Hii Cansha please evaluate my essay i had faced this in my real exam yesterday...
task 2
Far more attention is paid in the society on men's sport than women's sport .
What are the reasons behind this ?
Do you think its positive or negative situation
IN THIS MODERN ERA,SPORTS ARE BECOMING INCRESINGLY POPULAR AMONG ALL TYPES OF INDIVIDUALS INCLUDING BOTH SEXES.HOWEVER ,OFTENLY GOVERNMENT AND OTHER SPORTS ORGANISATION SPENT HIGH INCOME ON ONLY MEN's games due to some core reasons rather than women's sports activities .However,in my poing of view this tendency is negative due to unequlibrium among both genders.On the other hand,this is not an insurmountable problem if governments and sports organisation take some prudent decision to curtail with this issue.
Initially,the two most significant reasons why high amount of money make only on men's sports activities as compared to female games.Firstly, high amount of salary:Men have handsome ration of incentives in each and every game rather than girls so government usually focus on them than girls.Secondly,Stronger availabilty of bone powers among men.There are some rare games which only played by boys due to their high frequency of power .Horse Sports competition,for instance,which is only played by men owing to their strongestness of power.In short these are two secondary reasons about this.
On the contrary ,In my opinion , i believe that this notion is relatively adverse impact on society due to some reason.Why this I mean is that Society always take unequilibrium balance among boys ang girls due to their rights .To be more precise,girls have also rights to do those task which is only preferable for men so this is entirely unfare in the behalf of girls.On the other hand,this is not an issue if society take prudent decision to balance this tendency .
To encapsulate,this essay discussed some most significant reasons why money only invest on male's sports including high power of stronger availability of bones and handsome remunerations.However,in my opinion this notion is undoubtedly adverse impact on society due to unbalance in girls and boys .Personaly ,the sollution to cope with this is take careful decisions by sports managment as well as governments
task 2
Far more attention is paid in the society on men's sport than women's sport .
What are the reasons behind this ?
Do you think its positive or negative situation
IN THIS MODERN ERA,SPORTS ARE BECOMING INCRESINGLY POPULAR AMONG ALL TYPES OF INDIVIDUALS INCLUDING BOTH SEXES.HOWEVER ,OFTENLY GOVERNMENT AND OTHER SPORTS ORGANISATION SPENT HIGH INCOME ON ONLY MEN's games due to some core reasons rather than women's sports activities .However,in my poing of view this tendency is negative due to unequlibrium among both genders.On the other hand,this is not an insurmountable problem if governments and sports organisation take some prudent decision to curtail with this issue.
Initially,the two most significant reasons why high amount of money make only on men's sports activities as compared to female games.Firstly, high amount of salary:Men have handsome ration of incentives in each and every game rather than girls so government usually focus on them than girls.Secondly,Stronger availabilty of bone powers among men.There are some rare games which only played by boys due to their high frequency of power .Horse Sports competition,for instance,which is only played by men owing to their strongestness of power.In short these are two secondary reasons about this.
On the contrary ,In my opinion , i believe that this notion is relatively adverse impact on society due to some reason.Why this I mean is that Society always take unequilibrium balance among boys ang girls due to their rights .To be more precise,girls have also rights to do those task which is only preferable for men so this is entirely unfare in the behalf of girls.On the other hand,this is not an issue if society take prudent decision to balance this tendency .
To encapsulate,this essay discussed some most significant reasons why money only invest on male's sports including high power of stronger availability of bones and handsome remunerations.However,in my opinion this notion is undoubtedly adverse impact on society due to unbalance in girls and boys .Personaly ,the sollution to cope with this is take careful decisions by sports managment as well as governments
On 3 ... I don't know you or your friend. But I can say this. 15000 CAD is hell lot of money. So not sure why would you say only 15000CAD. If money is not an issue for you, take that route if it is legal ... so confirm with some immigration consultant. Also, if 15000 CAS is kind of your life savings I would suggest not to take such a big risk and try and improve score.
I don't know if you have even read my reviews of your 2 tasks 1s. So I will review this essay but not the next one. There are a lot of essays to review and don't want to spend time reviewing if you are not going to read those reviews. And even if you are reading reviews it will be better that you follow the reviews and write the essays by following some basic suggestions. For example, at least have a space between two sentences. It is easy to fix and much better to read for me. Thanks!
I didn't understand what you wanted to say in the last line of the introduction. Also, similar error as in Task 1 where you are using wrong verb forms.
Ok the good thing is that the passage structure is good. You start with argument, support it and then give example. So that's good. However, the English, Phrasing, Grammar is not up to the mark.
I'm very sorry. I don't want to be harsh or discourage you. But, please read a bit more and spend time reading your own work.
Hii Cansha please evaluate my essay please
task 2
Far more attention is paid in the society on men's sport than women's sport .
What are the reasons behind this ?
Do you think its positive or negative situation
IN THIS MODERN ERA,SPORTS ARE BECOMING INCREASINGLY POPULAR AMONG ALL TYPES OF INDIVIDUALS INCLUDING BOTH SEXES.HOWEVER ,OFTENLY GOVERNMENT AND OTHER SPORTS ORGANISATION SPENT HIGH INCOME ON ONLY MEN's games due to some core reasons rather than women's sports activities .However,in my point of view this tendency is negative impact on society due to unequlibrium among both genders.
Initially,the two most significant reasons why high amount of money make only on men's sports activities as compared to female games.Firstly, high amount of salary:Men have handsome ratio of incentives in each and every game rather than girls so government usually focus on them than girls paradoxically.Secondly,Stronger availabilty of bone powers of men.There are some rare games which only played by boys due to their high frequency of power .Horse Sports competition,for instance,which is only played by men owing to their strongestness of power.In short, these are two secondary reasons about this.
On the contrary ,In my opinion , i believe that this notion is relatively adverse impact on society due to some reason.Why this I mean is that Society always take unequilibrium balance among boys ang girls due to their rights .To be more precise,girls have also rights to do those task which is only preferable for men so this is entirely unfare in the behalf of girls.On the other hand,this is not an issue if society take some prudent decision to balance this tendency .
To encapsulate,this essay discussed some most significant reasons why money only invest on male's sports including high power of stronger availability of bones and handsome remunerations.However,in my opinion this notion is undoubtedly adverse effect on society due to unbalance in girls and boys .Personaly ,the sollution to cope with this is to take careful decisions by sports managment as well as governments.
task 2
Far more attention is paid in the society on men's sport than women's sport .
What are the reasons behind this ?
Do you think its positive or negative situation
IN THIS MODERN ERA,SPORTS ARE BECOMING INCREASINGLY POPULAR AMONG ALL TYPES OF INDIVIDUALS INCLUDING BOTH SEXES.HOWEVER ,OFTENLY GOVERNMENT AND OTHER SPORTS ORGANISATION SPENT HIGH INCOME ON ONLY MEN's games due to some core reasons rather than women's sports activities .However,in my point of view this tendency is negative impact on society due to unequlibrium among both genders.
Initially,the two most significant reasons why high amount of money make only on men's sports activities as compared to female games.Firstly, high amount of salary:Men have handsome ratio of incentives in each and every game rather than girls so government usually focus on them than girls paradoxically.Secondly,Stronger availabilty of bone powers of men.There are some rare games which only played by boys due to their high frequency of power .Horse Sports competition,for instance,which is only played by men owing to their strongestness of power.In short, these are two secondary reasons about this.
On the contrary ,In my opinion , i believe that this notion is relatively adverse impact on society due to some reason.Why this I mean is that Society always take unequilibrium balance among boys ang girls due to their rights .To be more precise,girls have also rights to do those task which is only preferable for men so this is entirely unfare in the behalf of girls.On the other hand,this is not an issue if society take some prudent decision to balance this tendency .
To encapsulate,this essay discussed some most significant reasons why money only invest on male's sports including high power of stronger availability of bones and handsome remunerations.However,in my opinion this notion is undoubtedly adverse effect on society due to unbalance in girls and boys .Personaly ,the sollution to cope with this is to take careful decisions by sports managment as well as governments.
Dear Cansha,
15000cad means a lot to my budget. I even can not afford 10 times sitting the ielts exam. "ONLY" means that I don't have to worry about ielts and the period of processing documents if I apply FSW any more, so I can concentrate on other tasks. You know, when I read the story about FaithandHope and other people who are struggling, I felt hopeless and wanted to stop studying Ielts immediately. Beside, I was afraid that I would need one more year for Ielts and my CRS score will not meet the requirement at that time because CRS score will increase gradually. However, I'm relieved a little now, after several days of shocking. Cansha, you are right. I have set an appointment with my friend and I will ask all crucial information, especially which program he sponsors me.
I appreciate your valuable advice, Cansha, so much, you know?
I like the intro. In the last line replace the word famous by advantages. Just to make sure your task response is clear. Famous, anyways is little odd in that context.
I like the idea and flow is good.
See your conclusion in IELTS is expected to revisit main points of your essay. In this case that is not happening.
Do you think the location of even is fine in this line ? (have even launched)
what band I am getting ?
Yes that sentence is correct. Band is tricky to say my friend. But as I have said before if you write to your best of the abilities you will get more than 7. You have all that is needed. When is your test?
Many high-level positions in companies are filled by men even though the workforce in many developed countries is more than 50 per cent female. Companies should be required to allocate a certain percentage of these positions to women.
To what extent do you agree?
According to a research by Harvard Business Review, a strong glass ceiling exist for females in almost all organizations of the world. Though a healthy proportion of women can be observed in companies but it is highly unlikely that they could reach a C-level position. Few people argue that there should a fixed quota for females in top level positions but I totally disagree with the notion. Top Level position should be awarded on the basis of performance only, regardless of the gender, as these positions decide the future of thousands of employees. This requirement will influence the selection of top leadership and it will be hard to find a competent women, as they are generally not taken seriously in business.
Executives are the decision makers and they are the driving force for the success for any organization The decisions they make do not effect them only but the entire workforce. Such key positions should be awarded only on the basis of competence rather than just to fulfill an obligatory requirement. For example, one company might not find a suitable female candidate for a position but with this requirement, they will be bound to depute a female. Any attempt to do this will do not good to the company and society as a whole.
Moreover, according to many researchers, women are generally not taken seriously in business. They may fail to earn necessary trust required to run and grow a business. The reason being lack of trust in women’s abilities and them being considered as a home maker. For instance, if a woman heads a corporate meetings, it is quite likely that people will not give enough heed to her, as compared to, if a man was speaking. It is very difficult for women to establish their credibility as compared to a man. Even if they become successful internally, they might not get desired response from customers or clients.
Altogether, corporate leaders should be chosen on the basis of their achievements rather than a quota requirement. Women have much more difficult time to prove themselves as top leaders as compared to their counterpart men and one might end up being led by an incompetent boss.
To what extent do you agree?
According to a research by Harvard Business Review, a strong glass ceiling exist for females in almost all organizations of the world. Though a healthy proportion of women can be observed in companies but it is highly unlikely that they could reach a C-level position. Few people argue that there should a fixed quota for females in top level positions but I totally disagree with the notion. Top Level position should be awarded on the basis of performance only, regardless of the gender, as these positions decide the future of thousands of employees. This requirement will influence the selection of top leadership and it will be hard to find a competent women, as they are generally not taken seriously in business.
Executives are the decision makers and they are the driving force for the success for any organization The decisions they make do not effect them only but the entire workforce. Such key positions should be awarded only on the basis of competence rather than just to fulfill an obligatory requirement. For example, one company might not find a suitable female candidate for a position but with this requirement, they will be bound to depute a female. Any attempt to do this will do not good to the company and society as a whole.
Moreover, according to many researchers, women are generally not taken seriously in business. They may fail to earn necessary trust required to run and grow a business. The reason being lack of trust in women’s abilities and them being considered as a home maker. For instance, if a woman heads a corporate meetings, it is quite likely that people will not give enough heed to her, as compared to, if a man was speaking. It is very difficult for women to establish their credibility as compared to a man. Even if they become successful internally, they might not get desired response from customers or clients.
Altogether, corporate leaders should be chosen on the basis of their achievements rather than a quota requirement. Women have much more difficult time to prove themselves as top leaders as compared to their counterpart men and one might end up being led by an incompetent boss.
It is a tough topic!
See this topic is tough. But when you have topics like these ask yourself what is the topic asking you. There is no direct paraphrasing needed here as in case of many essays and what we traditionally do in an introduction. Instead in topics like these define what does "more freedom" mean. And by that you can steer your conversation of essay. For example, where do children have more freedom ... in choosing their clothes, choosing their friends, food, career, sports. WHAT exactly is more freedom. You can steer the conversation however you like but then you really need to build your essay.
As I said this is a tough topic.
So what is your point. Children have more freedom in surfing the Internet? Or they have more freedom to do part time jobs?
Hmmm ... you are on a very different path here.
See, you think your problem is in evidences or examples. BUT that is not the case here or for that matter in most essays. Problem is not the example .. problem is how you develop your argument. After reading the essay I'm still not sure you addressed what does more freedom mean. All I can get is Children are surfing more Internet these days!
And lastly, don't take this essay to heart. This is a really tough topic and as I write this review I know even I will struggle to write a good essay on this topic. So just ignore this topic or google this topic and see if you can find an essay on this topic and pick a few ideas from there.
The idea is very simple. The vocab is EXCELLENT. Brilliant word choices. But honestly, it is just about touching the task response. It's not bad but could have more "punch"
Not sure the example is really on point with the topic. It's related but for me it is weak. Not sure about the examiner. But overall, the second paragraph doesn't offer anything new per se. It is the same argument but you replaced clothes with phones. Is it enough for task response? I'm a little iffy on that. What do you think?
My suggestion would be do not write one line conclusions. I know some online classes may suggest this. But, I think write at least two sentences else it looks a little light and conclusion has a good weightage in score.
In my honest opinion, your English and Grammar never had major issues. Your vocab is really good. And you know how to use rare words. you're not just throwing them around. But many a times I get the feeling you have written the essay just to tick the box of practice. After second para the essay just becomes weak. I may be wrong and ignore if I'm wrong. But take a break from writing full essay and spend more time just idea generation and arranging the essay.
And lastly, I think you may not need all this at all. If i remember correctly, your IELTS score is due on Oct 26. I hope you don't have to give IELTS on 27th. All the best!
You had a good meal in a local restaurant with your family. Write a letter to the newspaper to tell them about it, describe the meal you had, and why you think the restaurant is worth visiting.
Dear Editor,
I am writing this letter to share with you a wonderful dining experience I had at a local restaurant. After a long time, I have come across an authentic Mexican restaurant in the city, providing the real taste of the origin.
It is a new restaurant named as ‘Nando’ opened at 26th street DHA. I visited the place last weekend and found it amazing. I ordered their peri- peri chicken and Espedata. The food was superb with right balance of spices. Chicken was well- done and juicy drenched in some delicious sauces. On the sidelines, the served boiled vegetables which complemented the taste so well. After the meal, I had their chocolate cake in desert and found it equally delicious. I think this place is great place for diners craving for spicy food.
I want you to publish my review in your newspaper as my recommendation to other people. Looking forward to read it in your newspaper.
Your’s Truly,
AMK
Dear Editor,
I am writing this letter to share with you a wonderful dining experience I had at a local restaurant. After a long time, I have come across an authentic Mexican restaurant in the city, providing the real taste of the origin.
It is a new restaurant named as ‘Nando’ opened at 26th street DHA. I visited the place last weekend and found it amazing. I ordered their peri- peri chicken and Espedata. The food was superb with right balance of spices. Chicken was well- done and juicy drenched in some delicious sauces. On the sidelines, the served boiled vegetables which complemented the taste so well. After the meal, I had their chocolate cake in desert and found it equally delicious. I think this place is great place for diners craving for spicy food.
I want you to publish my review in your newspaper as my recommendation to other people. Looking forward to read it in your newspaper.
Your’s Truly,
AMK
T
Thanks cansha for the analysis. I am great full for your time and energy you spend on each task. Regarding this essay, to be very true I fell short of ideas, though, I tried to be different in both bp's. In the former I tried to emphasize that people copy style icons and sales of fashion clothes endorsed by them shows inclination of copying. In second paragraph, I illustrated that while buying articles people try to follow a trend which most people are following by reading their feedback and change in sales of mobile phones over an year exemplifies this aspect. This was my thought process to be on topic and not include irrelevant things. If you can suggest some point pertaining to the topic , it would be great. Lastly, I will have my result on 26th and hopefully I will score the desired bands.