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IELTS essay task-2

Leo_23

Newbie
Jun 16, 2019
1
1
Can I get a feedback on my ielts writing essay.

Q- Some people say that parents should encourage their children to take part in organized group activities in their free time. Others say that it is important for children to learn to occupy themselves on their own.

Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Essay:

Many people are with opinion favouring that parents should promote their children to participate in group activities, whereas on the contrary some people support the ability of the children to self occupancy. In my opinion group activities are more advantageous for the children and its benefit can eclipse the advantages arising out of self-sufficient activities.

Firstly, we would throw some light on the parents favouring group activities. The key advantage of organised group activity is the nurturing of ability in the child to work in a team. For example games involving team efforts like football, develops the ability of a child to work in coordination with his teammates. And activities like football make the functioning of brain faster, as the player has to anticipate many moves in a few seconds and has to implement them in accordance to his /her teammates.

Secondly, we would look at the other point of view among the people favouring self sufficiency. I would agree to an extent that child's ability to occupy himself on their own is needed, but this should not be the only skill that a child should adhere. Surely this would be very beneficial in situations where one has to utilise his time alone, in a positive way; but if we consider the real life scenario, one has to learn to be socially more interactive, be it in the jobs, colleges etc; they get into or the social environment with friends, neighbours, relationships and so on. For example self occupying activities like reading books is good, as reading definitely increases the knowledge of an individual, and surely the outcome of such activity is positive; whereas in a scenario when you are at a social event and you tend to start reading book it definitely depicts negative side.

Hence, after discussing both the aspects above I would conclude by stating, both the point of views are quite convincing and do have their benefits, but the benefits arising out of team building activities overshadows the benefits from the self occupying activities. So I would say nurturing team building attitude is more favourable for a child for a better future prospects of social bonding and will also enhance the ability of the brain to act in a swift, coordinated manner.
 
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TripleE01

Hero Member
May 24, 2019
484
258
Can I get a feedback on my ielts writing essay.

Q- Some people say that parents should encourage their children to take part in organized group activities in their free time. Others say that it is important for children to learn to occupy themselves on their own.

Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Essay:

Many people are with opinion favouring that parents should promote their children to participate in group activities, whereas on the contrary some people support the ability of the children to self occupancy. In my opinion group activities are more advantageous for the children and its benefit can eclipse the advantages arising out of self-sufficient activities.

Firstly, we would throw some light on the parents favouring group activities. The key advantage of organised group activity is the nurturing of ability in the child to work in a team. For example games involving team efforts like football, develops the ability of a child to work in coordination with his teammates. And activities like football make the functioning of brain faster, as the player has to anticipate many moves in a few seconds and has to implement them in accordance to his /her teammates.

Secondly, we would look at the other point of view among the people favouring self sufficiency. I would agree to an extent that child's ability to occupy himself on their own is needed, but this should not be the only skill that a child should adhere. Surely this would be very beneficial in situations where one has to utilise his time alone, in a positive way; but if we consider the real life scenario, one has to learn to be socially more interactive, be it in the jobs, colleges etc; they get into or the social environment with friends, neighbours, relationships and so on. For example self occupying activities like reading books is good, as reading definitely increases the knowledge of an individual, and surely the outcome of such activity is positive; whereas in a scenario when you are at a social event and you tend to start reading book it definitely depicts negative side.

Hence, after discussing both the aspects above I would conclude by stating, both the point of views are quite convincing and do have their benefits, but the benefits arising out of team building activities overshadows the benefits from the self occupying activities. So I would say nurturing team building attitude is more favourable for a child for a better future prospects of social bonding and will also enhance the ability of the brain to act in a swift, coordinated manner.
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