Letter To Visa office Plz comment

[Drooza]

I want to send this letter to visa office please give comments its ok or need some more work,,,,, my ielts score is L 5 R 4.5 W 5.5 S 6 Overall Band 6.0


To, Date: 04 December 2010
Canadian High commission
Immigration Section,
38 Grosvenor Street,
London, WIK 4 AA, UK.

Subject: IELTS Enquiry Results and French Language course /

Dear Sir/Madam

I would like to inform you that I have received my IELTS Enquiry Results unfortunately the result didn’t changed it remains the same as mentioned in last letter dated 15 October 2010.

I was expecting improvement in my results but it wouldn’t happen. My humble request is that please do not evaluate my entire ability with IELTS only by looking overall I have proven myself that I have moderate proficiency in English language it is true that I have basic in listening and Reading but I am not far from the moderate level just a half band.

Let me explain some major hurdles in improvement of my English ability. I am senior level of employee in the company and I have lot of responsibilities for controlling multi- projects a nationally and internationally my job starts at 7:00 AM till 3:00 PM Saturday to Thursday.
The families in the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia totally dependent on their husbands, brother’s and fathers they are unable to do anything without help of their care takers, if they want to go market they must have someone who can take them, they cannot trust anybody except their family members, my wife waiting for me all the day when I reach home she got a chance to go out with me to let children enjoy and play to do some shopping as well.
To attain classes in British council needs 240 km’s drive every day from Makkah to Jeddah going and coming it’s very difficult after office duties.

I have done before and certificates were provided in last submittal to visa office.
I am sure if some buddy starts any new language he will be able to communicate within one to two month as compare myself English is not new language for me I have enough knowledge just need some focus and training to reach good level I am very much sure if I have chance to study I will make a very good progress taking not more than two to three months course. By searching on internet I have found very good English language center in Vancouver (INTERNATIONAL LANGUGAE SCHOOL OF CANADA).

I have calculated fee for 20 weeks it’s about 6,375 Canadian dollars I am ready to pay this fee before landing.
I will book my course before arrival as my employer don’t have any problem with my level of English but I want to make it clear that I am truly interested in immigration to Canada I will send all receipts and acceptance letter to visa office but I would like to know expected month for visa granting because course must be booked before two or three months.

I have got admission in French language school CENTER FRANCO-SAOUDIEN Jeddah in level one I am really enjoying classes the reason why I enroll in French because I miss British council session it’s a new language for me but I love it and I am learning it that is fantastic.
CENTER FRANCO-SAOUDIEN Jeddah its about 400 km’s from makkah going and coming three days a week its more far from British council.
Studying in any age and any time opens many doors for successes Please find attached copy of registration for French course honesty and hard working always key of success.

I will be looking forward to hear from you positive response thanks for your precise time.

Your cooperation in this regard will be highly appreciated

Yours faithfully

 

[wxyz123]

drooza!

there are many grammar mistakes in your letter....

 

[Mohan Joshi]

I want to send this letter to visa office please give comments its ok or need some more work,,,,, my ielts score is L 5 R 4.5 W 5.5 S 6 Overall Band 6.0


To, Date: 04 December 2010
Canadian High commission
Immigration Section,
38 Grosvenor Street,
London, WIK 4 AA, UK.

Subject: IELTS Enquiry Results and French Language course /

Dear Sir/Madam

I would like to inform you that I have received my IELTS Enquiry Results unfortunately the result didn't changed it remains the same as mentioned in last letter dated 15 October 2010.

I was expecting improvement in my results but it wouldn't happen. My humble request is that please do not evaluate my entire ability with IELTS only by looking overall I have proven myself that I have moderate proficiency in English language it is true that I have basic in listening and Reading but I am not far from the moderate level just a half band.

Let me explain some major hurdles in improvement of my English ability. I am senior level of employee in the company and I have lot of responsibilities for controlling multi- projects a nationally and internationally my job starts at 7:00 AM till 3:00 PM Saturday to Thursday.
The families in the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia totally dependent on their husbands, brother's and fathers they are unable to do anything without help of their care takers, if they want to go market they must have someone who can take them, they cannot trust anybody except their family members, my wife waiting for me all the day when I reach home she got a chance to go out with me to let children enjoy and play to do some shopping as well.
To attain classes in British council needs 240 km's drive every day from Makkah to Jeddah going and coming it's very difficult after office duties.

I have done before and certificates were provided in last submittal to visa office.
I am sure if some buddy starts any new language he will be able to communicate within one to two month as compare myself English is not new language for me I have enough knowledge just need some focus and training to reach good level I am very much sure if I have chance to study I will make a very good progress taking not more than two to three months course. By searching on internet I have found very good English language center in Vancouver (INTERNATIONAL LANGUGAE SCHOOL OF CANADA).

I have calculated fee for 20 weeks it's about 6,375 Canadian dollars I am ready to pay this fee before landing.
I will book my course before arrival as my employer don't have any problem with my level of English but I want to make it clear that I am truly interested in immigration to Canada I will send all receipts and acceptance letter to visa office but I would like to know expected month for visa granting because course must be booked before two or three months.

I have got admission in French language school CENTER FRANCO-SAOUDIEN Jeddah in level one I am really enjoying classes the reason why I enroll in French because I miss British council session it's a new language for me but I love it and I am learning it that is fantastic.
CENTER FRANCO-SAOUDIEN Jeddah its about 400 km's from makkah going and coming three days a week its more far from British council.
Studying in any age and any time opens many doors for successes Please find attached copy of registration for French course honesty and hard working always key of success.

I will be looking forward to hear from you positive response thanks for your precise time.

Your cooperation in this regard will be highly appreciated

Yours faithfully

Dear Drooza,

There are a plethora of grammatical and syntax error in your writings.Please ensure your letter is brief and to the point. An immigration officer has a dearth of time to read a long letter. Do not forget an officer has to assess some other cases too. You need to consider punctuation at the same time. There are some obvious mistakes in your letter. For example, the last two lines should be I am looking forward to receiving a reply from you soon. Your meticulous help will be greatly appreciated.

I can amend your letter but I do not have ample time at the moment.When you are thinking to send this letter?

Best regards.

Mohan.

 

[wxyz123]

check this out i have made changes for you, hope it helps


Canadian High commission
Immigration Section,
38 Grosvenor Street,
London, WIK 4 AA, UK.


Date: 04 December 2010


Dear Sir/Madam

Subject: IELTS Results and French Language course

I would like to inform you that I have received my IELTS Results but unfortunately the results haven't changed and I have the same score as mentioned in my last letter dated 15 October 2010.

I was expecting a bit high band in my results but it didn't happen. My humble request is please not to look at my overall band. You can see I have moderate level in writing and speaking. I have basic level in listening and Reading part but I am only just a half band short of moderate level.

Let me explain some major issues preventing my improvement in English language. I am a senior level of employee in the company and I have lots of responsibilities such as controlling multiple projects both nationally and internationally. My job starts at 7:00 AM and I finish my work at 3:00 PM from Saturday to Thursday.

The families in the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia totally depend on their husbands, brothers and fathers and they are unable to do anything without the help of their care takers even if they want to go to market they must have someone to accompany them. They cannot trust anybody except their family members. My wife waits for me all the day and when I reach home she gets a chance to go out with me and lets children enjoy and play and does some shopping as well. To attend classes in British council I need to drive 240 km in both ways to go and come back every day from Makkah to Jeddah so it's very difficult after office duties.

I have done certificates before and provided that in my last submission to visa office.
I am sure if some body starts learning any new language he will be able to communicate within one to two months but if you compare it with me English is not new language for me. I have enough knowledge and just need some focus and training to reach good level and I am very much sure that if I get a chance to study I will make a very good progress and take not more than two to three months to gain the required level. When I searched on internet I found very good English language center in Vancouver (INTERNATIONAL LANGUGAE SCHOOL OF CANADA).

I have calculated fees for 20 weeks course it's about 6,375 Canadian dollars and I am ready to pay this fee before landing. I will book my course before arrival as my employer don't have any problem with my level of English but I want to make it clear that I am truly interested in immigration to Canada and I will send all receipts and acceptance letter to visa office but I would like to know the expected month for the grant of visa because this course needs to be booked in advance of two to three months.

I have also got admission in French language school CENTER FRANCO-SAOUDIEN Jeddah in level one and I am really enjoying classes. The reason why I enroll in French because I miss British council's session, it's a new language for me but I love it and I am learning it very fast and it's fantastic.
CENTER FRANCO-SAOUDIEN Jeddah is about 400 km from makkah in both ways if you go and come back and only three days a week is much better than British council.
It offers Studying at any age and at any time which opens many doors for successes. Please find attached copy of registration for French course. I beleive honesty and hard work are the keys to success.

Your cooperation in this regard will be highly appreciated

I am looking forward to hearing from you soon and thanking you in anticipation

Yours faithfully

 

[katyspring]

Dear wxyz123

Just sent you a PM. Would you kindly reply?

 

[datuganol]

Hi you may consider my suggestions below. you may correct or add more..Just like what they say, make it simple, brief , and to the point. I hope this helps:

I am writing to inform you of my IELTS result taken last [Date]. As you can observe in the attached IELTS Test Result Form, I got a basic English Language level. The result, unfortunately, did not improve from the old one as mentioned in my letter dated 15 October 2010. However, this does not preclude me from pursuing my goal to improve my language skills, particularly English.

To prove this, I am attaching also the certificate from British Council the results of my schooling and trainings in English language. (The council gave me good grades). In addition, I am ready to take English courses at International Language School of Canada, located in Vancouver before landing. I am very enthusiastic and have the passion to improve more my English skills. Moreover, while I am still waiting for my immigration papers to progress, I enrolled and currently taking up basic French class at Center Franco – Saoudien (see proof of registration attached). I am really enjoying the class and learning well.

With my humble request to consider my application for skilled immigration, I highly appreciate your cooperation. Thank you very much for your time and consideration.

Sincerely,

 

[ahmadtajwer]

Make much sense. If you tell them about you are buzy at work and shopping, they dont wanna know that coz that's how it is everywhere especially in Europe where you work for long hours and than after that you still have to sort your grocery and shopping out. Short and concise letter would do.

 

[Drooza]

thanks alot guys

 

[asdf111]

I want to send this letter to visa office please give comments its ok or need some more work,,,,, my ielts score is L 5 R 4.5 W 5.5 S 6 Overall Band 6.0


To, Date: 04 December 2010
Canadian High commission
Immigration Section,
38 Grosvenor Street,
London, WIK 4 AA, UK.

Subject: IELTS Enquiry Results and French Language course /

Dear Sir/Madam

I would like to inform you that I have received my IELTS Enquiry Results unfortunately the result didn't changed it remains the same as mentioned in last letter dated 15 October 2010.

I was expecting improvement in my results but it wouldn't happen. My humble request is that please do not evaluate my entire ability with IELTS only by looking overall I have proven myself that I have moderate proficiency in English language it is true that I have basic in listening and Reading but I am not far from the moderate level just a half band.

Let me explain some major hurdles in improvement of my English ability. I am senior level of employee in the company and I have lot of responsibilities for controlling multi- projects a nationally and internationally my job starts at 7:00 AM till 3:00 PM Saturday to Thursday.
The families in the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia totally dependent on their husbands, brother's and fathers they are unable to do anything without help of their care takers, if they want to go market they must have someone who can take them, they cannot trust anybody except their family members, my wife waiting for me all the day when I reach home she got a chance to go out with me to let children enjoy and play to do some shopping as well.
To attain classes in British council needs 240 km's drive every day from Makkah to Jeddah going and coming it's very difficult after office duties.

I have done before and certificates were provided in last submittal to visa office.
I am sure if some buddy starts any new language he will be able to communicate within one to two month as compare myself English is not new language for me I have enough knowledge just need some focus and training to reach good level I am very much sure if I have chance to study I will make a very good progress taking not more than two to three months course. By searching on internet I have found very good English language center in Vancouver (INTERNATIONAL LANGUGAE SCHOOL OF CANADA).

I have calculated fee for 20 weeks it's about 6,375 Canadian dollars I am ready to pay this fee before landing.
I will book my course before arrival as my employer don't have any problem with my level of English but I want to make it clear that I am truly interested in immigration to Canada I will send all receipts and acceptance letter to visa office but I would like to know expected month for visa granting because course must be booked before two or three months.

I have got admission in French language school CENTER FRANCO-SAOUDIEN Jeddah in level one I am really enjoying classes the reason why I enroll in French because I miss British council session it's a new language for me but I love it and I am learning it that is fantastic.
CENTER FRANCO-SAOUDIEN Jeddah its about 400 km's from makkah going and coming three days a week its more far from British council.
Studying in any age and any time opens many doors for successes Please find attached copy of registration for French course honesty and hard working always key of success.

I will be looking forward to hear from you positive response thanks for your precise time.

Your cooperation in this regard will be highly appreciated

Yours faithfully

so many mistakes.........

 

[coolguy2010]

Hi Drooza,

I dont think VO will time to read all the story.

make your letter Short and talk to the point. It should be professional letter.



Regards
Cool

 

[mitchellebrown.aura3]

Hi Drooza,

Your letter is fine. Format of your writing is good enough . But you have to work on grammatical mistakes you have done here. Correct them and it will be perfect.


Thanks
______________
Mitchelle Brown

 

[Drooza]

THANKS DEAR THE LETTER HAS BEEN DOING AGO AND VO AS WRITED IN CAIPS THE SAME WORD I WRITED I DONT KNOW WHAT DOES ITS MEAN, DOES HE ACCEPTED MY PROPOSAL TO UP SKILL MYSELF IN CANADA OR HE IS WAITING FOR NEW IELTS. I DID IELTS SCORE L 5.5 R 4.5 W 4.5 S 6.5 OVERALL SCORE 5.5 8 IMMIGRATION POINTS BEFORE 6 POINTS BUT I DID NOT SEND THEM UP TO KNOW I AM WAITING FOR NEW RULES

 

[Drooza]

THIS WAS MY LETTER TO VO

The Canadian High Commission
Immigration Section
38 Grosvenor Street,
London, WIK 4 AA, UK


Dear Sir/Madam


IELTS RESULTS AND FRENCH LANGUAGE COURSE /

I am writing to inform you of my IELTS Inquiry result, unfortunately, it did not improve considerably from the previous one as mentioned in my letter dated 15 October 2010, please find attached letter from IELTS EOR Team. However, this does not preclude me from pursuing my goal in improving my language skills, particularly in English.

I was expecting a relatively high band in my results but this did not materialise. As you can see, I have a moderate level in writing and speaking. I have a basic level in the listening and reading section but am only just a half band short of a moderate level.

I’m sure you will agree that if anyone starts acquiring any new language, he/she will be able to communicate within 1 to 2 months, but compared to myself, English can be considered a mother language. I have sufficient knowledge and only but require increased focus and training in order to reach an exemplary level and I am very much confident that should I be afforded the opportunity to study, I will make extremely good progress and take not more than 2 - 3 months to gain the required level. I am ready to enroll for English courses at International Language Schools of Canada, located in Vancouver and I have calculated fees for a 20 week course which amounts to approximately 6,375 Canadian dollars, and I am currently willing and able to pay this fee before arriving there, please find attached details.

I will send all the required receipts and the acceptance letter to the visa office, but I would like to please ascertain the expected month for the granting of the visa as it is a requirement that the course be booked 2 – 3 months in advance and prior to arrival.

I’m extremely enthusiastic and have the passion to improve my English significantly whilst waiting for my immigration papers to progress.

I have completed the French Level one course at Center Franco – Saoudien (see attached proof of registration and course completion certificate).

I really enjoyed the French classes and am now able to speak basic French with minor difficulty.

It offers studying at any age and at any time, which opens many doors for success. I believe honesty and hard work are the keys thereto.

Note:

I realized and explored, with the assistance of my English teacher, that I had attempted IELTS test with improper time management.

As per his opinion, if one is extremely good in English and you did not attempt the IELTS test with good time management, you are unable to score well.

In the interim, what I have decided, is to once again re-appear for IELTS test scheduled for the 7th May 2011. Please find attached registration receipt.

I am a highly skilled person and I’m determined not to give up due to IELTS. I have cleared many exams on numerous occasions, much more intricate than IELTS, unfortunately, due to incorrect strategies on my part, I was unable to score well this time round. If I may add, I have studied fairly well and have practiced tirelessly to achieve a good band score.

Therefore, I’m requesting you to please withhold any negative decisions you may have gathered on my application until I am able to provide you with satisfactory IELTS results.

I would be most appreciative and privileged if you would grant me a visa and accept my first proposal / promise to upskill myself in Canada. As per the words / opinion of my French teacher “if you want to study any language in this world, you have to study the language in the native country itself, I am French but for English learning, I travelled to Canada five years ago, I studied there and today I ask you, do I appear to be French when I am attempting to educate you in English?”

Unfortunately I am living in a country where there are minimal English language centers. I’m residing in the city of Makkah which is 120 Kilometers from the British Council. To and from the Council equates to 240 kilometers of commuting after office hours, which can be considered fairly risky, but am determined to achieve my goal under any circumstance.

I eagerly await your favourable response and wish to thank you for your co-operation, time and consideration.

Should you require any further documentation to substantiate the above, please feel free to contact me at any time.

Yours sincerely

 

[shibuya]

Hi Drooza,
This is just my personal opinion and I am giving my opinion only because u have requested to comment.
Firstly never write long long stories as this is not something u are writing to a friend of urs. Make things short, brief and up to the point only.
Next ur letter was drafted in good English. Now comes the real factor. You have scored poorly in ur 1st attempt as well as the officer gave a second chance and here too u came up with the same scores.
Now can a officer believe that by writing such a letter that u have very well improved ur English ability?
He will surely guess that someone has drafted this letter for you. No one with a poor command over English can master the same overnight. It takes quite some time. So ask this question to your own self.
Anyways all the very best and try hard and u will succeed.

 

[letina]

So sorry but I do not think that VO will even consider the letter, the fact that the letter has to be edited by other forumers show that it is not credible in the view of the VO and he will not be able to consider your ability to use English efficiently based on this letter. Writting long letter to VO shows some desperation and does not make your profile look good. In addition, I think there is a serious conflict in the letter, you mentioned that it is hard to find time to study English, yet you enrolled in French class which is 400km away. The officer may question why you do not have time for one language but manage to study another one. I think the only way is to study more, improve your language ability, take the IELTS and apply again, it is never too late if you really try and put in reasonable effort, there is no shortcut