IELTS essay check. Please help(General)

[james_tvm]

In some areas of the US, a curfew is imposed, in which teenagers are not allowed to be out of doors after a particular time at night unless they are accompanied by an adult. Do you agree or disagree?


Adolescents are not permitted outside at night over a certain period of time unless accompanied by an adult because of curfew being imposed in some areas of US cities. This essay completely agree with this statement because teenagers will have access to criminal activities and having high risk of getting stabbed by unknown people.

Teenagers will have the tendency of getting involved in criminal activities if not properly watched out by an adult. They will hang out at night with people from different backgrounds for participating in criminal offences in exchange of cash. This allows the youngsters to take advantage of the situation by attacking the innocent people for their own needs. For instance, in 2008 Mumbai terrorist attack was done by an adolescent who was not properly cared or being look after properly by his parents on the right path ended up in life sentence to death.

On the other hand youngsters being outside on odd hours at night creates the risk of getting stabbed by other unknown people for taking their valuable property. While walking in the dark night alone helps the stranger to create the situation worse by taking the available cash/cards and use for their own purpose. Also it makes the teenagers get panic & possible threat of getting life in danger. For example, In 2022 article published by United States FBI reports that 1/3 of the cases reported in night street theft are done by adolescents taking the cash & puts the people in life threatening situation or even to death.

To conclude, teenagers should be accompanied by an adult at night over a time period due to curfew put on some areas of US cities because it will make them involvement in criminal works & possible way of getting hurt by strangers in public.

 

[Varunaimar]

In some areas of the US, a curfew is imposed, in which teenagers are not allowed to be out of doors after a particular time at night unless they are accompanied by an adult. Do you agree or disagree?


Adolescents are not permitted to go outside at night over a after a fixed certain period of time at night unless accompanied by an adult because of curfew being imposed in some US localities areas of US cities. This essay completely agree agrees with this statement because teenagers will have gain/ have increased access to criminal/ illegal activities and having high risk of getting stabbed by unknown people/ endanger their lives by getting involved with unscrupulous and anti-social elements .

Teenagers will have the tendency of getting to get involved in criminal activities if not properly watched out by an adult when there is little or no adult supervision. They will would hang out at night with people from different backgrounds for participating in criminal offences in exchange of cash (this sentence, and the paragraph by extension, doesnt seem right. Are you implying that they WILL participate in criminal activities wantonly or are you merely suggesting that there is a chance they could get involved in criminal activities because they may not know their friends as well as they think they do? Might need to tone down and present your view starting from a neutral standpoint, else you run the risk of being very strongly biased. This essay should showcase the shift in your stance from a neutral to an opinionated one. For this reason, i'm skipping this para) . This allows the youngsters to take advantage of the situation by attacking the innocent people for their own needs. For instance, in 2008 Mumbai terrorist attack was done by an adolescent who was not properly cared or being look after properly by his parents on the right path ended up in life sentence to death.

On the other hand Moreover, youngsters being outside on at odd hours at night creates increases the risk of getting stabbed by other unknown people/ delinquents for taking their valuable property looking to steal any valuables in their possession. While walking in the dark night alone helps the stranger to create make the situation worse by taking the available cash/cards and use for their own purpose. Also it makes the teenagers get panic & possible threat of getting life in danger. For example, In 2022 article published by United States FBI reports that 1/3 of the cases reported in night street theft are done by adolescents taking the cash & puts the people in life threatening situation or even to death.

To conclude, teenagers should be accompanied by an adult at night over a time period due to curfew put on some areas of US cities because it will make them involvement in criminal works & possible way of getting hurt by strangers in public.

My overall rating would be 5.5 at best.

To be honest, the ideas expressed are good, but the grammar and sentence formation needs some work. I would suggest that you read newspaper editorials to get an idea how sentences should be structured and ideas are transmuted from one stance to the other.

Good luck!!

 

[james_tvm]

My overall rating would be 5.5 at best.

To be honest, the ideas expressed are good, but the grammar and sentence formation needs some work. I would suggest that you read newspaper editorials to get an idea how sentences should be structured and ideas are transmuted from one stance to the other.

Good luck!!

Thanks Varunaimar for your detailed feedback. I am really getting struggle in grammar and sentence formation part. I somehow need to fix this and move forward.

 

[Jennifer_Davenport]

In some areas of the US, a curfew is imposed, in which teenagers are not allowed to be out of doors after a particular time at night unless they are accompanied by an adult. Do you agree or disagree?


Adolescents are not permitted outside at night over a certain period of time unless accompanied by an adult because of curfew being imposed in some areas of US cities. This essay completely agree with this statement because teenagers will have access to criminal activities and having high risk of getting stabbed by unknown people.

Teenagers will have the tendency of getting involved in criminal activities if not properly watched out by an adult. They will hang out at night with people from different backgrounds for participating in criminal offences in exchange of cash. This allows the youngsters to take advantage of the situation by attacking the innocent people for their own needs. For instance, in 2008 Mumbai terrorist attack was done by an adolescent who was not properly cared or being look after properly by his parents on the right path ended up in life sentence to death.

On the other hand youngsters being outside on odd hours at night creates the risk of getting stabbed by other unknown people for taking their valuable property. While walking in the dark night alone helps the stranger to create the situation worse by taking the available cash/cards and use for their own purpose. Also it makes the teenagers get panic & possible threat of getting life in danger. For example, In 2022 article published by United States FBI reports that 1/3 of the cases reported in night street theft are done by adolescents taking the cash & puts the people in life threatening situation or even to death.

To conclude, teenagers should be accompanied by an adult at night over a time period due to curfew put on some areas of US cities because it will make them involvement in criminal works & possible way of getting hurt by strangers in public.
The essay is not bad, you can understand what is written, but there are a lot of grammar mistakes. I would recommend reading more essays, so that way, you understand how a good essay should look. If you don't have a book with essays or something like that, you can read it from my site https://samploon.com/free-essays/resilience/ I write essays on different topics, reading some might help you improve your English.

Don't stop practicing and you will improve your English skills

 

[aimeedaniels]

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[Amelie_Lew0]

I have already written an essay. Now I am interested in how to work productively in a group. We will have a team project, and I don't really like working in a team. I understand that this should not affect my studies. Tell me, how do you divide responsibilities to get a good score?

 

[Hall_W00d]

I have already written an essay. Now I am interested in how to work productively in a group. We will have a team project, and I don't really like working in a team. I understand that this should not affect my studies. Tell me, how do you divide responsibilities to get a good score?

Hello. Joint projects for students are an opportunity to get to know their classmates better. But in general, there are certain tips to go through this experience without any problems. So, I have a great article for you on how to make a group project http://domyessay.com/blog/how-to-make-a-group-project Because it focuses on practical tips and time-tested strategies to navigate the world of collaboration with ease.

 

[Amelie_Lew0]

Hello. Joint projects for students are an opportunity to get to know their classmates better. But in general, there are certain tips to go through this experience without any problems. So, I have a great article for you on how to make a group project http://domyessay.com/blog/how-to-make-a-group-project Because it focuses on practical tips and time-tested strategies to navigate the world of collaboration with ease.

Thank you for your time. I will definitely check out this article.

 

[worddemy]

I will focus on the same four criteria: Task Response, Coherence and Cohesion, Lexical Resource, and Grammatical Range and Accuracy.

Task Response: In your essay, you clearly express your agreement with the implementation of curfews, arguing that it limits teenagers' involvement in criminal activities and reduces their risk of harm. You support your stance with reasons, which demonstrates an understanding of the task. However, I suggest that you could enhance your response by considering and briefly refuting a counterargument, which would show a deeper engagement with the topic. Score: 6.5

Coherence and Cohesion: You've structured your essay logically, beginning with an introduction of the topic, followed by two body paragraphs that outline your main arguments, and concluding with a summary of your views. This structure is effective. However, to improve coherence, I recommend using a wider variety of transition words and phrases to link your ideas more smoothly. Furthermore, developing your arguments in a more interconnected manner within each paragraph would strengthen the cohesion of your essay. Score: 6.0

Lexical Resource: You use a range of vocabulary that is relevant to the topic, such as "criminal activities," "life-threatening," and "curfew." This demonstrates your ability to communicate your ideas. However, there are opportunities to use more precise and varied language to express your arguments more effectively. Avoiding repetition and employing synonyms would enhance the lexical richness of your essay. Score: 6.0

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Your essay displays an attempt to use a variety of grammatical structures. However, there are errors that occasionally hinder comprehension, such as mismatched subject-verb agreements and awkward phrasing. I encourage you to focus on enhancing your grammatical accuracy, particularly by practicing complex sentence structures and ensuring subject-verb agreement. Score: 6.0

Overall Score: 6.1