Please score my writing

[chichi8x]

The mass media , including television, radio and newspaper, have great influence in shaping people's ideas.
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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The mass media develops dramatically these days, and along with that, people tend to be shaped their ideas by it. However, the mass media can not affect point of view of some particular individuals.

A few evidences are given to show the influence in people's ideas that we often believe in considerations of the mass media such as news on television or newspaper. Besides, the mass media is a tool to communicate information to people who need to know everything like education, medical, weather and even politics. For instance, someone considers to buy a washing machine and he does not know what is best one for him, then he may choose the one is publicized on television.

On the other hand, the mass media is just a reference towards well-educated or expert knowledge people. These persons have their own knowledge and their views are difficult to be changed by others and some kinds of media today. In addition, these are too many scandals and non-genuine published articles which make they to be careful about information from the mass media. These people would like more to learn the fact by themselves than to be shaped by the mass media easily. It would be the reason why the news or any events often announce certain data like numbers, pictures, video clips or witnesses of events.

To conclude with this statement, it is difficult to say that people's ideas are shaped by the mass media. It depends on how well they acknowledge the fact and their behavior towards recent events.




I just need 4 for the writing test, is it good enough?

Thanks in advance for fixing my writing

 

[mr.Hope]

The mass media , including television, radio and newspaper, have great influence in shaping people's ideas.
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

---------- ----------

The mass media develops dramatically these days, and along with that, people tend to be shape(no d) their ideas by it. However(in contrast), the mass media can not affect point of view of ( views of) some particular individuals.

A few evidences ( no need of - s) are given to show the influence in people's ideas that we often believe in considerations of the mass media such as news on television or newspaper. Besides, the mass media is a tool to communicate (provide) information to people who need to know everything like education, medical, weather and even politics. For instance, someone considers to buy a washing machine and he does not know what is best one for him, then he may choose the one (which) is publicized on the television.

On the other hand, the mass media is just a reference towards well-educated or expert knowledge people. These persons have their own knowledge and their views are difficult to be changed by others and some kinds of media today. In addition, these (there) are too many scandals and non-genuine(illegitimate) published articles which make they (them) to be careful about information from the mass media. These people would like more to learn the fact by themselves than to be shaped by the mass media easily. It would be the reason why the news or any events often announce certain data like numbers, pictures, video clips or witnesses of events.

To conclude with this statement, it is difficult to say that people's ideas are shaped by the mass media. It depends on how well they acknowledge the fact and their behavior towards recent events.

I'm not a pro just changed what I thought can be .....and essay should be more than 250 words. i am afraid to say you crossed 250 mark....anyway ALL THE BEST


I just need 4 for the writing test, is it good enough?

Thanks in advance for fixing my writing

 

[chichi8x]

Thank you very much, Mr.Hope

 

[talk2uzair]

Are you planning to appear for IELTS through IDP or British Council? You seems Ok on communication but can focus on better vocabulary, Grammar & sentence formation.

Wish you good luck!