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**Please check my Writing Task 2**

orimairu

Newbie
Mar 28, 2011
8
0
**The inequality between rich and poor nations is now wider than ever before.
What do you think are the main causes of this difference and what do you think can be done to reduce the gap?**


It is clearly perceived in the contemporary world that there is a large gap between rich and poor countries. Moreover, it is important to note that the affluent nations are getting richer and the deprived nations are experiencing poverty that has yet to be alleviated.

The first apparent element in determining whether the country would be successful economically is deemed to be the quality of education which indicates the future quality of life that each citizen will experience in years before them. Therefore, it is undoubtedly vital for every country to foster their educational system to upgrade the knowledge and awareness of their citizens. By doing this, the nations are to be assured that there are quality people who hold a wide range of professional abilities to develop and cherish the community they came from. Thereafter, this will result in a cherished country as a whole.

Likewise, an improved educational system has a profound implication that tasks and projects required to be put into action for the benefit of the country can be done by the nations themselves. By harnessing their workforce exemplifies that the countries would be circulation in the country their money instead of, if they didn’t have educated people, pouring it out to richer countries in which they would be hiring their profession and superior abilities

Moreover, a major problem that causes a decline in economic activities may be a high level of unemployment. This issue can be mitigated by encouraging multinational firms to operate and set up in the country by providing them with inclinations such as grants and subsidies under stringent conditions such as to not exploit the workers. By putting this plan into practice, there will not be only a massive decline in the level of unemployment as a result, but also a decrease in crime rates in the country. This is due to the fact that people who lack money to spend for their essentials resort to committing crimes such as robbing. Therefore if they are provided with sufficient amount of income, the plausibility of them doing illegal deeds would irrefutably plunge. Furthermore, as there is more money circulating in the country due to citizens earning jobs, the economy will become healthier. This explicitly implies that more demand for good and services will be present. What this does is that it encourages individuals to set up their own businesses as a method to satisfy those increasing demand and make profit. Organisations may also initiate to compete with multinational companies that operate in the country. The knock-on effect is tremendously beneficial to the country. Not only would it require labour which will further pull down the unemployment rate, but encourage competition which would result a decline in prices of products and services, thus make their accessibility wider to every income groups.

All the possibilities mentioned above are steady and realistic approaches to help alleviate poor nations’ status. It all goes down and depend on whether each country’s government would utilize it and reduce the gap between them and affluent nations or not.

TOTAL WORD COUNT = 544
TIME TAKEN = 35 minutes

Please correct any mistakes and advise me on further improvements I can make.

Thank you very much :)
 

Kaushik Roy

Star Member
Jun 30, 2011
146
0
Calcutta
Category........
Visa Office......
Calcutta
Job Offer........
Pre-Assessed..
App. Filed.......
22-07-2011
IELTS Request
31-12-2010 || Overall 8.0
Med's Done....
12-07-2011
Interview........
waived
VISA ISSUED...
03-08-2011
LANDED..........
Hopefully soon....
Hey i read it :)

its a pretty nice write up.. u'll get goood marks. don worry. i got 7.5 in writing.

tell me something.. what the holy **** is 544 words doing out there! :eek:

wasnt it supposed to be somewhere about 250-300 ?? :-X
 

theshivster

Hero Member
Oct 7, 2010
494
21
Ireland
Category........
Visa Office......
London
NOC Code......
7215
Job Offer........
Pre-Assessed..
App. Filed.......
12-04-2011
AOR Received.
17-05-2011
IELTS Request
sent with app 8.5 band score
File Transfer...
RBVO 21 June 2011 IN PROCESS 20 Jan 2012
Med's Request
14.08.2012
Med's Done....
02.10.2012 (there is only one DMP here and we were waiting on new passports) Meds line added 19.11.12
Passport Req..
07.02.2013 sent 11.2.13 arrived 12.2.13
VISA ISSUED...
Visa Dated 28.02.2013 Canadian Address on Ecas 02.03.2013 Decision Made Sunday 03.03.2013
LANDED..........
Prinicipal Applicant Landed 14 May. The rest of us landed on 2.9.2013
Good writing, obviously you have practised well but I would say that you could probably cut this down by about 150 words by not making your sentences as descriptive. You do not want it to look as though you have copied it from a book, memorised it and re-wrote it.
:)
 

gcctocanada

Hero Member
Jun 12, 2010
548
12
Bahrain
Category........
Visa Office......
London
NOC Code......
3152
Job Offer........
Pre-Assessed..
App. Filed.......
3/5/10
AOR Received.
4/15/10
IELTS Request
4/15/10
File Transfer...
9/23/10
Med's Request
6/20/13
Med's Done....
7/17/13- with PC and RPRF
Passport Req..
9/10/2013
VISA ISSUED...
10/06/2013
LANDED..........
12/9/2013 EDMONTON
Too long. Just trim it down a bit. Too much too long will not get you a perfect mark. Just comply at least 300 words max. Good info and sentence pattern, grammar us good already. Thought pattern us okey too.