IELTS - Writing - For Band 7 or Above.

[Moeedkh]

HI,

I am thinking to take IELTS computer delivered. Can anybody tell me if we can switch tro and fro between sections while audio is playing ?
Because in paper based, we can read whatever questions I want to read.

Rg,
Moeed

 

[anniejasmeet]

HI friends,

I have my ielts due on September 28th. In my previous attempt ( which got expired, sadly) I scored 9, 7.5, 9, 7.5 in L, S, R, W respectively. I am hoping to repeat my performance or at least score a clb 10 in all criteria this time too. My question is : Do we have any WHATSAPP group which regularly shares information and help articles for IELTS? I would love to join that and polish up a bit.

Looking forward to connect with many of you,
Anna

 

[pravbang]

Dear Friends,

This is my first attempt at a problem-solution essay. Can you please review and share some feedback? I appreciate your time and feedback. Thanks in advance.

Topic: These days, in many countries fewer and fewer people want to become teachers, especially in secondary schools. What are the reasons for this and how could the problems be solved?

Since ancient times, teaching has been one of the most respectable professions. However, more recently, it has been observed that the profession has been attracting fewer qualified candidates. The key reasons for this trend include lower compensation and lack of career growth. There are a number of solutions which can be implemented to increase the number of people taking up teaching profession.

Firstly, it is a well-known fact that teachers earn much less than professionals in other industry. In other words, teaching does not entail production of consumable good or service and hence the compensation is on the lower side compared to industry professionals whose salary is tagged to the market and the company growth. Secondly, while good performance in a corporate environment can lead to promotions, better salary, on-site postings, and positions with responsibilities, the same performance in teaching industry does not provide any tangible benefits. As a result, teachers remain in the same position for several years without any noticeable career growth.

There are two effective solutions that can solve the above issues and make teaching an attractive career. The low salary issue can be sorted by benchmarking the base compensation of teachers with professionals in industry, allowing for an upside in earning tagged to the percentage of students passing the subject with higher grades. In order to address the problem of career growth, governments can provide free business training and preferential placement in industries for teachers who complete a pre-defined term in teaching profession. This approach will provide the necessary career boost for individuals who want to explore other opportunities after spending few years in teaching.

In conclusion, government can address lack of qualified teaching candidates by implementing policies that improve compensation through proper benchmarking, and provide career growth through free business training and industry placement.

 

[Moeedkh]

Hi,

Can anybody review my essay. I have completed it in 40 mins and I have written after lots of effort.

It is said that "Not everything that is learned is contained in books".

Compare and contrast knowledge gained from experience with knowledge gained from books. In your opinion, which source is more important? Why?
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

According to a recruitment website, 80% of the employers today prefer experienced professional as compared to mere degree holders. On the other hand, reading books has its own advantages and nobody can deny the importance of avid learning. I my opinion, book reading as well as gaining relevant experience are concomitent to achieve notable excellence in any field of life.

Books are the quickest and limitless method to achieve plethora of knowledge on a variety of subjects, that interests you. You can learn about anything from a book in shortest possible time; whereas, you just need to skim through few books to get an expert level knowledge on anything. Moreover, there are dozens of books available on any topic in a library or a website, where you can explore the thoughts of different writers or scholars. For instance, if you are interested to learn about stocks investment, hundreds of books are available online to gain knowledge about the trade. All what you have to do, you just need to read two or three books from different writers and you can get initial capability to trade in stocks. Moreover, you can keep on reading afterwards to enhance your knowledge.

Although, you can get knowledge about anything from books but converting them into skill is the task of experience, that will ultimately make you an expert. It is experience that will allow you to upgrade your theoretical knowledge into practicable wisdom. To give an illustration, Can you make profits in stocks just by reading few books? It is quite unlikely that anyone can swiftly make profits in stocks straight out of the school. One has to go through various crests and troughs to completely understand the true working of stock market and ultimately secure the profits. It is experience that will the final tweaking to your knowledge.

Altogether, experience coupled with extensive study can make anyone an expert in any trade of life. If you don’t get experience, you can never the get absolute skill-set required to master a field. Whereas one cannot stop reading after gaining substantial experience, as learning should never stop and one should keep upgrading himself with the latest research in the world. Hence, read and execute to become a guru !

 

[cansha]

Hi,
I am overwhelmed by looking at this forum. It is great to see that we are also helping each other out to evaluate our essays and improve it further.
Please evaluate my essay below and help me with improving my task 2 writing.

Some students work while studying. This often results in lacking time for education and constantly feeling under pressure. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest?

ESSAY STARTS FROM HERE-------------------

Nowadays, there is a rise in the number of students taking up part-time jobs while completing their education. This, in turn, has an adverse effect on their studies. There are several reasons which compel the students to take this step.

Okay the introduction is good but somehow it just ends abruptly without setting up the essay.

To begin with, in today's competitive world, the youth wants to have their hands on the latest electronic gadgets.
Most of the parents cannot afford to provide their children with these high - tech devices since these are exorbitantly priced.
Secondly, some students feel jobs can provide them with an experience which will help them to mould their future career paths in a better way due to the experience they will acquire.
Thirdly, a few poverty-stricken families cannot afford the expenses of their children's higher education. All of these factors force students to handle more things than required which deviates them from concentrating on studies and they may feel to be under a lot of unnecessary pressure.

Very good! Apart from the first line I like the paragraph. I'm able to understand the ideas and it is an easy read. Very good vocab.

However, this arduous situation can be resolved if the parents, teachers and government come together.
For instance, The usage of these sophisticated devices should be banned in educational institutions like school and colleges.
This would avoid undue pressure on the students who cannot afford a luxurious lifestyle.
In addition, the government should introduce scholarship programs or easy loan schemes with low-interest rates for the students who are below the poverty line. This would largely remove the onus of education fees from the less - privileged students.
Furthermore, the college authorities can introduce internship programmes as part of the college course for students who want to explore their field of study and are immensely interested to gain work experience.

Good!

To conclude, the amalgamation of equal financial and emotional support from the government and parents can help students overcome the undesirable pressure caused due to an imbalance of work and studies.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Decent conclusion. Only thing is there are no examples of "emotional" support in the essay and it has been added in the conclusion. Is it bad? I really don't know.

Overall, I would say this is one of the better written essays I have seen on the forum. There are a few things which could be better ... like the opening of second paragraph and introduction. But they are not bad either. The use of vocab is excellent! In my personal opinion this is a high band essay.

 

[cansha]

I would really appreciate if you could provide your helpful evaluation and then a deserving band(in your view, of course) to my attempt at Writing Task 2 essay:

Many people believe that formal pen and paper examinations are not the best method of assessing educational achievement.

What is your view of examinations?

First things first ... when I looked at this essay .. it looked short ... And then I did a word count and it is only 217 words!!! Why would you commit such an avoidable mistake? Your essay 2 needs to be a minimum of 250 words and writing less than that would mean your bands would be deducted. It is an easy fix so be careful next time.

Examination is one of the most common methods of measuring learning in education. Exams are used to assess the learners to see whether they are ready to move on to the next stage. However, many people think that the role of examination should be changed.

Okay so English wise there is nothing wrong in what you have written. It clearly shows your English and grammar is good enough.

However, the introduction is very flat. It doesn't even give glimpse of your views. Read the question. What is your view of examination? Have you provided it?

Secondly, I think you have missed the point of the essay. It says formal pen and paper examinations. Does it also include practical examinations? Viva? Project work? What do you think?

There are certain advantages for exams because the help to ensure the fairness and different type of questions for instance, multiple choice question and essay tasks etc. So I kind of understand what you are saying but the sentence structure is not very good. And I can say your English is much better than this. My guess is you did not review your work after writing the essay.

On the other hand exams also have drawbacks. Test wise students can perform well on test day without having good knowledge or skills. However, some candidates present poorly in exams because of anxiety and some teachers and pupil only focus on those topics that are likely to be tested in examination.

So as I said before you have missed the point in answering the essay question. And also you're introducing 2 ideas in same sentence without supporting or expanding even one. I'm sorry but this is poorly written.

I have suggested this in previous essays also. To write a good essay just practicing by writing is not enough. You will have to read good essays and also read reviews here to see what are the common errors and avoid those.

Therefore, distinctive measures should be taken to address these concerns.
Test papers should match the content and activities of the learning environment. Exams should be varied to give fair opportunities to the students with different types of skills and other assessment also should be taken like assignment writing to assess individual learning , research skills and group projects to measure teamwork ability.

Finally, I think exams play significant role in ensuring proper results of achievement. Finally your opinion
However, tests need to designed carefully for the better education and government should make fair and square system of assessment .

So essays are subjective and interpretations could be subjective as well. But, in my opinion this essay has failed on task response completely. It's possible that other experts on this forum may disagree with me. But from my perspective the task response is very poor. The word count mistake is totally avoidable.

But the good thing is I can see you don't commit too many grammatical errors. Your English looks quite good to me. But, you need to spend more time in organizing your thoughts and generate more ideas on the topic.

All the best!

 

[cansha]

Dear Friends,

This is my first attempt at a problem-solution essay. Can you please review and share some feedback? I appreciate your time and feedback. Thanks in advance.

Topic: These days, in many countries fewer and fewer people want to become teachers, especially in secondary schools. What are the reasons for this and how could the problems be solved?

Since ancient times, teaching has been one of the most respectable professions. However, more recently, it has been observed that the profession has been attracting fewer qualified candidates. The key reasons for this trend include lower compensation and lack of career growth. There are a number of solutions which can be implemented to increase the number of people taking up teaching profession.

Good introduction! Sets up the essay by providing preview of the reasons for lack of teachers. It could become even better if you can give the preview of solutions as well.

Firstly, it is a well-known fact that teachers earn much less than professionals in other industry. Personally I don't like sentences like these.There is nothing wrong in the English. But making something sound like a Universal truth doesn't sound formal to me. In many example essays online you will see that authors make up a fact ... for example As per a recent survey done on the compensation of various professionals, it was found that teachers were compensated less compared to their peers in other industries.

In other words, teaching does not entail production of consumable good or service and hence the compensation is on the lower side compared to industry professionals whose salary is tagged to the market and the company growth. Another one of my pet peeves. I don't know why people use in other words in this task. Why do you want to give an impression you are repeating your ideas "in other words". Not saying this is wrong. I don't like it.

Secondly, while good performance in a corporate environment can lead to promotions, better salary, on-site postings, and positions with responsibilities, the same performance in teaching industry does not provide any tangible benefits. As a result, teachers remain in the same position for several years without any noticeable career growth. One more line here to hammer your point would have been awesome.

Nicely written paragraph. The ideas are clear to me. The progression is good as well. The comments I have made are based on my judgement. You can disagree with them.

There are two effective solutions that can solve the above issues and make teaching an attractive career. The low salary issue can be sorted by benchmarking the base compensation of teachers with professionals in industry, allowing for an upside in earning tagged to the percentage of students passing the subject with higher grades. In order to address the problem of career growth, governments can provide free business training and preferential placement in industries for teachers who complete a pre-defined term in teaching profession. This approach will provide the necessary career boost for individuals who want to explore other opportunities after spending few years in teaching.

Nicely done! I would probably would have structured the para a little better but when I read it the ideas were clear to me and I didn't have to reread it so I won't be splitting hair by suggesting too many things.

In conclusion, government can address lack of qualified teaching candidates by implementing policies that improve compensation through proper benchmarking, and provide career growth through free business training and industry placement.

So the conclusion only has the solutions but not really the problems. So I think conclusion could have been a little better.

Overall, I think this essay was well written and addressed the task. The English is good and you didn't have any grammatical errors (at least I didn't catch any in my reading). I think you are on the right path. My suggestion is to read more high band essays to look for more ideas on how to make conclusion and sentence structures a little better. But you're there and you can score much more than 7 if you put in more effort. All the best!

 

[Tech_girl123]

Okay the introduction is good but somehow it just ends abruptly without setting up the essay.



Very good! Apart from the first line I like the paragraph. I'm able to understand the ideas and it is an easy read. Very good vocab.


Good!


Decent conclusion. Only thing is there are no examples of "emotional" support in the essay and it has been added in the conclusion. Is it bad? I really don't know.

Overall, I would say this is one of the better written essays I have seen on the forum. There are a few things which could be better ... like the opening of second paragraph and introduction. But they are not bad either. The use of vocab is excellent! In my personal opinion this is a high band essay.

Thanks for the feedback! will include your suggestions in my essay practice !

 

[Apii]

Is there any whatsapp group for IELTS???

 

[cansha]

Hi,

Can anybody review my essay. I have completed it in 40 mins and I have written after lots of effort.

It is said that "Not everything that is learned is contained in books".

Compare and contrast knowledge gained from experience with knowledge gained from books. In your opinion, which source is more important? Why?
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

I reviewed the essay and had to come back to write this. First of all hats off to you all who have the courage to post essays for public review. It is not easy. Also, I know you put a lot of effort in writing essays. Hence, it becomes difficult to be critical. I just wanted to iterate that I try to give my honest feedback and opinion and objective is to just help you and not discourage you.

According to a recruitment website, 80% of the employers today prefer experienced professional as compared to mere degree holders.
On the other hand, reading books has its own advantages and nobody can deny the importance of avid learning.
In my opinion, book reading as well as gaining relevant experience are concomitent (wrong spelling also I get why you wanted to use this word but it's probably not the right word in the context you wanted to use it) to achieve notable excellence in any field of life.

So the topic is to compare and contrast gaining knowledge by either reading books or by practical experience. I find this introduction to be a little weak. First two lines are not really convincing for the topic. Also, when you are using "on the other hand" the arguments on both sides at least need to be in same context. They are not.

Also the question asks which source is more important? I think you want to say both are equally important? Is that so?

Now, the word concomitant means accompanying especially in a subordinate or incidental way. Does it support your argument?

See English wise your paragraph is good barring that spelling mistake (and also personally I don't think that word is in right context here).

Books are the quickest and limitless method to achieve plethora of knowledge on a variety of subjects, that interests you.
You can learn about anything from a book in shortest possible time; whereas, you just need to skim through few books to get an expert level knowledge on anything.
Moreover, there are dozens of books available on any topic in a library or on a website, where you can explore the thoughts of different writers or scholars.
For instance, if you are interested to learn about stocks investment, hundreds of books are available online to gain knowledge about the trade.
All what you have to do, you just need to read two or three books from different writers and you can get initial capability to trade in stocks.

Moreover, you can keep on reading afterwards to enhance your knowledge.

So, I personally don't like the use of phrases like "You can learn", "That interest you" in a formal essay. i can't say for sure whether this is acceptable or not but you can read essays on website and see if they ever use such language. I would prefer writing for example - One can learn about any topic ...... or altogether avoid sentences of such kind. However, there is nothing wrong in terms of English and you can take a call by reading more essays online.

See this passage more feels like advantages of reading books? Is it answering the question whether reading a book is a better method of learning. It touches upon it. Does it really answer it?

Although, you can get knowledge about anything from books but converting them into skill is the task of experience, that will ultimately make you an expert.
It is experience that will allow you to upgrade your theoretical knowledge into practicable wisdom.
To give an illustration, Can you make profits in stocks just by reading few books?
It is quite unlikely that anyone can swiftly make profits in stocks straight out of the school.
One has to go through various crests and troughs to completely understand the true working of stock market and ultimately secure the profits. It is experience that will the final tweaking to your knowledge.

Hmmmm .... see again question is compare and contrast two learning methods and which one is more important.
I won't say you have completely missed the point. So reading the two paragraphs your point is reading books is fine to gain initial knowledge but if you want to be an expert you need practical experience.

And, if that is your argument why not take a clear stand and say that and make your intro more clear.

Also, the paras are not really structured well. Don't get me wrong. They are not wrong in terms of English or grammar. They are not just at the level that they feel logically progressing and easy to read.

Altogether, experience coupled with extensive study can make anyone an expert in any trade of life. If you don’t get experience, you can never the get absolute skill-set required to master a field. Whereas one cannot stop reading after gaining substantial experience, as learning should never stop and one should keep upgrading himself with the latest research in the world. Hence, read and execute to become a guru !

Again essays are subjective. I'm not fully convinced that this essay addresses the question asked. But, the material also kind of touches upon the task. I think an essay like this can go either way on exam day so my suggestion would be again read a lot more essays and see how the things flow in a good essay. how you stay on topic and make sure it is crystal clear the essay topic has been addressed.

 

[Moeedkh]

I reviewed the essay and had to come back to write this. First of all hats off to you all who have the courage to post essays for public review. It is not easy. Also, I know you put a lot of effort in writing essays. Hence, it becomes difficult to be critical. I just wanted to iterate that I try to give my honest feedback and opinion and objective is to just help you and not discourage you.




So the topic is to compare and contrast gaining knowledge by either reading books or by practical experience. I find this introduction to be a little weak. First two lines are not really convincing for the topic. Also, when you are using "on the other hand" the arguments on both sides at least need to be in same context. They are not.

Also the question asks which source is more important? I think you want to say both are equally important? Is that so?

Now, the word concomitant means accompanying especially in a subordinate or incidental way. Does it support your argument?

See English wise your paragraph is good barring that spelling mistake (and also personally I don't think that word is in right context here).



So, I personally don't like the use of phrases like "You can learn", "That interest you" in a formal essay. i can't say for sure whether this is acceptable or not but you can read essays on website and see if they ever use such language. I would prefer writing for example - One can learn about any topic ...... or altogether avoid sentences of such kind. However, there is nothing wrong in terms of English and you can take a call by reading more essays online.

See this passage more feels like advantages of reading books? Is it answering the question whether reading a book is a better method of learning. It touches upon it. Does it really answer it?




Hmmmm .... see again question is compare and contrast two learning methods and which one is more important.
I won't say you have completely missed the point. So reading the two paragraphs your point is reading books is fine to gain initial knowledge but if you want to be an expert you need practical experience.

And, if that is your argument why not take a clear stand and say that and make your intro more clear.

Also, the paras are not really structured well. Don't get me wrong. They are not wrong in terms of English or grammar. They are not just at the level that they feel logically progressing and easy to read.




Again essays are subjective. I'm not fully convinced that this essay addresses the question asked. But, the material also kind of touches upon the task. I think an essay like this can go either way on exam day so my suggestion would be again read a lot more essays and see how the things flow in a good essay. how you stay on topic and make sure it is crystal clear the essay topic has been addressed.

Hi Cansha,

Thanks for writing such a detailed review. I could have never learned about my mistakes unless someone specify them. Dont be afraid of discouraging us, We are not going to give up anytime soon
However, below are some of my queries :

1. Can you rate this essay now ? am I getting 7 now ?
2. you are right about concomitant, I dint use it correctly in the right context.
3. You were also right about using 'You can learn' should not have been used.
4. Have I used sufficient number of complex and compound sentences ?
5. The rationale behind my writing in this manner was that the question asked about contrast. So I tried to put forth both point of view and provided mine in the end. I dont know why doesn't sound good.
6. As per your analysis, my biggest issue is structural. Can you advise how to improve it ? can you share some material on it ? I think I struggle in splitting the task in modules and then joining them. For you information, I follow this structure for a discussion type question :

First Para
Intro Topic - Paraphrase with a fact
Thesis statement - Intro & your position indicating flow of essay

Body Para 1 ( position opposite to your position)
Main Topic
supporting topic
evidence
Analysis
Conclusion

Body Para 2 ( position you are supporting most)
Main Topic
supporting topic
evidence
Analysis
Conclusion


Conclusion
Iterate
Recomendations

 

[cansha]

Hi Cansha,

Thanks for writing such a detailed review. I could have never learned about my mistakes unless someone specify them. Dont be afraid of discouraging us, We are not going to give up anytime soon
However, below are some of my queries :

1. Can you rate this essay now ? am I getting 7 now ?

As I said in the review above. It all depends on exam day and the examiner. It is close but not over the line for me.

2. you are right about concomitant, I dint use it correctly in the right context.
3. You were also right about using 'You can learn' should not have been used.

4. Have I used sufficient number of complex and compound sentences ?

You should not worry about this much. Do not try to actively try to write "complex" sentences. If you write good this will be taken care of automatically.

5. The rationale behind my writing in this manner was that the question asked about contrast. So I tried to put forth both point of view and provided mine in the end. I dont know why doesn't sound good.
6. As per your analysis, my biggest issue is structural. Can you advise how to improve it ? can you share some material on it ? I think I struggle in splitting the task in modules and then joining them. For you information, I follow this structure for a discussion type question :

First Para
Intro Topic - Paraphrase with a fact
Thesis statement - Intro & your position indicating flow of essay

Body Para 1 ( position opposite to your position)
Main Topic
supporting topic
evidence
Analysis
Conclusion

Body Para 2 ( position you are supporting most)
Main Topic
supporting topic
evidence
Analysis
Conclusion


Conclusion
Iterate
Recomendations

Your outline is perfect. Now to the question how to improve structure. I have said this before and will say this again.

1. Writing good essay means ... you need to read good essays
2. Practicing essays doesn't mean keep writing essays without figuring out how they should be written in the first place.
3. Spend a lot of time initially to organize thoughts. Forget time limit. Take one hour if need be ... read a topic think of ideas and then arrange them in logical order ... Keep doing this exercise till the time you're able to do it faster like in 10-15 minutes.
4. Writing 250-280 words doesn't take more than 10-15 minutes. Use the remaining time to review the essay.

Now let's review the essay once again. Key words in essay topic are compare and contrast, and which source is more important and why?
Highlighting your main ideas in blue

Para 2:

1. Books are the quickest and limitless method to achieve plethora of knowledge on a variety of subjects, that interests you. - Book is quick way of learning - Idea 1
   
2. You can learn about anything from a book in shortest possible time; whereas, you just need to skim through few books to get an expert level knowledge on anything. Firstly read the sentence. It is written poorly. It's probably written as support of idea 1.
   
3. Moreover, there are dozens of books available on any topic in a library or a website, where you can explore the thoughts of different writers or scholars. Books are easily available - Idea 2.
   
4. For instance, if you are interested to learn about stocks investment, hundreds of books are available online to gain knowledge about the trade. Example
   
5. All what you have to do, you just need to read two or three books from different writers and you can get initial capability to trade in stocks. Example continued
   
6. Moreover, you can keep on reading afterwards to enhance your knowledge. Continuous learning idea 3. No support no example just a line hanging.

Para 3:

1. Although, you can get knowledge about anything from books but converting them into skill is the task of experience, that will ultimately make you an expert. Idea 1 experience needed to build expertise.
   
2. It is experience that will allow you to upgrade your theoretical knowledge into practicable wisdom. Support line
   
3. To give an illustration, Can you make profits in stocks just by reading few books? Example
   
4. It is quite unlikely that anyone can swiftly make profits in stocks straight out of the school. Example continued
   
5. One has to go through various crests and troughs to completely understand the true working of stock market and ultimately secure the profits. Generic statement no value addition
   
6. It is experience that will the final tweaking to your knowledge. Generic statement no value addition

Now see are you really doing a compare and contrast.

So start is fine. Your idea 1 is books are easy way of gaining knowledge. Let's say your contrast point is BUT you need experience to build expertise.

How about idea 2. Where is the contrast? Your own idea is books are easily available? Is experience easily available? You can use this argument either way. For example you can say if a person reads a book on negotiation skills he will not become a negotiator just by reading a book he needs to practice it. But for that he needs a job let's say in Sales. which may or may not happen. But let's say a person reads a book on computer programming and if he wants to become expert he can do projects himself.

See argument doesn't matter. But are you comparing your own ideas in para 2 to your ideas in para 3?

Again it is tough to explain everything by typing. But hopefully you get the gist.

So that is the first question ... compare and contrast. You had three ideas in books vs only 1 in practical experience .. And hence poor compare and contrast response.

The second question is Which one is better? And why?

Which sentence answers that? You may think I have given so many good points. It's obvious work experience is better. Please do not assume that the IELTS examiner will read your essay line by line. You have to make sure you are answering the question clearly.

It is tough to explain everything by writing. But again I will make the point. Write your ideas as bullet points and then rearrange the order. Then rearrange it again .... and again ... till the time you see a clear picture in your head.

Hope this helps!

 

[H0peAndFa1th]

Test Date 08 Sept 2018
Listening 8.5
Reading 9
Speaking 7.5
Writing 6.5
OverAllBandScore 8

Can not believe It !!!!

 

[cansha]

Test Date 08 Sept 2018
Listening 8.5
Reading 9
Speaking 7.5
Writing 6.5
OverAllBandScore 8

Can not believe It !!!!

This is insane!!! Go for a remark for sure. I’m sure it will change.

 

[Moeedkh]

Hi Cansha,

I have got your point. You are right that I am missing out the real task of comparing and contrasting and it could have been done in a better way.
And you are right about some slippages, but here are the reasons of writing these sentences I am highlighting them in red :


Now let's review the essay once again. Key words in essay topic are compare and contrast, and which source is more important and why?
Highlighting your main ideas in blue

Para 2:

1. Books are the quickest and limitless method to achieve plethora of knowledge on a variety of subjects, that interests you. - Book is quick way of learning - Idea 1 ( Main Idea 1 - quickness and limitless)
   
2. You can learn about anything from a book in shortest possible time; whereas, you just need to skim through few books to get an expert level knowledge on anything. Firstly read the sentence. It is written poorly. It's probably written as support of idea 1. ( Supporting Idea - quickness in reading them) - Why do you say its poorly written ? I want to know..
   
3. Moreover, there are dozens of books available on any topic in a library or a website, where you can explore the thoughts of different writers or scholars. Books are easily available - Idea 2. ( Supporting Idea continued - no limit on available books)
   
4. For instance, if you are interested to learn about stocks investment, hundreds of books are available online to gain knowledge about the trade. Example ( No limit example)
   
5. All what you have to do, you just need to read two or three books from different writers and you can get initial capability to trade in stocks. Example continued ( quickness of reading)
   
6. Moreover, you can keep on reading afterwards to enhance your knowledge. Continuous learning idea 3. No support no example just a line hanging. ( Connecting or conclusion sentence of body 1)

Para 3:

1. Although, you can get knowledge about anything from books but converting them into skill is the task of experience, that will ultimately make you an expert. Idea 1 experience needed to build expertise. ( Main Idea 2)
   
2. It is experience that will allow you to upgrade your theoretical knowledge into practicable wisdom. Support line ( support line 1)
   
3. To give an illustration, Can you make profits in stocks just by reading few books? Example ( Evidence: Question added just to add some variety)
   
4. It is quite unlikely that anyone can swiftly make profits in stocks straight out of the school. Example continued ( Evidence continued)
   
5. One has to go through various crests and troughs to completely understand the true working of stock market and ultimately secure the profits. Generic statement no value addition ( Analysis of evidence)
   
6. It is experience that will the final tweaking to your knowledge. Generic statement no value addition ( Conclusion of body 2)

.
I my opinion, book reading as well as gaining relevant experience are concomitent to achieve notable excellence in any field of life.( I ve answered in the first line that both are necessary, so I just discussed pros and cons of both in my essay )