IELTS - Writing - For Band 7 or Above.

[marosa]

Dears, do you think this one could get a 7? Are the ideas too mixed up?

P.S. My last essay before the exam, yayy

One of the best methods to motivate and encourage workers is to pay them according to what they produce or sell.
Do you think this is the best method?
Give relevant examples from your experience.


Nowadays the overwhelming majority of companies and organizations implements various motivational mechanisms and techniques. With this regards, it is believed by many that one of the most efficient tools to motivate employees is to tie their salaries to the result they make. In my opinion, the result-based payroll system is indeed one of the most advantageous ones, since it is perceived to be transparent and can encourage the staff to be as productive as possible.

First of all, production or sales-based salary can be more preferable, since the employees know exactly how the money earned has been formed. In this case, the worker knows how much they will get paid for each unit produced of sold and, therefore, will be more likely to trust the organization they work for. This ca result in a better performance by the staff and can benefit both the employees and the company. From my own experience, I can tell that I am more motivated to be efficient at work, when I know my performance is assessed and rewarded.

Secondly, the discussed approach might enable people to increase their productivity, should they tend to earn more. The reason behind this is the fact that the greater amount one produces or realizes, the higher their salary will be. Since human beings constantly wish to improve the quality of their lives, they will work more efficiently knowing there is a direct interrelation between their performance and the reward. Organizations that used to operate within the Soviet Union would widely apply the above-mentioned method, which has proven to increase their efficiency by up to 25%, compared to current business, as reported by The Russian Information Agency in August 2018.

To conclude, I agree to those, who claim that motivating people by means of paying them in accordance with their performance is one of the most efficient methods. The reason for that is the transparency and the fairness of such a technique, as well as the fact of connection between one’s performance and salary.


@H0peAndFa1th @cansha

 

[velocityblood]

Hi Guys, Please evaluate @cansha @H0peAndFa1th thanks in advance for what you guys are doing.
In many countries, people are moving away from rural areas and towards urban areas.
Why do you think that is?
What problems can this cause?

Many nations seeing the displacement of people from the countryside to the cities. Increased unemployment, decrease in farming, and the fast pace of the cities are the reasons behind such a development. In this essay, we will see how decreased job opportunities have caused people to relocate to the cities and how this can affect the economy of the country.

The root cause behind such a shift is the increased unemployment in the rural areas of the countries caused mainly due to the downfall of agriculture. In most of the countries, the main occupation in the countryside is farming, but, due to the changing climate and weather conditions, it is badly affected and farmers are not even able to get the yield of the investment done for the crops. For example, Srilanka has seen drought since last three consecutive years, which has severely affected the farming in the villages due to lack of water for irrigation, and almost 10% farmers have to move to Colombo city to find out jobs.

If people from the villages keep moving to the cities and farming becomes obsolete, the only option the government left with is to import the grains from other nations. This, in turn, will incur a huge cost, because, multiple taxes, currency conversion, and transportation charges are required to be paid for importing of grains or any other goods from other countries. For example, in the last fiscal year, China has incurred a loss of $8,000 Million due to increased imports from India by 11%.

To conclude, the lack of employment is the major cause behind the movement of people from the villages to the cities, however, this needs attention from the government as; such development can compromise the country's economy.

 

[marosa]

Secondly, the discussed approach might enable people to increase their productivity, should they tend to earn more. The reason behind this is the fact that the greater amount one produces or realizes, the higher their salary will be. Since human beings constantly wish to improve the quality of their lives, they will work more efficiently knowing there is a direct interrelation between their performance and the reward. Organizations that used to operate within the Soviet Union would widely apply the above-mentioned method, which has proven to increase their efficiency by up to 25%, compared to current business, as reported by The Russian Information Agency in August 2018.
@H0peAndFa1th @cansha

Would this make more sense?

"Secondly, the discussed approach might enable people to increase their productivity, as they would tend to earn more. The reason behind this is the fact that human beings constantly wish to improve the quality of their lives. Consequently, might be eager to work more efficiently, knowing there is a direct interrelation between their performance and the reward. As reported by The Russian Information Agency in August 2018, organizations that used to operate within the Soviet Union would widely apply the above-mentioned method, which has proven to increase their efficiency by up to 25%, compared to the current situation."

 

[cansha]

well that is a gem for sure

 

[H0peAndFa1th]

Dears, do you think this one could get a 7? Are the ideas too mixed up?

P.S. My last essay before the exam, yayy

One of the best methods to motivate and encourage workers is to pay them according to what they produce or sell.
Do you think this is the best method?
Give relevant examples from your experience.

Nowadays the overwhelming majority of companies and organizations implements various motivational mechanisms and techniques. With this regards, it is believed by many that one of the most efficient tools to motivate employees is to tie their salaries to the result they make. In my opinion, the result-based payroll system is indeed one of the most advantageous ones, since it is perceived to be transparent and can encourage the staff to be as productive as possible.

nice language

First of all, production or sales-based salary can be more preferable, since the employees know exactly how the money earned has been formed. In this case, the worker knows how much they will get paid for each unit produced of sold and, therefore, will be more likely to trust the organization they work for. This ca result in a better performance by the staff and can benefit both the employees and the company. From my own experience, I can tell that I am more motivated to be efficient at work, when I know my performance is assessed and rewarded.

good, no big issues, that highlighted can be avoided.

Secondly, the discussed approach might enable people to increase their productivity, should they tend to earn more. The reason behind this is the fact that the greater amount one produces or realizes, the higher their salary will be. Since human beings constantly wish to improve the quality of their lives, they will work more efficiently knowing there is a direct interrelation between their performance and the reward. Organizations that used to operate within the Soviet Union would widely apply the above-mentioned method, which has proven to increase their efficiency by up to 25%, compared to current business, as reported by The Russian Information Agency in August 2018.

good

To conclude, I agree to those, who claim that motivating people by means of paying them in accordance with their performance is one of the most efficient methods. The reason for that is the transparency and the fairness of such a technique, as well as the fact of connection between one’s performance and salary.


@H0peAndFa1th @cansha

you will rock the test, 7 to 7.5 - could touch 8, rare but possible for you with efforts.

 

[H0peAndFa1th]

Hi Guys, Please evaluate @cansha @H0peAndFa1th thanks in advance for what you guys are doing.
In many countries, people are moving away from rural areas and towards urban areas.
Why do you think that is?
What problems can this cause?

reason and cause, these ones are little advanced than set pattern.

Many nations seeing the displacement of people from the countryside to the cities. Increased unemployment, decrease in farming, and the fast pace of the cities are the reasons behind such a development. In this essay, we will see (avoid it) how decreased job opportunities have caused people to relocate to the cities and how this can affect the economy of the country.

you can say,
I think that, decreased job.....
which would be direct answer to "you" in question

The root cause behind such a shift is the increased unemployment in the rural areas of the countries
caused mainly due to the downfall of agriculture.
wrong sentence
correct would be
it is complete :
The root cause behind such a shift is the increased unemployment in the rural areas of the country.
extend it by
The root cause behind such a shift is the increased unemployment in the rural areas of the countries,
which is lead by downfall in the agriculture business.
it means that, downfall in agri, is the leader of unemployment

In most of the countries, the main occupation in the countryside is farming, but, due to the changing climate and weather conditions, it is badly affected and farmers are not even able to get the yield of the investment done for the crops.

there is thing called, subject verb agreement, I am zero in grammar, but I feel odd when I read wrong sentence. say gut feeling.

your that agreement shit, is hitting the fan there,

"it is" referring to what ? occupation, farming, climate, weather ????


For example, Srilanka has seen drought since last three consecutive years, which has severely affected the farming in the villages due to lack of water for irrigation, and almost 10% farmers have to move to Colombo city to find out jobs.

you need some lesson on grammar, do it yourself or get a 8th, 9th, 10th, standard english teacher, just ask him/her to see for grammar mistakes.

you know ielts pattern well, we can sort other things, but grammar is hard to fix.

If people from the villages keep moving to the cities and farming becomes obsolete, the only option the government left with is to import the grains from other nations. This, in turn, will incur a huge cost, because, multiple taxes, currency conversion, and transportation charges are required to be paid for importing of grains or any other goods from other countries. For example, in the last fiscal year, China has incurred a loss of $8,000 Million due to increased imports from India by 11%.

To conclude, the lack of employment is the major cause behind the movement of people from the villages to the cities, however, this needs attention from the government as; such development can compromise the country's economy.

you can easily get 7, if you stop making grammar mistakes, just write simple error free sentence

 

[marosa]

nice language


good, no big issues, that highlighted can be avoided.


good



you will rock the test, 7 to 7.5 - could touch 8, rare but possible for you with efforts.

Thanks a lot for your time!

 

[H0peAndFa1th]

Could you please evaluate?
More and more wild animals are on the verge of extinction and others are on the endangered list.
What are the reasons for this?
What can be done to solve the problem?

It has been reported recently that the number of endangered animal species or those under the risk of extinction is increasing every year. It is believed that one of the main reasons for this tendency (wrong word situation is better word, ) is the climate change. This issue can be fixed (can I say so, or should be "overcome" instead?) if people start acting more consciously towards the environment.

tendency (wrong word situation is better word, )
fixed (can I say so, or should be "overcome" instead?) > handled, addressed, tackled, ameliorated, taken care with
I would choose "addressed"

The constantly growing number of endangered wildlife representatives (use species) is thought to be caused by climate change. For thousands of years the Earth’s fauna would continue its existence and development under certain weather conditions: some species have adapted to hot and dry weather, while others prefer mild and humid climate. Consequently, any change in the average temperatures or air humidity can potentially jeopardy the comfort or even the existence of wild animals. A recent article published by National Geographic illustrates it how the change in the temperature by two Celsius degrees can threaten the existence of hundreds of wild species.

good

In order to solve the above-mentioned issue (say: issue at hand) some experts suggest people to behave more environmentally friendly. Climate change is considered to mainly take place due to air pollution, as a result of human activity. From this perspective, a limitation (reduction) in burnt fossil fuel and other pollutants can result in maintaining current climate conditions and enabling animals vulnerable to weather changes survive. As reported by the United Nations in August 2018, pollution of the environment by the population is the main reason of temperature changes globally.

good

To conclude, an overwhelming number of species has been noticed to either die out or become endangered because of volatile weather conditions on the Earth. To tackle this issue, people should start taking steps towards a more sustainable life.

7 is sure for this one, don't know if it can get higher that that, I guess probably not.

-------
"Change" used 7 times!!! Didn’t have time to replace, would I lose scores at the exam for that?

you don't need to replace words like that, but see if you can use the alternative or phrase thing differently
say : employment was increasing
say : unemployment was decreasing.
see magic, it means same.

 

[velocityblood]

reason and cause, these ones are little advanced than set pattern.


you can say,
I think that, decreased job.....
which would be direct answer to "you" in question



you need some lesson on grammar, do it yourself or get a 8th, 9th, 10th, standard english teacher, just ask him/her to see for grammar mistakes.

you know ielts pattern well, we can sort other things, but grammar is hard to fix.






you can easily get 7, if you stop making grammar mistakes, just write simple error free sentence

Hi @H0peAndFa1th Thanks for evaluation.

Let me try to make sense on the below sentence.

As per my understanding of grammar, for the complex sentence, we can read the sentence even after removing the sentence in clause, and still the sentence should make sense.

Lets read the sentence excluding the words in green and see if it is giving any meaning.

In most of the countries, the main occupation in the countryside is farming, but, due to the changing climate and weather conditions, it is badly affected and farmers are not even able to get the yield of the investment done for the crops.

Without the words in green the sentence still makes the sense but does not tells the reason behind the affected farming.

Please correct me if I am wrong so that I will try to avoid such error in future essays.

 

[Raman Boparai]

Is essay checking service is paid here ?

 

[velocityblood]

Is essay checking service is paid here ?

Hi, Raman, it is not paid here and we all are thankful to @cansha @H0peAndFa1th and other evaluators for their continued support and help.

 

[21Goose]

Is essay checking service is paid here ?

Nope, it's free!

We have a few very dedicated members who spend a lot of time helping people out with their essays. I've been following this thread for a while and it's fantastic to see the detailed feedback they give.

This is one of the best threads on the forum.

 

[H0peAndFa1th]

Is essay checking service is paid here ?

only thing we ask or expect from people is, they must start reading this thread from the first page, understand everything before posting any essay, when they break this rule, and repeat already explained mistakes, we feel disrespected, I personally got infuriated, everytime, because they are wasting their time and ours also.

so enjoy, while it lasts.

 

[H0peAndFa1th]

Hi Hope, Thanks for evaluation.

Let me try to make sense on the below sentence.

As per my understanding of grammar, for the complex sentence, we can read the sentence even after removing the sentence in clause, and still the sentence should make sense.

Lets read the sentence excluding the words in green and see if it is giving any meaning.

In most of the countries, the main occupation in the countryside is farming, but, due to the changing climate and weather conditions, it is badly affected and farmers are not even able to get the yield of the investment done for the crops.

Without the words in green the sentence still makes the sense but does not tells the reason behind the affected farming.

Please correct me if I am wrong so that I will try to avoid such error in future essays.

I told you, I am not a grammar-police or grammar-wizard, but, "it is" is confusing.

makes more sense >>

In most of the countries, the main occupation in the countryside is farming, but, due to the changing climate and weather conditions, farming is badly affected and farmers are not even able to get the yield of the investment done for the crops.

but I have problem with that "not even" and "investment done for the crops"
it is not native language.


much better >>>
In most of the countries, the main occupation in the countryside is farming, but, due to the changing climate and weather conditions, farming is badly affected and farmers are not able to make even on their initial investments on crops.

I would still correct it >>
In most of the countries, the main occupation in the countryside is farming, but, due to the drastic change in climate and weather conditions, farming is badly affected and farmers are not able to make even on their initial investments on crops.


more "Idiomatic" >> for 7 band, I strongly recommend 2 phrases, sentences like that.

In most of the countries, the main occupation in the countryside is farming, but, due to quick as a wink changes in climate and weather conditions, farming is badly affected and farmers are not able to make even on their initial investments on crops.

More >>
In most of the countries, the main occupation in the countryside is farming, but, due to quick as a wink changes in climate and weather conditions, farming is badly affected and farmers are not able to make even on their initial investments on crops, which inevitably make them default on loans and sell their land as a immediate result.


so, you need some readings, learn how native present information, every sentence, must add value to your essay, if you talk bullshit, or say beat the bush, they will award you the glorious 6.5 bands, you will cry eventually.

for this, you need to read professors of ivy league universities, papers/articles written by them,

why ?

because there are thing called writing style guide, almost every university has it. slight different from other ones.

so every student and professor is bound by those guidelines, to your surprise, these grammar Nazis are checking your essays in ielts.

Here is more or all of that shit.
https://owl.purdue.edu/owl/general_writing/academic_writing/essay_writing/index.html

https://owl.purdue.edu/owl/general_writing/grammar/appositives.html
before ielts, never heard the word "appositives" then, I had to deal with it.

Most of engineers or doctors, or people related to practical professions give general ielts.
right ?
but these nerds never even heard of that shit above, so we know english, we can write, express, deliver the message.

but they want the specific encoding, like they want a .wav file, not a mp3, or amr, or any other, say they don't have a VLC player in their mind, they are capable to understand one and one format only.

which is set by their universities.

so my friend, you have no choice, but to follow these guidelines, read that link above, you will see what I did to get 7, everybody fails to tell me so. It was my own discovery.

welcome to the new world order.

 

[velocityblood]

I told you, I am not a grammar-police or grammar-wizard, but, "it is" is confusing.

makes more sense >>

In most of the countries, the main occupation in the countryside is farming, but, due to the changing climate and weather conditions, farming is badly affected and farmers are not even able to get the yield of the investment done for the crops.

but I have problem with that "not even" and "investment done for the crops"
it is not native language.


much better >>>
In most of the countries, the main occupation in the countryside is farming, but, due to the changing climate and weather conditions, farming is badly affected and farmers are not able to make even on their initial investments on crops.

I would still correct it >>
In most of the countries, the main occupation in the countryside is farming, but, due to the drastic change in climate and weather conditions, farming is badly affected and farmers are not able to make even on their initial investments on crops.


more "Idiomatic" >> for 7 band, I strongly recommend 2 phrases, sentences like that.

In most of the countries, the main occupation in the countryside is farming, but, due to quick as a wink changes in climate and weather conditions, farming is badly affected and farmers are not able to make even on their initial investments on crops.

More >>
In most of the countries, the main occupation in the countryside is farming, but, due to quick as a wink changes in climate and weather conditions, farming is badly affected and farmers are not able to make even on their initial investments on crops, which inevitably make them default on loans and sell their land as a immediate result.


so, you need some readings, learn how native present information, every sentence, must add value to your essay, if you talk bullshit, or say beat the bush, they will award you the glorious 6.5 bands, you will cry eventually.

for this, you need to read professors of ivy league universities, papers/articles written by them,

why ?

because there are thing called writing style guide, almost every university has it. slight different from other ones.

so every student and professor is bound by those guidelines, to your surprise, these grammar Nazis are checking your essays in ielts.

Here is more or all of that shit.
https://owl.purdue.edu/owl/general_writing/academic_writing/essay_writing/index.html

https://owl.purdue.edu/owl/general_writing/grammar/appositives.html
before ielts, never heard the word "appositives" then, I had to deal with it.

Most of engineers or doctors, or people related to practical professions give general ielts.
right ?
but these nerds never even heard of that shit above, so we know english, we can write, express, deliver the message.

but they want the specific encoding, like they want a .wav file, not a mp3, or amr, or any other, say they don't have a VLC player in their mind, they are capable to understand one and one format only.

which is set by their universities.

so my friend, you have no choice, but to follow these guidelines, read that link above, you will see what I did to get 7, everybody fails to tell me so. It was my own discovery.

welcome to the new world order.

I feel rewarded for making that argument as you shared the link. Please don't mind, but, I am habitual to clearing the basic fundamentals. Same is the case with understanding the question and structure for which you have complemented every time.