Please correct my writing task 1

[gayan1991]

Question

You live in a room in college which you share with another student.
However, there are many problems with this arrangement and you find it
very difficult to work.
Write a letter to the accommodation officer at the college. In the letter,
• describe the situation
• explain your problems and why it is difficult to work
• say what kind of accommodation you would prefer

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Answer

Dear Sir/ Madam,

I am writing this letter to show my dissatisfaction about my accommodation arrangement. I am perusing a software engineering degree and I have a lot of group assignments. As a result of that, I have class mates coming over to my place to work on projects.
However, my roommate does not approve my friends visitation and he prefers to yell at my friends whenever he hears noise. My roommate prefers a quite environment which I tried and failed to provide and he has poor anger management skills. As result of that, I'm frightened that we may get into fight. Therefore, I am requesting a room , preferably single room, where I could have a discussion and continue my work without having a distraction from anyone.
Please be kind enough and make this arrangement for me. Unless, I have to go places such as fast food restaurant to have a small discussion.

Thank You!

Yours Faithfully,
Nadeesha

 

[chilkootcee]

There is a great website where you can find language exchange partners, post essays and writing to be corrected, etc.

http://www.italki.com/

C.

 

[ZingyDNA]

This looks really good. I forgot how many words are required for the first writing task. As long as there are enough words, this is very good. Covers the topic well, clear to understand with no fancy words, no obvious typo/grammatical errors. I would say at least a 7, maybe higher...

Question

You live in a room in college which you share with another student.
However, there are many problems with this arrangement and you find it
very difficult to work.
Write a letter to the accommodation officer at the college. In the letter,
• describe the situation
• explain your problems and why it is difficult to work
• say what kind of accommodation you would prefer

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Answer

Dear Sir/ Madam,

I am writing this letter to show my dissatisfaction about my accommodation arrangement. I am perusing a software engineering degree and I have a lot of group assignments. As a result of that, I have class mates coming over to my place to work on projects.
However, my roommate does not approve my friends visitation and he prefers to yell at my friends whenever he hears noise. My roommate prefers a quite environment which I tried and failed to provide and he has poor anger management skills. As result of that, I'm frightened that we may get into fight. Therefore, I am requesting a room , preferably single room, where I could have a discussion and continue my work without having a distraction from anyone.
Please be kind enough and make this arrangement for me. Unless, I have to go places such as fast food restaurant to have a small discussion.

Thank You!

Yours Faithfully,
Nadeesha

 

[Jaiveer Singh]

Question

You live in a room in college which you share with another student.
However, there are many problems with this arrangement and you find it
very difficult to work.
Write a letter to the accommodation officer at the college. In the letter,
• describe the situation
• explain your problems and why it is difficult to work
• say what kind of accommodation you would prefer

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Answer

Dear Sir/ Madam,

I am writing this letter to show my dissatisfaction about my accommodation arrangement. I am perusing a software engineering degree and I have a lot of group assignments. As a result of that, I have class mates coming over to my place to work on projects.
However, my roommate does not approve my friends visitation and he prefers to yell at my friends whenever he hears noise. My roommate prefers a quite environment which I tried and failed to provide and he has poor anger management skills. As result of that, I'm frightened that we may get into fight. Therefore, I am requesting a room , preferably single room, where I could have a discussion and continue my work without having a distraction from anyone.
Please be kind enough and make this arrangement for me. Unless, I have to go places such as fast food restaurant to have a small discussion.

Thank You!

Yours Faithfully,
Nadeesha

Express my dissatisfaction**

 

[Gripen]

perusing > pursuing