Stop in-laws immigration

[daughterinlaw2]

Hi All,

My husband and I are happily married for more than 5 years in Canada. His parents live in India. Every-time they visit or we go to India they create a lot of stress and fights between my husband and myself and cause emotional torture to me.

Now that the family class sponsorship is opening again in Jan 2014, my husband is planning to sponsor them as they are eager to come and live with us here in Canada. this is going to make my life hell.

I love my husband and talking to him about this causes friction between us. Is there something I can do without him knowing and stop his parent's sponsorship?

PLEASE HELP!!

 

[coolguy2010]

When u say "stop in laws immigration", it applies to both husband and wife

 

[explorer101]

Hi All,

My husband and I are happily married for more than 5 years in Canada. His parents live in India. Every-time they visit or we go to India they create a lot of stress and fights between my husband and myself and cause emotional torture to me.

Now that the family class sponsorship is opening again in Jan 2014, my husband is planning to sponsor them as they are eager to come and live with us here in Canada. this is going to make my life hell.

I love my husband and talking to him about this causes friction between us. Is there something I can do without him knowing and stop his parent's sponsorship?

PLEASE HELP!!

Being a parent I am very sad to know your negative thoughts about your in-laws. Where did I read that there is always a other side of coin?

 

[mitali]

Hi All,

My husband and I are happily married for more than 5 years in Canada. His parents live in India. Every-time they visit or we go to India they create a lot of stress and fights between my husband and myself and cause emotional torture to me.

Now that the family class sponsorship is opening again in Jan 2014, my husband is planning to sponsor them as they are eager to come and live with us here in Canada. this is going to make my life hell.

I love my husband and talking to him about this causes friction between us. Is there something I can do without him knowing and stop his parent's sponsorship?

PLEASE HELP!!

Sorry, you cannot do that.

Mitali

 

[scylla]

No - there is nothing you can do without him knowing.

If your husband has enough income to sponsor them on his own, then there is nothing you can do to stop him from applying.

If your husband doesn't have enough income to sponsor them on his own and needs you to be a co-signer on the application, then he will know if you refuse to be a cosigner or if you agree to be a cosigner and then withdraw your support later.

 

[pratirajya]

You gave him just 5 years and his parents gave him all their time to bring him up to this stage. How will you feel if same thing happens to you when you get old??? I think its better to resolve the conflict then to do something in the back. And if he realizes that you did something without his knowing , where will your relation be at that time?? Sorry if I hurt your feelings. But you have to approach on how to deal with it positively.

 

[on-hold]

Man, that's awful, I hope this post is a joke. This is one of the saddest things I have read in some time, my in-laws are from southeast Asia and I would be overjoyed to have them come and stay, even if it meant stress for us.

 

[amikety]

Not all in laws are nice people. Be there, done that. Will never do it again.

 

[johnson09436]

@amikety: I'm completely with you on that one! Not all in laws are nice people and mine are definitely not nice! It's very stressful on your own marriage and can lead to a divorce when they are around. So before pratirajya and on-hold starts jumping on daughterinlaw2 about what she is trying to do, you guys shouldn't shut up because you're not in her position.

 

[canvis2006]

even if he sponsors, you're looking at 4-5 years of processing time, at the very least.......processing times are very very long

 

[on-hold]

@ amikety: I'm completely with you on that one! Not all in laws are nice people and mine are definitely not nice! It's very stressful on your own marriage and can lead to a divorce when they are around. So before pratirajya and on-hold starts jumping on daughterinlaw2 about what she is trying to do, you guys shouldn't shut up because you're not in her position.

So you think a marriage where the wife secretly undercuts her husband's attempt to bring his parents over is worth defending? You're right I'm not in her position, I have a real marriage in a happy family.

 

[Sarah1]

"You gave him just 5 years and his parents gave him all their time to bring him up to this stage."
and this is where the wrong way of thinking begins...no, not all parents-in-law are nice and every family is different, so no one is in a position to judge unless they live in that house.

e.g. my mother's in-laws were not that great. Not so good parents for my father, bad in-laws and horrible grand parents. My mother had to put up with them for years and cut them off when I was a kid. Should my father turn his back and say:"they raised me, you are not family enough"? Of course it wasn't easy and it left a bitter taste, but what is easy in life? If stubbornness and selfishness prevailed, he wouldn't have a wonderful family (yes 'on-hold', a real marriage in a happy family) with my mom for the last 40 years and raise 3 kids, trying to be everything his father wasn't. So today's facts: 20 years with his parents and 40 years with my mother...who gave more time? this is a rhetorical question of course, since it doesn't matter. Actions count more than words (or years).

For daughterinlaw2's defence, she did try to talk about it with her husband but it only leads to fights and misunderstandings. And he is planning to bring them here no matter what she thinks or feels. Once the parents-in-law are in Canada a)they are going to have a horrible life with constant fights, or b)get eventually divorced.
So if you see the post in a different perspective, she is trying to save her family; the one she created with her husband. I'm not the one to judge if she is doing it the right way or the wrong way and I'm no angel to criticize the morals of the topic, but I can understand her agony and distress.
She asked a simple question and not our opinion on her marriage.

p.s. I'm no better...I'm criticizing you, for criticizing her and so on, without actually replying to the topic, but I think scylla covered it perfectly.

 

[on-hold]

Fair enough, you're right, it's silly to editorialize.

 

[Sarah1]

What is silly is that this topic came back on after almost a year! How did this happen?
And she didn't even get online since then...
April Fools? hehe

 

[johnson09436]

What is silly is that this topic came back on after almost a year! How did this happen?
And she didn't even get online since then...
April Fools? hehe

@Sarah1: it's not April fools. this came back because I'm on the same boat as daughterinlaw2 now and I'm searching for the same info.