Adults today do not do enough exercise. Some people believe that showing major sports events like th

[Rehanyousaf]

@srt

With the advancement in technology, the fundamentals and dynamics of lifestyle have been altered significantly. In a recent phenomenon, the increasing tendency has been observed in people spending more time in-house by using gadgets. This, in result, has started a heated debate between people having a diversion in opinions based on the preferential method of promoting physical exercise among matures. A school of thought thinks that mature people can be motivated more by telecasting more sports events, while other refutes this and thinks otherwise. In my opinion, there are more realistic solutions available regarding this issue.


The proponents of telecasting sports events say that the reach of these events, along with athletes following, is unmatchable. The events like Olympics and Football World Cup have been telecasted around 180+ countries in the world. Due to this, these events enjoy a massive reach. Additionally, the athletes and soccer players participate in these events also have following in millions. Mature people idealise their athletes, and they try to imitate them in every possible manner. Hence, by showing them consistently on TVs encourage people to imitate their favourite players. For instance, last year’s world heavyweight champion, Salman Ahmed, has started training after watching Virat Kohli fitness during the matches. However, the actual number of people who adopt exercise by watching these events are insignificant.


The opponents of telecasting mega-events think there are many better ways to promote exercise in adults. Firstly, mature people should be provided with work-out breaks during office hours. The adults spend almost 12 hours in offices, including office commute. This, in result, leaves them with no time for exercise. Hence, they can be encouraged to focus on physical fitness by giving them work-out breaks during their office hours. Secondly, instead of watching sports, people should be encouraged to take part in physical sports, which can increase their fitness massively. The physical sports events should be organised by companies so that they participate in sports. For instance, a recent study by Harward University shows that companies with departmental sports teams have fitter employees as compare to companies who do not have departmental sports teams.



To conclude, the evidence discussed above provides strong support that despite having a viewership of events and athletes in billion, the actual turn-around of people to engage in physical activities is significantly low. On the other hand, providing exercise facilities and work-out breaks at the workplace are more adaptable solutions.

 

[SR_T]

@srt

With the advancement in technology, the fundamentals and dynamics of lifestyle have been altered significantly. In a recent phenomenon, the increasing tendency has been observed in people spending more time in-house by using gadgets. This, in result, has started a heated debate between people having a diversion in opinions based on the preferential method of promoting physical exercise among matures. A school of thought thinks that mature people can be motivated more by telecasting more sports events, while other refutes this and thinks otherwise. In my opinion, there are more realistic solutions available regarding this issue.


The proponents of telecasting sports events say that the reach of these events, along with athletes following, is unmatchable. The events like Olympics and Football World Cup have been telecasted around 180+ countries in the world. Due to this, these events enjoy a massive reach. Additionally, the athletes and soccer players participate in these events also have following in millions. Mature people idealise their athletes, and they try to imitate them in every possible manner. Hence, by showing them consistently on TVs encourage people to imitate their favourite players. For instance, last year’s world heavyweight champion, Salman Ahmed, has started training after watching Virat Kohli fitness during the matches. However, the actual number of people who adopt exercise by watching these events are insignificant.


The opponents of telecasting mega-events think there are many better ways to promote exercise in adults. Firstly, mature people should be provided with work-out breaks during office hours. The adults spend almost 12 hours in offices, including office commute. This, in result, leaves them with no time for exercise. Hence, they can be encouraged to focus on physical fitness by giving them work-out breaks during their office hours. Secondly, instead of watching sports, people should be encouraged to take part in physical sports, which can increase their fitness massively. The physical sports events should be organised by companies so that they participate in sports. For instance, a recent study by Harward University shows that companies with departmental sports teams have fitter employees as compare to companies who do not have departmental sports teams.



To conclude, the evidence discussed above provides strong support that despite having a viewership of events and athletes in billion, the actual turn-around of people to engage in physical activities is significantly low. On the other hand, providing exercise facilities and work-out breaks at the workplace are more adaptable solutions.

Good one. This one has the potential to get a 7/7+. I think making the essay less complex will increase comprehension. You should be wary of little grammatical/spelling errors as well.

 

[Milan Desai]

It is irrefutable to say that many grown ups are less active in physical activities in recent times. Many individuals believe that by telecasting major international sporting events such as the World Cup and Olympic would motivate them towards sports, however others had the opinion that there are many other possible ways to persuade them towards sports. The following paragraphs would shed light on both the approaches before making final note on my perspective with an apt example.

To embark with the first notion, there are myriad things to be shared in its favours. The foremost one is that national athletes have a high fan following in the millions and many younger ones idealise their athlete. Thus, showing them performing at an international level for a country would motives national pride for youth. As a result, more and more youthful will indulge in pastime as it gives them an opportunity to represent their nation on the world stage. To illustrate this, after The Olympic Games in China, sport club membership has seen an upsurge of 50% with the majority of members are above adulthood.

Shifting towards the second school of thought, many people believe that government plays a pivotal role in encouraging majors towards sport by offering them free training facilities and financial aid. Therefore, adults would be attracted towards physical activities, as result they can see games as an alternative career. Furthermore, the majority of adults spend major time in office work and commuting to work. As a result, leaves them with no times for exercise and physical activities. Consequently, organizing recreation events on a regular basis by companies provide opportunities for adults to participate in fun and games activities which can increase their fitness massively rather than watching games on television. For example, In India many IT firms organize marathon competitions annually to promote athletics in their employees.

To recapitulate, in the contemporary era youthful is less active in recreation, many sections of society believe that by showing sporting events on TV would encourage them to exercise, I would like to infer that there are many other ways to engage people towards physical activities likes free training facilities and organizing games events at work places which are more suitable in the long term

 

[basedgod]

It is irrefutable to say that many grown ups are less active in physical activities in recent times. Many individuals believe that by telecasting major international sporting events such as the World Cup and Olympic would motivate them towards sports, however others had the opinion that there are many other possible ways to persuade them towards sports. The following paragraphs would shed light on both the approaches before making final note on my perspective with an apt example.

To embark with the first notion, there are myriad things to be shared in its favours. The foremost one is that national athletes have a high fan following in the millions and many younger ones idealise their athlete. Thus, showing them performing at an international level for a country would motives national pride for youth. As a result, more and more youthful will indulge in pastime as it gives them an opportunity to represent their nation on the world stage. To illustrate this, after The Olympic Games in China, sport club membership has seen an upsurge of 50% with the majority of members are above adulthood.

Shifting towards the second school of thought, many people believe that government plays a pivotal role in encouraging majors towards sport by offering them free training facilities and financial aid. Therefore, adults would be attracted towards physical activities, as result they can see games as an alternative career. Furthermore, the majority of adults spend major time in office work and commuting to work. As a result, leaves them with no times for exercise and physical activities. Consequently, organizing recreation events on a regular basis by companies provide opportunities for adults to participate in fun and games activities which can increase their fitness massively rather than watching games on television. For example, In India many IT firms organize marathon competitions annually to promote athletics in their employees.

To recapitulate, in the contemporary era youthful is less active in recreation, many sections of society believe that by showing sporting events on TV would encourage them to exercise, I would like to infer that there are many other ways to engage people towards physical activities likes free training facilities and organizing games events at work places which are more suitable in the long term

It is irrefutable to say that... (bad way of usage)
It is an irrefutable fact that many grown ups... (Correct usage in this context)

To embark with the first notion... (Wrong usage of embark)
I have embarked on this journey (example usage for embark)

To recapitulate,.. (Wrong usage of recapitulate)
It is unnecessary to recapitulate with ... (Right usage of recapitulate. You can't just willy nilly use recapitulate in place of summarize. That holds true for a lot of synonyms)

This is me just looking at the starting sentences of all your paragraphs. There are a myriad of other errors in yours essay

I don't know why a lot of people write IELTS essays with weird wrongly placed complex words in sentences. Its like you took a normal sentence, looked up a thesaurus and replaced it without knowing if it is the right way to use it in sentence. Your essay ends up reading like this --> click here

 

[Milan Desai]

It is irrefutable to say that... (bad way of usage)
It is an irrefutable fact that many grown ups... (Correct usage in this context)

To embark with the first notion... (Wrong usage of embark)
I have embarked on this journey (example usage for embark)

To recapitulate,.. (Wrong usage of recapitulate)
It is unnecessary to recapitulate with ... (Right usage of recapitulate. You can't just willy nilly use recapitulate in place of summarize. That holds true for a lot of synonyms)

This is me just looking at the starting sentences of all your paragraphs. There are a myriad of other errors in yours essay

I don't know why a lot of people write IELTS essays with weird wrongly placed complex words in sentences. Its like you took a normal sentence, looked up a thesaurus and replaced it without knowing if it is the right way to use it in sentence. Your essay ends up reading like this --> click here

Thanks for evaluating it for me