Doubts after sponsoring spouse

[Kurwa]

Anybody second guess their decision to sponsor their spouse? All well and good and happy and everlasting love while the immigration process is going on, however after the spouse lands, and is happily in Canada, have you had any doubts of their sincerity? Like they may be using your trust to just count the days when their PR becomes permanent with no fears?

Yes it sounds paranoid and yes have a great relationship with my spouse but every now and then I worry a bit. I'm sure I'm not the only one who has been through this.

Comments welcome other than stupid "wow you have doubts?". Its normal, and I'm sure many think it but are afraid to acknowledge. Sponsorship is a huge responsibility and a financial one. So hoping that I can get past the aftershock...and the "wtf I really hope this was the right decision"

 

[ScottishPolish]

Anybody second guess their decision to sponsor their spouse? All well and good and happy and everlasting love while the immigration process is going on, however after the spouse lands, and is happily in Canada, have you had any doubts of their sincerity? Like they may be using your trust to just count the days when their PR becomes permanent with no fears?

Yes it sounds paranoid and yes have a great relationship with my spouse but every now and then I worry a bit. I'm sure I'm not the only one who has been through this.

Comments welcome other than stupid "wow you have doubts?". Its normal, and I'm sure many think it but are afraid to acknowledge. Sponsorship is a huge responsibility and a financial one. So hoping that I can get past the aftershock...and the "wtf I really hope this was the right decision"

So why would you commit to a sponsorship if you weren't sure?

 

[samola10]

Very good, easy and sincere question... please answer

 

[dana2]

I like the nick. It means wh...re.

 

[mikeymyke]

Anybody second guess their decision to sponsor their spouse? All well and good and happy and everlasting love while the immigration process is going on, however after the spouse lands, and is happily in Canada, have you had any doubts of their sincerity? Like they may be using your trust to just count the days when their PR becomes permanent with no fears?

Yes it sounds paranoid and yes have a great relationship with my spouse but every now and then I worry a bit. I'm sure I'm not the only one who has been through this.

Comments welcome other than stupid "wow you have doubts?". Its normal, and I'm sure many think it but are afraid to acknowledge. Sponsorship is a huge responsibility and a financial one. So hoping that I can get past the aftershock...and the "wtf I really hope this was the right decision"

That is why sponsors have to do their due diligence prior to sponsorship, and even prior to getting married. I'll give several examples:

1) You're 65 years old, your wife is 20. You met her while vacationing in the Philippines and she suddenly falls so madly in love with you after just a few dates. Should ask yourself, what does this young woman see in me that's so appealing to her? And why would she fall so in love with me so quickly?

2) Your spouse's parents and family ask you if he/she becomes a PR in Canada after marrying you, would they be eligible to immigrate to Canada as well? Why would they ask such a question if they're not interested in immigrating to Canada or using your spouse as a means to come here?

3) You tell your spouse, if somehow the PR application isn't successful, we can live in your country. He/she hates the idea, and says "Why in the world would we want to live here? We have to go to Canada at all costs". Should ask yourself, is this person marrying you to immigrate? Or because they love you?

4) Your spouse constantly expresses a strong desire to "leave her country for a better life" or immigrate.

These are just a few examples. Growing up in Canada, we are taught that we should marry anyone regardless of race, gay/straight, religion, etc, and because of that, we tend to be blind to the fact that there are people out there who would marry you for immigration. That's why I see there are lots of naive sponsors out there who insist that their spouse loves them despite all the obvious red flags, and they're not trusting their gut, and end up getting burned in the end.

I've already seen a few forum members here who are angry at their spouse being refused at the interview, but when they got GCMS notes, they realized their spouse actually wasn't able to answer simple questions about the sponsor's life. If they're not interested in your life, is that not a red flag that they don't care or love you?

Again, due diligence.

 

[MNM2015]

I think the sponsorship process can force people into marrying quicker than they otherwise would because it's often the only way to be together (either because of visa or financial reasons). I think this can lead to doubts as you may not have spent that much time physically with someone before they land in Canada. And based on the many posts I've read on here of spouses leaving their sponsor shortly after landing, it is (or should be) a legitimate fear for some. I personally don't feel that way at all but can understand how someone could.

You definitely need to do your due deligence before marrying and sponsoring someone but I think some people desperate to get into Canada will say and do the right things and can fool you, especially in a long distance relationship. If you have any doubts I absolutely think it's something you should look into more (ideally before you agree to sponsor them) as your gut is telling you something isn't right.

 

[mikeymyke]

I think the sponsorship process can force people into marrying quicker than they otherwise would because it's often the only way to be together (either because of visa or financial reasons). I think this can lead to doubts as you may not have spent that much time physically with someone before they land in Canada. And based on the many posts I've read on here of spouses leaving their sponsor shortly after landing, it is (or should be) a legitimate fear for some. I personally don't feel that way at all but can understand how someone could.

You definitely need to do your due deligence before marrying and sponsoring someone but I think some people desperate to get into Canada will say and do the right things and can fool you, especially in a long distance relationship. If you have any doubts I absolutely think it's something you should look into more (ideally before you agree to sponsor them) as your gut is telling you something isn't right.

I agree with what you said about some people marrying quickly due to the long distance and the visa restrictions. However I was referring to the obvious red flags and sponsors not recognizing them and being too naive.

Take this person for example
http://www.canadavisa.com/canada-immigration-discussion-board/re-applying-for-sponsorship-t446600.0.html

Despite her husband still keeping pics of his exs, having two previous arrests for assault, and giving her a black eye, she's still pursuing the sponsorship. I mean come on, forget sponsorship, if someone punches you in the face, I figured a divorce would happen right away.

And then you have this guy, who found out that his wife couldn't even answer simple questions about his life, even said that his wife isn't very loving, but yet still tries to continue the sponsorship

http://www.canadavisa.com/canada-immigration-discussion-board/the-sponsor-is-responsible-for-appealing-the-rejection-of-the-applicant-t409691.0.html;msg5136690#msg5136690

Both these examples, the sponsors are extremely naive and are likely going to be disappointed in the end.

 

[scylla]

Zero doubts. However my husband was American (is now a dual citizen) and had more assets than I did coming into our marriage (although we were both in good positions). He also gave up good job opportunities to move to Canada to be with me. Moving to Canada was not advantageous for him - he did it for me (which I appreciate every day).

Having said that, I can absolutely appreciate why others in different situations could have doubts / concerns. I feel extremely lucky that this wasn't my situation. Sponsoring someone is a big responsibility.

 

[mikeymyke]

Zero doubts. However my husband was American (is now a dual citizen) and had more assets than I did coming into our marriage (although we were both in good positions). He also gave up good job opportunities to move to Canada to be with me. Moving to Canada was not advantageous for him - he did it for me (which I appreciate every day).

Having said that, I can absolutely appreciate why others in different situations could have doubts / concerns. I feel extremely lucky that this wasn't my situation. Sponsoring someone is a big responsibility.

That's wonderful scylla, I never knew that about your situation, thanks for sharing. Does he at least like the fact he gets to live in downtown Toronto?

Myself I had zero doubts as well. My family met my wife's. I've spent a lot of time with them and got to know them well. Wife actually wanted me to live in Vietnam, but I told her my job prospects are better in Canada and I can take care of her better here. She has definitely zero interest in coming to Canada, except to be with me.

If you need further proof, my wife and I have been married for almost 3 years now, she's been in Canada for almost 2 years. She hasn't left me yet

And we already have a daughter together, and just last night she kept complaining to me how she "misses vietnam", and we actually were searching for tickets for her to go see her family back home.

Daughter
https://scontent-sea1-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/13892230_1146635908741778_4797077115469191851_n.jpg?oh=f78a7ba573bd343f5610b8b41df85eb6&oe=584F9AAA

 

[flx2015]

zero doubts here.

my wife loves pakistan and has absolutely no interest in canada. she's always trying to persuade me to move to pakistan permanently and forget about sponsoring her to canada. think i'll take her up on that offer if CIC decides to keep us apart for more than 12 months.

 

[mikeymyke]

zero doubts here.

my wife loves pakistan and has absolutely no interest in canada. she's always trying to persuade me to move to pakistan permanently and forget about sponsoring her to canada. think i'll take her up on that offer if CIC decides to keep us apart for more than 12 months.

How did the trv go?

 

[just a square]

I think the sponsorship process can force people into marrying quicker than they otherwise would because it's often the only way to be together (either because of visa or financial reasons). I think this can lead to doubts as you may not have spent that much time physically with someone before they land in Canada. And based on the many posts I've read on here of spouses leaving their sponsor shortly after landing, it is (or should be) a legitimate fear for some. I personally don't feel that way at all but can understand how someone could.

I totally agree. It can be a very tough decision, whether to get married sooner to be together faster or try long distance relationship (or whatever the options are) first before getting married.
But oh well, that's life. It can be full of hard decisions and doubts. I hope yours turns out well.

 

[flx2015]

How did the trv go?

denied unfortunately.

 

[htquach]

Aside from the obvious red flags, I think marrying someone abroad has additional challenges that can stress a relationship. Not easy, but what in life is.

 

[ImABule]

That's wonderful scylla, I never knew that about your situation, thanks for sharing. Does he at least like the fact he gets to live in downtown Toronto?

Myself I had zero doubts as well. My family met my wife's. I've spent a lot of time with them and got to know them well. Wife actually wanted me to live in Vietnam, but I told her my job prospects are better in Canada and I can take care of her better here. She has definitely zero interest in coming to Canada, except to be with me.

If you need further proof, my wife and I have been married for almost 3 years now, she's been in Canada for almost 2 years. She hasn't left me yet

And we already have a daughter together, and just last night she kept complaining to me how she "misses vietnam", and we actually were searching for tickets for her to go see her family back home.

Daughter
https://scontent-sea1-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/13892230_1146635908741778_4797077115469191851_n.jpg?oh=f78a7ba573bd343f5610b8b41df85eb6&oe=584F9AAA

She's so cute Mikeymyke! Congrats!