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Kindly review my writing sample

Meow25

Full Member
Jun 4, 2015
34
1
Please let me know how I did. Thank you in advance.

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Today the high sales of popular consumer goods reflect the power of advertising and not the real needs of the society in which they are sold.

To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your knowledge or experience.

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Now days it is believed that the trendy items usually reflect the manipulative advertising rather than actual need of consumers. I greatly disagree with this perspective and think that advertisers beautify to attract but mostly sell what we need. This essay will discuss how advertisers are selling what we need.

The role of advertising is to attract the buyer so that they buy the best available option within their budget. Although, it is a fact that when we go to the super market we end up buying a lot of things that we actually do not need but it doesn’t make it any less true that we do get the best option of what we needed in the first place.

Against the widely known belief that advertisers lure us into buying things we do not need or things we hardly want, they sell us exactly what we want; only beautifying it a little more than needed. For example, according to a recent survey a group of young graduates invented a mop that cleans and wipes on its own and runs completely on the solar energy. As great as the product sounds it didn’t do well in the market unless it was advertised correctly. The advertisers showed how you can save on electricity bills, be eco friendly and help clean the environment all at the same time. It is a fact that though advertisers may have exaggerated some of the features, they attracted the right audience. The ones that needed cheap cleaner that didn’t want to use electricity. The survey showed that the product was instant hit in a sunny small town where power cuts were a part of routine. And since the manufacturers were young group of boys they did not cost much and delivered very efficiently.

It can be conveniently concluded that although advertising plays a powerful role in filling up your trolley at the mart, it helps you get the best product at the lowest possible price.
 

Mikebuddy

Full Member
Dec 31, 2018
39
25
Personally i do not think your essay is great, i think 5.5 or 6 tops.
Note below
Your first word is wrong, i am guessing you want to use Nowadays?
Supermarket in your second para should be one word.
doesn’t : in para two, do not use contractions, use "do not".
Other than these, your first idea is not well built like the second one i.e third para.

The idea for third para is also not very clear.

But do not take my word for it, wait for the gurus. my best in writing is 6.5 for now.
 

Meow25

Full Member
Jun 4, 2015
34
1
Personally i do not think your essay is great, i think 5.5 or 6 tops.
Note below
Your first word is wrong, i am guessing you want to use Nowadays?
Supermarket in your second para should be one word.
doesn’t : in para two, do not use contractions, use "do not".
Other than these, your first idea is not well built like the second one i.e third para.

The idea for third para is also not very clear.

But do not take my word for it, wait for the gurus. my best in writing is 6.5 for now.
Thank you so much for pointing these out. 6.5 was my last score, I'm trying to improve :(