writing Task 2

[ka2@]

Hi please anyone can check if my writing task 2 Academic is ok, this is my first time doing it

Today’s school should teach their students how to survive financially in the world. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement ?



These days, schools are more focused on teaching Trigonometry, phycology and science subjects. As the word's economy is continuously going through the financial crisis, many advocates think that schools should educate the students about the methods of economic survival. I strongly agree with this point of view and believe that schools need to balance these favourite subjects and need to teach students how to survive financially.

Financial education makes students more self-sufficient. There is no doubt that if students learn economic subjects along with compulsory subjects such as mathematics and science, they will also be independent later in their life. Consequently, they can make better decisions, which will lead to stability in their career and personal life. By learning financial aspects at an early stage, their adult life runs smoother than others who do not know the economic field. An excellent example of this would be TFSA; students who contribute to this tax-free saving accounts at an early stage of life could save several dollars when they need to withdraw to buy their first house. Thus, financial education helps them to become financially self-supporting following on in life.

Furthermore, if students learn how to manage a budget during the initial stage of their development, they will financially help their friends and family members in unfortunate circumstances. Hence contribute to the betterment of society by their wise decisions. For instance, if in the coming years, due to the unstable nature of the world's economy, they will not only survive themselves but also set significant contributions to their family and society. Also, the country privilege at large, as most of the citizens are responsible and diminish the rate of bankruptcy.

In conclusion, I think that schools should teach financial subjects to all the students, which will remarkably benefit them later in life by becoming self-sufficient and enhances the nation at large.
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[basedgod]

Spelling mistakes. No clear argument cohesion. Repetition of arguments. Decent structuring of paragraphs. A few Improper use of parts of speech and words.

6.5

My arguments would be much different, but for reference, here's a slightly modified and better version of your essay. Compare it with yours and see how you can improve. It would also good to include arguments about how basic curriculum is also important, but financial subjects should complement the curriculum for creating well rounded individuals.

Modified essay

Nowadays, schools are focused mainly on teaching Math, Science and Political Science subjects. As the world's economy is continuously going through a financial crisis, I strongly believe that schools should also direct the focus of their students towards the methods of economic survival, while striking a balance with the usual curriculum.

Financial education makes students more self-sufficient. Learning economic subjects along with compulsory subjects such as mathematics and science, will empower them to make better decisions about managing their wealth and expenditure, which will consequently lead to stability in their career and personal life. Conversely, not being well versed with financial know how will put them at risk of mishandling their money, leading to cascading problems in their adult life. An excellent example of this would be the Tax-free savings account (TFSA). A recent research showed that students who knew about TFSA and contributed to their tax-free saving accounts, from an early stage of life, had saved several thousands of dollars, which they could use to fund their first house. Students who didn't know about TFSA, didn't take advantage of this opportunity and lost the money that could be saved over the years to taxes, leading them to acquiring large mortgages, and therefore debt.

Furthermore, financial stability will allow students to be capable of helping their friends and family members in need, at a later stage in life, thereby contributing to the betterment of society as a whole. For instance, in the coming years, if there is another recession, not only will they be able to weather the storm of financial insecurity, but they will also be able to provide financial shelter to their immediate relatives to keep them afloat till the economy recovers. This will in turn equip the country as a whole to handle ups and downs and diminish the rates of bankruptcy.

In conclusion, I think that schools should teach financial subjects to all the students, who will remarkably benefit from them later in life by becoming self-sufficient and enhance the nation at large.