Writing Task 1 Academic - Band 7+

[Jimmy_McGill]

Hi! fellow fighters. I've been focus on writing section over the last 2 weeks. I think I've mastered the basic points of Task 2, so being 3 weeks away from my test, I've started practicing Task 1. Please, review and score my draft bellow:

The graph illustrates the percentage data on internet access in both urban/suburban and rural areas of a certain country over a 6-year period starting from 2011. Overall, household internet access increased dramatically in both areas, however, it was noticeably higher in urban/suburban homes.

In 2011, roughly 13% of urban/suburban areas had internet, while less than 3% of rural homes had it. By the following year, internet access in urban/suburban homes had doubled to exactly 30%, whereas in rural areas had increased slightly to almost 5%. In 2013, the percentage of urban/suburban households that had internet access was significant higher than rural ones, 40% and 10%, respectively.

During 2014 and 2015, the internet access in urban/suburban homes remained almost the same, at close to 50%, compared to 2016, where it hit nearly 58%. On the other hand, rural homes that had access to internet, during those three years, went up steadily, reaching around 18% and 25% in 2014 and 2015, and nearly 36% in 2016.

Word Count: 162

 

[Jimmy_McGill]

The bar graph illustrates the proportion of literate people from 1700 to 2000 in two different countries. Overall, both countries, X and Y, experienced a upward trend throughout the period; however, the rise in country Y remained higher than in country X in every year shown.

Country's Y literacy rate was about 49% in 1700, being significantly higher than country's X rate by approximately 40%. Two centuries later, by 1900, there was a dramatic increase to almost 90%, compared with the preview century -1800- where the rates went up moderately to just above 60%. Over the next 100-years, the numbers of people able to read and write continued to rise steadily in this country, hitting a peak at 100% in 2000.

Percentage of literacy in country X was less than 4% in 1700, which means there was around 96% of non-literate people. Although the number of literate people grew moderately over the next two centuries, the level remained remarkably lower than in country Y, just around one-third of people were literate by 1900. However, a whopping 80% of literacy in country X.


Word count: 170

 

[Jimmy_McGill]

The graph illustrates the average of movies watched in movie theaters over a 15-year period starting from 2000, break down by age group. Overall, there was a steady upward trend of movies seen in the youngest age group, while the figures of movies watched by the two older group decline steadily throughout the given period.

Initially, moviegoers aged 45-65 were who most movies watched, an average of 17, in 2000. Afterwards, that number started to decline gradually, reaching the same average of the youngest group of 12 films in 2010, and hitting its lowest point of only eight movies by 2015. People aged 25-44 watched an average of 12 per year in 2000, then that number dropped consistently until it hit a trough of 5 in 2015.

In the group of the youngest moviegoers (18-24) just an average of 10 movies were seen in 2000. However, this figure witnessed a moderate increase to 12 movies in 2005 and remained flat through 2010. Over the next five years, this group began to watched more movies, and by 2015 they become the group with the highest average number of movies seen, 14 movies per year.

 

[Jimmy_McGill]

The graphs illustrate the percentages unemployment and average weekly salaries broke down by educational attainment in 2016. Overall, the highest proportion of unemployment and the lowest salary was registered on people with lower educational level, while university graduated experienced the lowest level of joblessness and perceived the highest wages.

Individuals with a high school diploma suffered 5.5% of unemployment, being higher by 1.3% than those with some college background, who only had 4.2%. On the other hand, the joblessness rate among those with higher education was moderately lower, 2.5% and an scarcely 1.2% from people with college diploma and bachelor degree, respectively.

University professionals earned an average of $1,500 weekly, more than twofold than those had just completed the twelve grade. College graduated were the second with a relatively high salary, earning an average of $1,100 per week. People with some college attainment earned an average of $675 pretty similar of those with a high school diploma, whose average job income was $600.

Word Count: 157

 

[Jimmy_McGill]

One of the consequences of improved medical care is that people are living longer and life expectancy is increasing.
Do you think advantages outweigh disadvantages? Give your opinion and reasons.

The latest improvements in medical health system have positively impacted people's quality of life making them live longer and lengthening life expectancy. I personally think that the benefits far outpaced the drawbacks. Due to this advances serious illness and diseases not only can be prevented but also eradicated, resulting in quantum leap forward health.

 

[Jimmy_McGill]

Prompt:
One of the consequences of improved medical care is that people are living longer and life expectancy is increasing.
Do you think advantages outweigh disadvantages? Give your opinion and reasons.

Essay:
The improvements in medical assistance have a perceptible effect on society worldwide. Nowadays, people are living not only longer and healthier life, but also their life span average is rising up steadily. Although there are advantages of this progress, I personally think that the drawbacks far outpaced the benefits because it is a double-edged sword for the community in the long-term.

The only noticeable advantage of living longer is that people can stay even longer with their beloved, which, in turn, means that their knowledge and wisdom are inherited by their younger generation. Elders are an infinite source of information and experience which can help others to face many challenges of life. For instance, kids and adolescents can, empowered with that privileged knowledge, easily avoid the sweet temptation of drugs and others harmful additions.

On the contrary, there are two main drawbacks of having a sustained growth of longevity. Firstly, the number of humans on earth inevitably will rise. Under this scenario basic resources, particularly food, would be in high demand. This could provoke a shortage of food at global scale, badly affecting developing countries. Moreover, if people live far beyond the retirement age, they will not contribute to the economy at all, but they will still need to use the public services ( transportation, welfare, etc.). As a direct consequence, public administrations would irremediably have to raise taxes as a quick way to face that unexpected cost. For example, in Spain, due to its overwhelming number of retires, is the country with the highest taxation levels in Europe.

To conclude, although it obvious that elderly people can contribute immensely with their expertise, it cannot be ignored that society might witness a food shortfall and an unexpected tax increase.

(Words 288)

 

[Praxis]

Prompt:
One of the consequences of improved medical care is that people are living longer and life expectancy is increasing.
Do you think advantages outweigh disadvantages? Give your opinion and reasons.

Essay:
The improvements in medical assistance have a perceptible effect on society worldwide. Nowadays, people are living not only longer and healthier life, but also their life span average is rising up steadily. Although there are advantages of this progress, I personally think that the drawbacks far outpaced the benefits because it is a double-edged sword for the community in the long-term.

The only noticeable advantage of living longer is that people can stay even longer with their beloved, which, in turn, means that their knowledge and wisdom are inherited by their younger generation. Elders are an infinite source of information and experience which can help others to face many challenges of life. For instance, kids and adolescents can, empowered with that privileged knowledge, easily avoid the sweet temptation of drugs and others harmful additions.

On the contrary, there are two main drawbacks of having a sustained growth of longevity. Firstly, the number of humans on earth inevitably will rise. Under this scenario basic resources, particularly food, would be in high demand. This could provoke a shortage of food at global scale, badly affecting developing countries. Moreover, if people live far beyond the retirement age, they will not contribute to the economy at all, but they will still need to use the public services ( transportation, welfare, etc.). As a direct consequence, public administrations would irremediably have to raise taxes as a quick way to face that unexpected cost. For example, in Spain, due to its overwhelming number of retires, is the country with the highest taxation levels in Europe.

To conclude, although it obvious that elderly people can contribute immensely with their expertise, it cannot be ignored that society might witness a food shortfall and an unexpected tax increase.

(Words 288)

Your response is well-organized but better arguments could be found. The last point about taxes is the best one.
Some good vocabulary but a few awkward phrases (double-edged sword - trite and overused by IELTS candidates), (irremediably - wrong use) etc.
Grammar is strong with a good variety of structures, few errors.

 

[Jimmy_McGill]

Essay: Should teenagers in high school work part-time? Give reasons and examples to support your answer. has been updated.

There is no doubt that work experience is an essential ingredient to find a job. It is believed by some that young people during their high school studies should be working as part-time employee. By doing so, they kids could gain different skills and abilities, as well as build confidence and, on top of that they will learn the concept of earn money through personal effort.

A work environment immersion is fundamental to obtain, develop and master fundamental job skills, such as problem solving, critical thinking, personal communications and team work spirit. If high schools students have this learning-working experience, they would definitely be more than ready to occupy other job positions with greater responsibility in their near future. Besides, the act of working provide a sense of fulfillment, capacity and accomplishment. So that, the kids' self-esteem and self-confidence would be boosted by the fact of doing a paid activity. For instance, if they decide to apply for a supervisor assistance position in a call center, they will have not only the basic abilities but also the confidence of knowing able to do that job.

As well as, by putting a conscious effort (be on time, respect deadline, follow manage directions, and the like) in a paid activity, kids would undoubtedly grasp an ample perspective of the meaning of money. In other words, they will learn that to earn the enough money to have a decent life, all people have to work for it. This knowledge would help them to understand the great effort and sacrifice their parents do to raise and feed them.

In conclusion, teenagers should have, along with their mandatory education, a work experience. This path would fill them with knowledge, expertise and, most important with the assurance that they with effort and hard working can do any job, so they will be ready to the job market when they become adult.

 

[Jimmy_McGill]

ESSAY: Some people aim to achieve balance between work and other parts of lives, but few achieve it. Explain some possible reasons for this problem and suggest some solutions.

These days, having a good worklife balance is a steep challenge that many people have to face with, and unfortunately many failed in doing so. An over-demanding job coupled with a poor time management skills could be considered as possible causes. Luckily, people have the option to apply for a less stressful job and/or learn how to plan properly their time to do both work and enjoy the life.

It is undeniable that the better jobs positions, those with high wages and attractive benefits, are extremely demanding. A manager position, for instance, have to work long hours, deal with unsatisfied clients, meet deadline, compose and write complex reports, etc. This overload work scenario create a stressful environment in people's life with little room for entertainment, family or even proper rest. Besides this common reality, many individuals simply does not know how to organize their life at all. In other words, they face their upcoming days without a determined schedule, ending up overwhelmed with all the activities and obligations they have to deal with.

Fortunately, as an old adage says, people always have a choice. First, if they are overwhelming, overloading, distressful with their current jobs, they can find another position with less responsibilities and duties, which allow them to find a balance point between profession and private life. Moreover, although it can sound a mere logical deduction, for those unable to manage their time good enough, they can go to any bookstore a buy a planner to help them to build up efficiently their daily hours.

In conclusion, life could be seem as a difficult challenge for all people, particularly for workers with a demanding job or those who simply ignore how to deal with schedules. However, a balanced life at work and at home is a reachable reality. How? by choosing a job less demanding jog or by learning how to organize their time individuals, so there is no excuse.

 

[Praxis]

Essay: Should teenagers in high school work part-time? Give reasons and examples to support your answer. has been updated.

There is no doubt that work experience is an essential ingredient to find a job. It is believed by some that young people during their high school studies should be working as part-time employee. By doing so, they kids could gain different skills and abilities, as well as build confidence and, on top of that they will learn the concept of earn money through personal effort.

A work environment immersion is fundamental to obtain, develop and master fundamental job skills, such as problem solving, critical thinking, personal communications and team work spirit. If high schools students have this learning-working experience, they would definitely be more than ready to occupy other job positions with greater responsibility in their near future. Besides, the act of working provide a sense of fulfillment, capacity and accomplishment. So that, the kids' self-esteem and self-confidence would be boosted by the fact of doing a paid activity. For instance, if they decide to apply for a supervisor assistance position in a call center, they will have not only the basic abilities but also the confidence of knowing able to do that job.

As well as, by putting a conscious effort (be on time, respect deadline, follow manage directions, and the like) in a paid activity, kids would undoubtedly grasp an ample perspective of the meaning of money. In other words, they will learn that to earn the enough money to have a decent life, all people have to work for it. This knowledge would help them to understand the great effort and sacrifice their parents do to raise and feed them.

In conclusion, teenagers should have, along with their mandatory education, a work experience. This path would fill them with knowledge, expertise and, most important with the assurance that they with effort and hard working can do any job, so they will be ready to the job market when they become adult.

 

[Praxis]

First of all, a true IELTS task will not be phrased with just a question: 'Should teenagers...? ' IELTS tasks start with a statement and then a question. So it might be phrased as: Teenagers should work part-time during high school. To what extent do you agree or disagree? It is very important to pay attention to the question and use the proper format for the essay. You have written a persuasive essay and you agree. Besides that, your essay is quite strong with particularly good vocabulary.
One area that you could improve on is your linking phrases. There are two errors in particular - 2nd paragraph a sentence begins 'So that...' which can be used mid-sentence but not to start a sentence. This is better: "...and accomplishment so that the kids' self-esteem..." or this: "...and accomplishment. In this way, the kids' self-esteem..."
In the 3rd paragraph, you start 'As well as,' which is incorrect. You can write "As well, by putting ..." or you could write "As well as + noun, by putting..." such as "As well as job experience, by putting ...' etc.
One more point if you want to aim for a high score. Your answer focused on work, but a key factor here is also 'high school', which you didn't consider. You need even one brief sentence about the problems this may cause for studies.
Cheers!

 

[Jimmy_McGill]

First of all, a true IELTS task will not be phrased with just a question: 'Should teenagers...? ' IELTS tasks start with a statement and then a question. So it might be phrased as: Teenagers should work part-time during high school. To what extent do you agree or disagree? It is very important to pay attention to the question and use the proper format for the essay. You have written a persuasive essay and you agree. Besides that, your essay is quite strong with particularly good vocabulary.
One area that you could improve on is your linking phrases. There are two errors in particular - 2nd paragraph a sentence begins 'So that...' which can be used mid-sentence but not to start a sentence. This is better: "...and accomplishment so that the kids' self-esteem..." or this: "...and accomplishment. In this way, the kids' self-esteem..."
In the 3rd paragraph, you start 'As well as,' which is incorrect. You can write "As well, by putting ..." or you could write "As well as + noun, by putting..." such as "As well as job experience, by putting ...' etc.
One more point if you want to aim for a high score. Your answer focused on work, but a key factor here is also 'high school', which you didn't consider. You need even one brief sentence about the problems this may cause for studies.
Cheers!

thanks for investing your precious time to give me a feedback. I appreciate it. Yes, you are totally right. I have a fight with grammar rules. This means that I should spend more time checking it in my last 5 mnts avoiding lose marks for it. Greeting from Canada.

 

[Zigzag85]

I

First of all, a true IELTS task will not be phrased with just a question: 'Should teenagers...? ' IELTS tasks start with a statement and then a question. So it might be phrased as: Teenagers should work part-time during high school. To what extent do you agree or disagree? It is very important to pay attention to the question and use the proper format for the essay. You have written a persuasive essay and you agree. Besides that, your essay is quite strong with particularly good vocabulary.
One area that you could improve on is your linking phrases. There are two errors in particular - 2nd paragraph a sentence begins 'So that...' which can be used mid-sentence but not to start a sentence. This is better: "...and accomplishment so that the kids' self-esteem..." or this: "...and accomplishment. In this way, the kids' self-esteem..."
In the 3rd paragraph, you start 'As well as,' which is incorrect. You can write "As well, by putting ..." or you could write "As well as + noun, by putting..." such as "As well as job experience, by putting ...' etc.
One more point if you want to aim for a high score. Your answer focused on work, but a key factor here is also 'high school', which you didn't consider. You need even one brief sentence about the problems this may cause for studies.
Cheers!

d love it if you can give me some advice on essay writing.
This is my essay from the IELTS EXAM on the 5th.
Please take a look , I’m stuck at 6.5 and I just need a 7 to get ITA


People encourage the idea of moving out of their family homes while others dont.
Give your opinion and give examples.


Nowadays many adolescents are looking forward to move out of their parents house to be independent. Many people assert that many advantages come with adolescents moving out of their family homes. Others, including myself, feel that living away from your family could have a negative impact. In this essay, I will discuss both point of views and give reasons to support my own before reaching a conclusion.

Owing it to technological advancements, people can reach their families easily through internet programs like Skype, Watsapp and Viber. Many adolescents move out to live in dormitories or with friends in an apartment. Furthermore living alone teaches one to become independent. Mostly, nowadays teenagers move out of their family homes to experience the ultimate freedom they are yearning for.

However, there are some disadvantages to moving out. Humans tend to be comfortable around people they know well or familiar to such as, family members.
For example, a recent study in the U.S shows that almost 85% of international students had mild depression. Unlike in the past, parents have become more open minded and are willing to give their children space to develop and understand their skills, talents and hobbies. Therefore it is not necessary to leave the family home to gain freedom anymore.

To conclude, after discussing the pros on cons of adolescents moving out of their family homes, it’s not hard to see that the advantages outweigh the disadvantages. Personally, I opine that since parents have become more open minded, a person can experience freedom while enjoying the company of their loved ones.

 

[Jimmy_McGill]

The graph illustrates the amount of widgets and gadgets sold by a commercial entreprise during a 12-month period starting from July. Overall, there was a upward trend in sales for both items during the first part of the period with a slight decrease at the end.

By July, 400 gadgets had been sold, being higher than the quantity of widgets sold by 200 units. From that month this items -gadgets -witnessed a dramatically increase from around 700 units in August to exactly 1600 units in October. After this quick rise, the sales of gadgets started a steady decline through the following months, ending with 1000 units by June.

The sales of widgets rose slowly, but steady, between July and October, from 200 to 400 units, respectively. Over the next months, the sales continued on growing, reaching its highest point of nearly 1500 units sold by February. Although the widget sales fell a little bit to nearly 1450 units in March, and followed this downward trend until hit approximately 1300 units by June, this item was the most sold by the end of the reference period

 

[Praxis]

I
d love it if you can give me some advice on essay writing.
This is my essay from the IELTS EXAM on the 5th.
Please take a look , I’m stuck at 6.5 and I just need a 7 to get ITA


People encourage the idea of moving out of their family homes while others dont.
Give your opinion and give examples.


Nowadays many adolescents are looking forward to move out of their parents house to be independent. Many people assert that many advantages come with adolescents moving out of their family homes. Others, including myself, feel that living away from your family could have a negative impact. In this essay, I will discuss both point of views and give reasons to support my own before reaching a conclusion.

Owing it to technological advancements, people can reach their families easily through internet programs like Skype, Watsapp and Viber. Many adolescents move out to live in dormitories or with friends in an apartment. Furthermore living alone teaches one to become independent. Mostly, nowadays teenagers move out of their family homes to experience the ultimate freedom they are yearning for.

However, there are some disadvantages to moving out. Humans tend to be comfortable around people they know well or familiar to such as, family members.
For example, a recent study in the U.S shows that almost 85% of international students had mild depression. Unlike in the past, parents have become more open minded and are willing to give their children space to develop and understand their skills, talents and hobbies. Therefore it is not necessary to leave the family home to gain freedom anymore.

To conclude, after discussing the pros on cons of adolescents moving out of their family homes, it’s not hard to see that the advantages outweigh the disadvantages. Personally, I opine that since parents have become more open minded, a person can experience freedom while enjoying the company of their loved ones.