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IELTS - Writing - For Band 7 or Above.

cansha

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Aug 1, 2018
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In the past, buildings often reflected the culture of a society but today all modern buildings look alike and cities throughout the world are becoming more and more similar. What do you think is the reason for this, and is it a good thing or a bad thing?
You should use your own ideas, knowledge and experience and support your arguments with examples and relevant evidence.
Population of the world is rapidly growing so as the demand for commercial offices to accommodate business’ day to day operations. It is not unusual to observe buildings approaching 100 plus floors in a mega city like Newyork or Dubai etc. However, one common observation is that nearly all buildings in any modern city of the world look similar with same architecture, exteriors design and colors. This is can be attributed to tacit standardization of architecture and building material among international builders as well as rising emphasis on functionality rather than cultural adherence.
Don't think first line was very relevant to the topic but intro ending is great! Very well done!

There are few international builders who have developed expertise and economies of scale in building vertical cities, as they call it. Standardized designs and construction material reduces the cost manifold by building items in bulk and supplying it all over the world e.g (don't use this again in a formal essay say for example to be safe) if every building had a unique design according to the cultural requirements, than their material would have been constructed specially by the vendor which will multiply cost and time. Utilizing standard construction material reduces this cost and time, which is required to erect a mega structure .
I like it. In first read it was very clear what was the message and the logic behind it.

Likewise, Functionality (not sure if this is because of typing on computer. But you need to take care of of this issue. Why is F capital?) of any building is more important than its appearance. A building should have good ventilation and air conditioning system, fire exits, modern amenities, soothing environment and flexible arrangement options for different applications. Standard prototypes are developed to provide all these feature in one place, It is not possible to ensure culture friendly design coupled with maximum utility.Thus, we observe similar kind of structures which are developed after continuous research by world renown builders and architectures.
Good!

To recapitulate, the emphasis of functionality and tacit standardization of design among builders has made all cities and building look alike. Globalization has started to play its role and we will soon observe one global culture being followed by everyone everywhere.
Fair.

I think you handled a tough topic really well. I can't find many issues with this one. So, will just say well done and all the best!
 

cansha

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Aug 1, 2018
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Your friend has a travel company and would like you to come and work with him.
Write a letter replying to your friend's offer. In your letter:

· explain what you know about your friend's company
· choose whether you accept or decline the offer
· give reasons for your choice

Dear Wilson,
Hope you are doing good.! (You can use exclamation mark instead of period) I am writing this letter in response to the offer letter to join your company. I am so glad to receive the this wonderful offer and It sounds lovely to work with you. I would certainly like to join your company.
I have been hearing about your garments export business from friends for quite some time. Export business is booming nowadays and with the declining cotton prices, it has become much more profitable nowadays. I believe that my years of expereince in marketing can add value in to your company and I can better sell your products in international markets. I will join your company from next month while I have already started to devise marketing strategy for your products.
I am looking forward with great anticipation to start working with you. Meanwhile, do let me know if urgent assistance required. see you then.

Best Regards,

AMK[/QUOTE]

Your task 1 preparation is fine.
 

Ranbir_Dhillon

Star Member
Sep 26, 2018
148
28
Chandigarh
Category........
FSW
NOC Code......
4163
I think one intro line before the "It is believed ..." would have added a little bit more.


Towards the end of para there is some content. I think first two lines do not add that much value to the topic at hand.



To be honest I think the essay probably was tough one for you. And it happens. As you said yourself the examples are little weak.




Fair.
There are no big issues in terms of English or Grammar. But it happens sometimes we are not able to think of good ideas while writing an essay. Whenever this happens ... after the essay try to write more ideas for future on similar topic. So now take this opportunity to think if in future you get an essay on this topic what would you write.

Yeah.. I didn't have ideas for this essay but will search on net..

Regarding In other words, Can I use to put it in perspective or simply put..

Please check other essay that I posted after this one.. may be that one is good according to me as compared to money management essay.. thanks :)
 

Tech_girl123

Hero Member
Jan 20, 2018
589
161
App. Filed.......
30-DEC-2017
Tough topic!









I get the idea and message but not entirely convinced. Seems like you're comparing book vs watching its enactment. Is it relevant here? Think!



As I said it was a tough topic and you did have some good arguments but not all. I hope topics on actual tests are not such. It is difficult to think of many ideas in topics like these.

All the best!
Thanks.. i think i need to work on my evidences more ! !!!! fingers crossed for 13th ! :D
 

cansha

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Aug 1, 2018
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Hello everyone, Please check my essay @cansha & @H0peAndFa1th .. Thanks in advance .. :)

We are witnessing traffic jams across all the cities in the world. Some people say that increasing prices of petrol will help in reducing traffic jams and pollution.

Do you agree or disagree with this statement? Also give other possible solution.
Traffic congestion can be seen in almost all megacities around the world. While it is believed by some that traffic jams and contamination (what contamination??) could be reduced by enhancing fuel costs (increasing fuel prices), I completely disagree with this statement because it will not discourage people to use vehicles and would rather contribute to higher level inflation; carpooling could be a viable solution to this problem. This last phrase is hanging. Just adding a semi colon doesn't help here.
Overall idea of the introduction is good! Biggest issue is the last phrase hanging there.

One reason to disapprove multiplication of gasoline fares (sometimes trying to use different words / paraphrasing looks weird ) is that it will not stop people to use private-vehicles. To put it in perspective, majority of car-owners are from affluent section of society, who can easily afford to drive even after increase in fuel costs thereby, car usage shall not see decline, which results in traffic gridlock and pollution. Indian government, for instance, increases diesel prices annually but this do does not dissuade Indians to minimize (it is a double negative. either say persuade to minimize use or dissuade the use ) the use of automobiles, instead number of cars on road and pollution-levels are gradually mounting upwards.
Good idea and flow but you kind of killed your argument with the double negative. Need to be careful. Overall no other issues.


Another point to consider why rise in petrol prices is not applicable (repetitive.More you repeat stuff more you give examiner the feeling that you are lacking in cohesion. Nothing wrong in English. Something you would want to avoid to the best of your ability) is that it will increase costliness on ground level. Simply put, if there will be an increase in petrol price even by 50 paisa per liter, landing costs of such essential items such (misplaced such) as fruits, vegetable and electronics will also grow up to a great extent, which would result in higher expensiveness. This will make people, especially poor, unable to buy necessary food items, which are indispensable to live. Punjab, for example, imports apples from Srinagar and recent hike in fuel prices make apples unaffordable to Punjabis residents of Punjab is safer to use because of its high price.
Carpooling, means sharing an automobile while travel, could help to reduce pollution and neck-to-neck traffic because the lesser the number of vehicles are, the less the pollution (focus on traffic issue) and traffic is. Netherlands, for illustration, recently introduces introduced car-sharing which is highly beneficial in decreasing car numbers number of cars and pollution-levels.
Fine. But there are a lot of small small grammatical errors. Not sure how they will impact score on actual test. You need to review your essays more carefully after writing.

To conclude, raising fuel charges to curb traffic and pollution seems to be impractical as it will not deter individuals to drive cars rather increase inflation and ride-sharing appears to be feasible way to diminish this problem.
Ideas are good but you need to be careful about making sure weight of ideas is same for such essays. Look at the para lengths for first two vs third para. The content for your solution is little less.
 

cansha

VIP Member
Aug 1, 2018
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Dear all, I have recently taken IELTS, with the following results: R 9, L 8.5, S 7.5, W 6.5. I'm retaking it this Saturday and will be very grateful if you could comment on my sample essays. Thank you in advance!
I hope you have applied for EOR. Looking at your scores I hope you get a favorable result from EOR.

1. Many countries aim to improve their living standard by economic development, but some important social values are lost as a result. Do you think the advantages of economic development outweigh the disadvantages?

It is argued that in course of economic growth some essential social values get damaged, despite an increase in quality of life. Since the beginning of human history people have adopted a goal to have a wealthier and happier life. However, these two do not always come together and sometimes they even contradict each other. What are you talking about. If I understood this correct you are saying there is a conflct between wealthy life vs happy life. You're using Happy Life as substitute for social values??? If yes, then I don't think that it is a fair substitution. They are not the same things.

In the next two paragraphs of this essay I shall discuss pros and cons of economic development from perspective of social values.

If possible avoid this.
Refer to link http://ieltsliz.com/ielts-writing-tips-sentences-to-avoid/ . And see the very first sentence. You're using a variation of it in your last line. Avoid if possible.


Benefits of economic progress are undeniable for many reasons. Firstly, common welfare is one of the indicators of humans' satisfaction. From my own observations, I can tell that people are happier and more proactive during times of economic prosperity, compared to the period of the financial crisis, such as the Global Crisis of 2008. Secondly, there is a direct link between poverty rates and frequency of law breaches. For example, as per official statistics of New York Police, Bronx has been recognized to be both one of the poorest and the most criminal counties of the city.
From the other hand, while chasing material benefits people often forget about social and humanistic values. In other words, the more emphasize people make on earning money, the less attention they pay to social aspects of life. It is a usual practice for those living in urban areas to gradually replace human interaction with more and more hours spent at work. As a result, they become antisocial and serve a poor example to the younger generation, forming an ever-evolving cycle. Various studies have shown that people, who live in metropolitan areas are more depressed, than those living in smaller towns.
Honestly, this paragraph is a little weak. There is not even a single example of what social values have been lost? Ok question what are social values? As per your passage above social values = talking to other humans. Is that it?

There are no big issues in English or Grammar BUT Task response is lacking.

To conclude, every issue has more than one sides and this matter is not an exception either. However, after consideration of both advantages and disadvantages of the influence that economic development has on the social part of our lives, I can state that in my opinion the benefits overweigh outweigh drawbacks.

Need to be careful about task response.

2. Some people fail in school, but end up being successful in life. Why do you think that is the case? What is most important thing to succeed in life?
History knows a lot of stories when someone, who did not do well at school, later built an outstanding career. These cases include such famous people, as Albert Einstein, Bill Gates and many more. In this essay I shall present two main reasons for the above-mentioned phenomena. Read few more essays and see how best you can avoid this line in introduction. It adds no value to your introduction. There are better ways.
Firstly, it is important to take into account the fact that the evaluation system in educational institutions is not perfect. Good hard hitting paragraph opening line.

In other words,
grading system at schools is standardizes, meaning that pupils need to fit to certain criteria, in order to get high marks. If you spend some time and read my other reviews than I have repeated this n times. I find using the phrase "in other words" reduces the value of your argument.

From my own experience from school, Are you following a formula for essay. this essay doesn't even say add example from your own experience. Why say this line ? If you remove this phrase will your example have less value?

I can tell that those pupils, who solved problems in a new way would receive lower grades than those, who repeated steps taught by the teacher. This example clearly illustrates that schools rather misplaced rather teach what to think rather than how to think.
I like the idea. Don't go by length of my comments. they are there to make you think. If you disagree just ignore and move on.

Secondly, (go a few pages back and you will see a video posted where a teacher is advising not to use these boring firstly, secondly as every other person is using those. So learn a few more things. Personally I find no problem in using this.
not all of human abilities fall into categories per school subjects. Of course, there is a wide range of classes taught, like math, literature and natural science, but this list is still limited, whereas human capabilities are endless. For example, how to evaluate a person’s gift to see the world by the means of numbers? How to mark a masterpiece in music or literature? It is technically impossible to compare genius people, as each is exceptional in their own way. Neither it is possible to rate from "A" to "F" emotions, that a piece of art gives.
I like the idea and how you have built on it. Well written. Much better task response compared to previous essay. But I think you have missed to answer the second half of essay question What is most important thing to succeed in life?

To conclude, there are many inconsistencies between educational system and human brain, which not always allows marks at school to reflect real talent students possess (Need better phrasing). In my opinion, learning study materials does not necessarily mean success in the future, but rather developing one’s own abilities does.


@cansha @H0peAndFa1th
 

cansha

VIP Member
Aug 1, 2018
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Hi Agamjot,
Question was that there is a problem with an instrument e. g. Washing machine at your home

Name the instrument and describe the problem.

What did you do to solve the problem.

How did it affect you.
You bought more deodorant as you could not wash your shirts :D:D Just kidding.

I sometimes wonder who thinks of these topics. This is hilarious.
 

Ranbir_Dhillon

Star Member
Sep 26, 2018
148
28
Chandigarh
Category........
FSW
NOC Code......
4163
Overall idea of the introduction is good! Biggest issue is the last phrase hanging there.


Good idea and flow but you kind of killed your argument with the double negative. Need to be careful. Overall no other issues.






Fine. But there are a lot of small small grammatical errors. Not sure how they will impact score on actual test. You need to review your essays more carefully after writing.



Ideas are good but you need to be careful about making sure weight of ideas is same for such essays. Look at the para lengths for first two vs third para. The content for your solution is little less.

Hello @cansha :)
Thanks for your feedback.

1) I think my main problem is whenever I try to use synonym , there is an issue of some kind. So, from now on I will try to use same words but does it affect word-repetition ?

2) I searched synonyms of pollution and the answer was Contamination .. So I wrote it here :D

3) In lesser the cars sentence I wrote traffic as well or I think you meant to say write traffic first.. Is it ?

4) para 2 : Another point to consider is that it will increase costs of products ... Is it OK now ? PS: I didn't repeat words when I attempted essays before but hope suggested me that there is nothing wrong in repeating your idea in starting ... So I repeated those words.. you can check my previous essays. I'll post them again.

5) I just gave direct answer to the question of solution because I read somewhere that direct answers will give you more bands .. Is it true ?

Any other suggestions will be highly appreciated :)
 

Ranbir_Dhillon

Star Member
Sep 26, 2018
148
28
Chandigarh
Category........
FSW
NOC Code......
4163

Hello @cansha you can check my previous essays as well .. Thanks in advance :) Hope gave me some wonderful comments. I would like to know your feedback too.

Some people say that private health care is better for people. Others say that healthcare should run by the government.


Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

It is argued by some people that privately-managed hospitals are effective for people, while others counter-argued this statement and claim that healthcare ought to be managed by government. In my opinion, former standpoint is more reasonable in terms of never-ending and qualitative services offered by independent healthcare centers.

To begin with, one section of society claims that government hospitals are better because of their cost-less and accessible services. In other words, government hospitals offer their services either at low cost or totally free, thereby helping economically-challenged people to have the benefit of services ranging from regular checkups to major operations. Moreover, government hospitals can be easily found in remote areas, where even public conveyance is not available, resultantly helping those individuals, who are unable to come to metropolitans in order to gain benefits of free healthcare facility. For example, in India, 47 percent people who are below the poverty line are accessing free medical facilities provided by government hospitals.

On the contrary, others, including me, contend that private hospitals are exceptional as opposed to civil hospitals. To put it in perspective, private health institutions offer not only 24 hour services, but also hire best brains from the medical field in order to perform meticulous tasks, which can be highly beneficial to patients in such serious situations as extreme accidents or brain surgeries. Singapore is a prime example here, where 35 percent more lives are saved by private health-cares as compared to government hospitals, only because of their exigency services and world-class staff.

To conclude, even though some feel that government hospitals offer free facilities and easy access to individuals, it seems to me that private health cares are always superior because of their quick facilities and superlative workforce.

Word Count : 288


Tourism is always considered as positive development on an international level.

To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is true that tourism has brought about a constructive advancement on a global scale. However, I completely disagree with this statement in terms of its negative influence on environment and economy.

One reason to support this standpoint is its detrimental effects on local surroundings. Since tourism is emerging as an exceptional industry worldwide, transportation development also moves in tandem, which is considered as attributable to pollution. Pollution not only toxifies the air quality, but also increases such breath-related illnesses as asthma or in extreme cases, cancer. India, for example, is gradually becoming a tourism hub, and owing to this transport system also developing day-by-day, which resultantly produces 21 percent more pollutants than ever before. Thus, this example clearly shows the potential negatives of widely hailed ‘tourism’.

Another feasible point to justify this viewpoint would be its pessimistic impression on economy of visited nations. To put it in perspective, tourism tends to improve international relations because it encourages the constant flow of money from affluent economies to less developed countries. In reality, however, more often than not the wealth generated stays in the hands of privately-owned companies or local officials rather than local citizens of concerned place. To illustrate, many of us have visited developing states as globetrotters, and have witnessed at first hand the poverty that exists outsides the confines of the luxurious hotels.

To conclude, even though tourism has plethora of positive impacts such as conveyance growth and revenue generation, it seems to me that overall effect of this phenomenon is not always good.
 

cansha

VIP Member
Aug 1, 2018
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5,855
Hello @cansha :)
Thanks for your feedback.

1) I think my main problem is whenever I try to use synonym , there is an issue of some kind. So, from now on I will try to use same words but does it affect word-repetition ?

2) I searched synonyms of pollution and the answer was Contamination .. So I wrote it here :D
Synonym is a tough one. You're right IELTS does expect you to paraphrase words and it is very difficult to understand where to use and where not to use. Only way is to read more and understand where words feel natural and where they don't.

In this particular example .. if phrase is air pollution / water pollution .... contaminated air, contaminated water may be a fair substitution.

But just substituting pollution with contamination in that sentence didn't give the intended meaning (once again in my opinion which may be wrong). So don't stop using synonyms rather read more essays and see which words are good for substitution and which are not.
 

MY.CANADADREAMS

Full Member
Sep 30, 2018
39
1
Hi @cansha . This is my frst letter writing task after a long time. Pls check and let me know where do I need to improve. Even my exam is on 13th ! :)

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You want something that you cant buy in your own country. You decide to ask an English friend to help you.

Write a letter to your friend. in your letter,

1. say what you want
2 Explain why you want it
3. suggest how your friend can help you


Dear Sam,

I hope this letter finds you in good health. I am writing this letter to see if I could ask a favor.
Please allow me to elaborate on my situation.

As you know. my mother's birthday is on 28th Oct. This year, we are planning to throw a surprise birthday party for her. I am also planning
to gift her a Louis Vuitton Bag as she adores luxury handbags. Unfortunately, here in India, I cannot find the exact bag I am looking for. If you remember, during my last trip to your house in the United States, I had shortlisted a bag in the showroom but was in two minds, whether to buy it or not. Finally, I ended up not buying it, which I am regretting so much currently!

I would be grateful if you could purchase the same bag for me and send it across via an international courier service. I will transfer the money through net banking beforehand. I know I am not giving you much of notice, but it would be great if you could purchase and send the item by next weekend at least so that it reaches on time.

I do not know if you realize how much you will be helping me by doing this! Hoping to hear back from you soon.

Thanking you in advance,
Ria