Thank you for your reviews
- Thread starter merreys
- Start date
It's a good draft. I think you should consider:
1. Tuition being paid by cousin. This is not an immediate family, so doesn't carry much weight. You will have a better shot if you paid 1st year tuition or have them gift you the money and show it in an account under your name.
2. "Following that, I have enrolled in several courses on Coursera like Usable Security by the University of Maryland, College Park, Cyber Security and Its Ten domains by the University System of Georgia and Introduction to Cyber Security Tools and Cyber Attacks by IBM to offer me specialised knowledge, practical and analytical skills in Cyber Security." Have you completed these courses? Being enrolled means nothing and not relevant here. If you have completed them, just simply indicate that you recently got certified in xxxxx courses by xxxxx institution.
3. "After careful consideration, I decided to pursue a continuing education program abroad, specifically in Canada to perform better in my future role. My search ended with a one-year master's degree in Cyber Security at the University of Guelph from 9th September 2021 to 30th September 2022." I think you should rephrase this to simply say "In order to perform better in my future role, I have decided to pursue a one-year Master's degree in Cyber Security at the University of Guelph from 9th September 2021 to 30th September 2022."
4. "My goals and prospects within my country of residence tie me to coming back and making a name and a life for myself which will not be possible in Canada because the country is far ahead in cybersecurity.This will hinder my dream to be a pioneer in cybersecurity, unlike Ghana that has cybersecurity now emerging. My obligations to the Children's Ministry and the media team in xxxxxxxxxxxxxxChurch International (xxxxxxxxxxxxxx) ties me to coming back and resuming my leadership roles." I would advise you remove these entirely. Saying working in Canada will hinder your dream is a bad, bad idea and will impact your application negatively. VOs know we all want PGWP after completion. Also, your role at your church is laudable, but is not a tie to your home country.
5. "I plan to work hard in whatever institution I find myself". Bad idea. Don't say this - it shows lack of solid plan and direction.
6. Great idea to highlight the role of women in Cybersecurity. I used the same angle (I had written a couple of articles about that which I attached so it helped me a bit). If you can allude stats about the low percentage of women in science generally and IT specifically in your home country, that would be great.
Good luck!
1. Tuition being paid by cousin. This is not an immediate family, so doesn't carry much weight. You will have a better shot if you paid 1st year tuition or have them gift you the money and show it in an account under your name.
2. "Following that, I have enrolled in several courses on Coursera like Usable Security by the University of Maryland, College Park, Cyber Security and Its Ten domains by the University System of Georgia and Introduction to Cyber Security Tools and Cyber Attacks by IBM to offer me specialised knowledge, practical and analytical skills in Cyber Security." Have you completed these courses? Being enrolled means nothing and not relevant here. If you have completed them, just simply indicate that you recently got certified in xxxxx courses by xxxxx institution.
3. "After careful consideration, I decided to pursue a continuing education program abroad, specifically in Canada to perform better in my future role. My search ended with a one-year master's degree in Cyber Security at the University of Guelph from 9th September 2021 to 30th September 2022." I think you should rephrase this to simply say "In order to perform better in my future role, I have decided to pursue a one-year Master's degree in Cyber Security at the University of Guelph from 9th September 2021 to 30th September 2022."
4. "My goals and prospects within my country of residence tie me to coming back and making a name and a life for myself which will not be possible in Canada because the country is far ahead in cybersecurity.This will hinder my dream to be a pioneer in cybersecurity, unlike Ghana that has cybersecurity now emerging. My obligations to the Children's Ministry and the media team in xxxxxxxxxxxxxxChurch International (xxxxxxxxxxxxxx) ties me to coming back and resuming my leadership roles." I would advise you remove these entirely. Saying working in Canada will hinder your dream is a bad, bad idea and will impact your application negatively. VOs know we all want PGWP after completion. Also, your role at your church is laudable, but is not a tie to your home country.
5. "I plan to work hard in whatever institution I find myself". Bad idea. Don't say this - it shows lack of solid plan and direction.
6. Great idea to highlight the role of women in Cybersecurity. I used the same angle (I had written a couple of articles about that which I attached so it helped me a bit). If you can allude stats about the low percentage of women in science generally and IT specifically in your home country, that would be great.
Good luck!
Someone give @wonderbly a cookie for hitting the nail on its head!
I don't think you have proven enough home ties to be honest but I don't know enough about your profile. How old are you? I assume you are young and single, and no employment history. That makes your home tie weak. You also didn't mention any siblings, only parents and cousins? Fiancé waiting for you to return?
You can mention them briefly and say you look forward to returning after your program to your brothers and parents in Ghana. This will show that all your families are back home, hence weakening your tie to Canada.
Other ideas to look into:
- Do you have any prospective employer? Giant local companies you are dying to work at? Mention them and your ambition to start climbing the corporate ladder at this companies after graduation.
- Glowing references from your past internship?
- Did you have great grades at schools? Awards etc? Punt this in your SOP.
- Do you volunteer in the community? Mentor young girls especially in encouraging them to pursue the same field as you?
No you don't need to. I teach young, previously-disadvantaged girls programming at a local NGO in which I'm one of the directors and I mentioned this in my SOP. I didn't provide any proof of this, besides the proof of directorship of the NGO which I doubt they tried to verify.One final question.
Don't need to submit proof of the volunteering and mentorship of the young ladies?
You should talk about your involvement with the young people as something you are passionate about, and your desire to elevate young girls in the community to reach for the stars and not settle for less. Which is why you are going for this program - you want to break that "glass ceiling" and go where few women have gone before in the IT world. Make it believable
.
Your biggest issue is funds. Do you have any personal funds? Your cousin sponsoring you from his company accounts are not personal funds. The program tuition is $30,000 and on the website it states that total costs are $46k. So your cousin is using ALL his company funds to sponsor your program? That makes no sense.
yes. that is straight refusal. i doubt the visa officer will spend more time on this. cousins are not direct family members and as stated by you, the program is very expensive and the applicant has 0 funds in their name and the money is not personal and it is not enogh. if it was at least 80k then yes it makes sense for sponsor to give money to family.
It will help if you provide your own personal funds. Do you have any personal funds because you must show your own funds. A cousin's business accounts don't really count as funds especially when all the company's funds would be used for your education. Is this sponsor a parent?