Study Visa denied

[Parminder Dhanesar]

So my Study Visa application just got denied on grounds that the visa officer is not satisfied that I will be leaving Canada at the end of my stay. I just don't know what could have gone wrong with my statement of purpose? We paid for an accredited consultancy agent and even they did not expect my application to get rejected. My sister, who also applied for a Study Visa in 2019 and got approved, has a statement puropose kind of identical to mine (identical in format, not that I plagiarized anything) so I'm not sure what is wrong with it.

Could anyone shed some light as to why it probably got declined? Is it too vague? Do I need to omit or add somethings? I'll write my statement of purpose down and my letter of intent below so any tips will be highly appreciated

SOP
Dear VISA officer:
I am writing to apply for a student visa to study in Canada for having been accepted as a full-time student at the ________School of ________ in Vancouver, Canada with a program on Human Resources Management.

I am __________________, a citizen of India and a native born resident of the Philippines, completed my Bachelor of Science in Business Administration Major in Marketing Management Studies at the ___________ last March 2019. The course I took was meant to help develop skills for entrepreneurial or corporate work in marketing management. A year before my college graduation, I interned as a Marketing Associate for a local radio station in ____ City, the (*company name*). After graduating, I worked as a Customer Service Representative in a Business Process Outsourcing Company here in ______ since January 2020, for a US Financial Institution where I gained so much insight about banking operations. Now, I wish to pursue my studies internationally since my parents, who take care a 40-year lending business here, assured me of financial support in all of my four-year stay in Canada.
Why Canada? It is because Canada enjoys a towering standard of living with an enriched culture and diversity that is quite alluring to international students like me. Although there are plenty of Universities that can offer a Master’s Degree in Human Resource here in the Philippines, I believe that studying abroad is a life-enriching experience. Aside from that, Canadian colleges and universities have some of the lowest university tuition fees compared to other countries abroad.
_____, unlike other institutions, incorporates certification processes into the learning curriculum. This means that _____students will graduate with the necessary credentials and documentation to pursue the career of their dreams (___School of _____)
Furthermore, I wish to get back into academics and pursue Human Resources Management Program to further deepen and refine my expertise in the world of business. Based on my extensive research, there are so much potential career options in the field of Human Resource including Recruiting and Placement jobs such as recruiters, interviewers, head hunters, test administrators, and employment managers, which transcends to what I am truly passionate with.
Since I am still young and gradually learning through experience, this once in a lifetime opportunity will surely broaden my worldview and help me ace what I really hope to achieve after finishing the program—to return back to my home country, the Philippines; apply what skills I have learned in my four-year study and become the Human Resource Manager of the ________ Corporation, our lending company in _____. (Please refer to the letter of guarantee attached with this plan). I aspire to excel in the corporate ladder and make a lifelong career out of the degree I have chosen. Having a degree is highly respected in the Philippines, more so earning an international degree. It already is a huge advantage given my background in Marketing. I am hoping that you will take my application with a positive response.

Very truly yours,


Full name
Applicant


Letter of Intent:
___________Corporation is a privately owned Lending Company in _______City, Philippines that my wife and I, *name* started almost 35 years ago. The idea
came up after a family friend of ours, who works in the same industry, talked about how it would
be a potentially lucrative venture that we could consider setting up for a growing family like ours.
Ever since becoming a part of this industry, we always had hoped that our children will one day
manage the business on their own. Ultimately, my daughter Parminder Kaur Dhanesar is an
asset and has full potential for the company’s expansion plans. Part of this future phase
implementation is to build additional branches in other municipalities in *name of the state* such as in _____
City, ______ & _____City so that we can serve the needs of our growing customers. Currently,
we only have one existing branch in_____ City with a total of 10 stakeholders. Consequently, we will
be employing additional manpower. And so to help manage our growing employees, we will
need a human resource officer. This letter guarantees that my daughter, Parminder Kaur
Dhanesar has been offered the position as the company's Human Resource Manager upon
completion of her studies abroad. This will be of great benefit to the company to have someone
with experience in Human Resource be able to execute managerial tasks and be responsible for
providing advice and service to all our employees along with implementing HR plans outside of
our *City name* office
This letter of commitment is issued for the purpose of My name's Canadian student visa
application.

 

[Impatient Dankaroo]

So my Study Visa application just got denied on grounds that the visa officer is not satisfied that I will be leaving Canada at the end of my stay. I just don't know what could have gone wrong with my statement of purpose? We paid for an accredited consultancy agent and even they did not expect my application to get rejected. My sister, who also applied for a Study Visa in 2019 and got approved, has a statement puropose kind of identical to mine (identical in format, not that I plagiarized anything) so I'm not sure what is wrong with it.

Could anyone shed some light as to why it probably got declined? Is it too vague? Do I need to omit or add somethings? I'll write my statement of purpose down and my letter of intent below so any tips will be highly appreciated

SOP
Dear VISA officer:
I am writing to apply for a student visa to study in Canada for having been accepted as a full-time student at the ________School of ________ in Vancouver, Canada with a program on Human Resources Management.

I am __________________, a citizen of India and a native born resident of the Philippines, completed my Bachelor of Science in Business Administration Major in Marketing Management Studies at the ___________ last March 2019. The course I took was meant to help develop skills for entrepreneurial or corporate work in marketing management. A year before my college graduation, I interned as a Marketing Associate for a local radio station in ____ City, the (*company name*). After graduating, I worked as a Customer Service Representative in a Business Process Outsourcing Company here in ______ since January 2020, for a US Financial Institution where I gained so much insight about banking operations. Now, I wish to pursue my studies internationally since my parents, who take care a 40-year lending business here, assured me of financial support in all of my four-year stay in Canada.
Why Canada? It is because Canada enjoys a towering standard of living with an enriched culture and diversity that is quite alluring to international students like me. Although there are plenty of Universities that can offer a Master’s Degree in Human Resource here in the Philippines, I believe that studying abroad is a life-enriching experience. Aside from that, Canadian colleges and universities have some of the lowest university tuition fees compared to other countries abroad.
_____, unlike other institutions, incorporates certification processes into the learning curriculum. This means that _____students will graduate with the necessary credentials and documentation to pursue the career of their dreams (___School of _____)
Furthermore, I wish to get back into academics and pursue Human Resources Management Program to further deepen and refine my expertise in the world of business. Based on my extensive research, there are so much potential career options in the field of Human Resource including Recruiting and Placement jobs such as recruiters, interviewers, head hunters, test administrators, and employment managers, which transcends to what I am truly passionate with.
Since I am still young and gradually learning through experience, this once in a lifetime opportunity will surely broaden my worldview and help me ace what I really hope to achieve after finishing the program—to return back to my home country, the Philippines; apply what skills I have learned in my four-year study and become the Human Resource Manager of the ________ Corporation, our lending company in _____. (Please refer to the letter of guarantee attached with this plan). I aspire to excel in the corporate ladder and make a lifelong career out of the degree I have chosen. Having a degree is highly respected in the Philippines, more so earning an international degree. It already is a huge advantage given my background in Marketing. I am hoping that you will take my application with a positive response.

Very truly yours,


Full name
Applicant


Letter of Intent:
___________Corporation is a privately owned Lending Company in _______City, Philippines that my wife and I, *name* started almost 35 years ago. The idea
came up after a family friend of ours, who works in the same industry, talked about how it would
be a potentially lucrative venture that we could consider setting up for a growing family like ours.
Ever since becoming a part of this industry, we always had hoped that our children will one day
manage the business on their own. Ultimately, my daughter Parminder Kaur Dhanesar is an
asset and has full potential for the company’s expansion plans. Part of this future phase
implementation is to build additional branches in other municipalities in *name of the state* such as in _____
City, ______ & _____City so that we can serve the needs of our growing customers. Currently,
we only have one existing branch in_____ City with a total of 10 stakeholders. Consequently, we will
be employing additional manpower. And so to help manage our growing employees, we will
need a human resource officer. This letter guarantees that my daughter, Parminder Kaur
Dhanesar has been offered the position as the company's Human Resource Manager upon
completion of her studies abroad. This will be of great benefit to the company to have someone
with experience in Human Resource be able to execute managerial tasks and be responsible for
providing advice and service to all our employees along with implementing HR plans outside of
our *City name* office
This letter of commitment is issued for the purpose of My name's Canadian student visa
application.

It's not terrible but it's not great either. The level of English is substandard but I doubt this is the reason why you were refused. 'Your essay' was probably detected as being copied from other SOPs submitted. Yes, there are software options these days to track that and I am sure it is within IRCC to afford that software. Other than that, your reasoning is quite generic. "Climb the corporate ladder", "Worldview", "Refine my expertise". This is all bullshit. C'mon, write something of substance. Why are you choosing to spend so much money to go to Canada and spend so much money when there are replacement programs in Phillipines? How exactly does a Canadian HR course help you get a job in the Philippines/India given the cultural differences?

P.S. I only vent at these poor SOPs once in a while. Hope you can take some things away from the comments. Best of luck.

 

[Simba112]

So my Study Visa application just got denied on grounds that the visa officer is not satisfied that I will be leaving Canada at the end of my stay. I just don't know what could have gone wrong with my statement of purpose? We paid for an accredited consultancy agent and even they did not expect my application to get rejected. My sister, who also applied for a Study Visa in 2019 and got approved, has a statement puropose kind of identical to mine (identical in format, not that I plagiarized anything) so I'm not sure what is wrong with it.

Could anyone shed some light as to why it probably got declined? Is it too vague? Do I need to omit or add somethings? I'll write my statement of purpose down and my letter of intent below so any tips will be highly appreciated

SOP
Dear VISA officer:
I am writing to apply for a student visa to study in Canada for having been accepted as a full-time student at the ________School of ________ in Vancouver, Canada with a program on Human Resources Management.

I am __________________, a citizen of India and a native born resident of the Philippines, completed my Bachelor of Science in Business Administration Major in Marketing Management Studies at the ___________ last March 2019. The course I took was meant to help develop skills for entrepreneurial or corporate work in marketing management. A year before my college graduation, I interned as a Marketing Associate for a local radio station in ____ City, the (*company name*). After graduating, I worked as a Customer Service Representative in a Business Process Outsourcing Company here in ______ since January 2020, for a US Financial Institution where I gained so much insight about banking operations. Now, I wish to pursue my studies internationally since my parents, who take care a 40-year lending business here, assured me of financial support in all of my four-year stay in Canada.
Why Canada? It is because Canada enjoys a towering standard of living with an enriched culture and diversity that is quite alluring to international students like me. Although there are plenty of Universities that can offer a Master’s Degree in Human Resource here in the Philippines, I believe that studying abroad is a life-enriching experience. Aside from that, Canadian colleges and universities have some of the lowest university tuition fees compared to other countries abroad.
_____, unlike other institutions, incorporates certification processes into the learning curriculum. This means that _____students will graduate with the necessary credentials and documentation to pursue the career of their dreams (___School of _____)
Furthermore, I wish to get back into academics and pursue Human Resources Management Program to further deepen and refine my expertise in the world of business. Based on my extensive research, there are so much potential career options in the field of Human Resource including Recruiting and Placement jobs such as recruiters, interviewers, head hunters, test administrators, and employment managers, which transcends to what I am truly passionate with.
Since I am still young and gradually learning through experience, this once in a lifetime opportunity will surely broaden my worldview and help me ace what I really hope to achieve after finishing the program—to return back to my home country, the Philippines; apply what skills I have learned in my four-year study and become the Human Resource Manager of the ________ Corporation, our lending company in _____. (Please refer to the letter of guarantee attached with this plan). I aspire to excel in the corporate ladder and make a lifelong career out of the degree I have chosen. Having a degree is highly respected in the Philippines, more so earning an international degree. It already is a huge advantage given my background in Marketing. I am hoping that you will take my application with a positive response.

Very truly yours,


Full name
Applicant


Letter of Intent:
___________Corporation is a privately owned Lending Company in _______City, Philippines that my wife and I, *name* started almost 35 years ago. The idea
came up after a family friend of ours, who works in the same industry, talked about how it would
be a potentially lucrative venture that we could consider setting up for a growing family like ours.
Ever since becoming a part of this industry, we always had hoped that our children will one day
manage the business on their own. Ultimately, my daughter Parminder Kaur Dhanesar is an
asset and has full potential for the company’s expansion plans. Part of this future phase
implementation is to build additional branches in other municipalities in *name of the state* such as in _____
City, ______ & _____City so that we can serve the needs of our growing customers. Currently,
we only have one existing branch in_____ City with a total of 10 stakeholders. Consequently, we will
be employing additional manpower. And so to help manage our growing employees, we will
need a human resource officer. This letter guarantees that my daughter, Parminder Kaur
Dhanesar has been offered the position as the company's Human Resource Manager upon
completion of her studies abroad. This will be of great benefit to the company to have someone
with experience in Human Resource be able to execute managerial tasks and be responsible for
providing advice and service to all our employees along with implementing HR plans outside of
our *City name* office
This letter of commitment is issued for the purpose of My name's Canadian student visa
application.

So you have bachelor of Science in Business Administration and applied for another 4 yrs bachelor degree?

 

[scylla]

So my Study Visa application just got denied on grounds that the visa officer is not satisfied that I will be leaving Canada at the end of my stay. I just don't know what could have gone wrong with my statement of purpose? We paid for an accredited consultancy agent and even they did not expect my application to get rejected. My sister, who also applied for a Study Visa in 2019 and got approved, has a statement puropose kind of identical to mine (identical in format, not that I plagiarized anything) so I'm not sure what is wrong with it.

Could anyone shed some light as to why it probably got declined? Is it too vague? Do I need to omit or add somethings? I'll write my statement of purpose down and my letter of intent below so any tips will be highly appreciated

SOP
Dear VISA officer:
I am writing to apply for a student visa to study in Canada for having been accepted as a full-time student at the ________School of ________ in Vancouver, Canada with a program on Human Resources Management.

I am __________________, a citizen of India and a native born resident of the Philippines, completed my Bachelor of Science in Business Administration Major in Marketing Management Studies at the ___________ last March 2019. The course I took was meant to help develop skills for entrepreneurial or corporate work in marketing management. A year before my college graduation, I interned as a Marketing Associate for a local radio station in ____ City, the (*company name*). After graduating, I worked as a Customer Service Representative in a Business Process Outsourcing Company here in ______ since January 2020, for a US Financial Institution where I gained so much insight about banking operations. Now, I wish to pursue my studies internationally since my parents, who take care a 40-year lending business here, assured me of financial support in all of my four-year stay in Canada.
Why Canada? It is because Canada enjoys a towering standard of living with an enriched culture and diversity that is quite alluring to international students like me. Although there are plenty of Universities that can offer a Master’s Degree in Human Resource here in the Philippines, I believe that studying abroad is a life-enriching experience. Aside from that, Canadian colleges and universities have some of the lowest university tuition fees compared to other countries abroad.
_____, unlike other institutions, incorporates certification processes into the learning curriculum. This means that _____students will graduate with the necessary credentials and documentation to pursue the career of their dreams (___School of _____)
Furthermore, I wish to get back into academics and pursue Human Resources Management Program to further deepen and refine my expertise in the world of business. Based on my extensive research, there are so much potential career options in the field of Human Resource including Recruiting and Placement jobs such as recruiters, interviewers, head hunters, test administrators, and employment managers, which transcends to what I am truly passionate with.
Since I am still young and gradually learning through experience, this once in a lifetime opportunity will surely broaden my worldview and help me ace what I really hope to achieve after finishing the program—to return back to my home country, the Philippines; apply what skills I have learned in my four-year study and become the Human Resource Manager of the ________ Corporation, our lending company in _____. (Please refer to the letter of guarantee attached with this plan). I aspire to excel in the corporate ladder and make a lifelong career out of the degree I have chosen. Having a degree is highly respected in the Philippines, more so earning an international degree. It already is a huge advantage given my background in Marketing. I am hoping that you will take my application with a positive response.

Very truly yours,


Full name
Applicant


Letter of Intent:
___________Corporation is a privately owned Lending Company in _______City, Philippines that my wife and I, *name* started almost 35 years ago. The idea
came up after a family friend of ours, who works in the same industry, talked about how it would
be a potentially lucrative venture that we could consider setting up for a growing family like ours.
Ever since becoming a part of this industry, we always had hoped that our children will one day
manage the business on their own. Ultimately, my daughter Parminder Kaur Dhanesar is an
asset and has full potential for the company’s expansion plans. Part of this future phase
implementation is to build additional branches in other municipalities in *name of the state* such as in _____
City, ______ & _____City so that we can serve the needs of our growing customers. Currently,
we only have one existing branch in_____ City with a total of 10 stakeholders. Consequently, we will
be employing additional manpower. And so to help manage our growing employees, we will
need a human resource officer. This letter guarantees that my daughter, Parminder Kaur
Dhanesar has been offered the position as the company's Human Resource Manager upon
completion of her studies abroad. This will be of great benefit to the company to have someone
with experience in Human Resource be able to execute managerial tasks and be responsible for
providing advice and service to all our employees along with implementing HR plans outside of
our *City name* office
This letter of commitment is issued for the purpose of My name's Canadian student visa
application.

It's not the best written letter. I agree the English is substandard. One would expect better if you paid money for this. However I also agree this shouldn't be the reason for the refusal.

The fact your sister is already studying in Canada weakens your application.

I'm not clear what exact program and level of study you have applied for in Canada. This is probably part of the problem.

 

[Naturgrl]

What is your profile…as you state you have a degree but taking another degree. What is your program…public or private? Your SOP is not that well written and confusing to read. And the letter of intent is from you parents to say they will hire you?

Also all consultants will tells their clients that they are shocked with refusals.

 

[Sblue]

One doesn't get hired to their own family business, Its odd for me to read that my dad will hire me. People who got an approval have often mentioned they added headings and to the point outcomes.
Also, what is the reason after this line, satisfied that I will be leaving Canada at the end of my stay

 

[ramseriv]

To be honest dear,

Kindly, If I were you, I would ask for a refund to that ''accredited'' consultancy company. They are not so ''accredited'' if they reviewed this statement and let you uploaded it. You could have pay this money to me, I'm considered a writer (Even though I'm an engineer by profession). As as matter of fact, when referring to make reference letters and statement of purposes, and writing shits like that, I turn into someone else. I have even help to write thesis, once I show them to my friends and whoever is there at that exact moment, they just get astonished. --just gave you a clue, before sending an important letter, you must show it to more than one person (I'm not that good when I orally express myself, but I become someone else when writing). Let's stop talking about me and begin to give you some advices I noticed as soon as I read that letter.

In order to write something, you have to get some inspiration. The way I inspire myself is as follows: The key here is to let out your thoughts of your head, and put yourself in a third person, I mean, talk about yourself as if you were the host of an event , given an speech about yourself to an marvelous audience that do not know a shit about you, and you want to let them know the best of you, you want to impress, but in a natural way, upgrade your level my friend, read more, that's the only true efficient method of improving our writing level.

With that being said, these are the things I noticed, and maybe the Official guy as well:

1. I just hope you click to ''justify text'' in Word (Office), and did not write it just as you copied it in here.

2. Honestly, from my perspective, and sure, his, you just told him this conclusion: -''Hey man, I would love to deviate my knowledge and throw to the garbage my 4 years of bachelor degree, are you agree with this change of career path?''.

I did not feel interested into reading what was next after the second paragraph. Why? you screw up everything just at the beginning, by trying to relate two different careers. The only similarity that exist between Marketing Management and Human Resources Management, it is in fact JUST the word 'management'. It is exactly like If I would tell him: -''Hey man, I studied Marketing Management, and I'm trying to pursue a Construction Management degree''. You changed your path, is not the same career, there is not a pathway there , even I noticed it and my career is not even close to yours, maybe he just had the same idea I just got about you. Maybe we both do not know everything about both professions, maybe the public in general in here is confused, but we know at least the basic, and from observation on both departments, I have never seen those two professions near or dependable on one and another.

I'm 100% certain that if you ask for his motives of rejection, you will read something like that. I mean, he must have said: How can I contribute with this....I could have not be able to forgive me if this poor boy continues his confusion of not knowing that he is not going to grow professionally, he is just going to screw over all those 4 years + experiences he just told me about his his Marketing degree.

I'm even starting to doubt that you studied Marketing (Maybe the Official also thought the same as I did) I mean, is common sense my friend, those professionals do not even work at the same environment (let me give you a simple clue about this situation: Imagine an office building, where there are several departments in there, tell me where in the hell have you seen Marketing , sales and its management, and blah blah.... in the same department as the Human resource dpt., and all that shit they do, including management, but not specifically about sales and marketing dear, I cleared out your mind now?. I mean, marketing has its whole world apart from human resources as well. I asked to myself, how can he even justify his studies by talking about another different field? Seriously man, I bet he said something like: Oh this guy does not know anything about even his own career, maybe is bullshit what he said about his bachelor degree* I imagine that official telling jokes with his friends: -''He write he wanted to be a painter because he had so much experienced in his singing performances''. And then you brought another career to the table, the one which I recommend you to write about, for sure: Business management!! I mean that was the one you should had replace instead of Human resources my friend, cause Business is in fact related with marketing, but never in the life marketing would be a sub-specialization of Human resources' stuff.

Bear in mind that what you have to pursue at least, if is not going to be a major level from the one career you already completed (after bachelor goes master), it should be at least, an specialization or sub-field of the one you took in the past in order to enrich and widen up your knowledge. Certainly, when he read that first paragraph, he didn´t feel need to read more (that is what exactly happened to me). Maybe he read the whole story once he sat and started to write the feedback of your rejection. You can ask for it, and please, do not look for that consultancy company ever again, he did a poor job by approving your letter. He noticeably did not give a damn thing about you...

 

[ramseriv]

3. To tell you the truth, for quite a bit, a had a terrible time trying to understand some sentences, I mean, there were parts where I had to assume what you was trying to communicate. There are too many context-connection errors! maybe he saw that part too, you compromised his mind too much into decipher accurately your thoughts , he was just tired of reading so much during his whole day (his job) to finally receive a uncomprehend letter. ''''''I interned'''''''??? whattttt!!?? what did you mean!!? man, just at the beginning, this is bad news, he already established a judgment about yourself (in the first lines of your second paragraphs) that not even Shakespeare could have save you afterall. There are many more typo and context errors (don't trust google translator man, the officials can notice when it is natural from when it is google, because google never use context and connection of ideas). I wont tell you what to add or delete, I've already written enough on this thread, I'm just going to tell you a secret that might serve you, and what serves me well: Read it, read it and read it, read your writing as much time as you can..... nonstop, for hours, stop, do another thing, read again, you will notice more flaws, you will start to delete and add new ideas, your brain is going to storm out better ideas than the previous ones, and you are going to continue until you feel satisfied. An important letter is not written just for one moment, sometimes take days (depending on our habits, if we are busy or not, and on your present inspiration level at that day).

4. Moreover, I felt so tired of trying to connect your misleading and confused ideas (I mean, I had already an insight about your goals and confused destiny since your first lines) that I didn't even bother myself to read your letter of intent, for real. Maybe he experienced the same feeling, and did not want to keep reading about what you were going to say about yourself anymore. Because it just did not make sense.


P.D 1: Don't take it personal, you asked for a review, this is the perception of an outsider that just know the things you wrote in there about yourself (remember the Official guy was also an outsider, and tried to understand you, but how to understand a person who was expressing something he does not even understand). I gave you my point of view, leave it or take it, it's on you dear, your are risking your life and future.

P.D 2: I did not know we have to write a letter of intent besides the statement of purpose, may you please give me what's the purpose of it? or when we should write it? Soon I'll be doing this immigration process.

P.D3: Please, be careful on paying money to someone just because that someone is famous or ''have succeeded'' in his past. You studied marketing, you know more than me about this, they might tell you the % of their succeeded clients (sometimes might exaggerate a lot), but they always lie about the % of their rejected clients- This ''accredited'' one, simply had me thinking too much about his company if he gave you the approval of this letter. Last advice: Never trust in just one reader, all your writing works have to pass through your eyes a least 6 times (it is called: skim and scan), really, as many time as you can, the quantity of repetition would be directly dependable on your interest and your purposes of course, and at must pass through the eyes of at least 2 analytical , critical-sight and honest persons who do not mind to correct your works (Because those are the one who really want the best for you). That company just proved that they do not care about you or the importance of this action, they just wanted the money dear. I mean, all want it, but at least there exist some that put a little be of more effort on their works!!

P.D.4: It was true the part that have some doubts about if you actually did the Marketing thing. I mean it was ok the experience you obtained as a Customer Service Representative in a Business, maybe with some kindness he would have pass you with all its grammatical errors, but what really burn you off and is not acceptable for those people is seeing disparities between the chosen career Vs the one you already completed. that's under their rule, and you fell into that well known trap my dear, you talked about and intrude here : Human resources management , that is the intrude, cause that estranger came out of nowhere to the scene, and when I meant nowhere , believe it, it came from NOWHERE!! For the next time, if you do not have a friend who could have evaluate your paper. there might be some youtubers that would give you better insights than this ''accredited agency´´.

Greetings!

 

[captainarabiia]

So my Study Visa application just got denied on grounds that the visa officer is not satisfied that I will be leaving Canada at the end of my stay. I just don't know what could have gone wrong with my statement of purpose? We paid for an accredited consultancy agent and even they did not expect my application to get rejected. My sister, who also applied for a Study Visa in 2019 and got approved, has a statement puropose kind of identical to mine (identical in format, not that I plagiarized anything) so I'm not sure what is wrong with it.

Could anyone shed some light as to why it probably got declined? Is it too vague? Do I need to omit or add somethings? I'll write my statement of purpose down and my letter of intent below so any tips will be highly appreciated

SOP
Dear VISA officer:
I am writing to apply for a student visa to study in Canada for having been accepted as a full-time student at the ________School of ________ in Vancouver, Canada with a program on Human Resources Management.

I am __________________, a citizen of India and a native born resident of the Philippines, completed my Bachelor of Science in Business Administration Major in Marketing Management Studies at the ___________ last March 2019. The course I took was meant to help develop skills for entrepreneurial or corporate work in marketing management. A year before my college graduation, I interned as a Marketing Associate for a local radio station in ____ City, the (*company name*). After graduating, I worked as a Customer Service Representative in a Business Process Outsourcing Company here in ______ since January 2020, for a US Financial Institution where I gained so much insight about banking operations. Now, I wish to pursue my studies internationally since my parents, who take care a 40-year lending business here, assured me of financial support in all of my four-year stay in Canada.
Why Canada? It is because Canada enjoys a towering standard of living with an enriched culture and diversity that is quite alluring to international students like me. Although there are plenty of Universities that can offer a Master’s Degree in Human Resource here in the Philippines, I believe that studying abroad is a life-enriching experience. Aside from that, Canadian colleges and universities have some of the lowest university tuition fees compared to other countries abroad.
_____, unlike other institutions, incorporates certification processes into the learning curriculum. This means that _____students will graduate with the necessary credentials and documentation to pursue the career of their dreams (___School of _____)
Furthermore, I wish to get back into academics and pursue Human Resources Management Program to further deepen and refine my expertise in the world of business. Based on my extensive research, there are so much potential career options in the field of Human Resource including Recruiting and Placement jobs such as recruiters, interviewers, head hunters, test administrators, and employment managers, which transcends to what I am truly passionate with.
Since I am still young and gradually learning through experience, this once in a lifetime opportunity will surely broaden my worldview and help me ace what I really hope to achieve after finishing the program—to return back to my home country, the Philippines; apply what skills I have learned in my four-year study and become the Human Resource Manager of the ________ Corporation, our lending company in _____. (Please refer to the letter of guarantee attached with this plan). I aspire to excel in the corporate ladder and make a lifelong career out of the degree I have chosen. Having a degree is highly respected in the Philippines, more so earning an international degree. It already is a huge advantage given my background in Marketing. I am hoping that you will take my application with a positive response.

Very truly yours,


Full name
Applicant


Letter of Intent:
___________Corporation is a privately owned Lending Company in _______City, Philippines that my wife and I, *name* started almost 35 years ago. The idea
came up after a family friend of ours, who works in the same industry, talked about how it would
be a potentially lucrative venture that we could consider setting up for a growing family like ours.
Ever since becoming a part of this industry, we always had hoped that our children will one day
manage the business on their own. Ultimately, my daughter Parminder Kaur Dhanesar is an
asset and has full potential for the company’s expansion plans. Part of this future phase
implementation is to build additional branches in other municipalities in *name of the state* such as in _____
City, ______ & _____City so that we can serve the needs of our growing customers. Currently,
we only have one existing branch in_____ City with a total of 10 stakeholders. Consequently, we will
be employing additional manpower. And so to help manage our growing employees, we will
need a human resource officer. This letter guarantees that my daughter, Parminder Kaur
Dhanesar has been offered the position as the company's Human Resource Manager upon
completion of her studies abroad. This will be of great benefit to the company to have someone
with experience in Human Resource be able to execute managerial tasks and be responsible for
providing advice and service to all our employees along with implementing HR plans outside of
our *City name* office
This letter of commitment is issued for the purpose of My name's Canadian student visa
application.

Get GCMS notes.

 

[Suleman3r]

So my Study Visa application just got denied on grounds that the visa officer is not satisfied that I will be leaving Canada at the end of my stay. I just don't know what could have gone wrong with my statement of purpose? We paid for an accredited consultancy agent and even they did not expect my application to get rejected. My sister, who also applied for a Study Visa in 2019 and got approved, has a statement puropose kind of identical to mine (identical in format, not that I plagiarized anything) so I'm not sure what is wrong with it.

Could anyone shed some light as to why it probably got declined? Is it too vague? Do I need to omit or add somethings? I'll write my statement of purpose down and my letter of intent below so any tips will be highly appreciated

SOP
Dear VISA officer:
I am writing to apply for a student visa to study in Canada for having been accepted as a full-time student at the ________School of ________ in Vancouver, Canada with a program on Human Resources Management.

I am __________________, a citizen of India and a native born resident of the Philippines, completed my Bachelor of Science in Business Administration Major in Marketing Management Studies at the ___________ last March 2019. The course I took was meant to help develop skills for entrepreneurial or corporate work in marketing management. A year before my college graduation, I interned as a Marketing Associate for a local radio station in ____ City, the (*company name*). After graduating, I worked as a Customer Service Representative in a Business Process Outsourcing Company here in ______ since January 2020, for a US Financial Institution where I gained so much insight about banking operations. Now, I wish to pursue my studies internationally since my parents, who take care a 40-year lending business here, assured me of financial support in all of my four-year stay in Canada.
Why Canada? It is because Canada enjoys a towering standard of living with an enriched culture and diversity that is quite alluring to international students like me. Although there are plenty of Universities that can offer a Master’s Degree in Human Resource here in the Philippines, I believe that studying abroad is a life-enriching experience. Aside from that, Canadian colleges and universities have some of the lowest university tuition fees compared to other countries abroad.
_____, unlike other institutions, incorporates certification processes into the learning curriculum. This means that _____students will graduate with the necessary credentials and documentation to pursue the career of their dreams (___School of _____)
Furthermore, I wish to get back into academics and pursue Human Resources Management Program to further deepen and refine my expertise in the world of business. Based on my extensive research, there are so much potential career options in the field of Human Resource including Recruiting and Placement jobs such as recruiters, interviewers, head hunters, test administrators, and employment managers, which transcends to what I am truly passionate with.
Since I am still young and gradually learning through experience, this once in a lifetime opportunity will surely broaden my worldview and help me ace what I really hope to achieve after finishing the program—to return back to my home country, the Philippines; apply what skills I have learned in my four-year study and become the Human Resource Manager of the ________ Corporation, our lending company in _____. (Please refer to the letter of guarantee attached with this plan). I aspire to excel in the corporate ladder and make a lifelong career out of the degree I have chosen. Having a degree is highly respected in the Philippines, more so earning an international degree. It already is a huge advantage given my background in Marketing. I am hoping that you will take my application with a positive response.

Very truly yours,


Full name
Applicant


Letter of Intent:
___________Corporation is a privately owned Lending Company in _______City, Philippines that my wife and I, *name* started almost 35 years ago. The idea
came up after a family friend of ours, who works in the same industry, talked about how it would
be a potentially lucrative venture that we could consider setting up for a growing family like ours.
Ever since becoming a part of this industry, we always had hoped that our children will one day
manage the business on their own. Ultimately, my daughter Parminder Kaur Dhanesar is an
asset and has full potential for the company’s expansion plans. Part of this future phase
implementation is to build additional branches in other municipalities in *name of the state* such as in _____
City, ______ & _____City so that we can serve the needs of our growing customers. Currently,
we only have one existing branch in_____ City with a total of 10 stakeholders. Consequently, we will
be employing additional manpower. And so to help manage our growing employees, we will
need a human resource officer. This letter guarantees that my daughter, Parminder Kaur
Dhanesar has been offered the position as the company's Human Resource Manager upon
completion of her studies abroad. This will be of great benefit to the company to have someone
with experience in Human Resource be able to execute managerial tasks and be responsible for
providing advice and service to all our employees along with implementing HR plans outside of
our *City name* office
This letter of commitment is issued for the purpose of My name's Canadian student visa
application.

When did you get refusal? Is it from Otawa?

 

[lovepreet_singh]

3. To tell you the truth, for quite a bit, a had a terrible time trying to understand some sentences, I mean, there were parts where I had to assume what you was trying to communicate. There are too many context-connection errors! maybe he saw that part too, you compromised his mind too much into decipher accurately your thoughts , he was just tired of reading so much during his whole day (his job) to finally receive a uncomprehend letter. ''''''I interned'''''''??? whattttt!!?? what did you mean!!? man, just at the beginning, this is bad news, he already established a judgment about yourself (in the first lines of your second paragraphs) that not even Shakespeare could have save you afterall. There are many more typo and context errors (don't trust google translator man, the officials can notice when it is natural from when it is google, because google never use context and connection of ideas). I wont tell you what to add or delete, I've already written enough on this thread, I'm just going to tell you a secret that might serve you, and what serves me well: Read it, read it and read it, read your writing as much time as you can..... nonstop, for hours, stop, do another thing, read again, you will notice more flaws, you will start to delete and add new ideas, your brain is going to storm out better ideas than the previous ones, and you are going to continue until you feel satisfied. An important letter is not written just for one moment, sometimes take days (depending on our habits, if we are busy or not, and on your present inspiration level at that day).

4. Moreover, I felt so tired of trying to connect your misleading and confused ideas (I mean, I had already an insight about your goals and confused destiny since your first lines) that I didn't even bother myself to read your letter of intent, for real. Maybe he experienced the same feeling, and did not want to keep reading about what you were going to say about yourself anymore. Because it just did not make sense.


P.D 1: Don't take it personal, you asked for a review, this is the perception of an outsider that just know the things you wrote in there about yourself (remember the Official guy was also an outsider, and tried to understand you, but how to understand a person who was expressing something he does not even understand). I gave you my point of view, leave it or take it, it's on you dear, your are risking your life and future.

P.D 2: I did not know we have to write a letter of intent besides the statement of purpose, may you please give me what's the purpose of it? or when we should write it? Soon I'll be doing this immigration process.

P.D3: Please, be careful on paying money to someone just because that someone is famous or ''have succeeded'' in his past. You studied marketing, you know more than me about this, they might tell you the % of their succeeded clients (sometimes might exaggerate a lot), but they always lie about the % of their rejected clients- This ''accredited'' one, simply had me thinking too much about his company if he gave you the approval of this letter. Last advice: Never trust in just one reader, all your writing works have to pass through your eyes a least 6 times (it is called: skim and scan), really, as many time as you can, the quantity of repetition would be directly dependable on your interest and your purposes of course, and at must pass through the eyes of at least 2 analytical , critical-sight and honest persons who do not mind to correct your works (Because those are the one who really want the best for you). That company just proved that they do not care about you or the importance of this action, they just wanted the money dear. I mean, all want it, but at least there exist some that put a little be of more effort on their works!!

P.D.4: It was true the part that have some doubts about if you actually did the Marketing thing. I mean it was ok the experience you obtained as a Customer Service Representative in a Business, maybe with some kindness he would have pass you with all its grammatical errors, but what really burn you off and is not acceptable for those people is seeing disparities between the chosen career Vs the one you already completed. that's under their rule, and you fell into that well known trap my dear, you talked about and intrude here : Human resources management , that is the intrude, cause that estranger came out of nowhere to the scene, and when I meant nowhere , believe it, it came from NOWHERE!! For the next time, if you do not have a friend who could have evaluate your paper. there might be some youtubers that would give you better insights than this ''accredited agency´´.

Greetings!

he must follow this advice.... you are a great writer in expressing yourself.... I read in a flow.. but the so. p above written was ....... I just skipped many times... i would advise him to follow these instructions and write a simple s.o.p
well done

 

[Sblue]

he must follow this advice.... you are a great writer in expressing yourself.... I read in a flow.. but the so. p above written was ....... I just skipped many times... i would advise him to follow these instructions and write a simple s.o.p
well done

I will disagree. Too many grammatical errors and bad sentence structure but advise is great. Id take that and write proper English or have it vet by a pro.

OP, write your SOP by creating headings as I mentioned above. There are countless videos and blogs on a winning SOP structure.

 

[wonderbly]

I will disagree. Too many grammatical errors and bad sentence structure but advise is great. Id take that and write proper English or have it vet by a pro.

OP, write your SOP by creating headings as I mentioned above. There are countless videos and blogs on a winning SOP structure.

Exactly!

 

[wonderbly]

To be honest dear,

Kindly, If I were you, I would ask for a refund to that ''accredited'' consultancy company. They are not so ''accredited'' if they reviewed this statement and let you uploaded it. You could have pay this money to me, I'm considered a writer (Even though I'm an engineer by profession). As as matter of fact, when referring to make reference letters and statement of purposes, and writing shits like that, I turn into someone else. I have even help to write thesis, once I show them to my friends and whoever is there at that exact moment, they just get astonished. --just gave you a clue, before sending an important letter, you must show it to more than one person (I'm not that good when I orally express myself, but I become someone else when writing). Let's stop talking about me and begin to give you some advices I noticed as soon as I read that letter.

In order to write something, you have to get some inspiration. The way I inspire myself is as follows: The key here is to let out your thoughts of your head, and put yourself in a third person, I mean, talk about yourself as if you were the host of an event , given an speech about yourself to an marvelous audience that do not know a shit about you, and you want to let them know the best of you, you want to impress, but in a natural way, upgrade your level my friend, read more, that's the only true efficient method of improving our writing level.

With that being said, these are the things I noticed, and maybe the Official guy as well:

1. I just hope you click to ''justify text'' in Word (Office), and did not write it just as you copied it in here.

2. Honestly, from my perspective, and sure, his, you just told him this conclusion: -''Hey man, I would love to deviate my knowledge and throw to the garbage my 4 years of bachelor degree, are you agree with this change of career path?''.

I did not feel interested into reading what was next after the second paragraph. Why? you screw up everything just at the beginning, by trying to relate two different careers. The only similarity that exist between Marketing Management and Human Resources Management, it is in fact JUST the word 'management'. It is exactly like If I would tell him: -''Hey man, I studied Marketing Management, and I'm trying to pursue a Construction Management degree''. You changed your path, is not the same career, there is not a pathway there , even I noticed it and my career is not even close to yours, maybe he just had the same idea I just got about you. Maybe we both do not know everything about both professions, maybe the public in general in here is confused, but we know at least the basic, and from observation on both departments, I have never seen those two professions near or dependable on one and another.

I'm 100% certain that if you ask for his motives of rejection, you will read something like that. I mean, he must have said: How can I contribute with this....I could have not be able to forgive me if this poor boy continues his confusion of not knowing that he is not going to grow professionally, he is just going to screw over all those 4 years + experiences he just told me about his his Marketing degree.

I'm even starting to doubt that you studied Marketing (Maybe the Official also thought the same as I did) I mean, is common sense my friend, those professionals do not even work at the same environment (let me give you a simple clue about this situation: Imagine an office building, where there are several departments in there, tell me where in the hell have you seen Marketing , sales and its management, and blah blah.... in the same department as the Human resource dpt., and all that shit they do, including management, but not specifically about sales and marketing dear, I cleared out your mind now?. I mean, marketing has its whole world apart from human resources as well. I asked to myself, how can he even justify his studies by talking about another different field? Seriously man, I bet he said something like: Oh this guy does not know anything about even his own career, maybe is bullshit what he said about his bachelor degree* I imagine that official telling jokes with his friends: -''He write he wanted to be a painter because he had so much experienced in his singing performances''. And then you brought another career to the table, the one which I recommend you to write about, for sure: Business management!! I mean that was the one you should had replace instead of Human resources my friend, cause Business is in fact related with marketing, but never in the life marketing would be a sub-specialization of Human resources' stuff.

Bear in mind that what you have to pursue at least, if is not going to be a major level from the one career you already completed (after bachelor goes master), it should be at least, an specialization or sub-field of the one you took in the past in order to enrich and widen up your knowledge. Certainly, when he read that first paragraph, he didn´t feel need to read more (that is what exactly happened to me). Maybe he read the whole story once he sat and started to write the feedback of your rejection. You can ask for it, and please, do not look for that consultancy company ever again, he did a poor job by approving your letter. He noticeably did not give a damn thing about you...

Don't mean to bust your bubble, but your writing and grammar is not great. At all. I know you mean well and you probably have great advice hidden somewhere in this tirade, but there are so many grammatical errors and lack of basic use of punctuations. No offense.

 

[sqfit]

Don't mean to bust your bubble, but your writing and grammar is not great. At all. I know you mean well and you probably have great advice hidden somewhere in this tirade, but there are so many grammatical errors and lack of basic use of punctuations. No offense.

This! Points were correct, advice was good but grammar and sentence formation wasn’t but maybe you were writing in a hurry, so yeah.