ARE YOU REALLY IN LOVE?? YOU KNOW YOURSELF!

[mercyofGod]

Sometimes l ask myself a lot of questions concerning marriage, does it really mean that people don't understand the meaning of marriage? or most people go into marriage because of their lustful heart desire or for bad intentions to migrate to another country, why do you go into marriage when you know you are not in love with your partner. l believe LOVE covers many things, love endure many things, love understand and tolerate many things, love disagree to agree on many things, not for separation when you disagree on something, love is for better and for worse, NOT for better to stay when everything is alright, but when things are not alright or worse, this is when we think about separation; we never think about solving the challenges we have in the relationship. There is no relationship without up and down.

No matter how bad the case maybe l believe divorce is not the best option, a simple sorry to your partner could change things to make your relationship better but when you are wearing the dressing of proud, your arrogant mind and adamant nature in you will not make you say that simple sorry when you are wrong and even when you not at fault you can still accept the blame just to show your partner you love him or her and tell your partner that you are sorry, avoid nagging in your relationship and too much of argument could lead to a fight. Love your partner deeply with your whole heart, don't see your partner or deal with your partner like a stranger, allow God in your relationship and respect one another, with all these tolerance, l know the good God will have mercy on your relationship and you guys will be together till old age and in happiness.

I will speak my mind but not to encourage divorce and DON'T BE A DESTROYER of life, God bless.

 

[gooh]

Reading this made me think of a lot of threads I see on this forum about couples who's marriage/relationship dissolves within months of their immigration process being over. I don't want to come off as insensitive, and I know that there are real, completely legitimate and heartbreaking instances of relationships just turning sour, but the amount of people I see on here posting questions about what to do in terms of a divorce like, months or even just WEEKS after their spouse landing just blows my mind.

 

[mercyofGod]

Exactly my point, l saw many unfaithful people on here going into marriage for another reasons than love and it make me sad when they are talking or encouraging people to go for divorce, l believe marriage is heavenly union and people should not encourage one another to have a break up but l see the evil in the heart of people. I know people don't like this kind of message because they know their own work and by their fruit we shall know them!

 

[scylla]

No matter how bad the case maybe l believe divorce is not the best option

This is an extremely small-minded view. If you really believe that - then what you are saying is that someone who is in a marriage where their spouse is beating them should remain in the marriage and deal with it. This is a terrible message for people in abusive relationships (either physical or mental). It's essentially saying the abuse is their fault and they need to stick it out. Horrible advice - all this does is support the continued cycle of abuse.

There are many arranged marriages on this forum and relationships that have been mostly long distance. Sometimes the person you think you knew from a distance isn't the same person once you are both in Canada and living together. Additionally, the sponsorship process can create financial and relationship challenges that can add even more pressure to marriages. Sometimes things don't work out. Divorce is not evil. And staying in a damaging relationship is what destroys life.

I've been on this forum for years and the majority of relationships here are genuine. Yes - there are always a few here or there that seem like they might not be - but they are the very small minority (we just tend to remember them more). Most people here genuinely want to be with the person they are sponsoring / being sponsored by. But again, sometimes relationships don't work out. There are many reasons why divorce is the right thing to do for some people. Painting all divorces with the same brush is frankly ignorant.

We're all entitled to our opinions here - this is mine. And for the record no, I've never been divorced and have no plans to be.

 

[Erdbeerchen]

+1 scylla !

 

[mercyofGod]

This is an extremely small-minded view. If you really believe that - then what you are saying is that someone who is in a marriage where their spouse is beating them should remain in the marriage and deal with it. This is a terrible message for people in abusive relationships (either physical or mental). It's essentially saying the abuse is their fault and they need to stick it out. Horrible advice - all this does is support the continued cycle of abuse.

There are many arranged marriages on this forum and relationships that have been mostly long distance. Sometimes the person you think you knew from a distance isn't the same person once you are both in Canada and living together. Additionally, the sponsorship process can create financial and relationship challenges that can add even more pressure to marriages. Sometimes things don't work out. Divorce is not evil. And staying in a damaging relationship is what destroys life.

I've been on this forum for years and the majority of relationships here are genuine. Yes - there are always a few here or there that seem like they might not be - but they are the very small minority (we just tend to remember them more). Most people here genuinely want to be with the person they are sponsoring / being sponsored by. But again, sometimes relationships don't work out. There are many reasons why divorce is the right thing to do for some people. Painting all divorces with the same brush is frankly ignorant.

We're all entitled to our opinions here - this is mine. And for the record no, I've never been divorced and have no plans to be.

First l am going to correct you on the point that you raised "abuse" beating" and secondly concerning your word " Painting all divorces with the same brush is frankly ignorant"

I am available for correction not for insult, if you see things from your own perspective l believe you ought to share your opinion without stepping on toes and don't jump to conclusion when you are not clear about something, l expect you to ask questions when you don't seems to understand certain part of my message not for you to look straight into my face and said l am ignourant of what l am saying, respect is a reciprocal, l will not take such insult from nobody, let that serve like a warning!!

Now back on the point you raised, l am not saying people should not divorce when it's a matter of life and death get that right, first why would you want to engage yourself to be exchanging words that will lead to abuse or beating? There are so many ways to avoid that, there are things that l discovered that some people are not ready to tolerate one another, when you know you cannot tolerate people why don't you stay all alone without engaging yourself with a partner, l know things can come up any time like a challenge in your relationship; how do u cope with such. We're all came from different background and this should be the first thing in our mind, which means we are going to have different character but when you have the ability to tolerate your partner when issue comes up it will make things better.

l am saying these to encourage those who have good intention for marriage not for those that already know from the onset that they are coming to play games in their relationship, Nobody ever say marriage is going to be easy and smooth but we need to do our best to make things right for our relationship.

Don't get me wrong and if you see things from another angle, you share it for others to know, l believe abuse or beating up someone doesn't happen over night, something must have lead to cause the beating but what if you do your best to avoid such abuse/beating, do you think beating or abuse will come up that will lead to separation of your relationship? I am not encouraging divorce that doesn't mean you should stay if it's something that will harm you or damage your entire life. My message is not for one person in a relationship but for both partners. Shallom

 

[ChellyCat]

First l am going to correct you on the point that you raised "abuse" beating" and secondly concerning your word " Painting all divorces with the same brush is frankly ignorant"

I am available for correction not for insult, if you see things from your own perspective l believe you ought to share your opinion without stepping on toes and don't jump to conclusion when you are not clear about something, l expect you to ask questions when you don't seems to understand certain part of my message not for you to look straight into my face and said l am ignourant of what l am saying, respect is a reciprocal, l will not take such insult from nobody, let that serve like a warning!!

Now back on the point you raised, l am not saying people should not divorce when it's a matter of life and death get that right, first why would you want to engage yourself to be exchanging words that will lead to abuse or beating? There are so many ways to avoid that, there are things that l discovered that some people are not ready to tolerate one another, when you know you cannot tolerate people why don't you stay all alone without engaging yourself with a partner, l know things can come up any time like a challenge in your relationship; how do u cope with such. We're all came from different background and this should be the first thing in our mind, which means we are going to have different character but when you have the ability to tolerate your partner when issue comes up it will make things better.

l am saying these to encourage those who have good intention for marriage not for those that already know from the onset that they are coming to play games in their relationship, Nobody ever say marriage is going to be easy and smooth but we need to do our best to make things right for our relationship.

Don't get me wrong and if you see things from another angle, you share it for others to know, l believe abuse or beating up someone doesn't happen over night, something must have lead to cause the beating but what if you do your best to avoid such abuse/beating, do you think beating or abuse will come up that will lead to separation of your relationship? I am not encouraging divorce that doesn't mean you should stay if it's something that will harm you or damage your entire life. My message is not for one person in a relationship but for both partners. Shallom

Are you actually implying the victim did something wrong to deserve physical abuse? That IS ignorant. Plain and simple. Scylla, I agree with your comment 100%.

I also find your initial post condescending. We are all adults here who can manage our own relationships without your religious judgments.

 

[nreilly]

+1000 scylla

 

[scylla]

l believe abuse or beating up someone doesn't happen over night, something must have lead to cause the beating

I'll say one last thing and then I'm out of this thread.

It makes me extraordinarily sad for the human race that anyone actually believes the above - that beating a spouse is OK and that it's sometimes deserved or justified. Just sad...

Luckily Canada disagrees with you and classifies this as a criminal act. I am in agreement with Canada.

Out...

 

[draxz1289]

First l am going to correct you on the point that you raised "abuse" beating" and secondly concerning your word " Painting all divorces with the same brush is frankly ignorant"

I am available for correction not for insult, if you see things from your own perspective l believe you ought to share your opinion without stepping on toes and don't jump to conclusion when you are not clear about something, l expect you to ask questions when you don't seems to understand certain part of my message not for you to look straight into my face and said l am ignourant of what l am saying, respect is a reciprocal, l will not take such insult from nobody, let that serve like a warning!!

Now back on the point you raised, l am not saying people should not divorce when it's a matter of life and death get that right, first why would you want to engage yourself to be exchanging words that will lead to abuse or beating? There are so many ways to avoid that, there are things that l discovered that some people are not ready to tolerate one another, when you know you cannot tolerate people why don't you stay all alone without engaging yourself with a partner, l know things can come up any time like a challenge in your relationship; how do u cope with such. We're all came from different background and this should be the first thing in our mind, which means we are going to have different character but when you have the ability to tolerate your partner when issue comes up it will make things better.

l am saying these to encourage those who have good intention for marriage not for those that already know from the onset that they are coming to play games in their relationship, Nobody ever say marriage is going to be easy and smooth but we need to do our best to make things right for our relationship.

Don't get me wrong and if you see things from another angle, you share it for others to know, l believe abuse or beating up someone doesn't happen over night, something must have lead to cause the beating but what if you do your best to avoid such abuse/beating, do you think beating or abuse will come up that will lead to separation of your relationship? I am not encouraging divorce that doesn't mean you should stay if it's something that will harm you or damage your entire life. My message is not for one person in a relationship but for both partners. Shallom

If I understand this correctly you imply the victim deserves to be beaten simple because they did something and its acceptable - WOW

 

[Majromax]

l believe abuse or beating up someone doesn't happen over night, something must have lead to cause the beating

Indeed, there is a cause. The cause is that the abuser makes a deliberate decision to inflict pain or terror upon their spouse.

why would you want to engage yourself to be exchanging words that will lead to abuse or beating?

See, case in point. Human/machine marriage is not legal in Canada, so one's spouse is by definition not an automaton. How can "exchanging words" lead to a beating without an active decision involved?

Since there is a decision involved, that is where we should place our ire. All the groping about for "causes" or "exchanging words" cannot cover the fact that the decision is the key component in all instances of abuse.

Now, in all seriousness, if you are being abused -- even if your life is not in danger -- I encourage you to seek help. Even if you don't go to the authorities, seek advice and comfort in your friends and family. One classic technique of abuse is to isolate the victim and make them feel alone, burdened to carry the confidence of their relationship against a hostile world. This is wrong and it is dangerous, since it means that if abuse does become (further) threatening to one's life or health the victim is in an even worse place to seek help.

A degree of independence for yourself is your right, even in a committed marriage. Don't let an abuser take that away from you.

 

[jamsham12]

First l am going to correct you on the point that you raised "abuse" beating" and secondly concerning your word " Painting all divorces with the same brush is frankly ignorant"

I am available for correction not for insult, if you see things from your own perspective l believe you ought to share your opinion without stepping on toes and don't jump to conclusion when you are not clear about something, l expect you to ask questions when you don't seems to understand certain part of my message not for you to look straight into my face and said l am ignourant of what l am saying, respect is a reciprocal, l will not take such insult from nobody, let that serve like a warning!!

Now back on the point you raised, l am not saying people should not divorce when it's a matter of life and death get that right, first why would you want to engage yourself to be exchanging words that will lead to abuse or beating? There are so many ways to avoid that, there are things that l discovered that some people are not ready to tolerate one another, when you know you cannot tolerate people why don't you stay all alone without engaging yourself with a partner, l know things can come up any time like a challenge in your relationship; how do u cope with such. We're all came from different background and this should be the first thing in our mind, which means we are going to have different character but when you have the ability to tolerate your partner when issue comes up it will make things better.

l am saying these to encourage those who have good intention for marriage not for those that already know from the onset that they are coming to play games in their relationship, Nobody ever say marriage is going to be easy and smooth but we need to do our best to make things right for our relationship.

Don't get me wrong and if you see things from another angle, you share it for others to know, l believe abuse or beating up someone doesn't happen over night, something must have lead to cause the beating but what if you do your best to avoid such abuse/beating, do you think beating or abuse will come up that will lead to separation of your relationship? I am not encouraging divorce that doesn't mean you should stay if it's something that will harm you or damage your entire life. My message is not for one person in a relationship but for both partners. Shallom

Are you implying people that are in abusive relationships/domestic violence situations put themselves in that situation? You listening to what you writing? Basically you are saying its ok to beat my spouse as long as they "deserved" it.

 

[mercyofGod]

For you all that is seeing my post from another perspective, l guess you are getting this wrong and for you SCYLLA you are the one who talk about abuse and beating and l never support that so l want you all to get that, l SAID THERE ARE SEVERAL WAYS TO AVOID ABUSE/BEATiNG NOT TO HAPPEN, l am not advising people to stay in abusive relationship, l am encouraging people to do something to avoid an argument that could lead to such treatment.

More so to you that is talking about religion you know yourself because l did not talk about religion here and even if l did make a refrence l believe is for good NOT to engage in evil act, and to those that can easily and quickly encourage people to go for divorce without having a second thought over their story, it will be better for you to mind your own relationship than to give an advice that will destroy others relationship, no one is perfect in doing things but we can be a good seed instead of bad eggs...if you can manage your own relationship despite the up and down you are facing in it, why don't you encourage others to have a stable relationship, why do you wanna see others destroying what they have built together.

DO NOT channel this thread towards another way of wrong doing because I DID NOT encourage abusive relationship!

 

[Celandrius]

For you all that is seeing my post from another perspective, l guess you are getting this wrong and for you SCYLLA you are the one who talk about abuse and beating and l never support that so l want you all to get that, l SAID THERE ARE SEVERAL WAYS TO AVOID ABUSE/BEATiNG NOT TO HAPPEN, l am not advising people to stay in abusive relationship, l am encouraging people to do something to avoid an argument that could lead to such treatment.

Most spouses who abuse their partners need no reason or excuse to harm their other. Looking at something too long could trigger it. You are essentially saying that it is pretty much always the victims fault. Quite a bit of spousal abuse is NOT from arguments. It is literally just to cause fear and pain. Might want to actually think before you post stuff like that, you could seriously hurt the feelings of people in that situation who actually are asking for LEGIT help.

 

[canuck_in_uk]

For you all that is seeing my post from another perspective, l guess you are getting this wrong and for you SCYLLA you are the one who talk about abuse and beating and l never support that so l want you all to get that, l SAID THERE ARE SEVERAL WAYS TO AVOID ABUSE/BEATiNG NOT TO HAPPEN, l am not advising people to stay in abusive relationship, l am encouraging people to do something to avoid an argument that could lead to such treatment.

More so to you that is talking about religion you know yourself because l did not talk about religion here and even if l did make a refrence l believe is for good NOT to engage in evil act, and to those that can easily and quickly encourage people to go for divorce without having a second thought over their story, it will be better for you to mind your own relationship than to give an advice that will destroy others relationship, no one is perfect in doing things but we can be a good seed instead of bad eggs...if you can manage your own relationship despite the up and down you are facing in it, why don't you encourage others to have a stable relationship, why do you wanna see others destroying what they have built together.

DO NOT channel this thread towards another way of wrong doing because I DID NOT encourage abusive relationship!

Your ignorance is astounding. You really should just stop posting.